bad relationship

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   Cryptonposted 10 years ago

   I am in a relationship for almost 3 years now, I made a lot of sacrifices, the girl is a bit naive and we are so different in many aspects of thinking and decision making, what I don't understand is why am I still in this relationship despite my partners character, she always puts me on shame in front of many people/stranger etc. she always yells, shes calls me names and speaks a lot of profanity which annoys me, I even asked her to learn the pitch of voice and tone cause she always sounds sarcastic. Back then in our first three months of relationship, I introduced her(my gf) to my parents, my parents didn't like her they told me that they didn't like the way she spoke to her and the way she get along with my other friends, so I decided to keep our relationship a secret, there many things that I have accepted about her, she has a lot of flaws, but I can't endure the hardships that we are going through now, I am working and shes not, she controls my life by discouraging me see my friends and parents, some years ago she's even not letting me do my hobby until I beat down to her head that its going to be a war if she wouldn't let me do my hobby (playing online game) haha how funny to start a forum like this, now I got promoted I can now play my online game with conditions, its such a lame situation

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      Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Odd... so many ppl seeking relationship advice on a writers forum.
      Sounds like you two do not belong together or if you're serious, get counseling.

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   2. 81

      dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      If you're still playing video games then you're probably to young to be in a "serious relationship" to begin with!
      
      Having said that it's important for you to remember that you are in charge of your own life! Two statements you used included. "she controls my life" and "she wouldn't let me do my hobby". These are the kinds of statements children make about their (mother). It's not the kind of thing a grown man would put up with.
      
      Each of (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.
      The beautiful thing about a door is it lets those who want in (in) and those who want out (out). We are always where we (choose) to be. Anyone who is unhappy in a relationship and (chooses) to stay is (choosing) to be unhappy. While it may be unrealistic for you to expect her to (change) who she is, you can always change who you are with! Best of luck!
      
      

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   Brenda Durhamposted 10 years ago

   I agree with Beth37.
   I don't like to give relationship advice,  but this one sounds similar to relationships I've been in,  and I can tell you that most likely if you don't sort this problem out before you permanently attach yourself to that girl,  you'll be in a nightmarish situation if she doesn't stop her bad behavior.   It's hugely disrespectful for her to call you names and act like you said she does, and controlling you.   It sounds like she has a personal problem that she needs to sort out;  it doesn't sound like you're causing her behavior;   you can only help if she takes responsibility for her own behavior and doesn't blame it on you.
   I wish you the best.

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      dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I think (he) has "personal problems" for choosing someone like this! All relationships are "at will".
      
      The fact that he chose to go "underground" with this relationship after his family and friends pointed out her flaws indicates that on some level he must (like) the way she treats him. Maybe in some twisted way he identifies having someone control him as being LOVE. He initially thought it was cute.
      People who are (unhappy) in relationships either leave or they make plans to leave when the time is right. Those who (choose) to stay either unrealistically expect their mate to "change" or they seriously don't believe they could do better.
      
      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships. We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. On man's opinion! :-)

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         Brenda Durhamposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         I can agree with that,  as long as the blame for the girl's behavior is placed on her.   After all, even if a person is submissive like he seems to be,  it still doesn't make the girl's behavior right, nor does it make him the "cause" of her behavior, really.

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   Beth37posted 10 years ago

   He can hear you guys.

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      Brenda Durhamposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I hope it's helpful to him.
      It's amazing how many young people go through relationships that are so tough.  I feel for them all,   having been young myself once!  ha.
      Feelings and reactions and all are so much more fervent,  it makes for tough times.

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4. 83

   Peggasuseposted 10 years ago

   With all due respect, I can't understand, after the way you describe her, how you two can still be together.  Do you like the way she treats you?  That sounds like a very negative relationship.  You look to be very young, so I have to tell you that young love seldom lasts.  It's just an experience that most of us go through while we are growing up.
   
   Personally, I think you can look at this situation and realize what you DON'T want in a relationship.  Then, end it and go look for someone that is more compatible to you.  That's what I'd do.  We've all had our share of bad relationships.  You just have to know when to get out before it destroys you...

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5. 61

   Cryptonposted 10 years ago

   Thank you people! I know I have flaws my self, anyway the relationship had ended so bad just this week... at first I couldn't believe that she could cheat on me, but she did.... once again thank you! specially for making me realize that I should blame my self, yes choosing to be unhappy is my fault, I thought its just some trials we have to go through but as time pass by, she becomes less like the girl I knew. I grew up playing video games with my family as a bonding.  Do I have to be old and be ready for a real relationship? Does that mean people like me can't be considered mature? I am 25 turning 26 this year. Sorry I didn't made my self clear with my past posts.
   
   I always come home late from work yet making my self funny in front her to make her smile regardless of how exhausted I am, its just recently she is not smiling anymore, the day that I found out she has another man she just said "So its just now that you came to your senses" its amazing how people can throw good memories in exchange for pleasure, I know we had so many financial problem but I stood strong managed to be happy and optimistic, I know my last post was too harsh, I was mad that day. Somehow I could still be happy cause I know her new man could give the things I lack of. When everybody turned their back at her I was there, now she have another man to lean on.

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