What will you do to a Friend who really wants to bully you?

1. 81

   joween18posted 9 years ago

   Hi there, this is rather off topic and personal. I hope you will respect this post.
   
   I have a friend who makes fun of me always. Take note, he is a friend.
   Now, I am trying to understand why recently his jokes really hit me. I am actually very mad right and somewhat emotional. I tried commenting a joke in a picture in a Facebook group, as admin he can delete it. But why after deleting my comment, he leaves a comment saying
   
   " A certain comment has been deleted by one of the administrators due to lack of common sense and overlapping confidence"
   
   I know its a dumb joke, but why is he trying to say that? What does he mean? I am really offended by it. I'm trying to hide my anger just by ignoring it but it really hit me and I can't get it off my mind now.

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   1. 93

      Phyllis Doyleposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I cannot comprehend keeping a person like that as a friend -- why? If that "friend" is always putting you down is it worth it to keep the friendship? In my book, a friend is one who gives support, encouragement, inspiration, motivation, loyalty, GENTLY and privately talks with you about disagreements and really shows an effort to be loyal and on good terms..
      
      I wish you all the best.

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      1. 81

         joween18posted 9 years agoin reply to this

         I know I could find answers here on hubpages rather than posting it on facebook and get ignored.
         
         Well sometimes people you don't really know help you a lot during times that no close person treats you seriously. I REALLY APPRECIATE IT

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         1. 93

            Phyllis Doyleposted 9 years agoin reply to this

            You are most welcome, joween.   

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   2. 68

      Ewentposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      There are two elements to every relationship: action and reaction. You need to learn "constructive arrogance" to protect yourself from the vast army of people suffering internal emotional chaos. It isn't necessary to feel any reaction every time the darts fly your way. Friends don't pick each other apart. Whenever the nitpicking begins, be brief and be gone. Only you know your own strengths and weaknesses. When you allow anyone to stand in judgment, you open a door to a lot of negativity. Choose your friends like you do your underwear. If the friendship is uncomfortable, you won't be either.

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   3. 59

      Kiss andTalesposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I was given advise long ago , maybe it will help you also, one is not all people are nice just because you meet them, and not all people will like you ,just because you are nice to them,  I also ask the question what is wrong? He told me that people will do petty things that will reflect they just do not like you. and they do not even have a reason why. Some time we just carry on in life like everything is find ,until it really gets on your nerve. And guess what they have been doing it all the time. You do not have to be hostel to the person  but you can look at them from a different point of view with caution.

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   4. 85

      gmwilliamsposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      With a friend like that, who really needs an eneny.  It is TIME to cut THAT cord of friendship immediately.  Friends do not hurt nor disrespect each other.  If a "friend" is abusive and disrespectul, he/she is not a friend in the true definition of the word.   CUT THAT CORD!

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   5. 79

      dashingscorpioposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      You said: "I have a friend who makes fun of me always. Take note, he is a friend."
      
      My question is; Why do you consider him to be a friend?
      Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse. You're not "stuck" with anyone!
      
      Real friends are supportive and offer us encouragement. They don't try to tear us down or make fools out of us.
      
      It sounds like you feel you (need) this person to like you for some reason. You get to choose who you  spend your time with or associate with. If someone is as you say "always" makes fun of you or wants to "bully" you and yet you insist on being connected to them; the real question should be asked of yourself: Why do I want this person in my life?
      
      The only way to be used and abused is by allowing yourself to be used and abused. When you love yourself you look out for yourself!
      
      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
      - Oscar Wilde

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      1. 85

         gmwilliamsposted 9 years agoin reply to this

         In complete agreement, TRUE friends encourage and nurture each other.  There is also a high level of respect.   If a so-called friend does something that is detrimental to you and your well being, then he/she ISN'T a friend.   There are acquaintances and then there are FRIENDS.   This person was just a passerby, an acquaintance.    Friends LOVE and RESPECT each other.  If one have a "friend" who refuses to do this, then it is time to.......DISCONNECT!

