Relationships - Are they our strength of our weakness?
They should be our strength however, the more responsibility we take the more stressed we are. I wonder if our relationships have really strengthened us. In fact, they save us from loneliness. Emotionally... Yes, they do help us grow, survive and sustain. So which of these aspects is experienced more "The killing stress" or "The sweetness of togetherness"? - Help me understand this.
There is no "one size fits all" answer. So much of it depends on who (you) "choose" to enter into a relationship with. Whenever two people share the same values, want the same things for the relationship, naturally agree on how to obtain those things, and last but not least have a (mutual) depth of love and desire for one another....the bond they create provides emotional security that most people would envy.
However most people do not the necessary introspective thinking to figure out (who they are), what they want and need BEFORE they enter into relationships. Instead they enter into relationships by "happenstance" and expend time and energy trying to find ways to "make it work" or worse yet "change" their mate. This leads to frustration on their part and resentment on the part of their mate. Stress comes from not having things go your way or the thought of having to jump through hoops to get your way. Any couple that is experiencing (lots) of drama, disagreements, several emotional ups and downs may have made a mistake selecting one another.
Being loved or loving someone should not be so difficult if you want the same things.
There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have.
There are relationships like siblings and parents that we do not choose. You cannot live with them, you cannot live without them too. How do you learn to live happily with them - if they do not want to give you a chance.
Hypothetically speaking, suppose you loved your younger brother dearly while you were growing up. Like any normal siblings you had you fights and loving moments. Now, once you have grown up and have become independent - all you brother remembers is the fights.
What to do? - Can you restore the sweetness of years of effort that you did put in? If yes, how?
It is a dance. You can dance beautifully together, but you have to be careful to stay off the other's toes.
However, usually we tend to step on each others toes - sometimes knowingly and mostly unknowingly. All the sweetness and hard work goes out of the window in a moment, that is when the pain starts to set in - What to do?
watch the feet! You have to take note and learn how to avoid them! Is it so hard to observe, note, and remember the things that disturb your best friend in the whole world? Also just apologize when it happens that you clumsily step on the toes. He'll forgive you... when he knows you are trying. If not, you are in love with the wrong person. His feet will always get in the way. Find one with smaller feet. Hopefully you are not stuck in this dance.
I agree that genuine efforts pay yet I understand that in a relationship the effort has to be from both ends. Mistakes can never be only from one end and nor can be the patch up - What if the other person is simply not interested - This is not about a husband-wife or a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. It about any relationship - Parents and kids, friends,maternal or paternal relative etc. any relationship at all.
Both people in whatever type of relationship are usually caring toward each other. It is human nature to love, to care, to be kind...to be supportive. But space is also essential. We all need the space to be alone with one's own thoughts and self. It is a good issue you bring up. I understand your concerns. It is hard to explain because it is very subtle. I believe one must have flow time which is about being alone, doing ones own thing, tuning into one's own will, experiencing the freedom of self-chosen pursuits. (I wrote a hub about this.) Yes?
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