this is difficult and confusing

  1. 61
    sjean74posted 3 years ago

    I will try and keep this short, but no promises. 4 months ago I told my husband I wanted a divorce. We have been together 16 years, married for 12 and have 3 children ages 18 12 and 11. The reason is that I haven't been happy for a long time and I realized that he couldn't be the one to make me happy. I also decided that I was interested in someone else who's also married (more on that later). So for the first month he really tried...really, then things went back to normal as expected. I'm not sexually attracted to him anymore...he feels like a best friend, but I want my freedom and I know it will crush him. Our deadline for making any final decisions is looming in the near future. Meanwhile, I started an affair with a married man a few months ago (I work with him) and all of a sudden over the last couple days I haven't heard from him. I have no idea what's going on there but my life in all these weird pieces is really screwing with my mind. Why the silence all of a sudden? No arguments or anything. I did decide that if I could have this affair then it obviously was the end of the marriage. I don't work this way as a rule...the cheating that is. Now I'm all confused..anyone been here?

    1. Silverspeeder profile image60
      Silverspeederposted 3 years ago in reply to this

      I have been on both sides of the argument, married twice, divorced twice, what i have found out is that you (I) are responsible for your actions and you will have to live with it.
      You will have to go with your instincts, don't let romantic notions get in your way, life is not all about love and the pursuit of happiness, sometimes its about getting your head down getting your mind straight and deciding what you really want. I am sure it is not your intention to hurt people, especially those you love or have some feelings for but you must look after your own feelings first and let others look after their own, if you worry about others feelings more than your own  you will never be strong enough to get through it or even help them get through it.
      As for the affair with a work colleague you should take it as just that, an affair (i also had an affair with someone at work) because unless its an exceptional circumstance it was just that. You as i were just looking for a release from the pressure which builds up within long term relationships. In my opinion and it is just my opinion the co-worker you had an affair with is thinking the same way, it something to take the pressure of whilst feeling unhappy with the decision you will have to make.

      I have found that the choices i have made and the ones others have made that have affected my life has had no effect on my ability to be happy and be in love. Time is the great healer.