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         1. 81

            joween18posted 9 years agoin reply to this

            To tell you honestly guys.. I do not have many friends, or true friends..
            So, when I meet a person who gives me his/her attention, I will value it whether it maybe bad or good.
            
            I quite insensitive to their feelings. Maybe, because of my loner attitude. I do not know to deal with them. I do not know how to be in their "trip".
            Some "fun" things for them are not for me. I will just go and pretend then isolate myself later.
            
            So, when I became connected to the internet, I became livelier. It is because people started to praise me as if they know me.

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         2. 79

            dashingscorpioposted 9 years agoin reply to this

            joween18 it sounds like you need to get out of the "Cyber" world and make some friends the "old school" way. Try visiting Meetup.com which is a website that lists thousands of groups which participate in various hobbies/interests. The groups meet anywhere from once a month to once a week.
            
            They have every type of group you could imagine; yoga, meditation, salsa dancing, photography, hiking, theatre goers, wine tasting, singles networks and so on. Join a few groups and attend a few meetings with people who have common interest with you. It's one of the best ways to make new friends. Best of luck!

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2. 66

   Hamshiposted 9 years ago

   Maybe your joke offended him?
   Also, understand that you can't please everyone in this world and you should never try to.
   
   I've had a few similar friends in the past and that's why they're in my  past.

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   1. 81

      joween18posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I don't think that's the cause. Because that joke never really directed to a person. It is just a nonsense joke but why would he do that purposely? Is he insecure or something? I am just curious..
      
      Well your praise "you can't please everyone in this world and you should never try to" enlightened me a lot... I think I'm okay now.

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3. 77

   starme77posted 9 years ago

   Exactly, read the post above, no one who belittles you , makes fun of you, or treats you bad is a true friend

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4. 84

   psycheskinnerposted 9 years ago

   They deleted one Facebook comet that you left, for unclear reasons.  Maybe ask what the issue was?

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   1. 81

      joween18posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Deleted
      1. 84

         psycheskinnerposted 9 years agoin reply to this

         I would put aside online stuff and focus on whether this is someone you do want to be around, and if you actually do or you have a lot of friends on common so he would be hard to avoid then tell him this behavior bothers you and you would like them to stop.

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5. 65

   cfinposted 9 years ago

   Don't let yourself be bullied by anyone, in any way. Usually insecure people bully to put you down. To try and make you feel lesser, because they are intimidated by you, or they feel that, if they can make you worse, it's easier than making themselves a better person. I've had friends like this in the past. If it goes on in real life and outside of the internet, then we are not friends anymore.
   
   Even if they are hostile online, it may indicate that they have little respect for you, as they are "posturing" on front of their other friends.

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   1. 84

      psycheskinnerposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Equally, do not assume a person with no real power over you acting in a way that upsets you = bullying.

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      1. 65

         cfinposted 9 years agoin reply to this

         If they are directly targeting you, they don't have to have power over you to be a bully. Although, I believe what you are pointing out, is that some people think an advertisement on TV is bullying them.
         
         Bullying is to use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants.
         
         It can be an objective. You may see that they have no real power of the other person, but the victim may not feel that way. I think the key is "control" or for someone else to want to "control", or inflict harm on ones reputation or standing.

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6. 58

   hopeless teenposted 9 years ago

   Sounds quite horrible. Have you considered that you may actually have feelings towards him (friendly or otherwise) which have made you feel concious of how he thinks of you? When guys or boys like someone they tend to be mean. This could also be plain bullying. Comment something smartarse back. Or just ignore him totally. Block him out of your head. Dont be embaressed. He sounds like a nasty piece of work. X

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7. 72

   amiebutchkoposted 9 years ago

   From experience, you should distance yourself from this friend.  Whether it be just for awhile until this friend can be more of a friend to you, or if it is permanent, you cannot let yourself be treated in this way.  It will only make you feel more like a victim if you don't exercise self respect enough to put the breaks on this kind of abuse.

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8. 60

   Mhedgeposted 9 years ago

   What makes you want to be friends with someone who clearly isn't a good friend? You need to look back in your past and figure out what causes you to pick these kind of people and fix that first, otherwise you aren't going to find the way to change. Work on yourself first and then you can find the friends who are worth being around after.

