Pat Robertson's simple advice: Cheating husband is the wife's fault
May 16, 2013 By: Norman Byrd
The viewer, "Ivy," wrote: "I've been trying to forgive my husband for cheating on me. We have gone to counseling, but I just can't seem to forgive, nor can I trust. How do you let go of the anger? How do you trust again?"
Robertson's answer began with "he's a man" and "men have a tendency to wander,
Well . it looks like Pat's at it again...dispensing martial advice from the 50's
http://www.examiner.com/article/pat-rob … fe-s-fault
Well, I guess you could take advice on a cheating husband from him.
I tend to think this:
discourages cheating more than this:
After reading a couple of articles written about his statements I found a link containing the video of what Pat Robertson said in full. This is clearly a case of saying the wrong things with the "best of intentions".
The woman asked him "How do I forgive?"
Essentially his (ill worded) advice to her was; In order to forgive someone you have to (stop) thinking about what they did to hurt you!
If you really want to stay with him you have to go back to thinking about the "good things" regarding him and what he does. You will (never) forgive anyone by (dwelling on the pain they caused you) every time you look at them. This is clearly advice for anyone who wants to (stay) in the relationship/marriage. If cheating was a "deal breaker" for this woman she would not have sought his advice on how to (forgive and stay).
The main problem with his message was twofold. He worded it in such a way that could make her feel responsible for her husband cheating and he promoted the stereotype that (all men) cheat because it's in their DNA. As if cheating for a man is not a "choice".
He should've asked if the husband showed real repentance. That's the only way a woman can forgive, is if and when she sees true repentance. And it's the only way the man can even receive the forgiveness even if the wife were to forgive him unconditionally.
I think Robertson's trying to answer questions without enough information and feedback. I've seen him do that several times; like a "Dear Abby" column or something. Most people's problems can't be correctly described, nor counseled for, in such short sentences and short time.
Brenda, I think you have a valid point. He was attempting to answer a question without enough information. Maybe he made an assumption the husband apologized since the wife mentions they are in therapy. Needless to say there are some people who feel the act of "forgiving" is the same as giving a person a "pass". Even if the husband got down on his knees and cried like a baby it still would be a challenge for a lot of women to forgive him.
Edit---------well, I went back and read the whole article, and....
unless Robertson's words have been edited or taken out of context..........it does sound like he's blaming this on the wife........
It really isn't all that different from some of the Christian marriage counseling programs out there. My pre-marriage counseling with my ex relied heavily on me dressing the way he wanted, fixing the food he wanted, keeping the house the way he wanted, and having sex with him whenever he liked.
His responsibility, honest to God, was to make the decisions for the house and work.
And thus, was how we were expected to "affair proof" our marriage. The preacher even went so far as to suggest I quit my job and find another one for less money so I wouldn't be making more than my future husband.
My ex-husband was all for it (of course) until I reminded him that resentful wives are not happy wives and if he wanted a maid, cook and prostitute then he'd need the extra money I was making.
LOL LOL, What's the matter with these people. I have never heard anything so absurd in my life! The preacher actually told you all those things? Yikes, what was that movie called? Where all the wives were like zombies, it starred Nicole Kidman.
Yeah Stepford wives!
There is a lot of that mentality around, yes, even in Christian circles.
And yes, the Christian counseling that I've seen is often biased in favor of the man.
But then, I can't judge all of them by a few.
But I do think that Christians, both men and women, are way too quick to place the responsiblity on the woman. Seems they forget to emphasize the very-critical Scripture about how the husband, first and foremost, is supposed to Love his wife as he loves his own body............
I've even seen Pastors counsel people that the wife is supposed to basically enable the husband's lack of responsibility and his gross errors by assuming the responsibility herself for "winning him over with love". The Bible doesn't say that, that I can find. It says she should be an example herself of how to behave in situations so that the husband will perhaps be able to follow her example and straighten up! (It says that he may be won by the "conversation" of the wife, if I'm not mistaken, conversation meaning behavior etc...)
Because the goal is, for sure, to ultimately create a scenario where the husband does return to his duties as the head of household, if he is a Godly man.
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