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9. 86

   ESPeck1919posted 9 years ago

   That's no fun at all. Depending on your situation, I'd first ask what their problem is. There could be something else going on in their life, and they're taking it out on you. If they're just being a jerk, or this is part of an ongoing problem, it would probably be best to distance yourself. Bullying is all about control, and by assuming full control over yourself, the bully loses their power.
   
   I'd also question the overall value his friendship provides in your life. I've found that if people I don't consider to be close friends start bullying me, and don't stop after I request them to, it's better to drop them and put some distance between us.
   
   Good luck!

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10. 93

    Suzanne Dayposted 9 years ago

    For someone to even single you out in a Facebook group for a comment that probably had nothing wrong with it indicates they are a psycho and not to be trusted. Dump them totally from your life and leave the group and look for kinder people.

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11. 73

    brakel2posted 9 years ago

    Sometimes it gives people power to put someone down. I know someone who got rid of all toxic friends, and she became a happier person. Some people are very blunt, and you have to decide if you like that kind of person. Good luck.

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12. 80

    Vvittaposted 9 years ago

    If he is your friend. Tell him how you feel. That's it. If he values your friendship he will try to explain / apologise / even be slightly defensive. If he laughs and says : you are making a big deal about nothing / calls you childish / gets angry at you for being angry with him, leave this friend. He is not your friend.

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13. 81

    joween18posted 9 years ago

    Thanks for the support and replies hubbers.. I really appreciated it. Really. Some people just makes fun to people to entertain themselves. But I think resorting to violence and hate is not an option. I will just ignore it, and distance myself for a bit.

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14. 66

    Cheeky Girlposted 9 years ago

    I have a friend from back in my school days who did this, for a brief time. I fixed it in a rather public way. Any time she made a spectacle of me, I would ask her in front of everyone to step aside to have a quiet word about her "attitude". I would explain to her that I didn't like her attitude to me but always insisted on correcting her in private. It was an attitude thing from her point of view and she couldn't help herself. To be honest, she liked the "tussle". Go figure.
    
    Pretty soon, the sight of me taking her almost by the hand towards a nearest door became the running joke of the moment, and other people copied it, and in the end she stopped it eventually. I found out later that she was a kind of insecure person.
    
    I also tried this side-conversation thing on one of my school teachers, as I thought she was a bit smarmy and snide towards me. I asked her to have a word outside the class room door, where we ran into the principal. Yeah, that was fun. But she got the message alright. No person wants to be publicly shamed for some sort of behavior. And it pays to allow the person to withdraw and apologise. Being gracious is good practice.
    
    If this is hard to follow, see it as a pet owner thing - it's kind of like your pet dog when he keeps peeing on the carpet. You have to train it how to do it the right way, until it learns. Whatever you do, don't ignore it. Ignoring it makes it okay. If the dog can learn, a human can damn well learn it as well. Mothers teach their kids manners all the time. ( I hope! )
    
    Some people are not good at correcting others. It is a necessary skill one has to pick up and learn. It's managing people. Yes, even friends. Allow them to be friends, but not walk all over you.
    
    The words I like and I don't like and I want - or I don't want - are all very powerful words, when used correctly.

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15. 84

    sparkleyfingerposted 9 years ago

    I have a hub on building confidence that touched on this. Basically, people making you feel small so they look better. My advice is similar to cheeky's- call him out on it. Ask why, and if he knows the affect it has on you. If he is aware, and simply doesn't care, then he is no friend, and you should ditch him :-)

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16. 89

    jemuelOposted 9 years ago

    He is not a true friend. He is selfish-trying to make fun of you for the sake of his own happiness. Don't be bothered with how he reacted(besides he does not care about your feelings every time he bullies you) for as long as you didn't do anything wrong then you'll be fine. On being bullied, try to develop confidence and be tough sometimes so others will not belittle you. Put some little, very little, arrogance when NEEDED. Sometimes our kindness are abused by other people.

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17. 72

    Aneegmaposted 9 years ago

    Why in the world would you want to keep such a person as a friend?? Where I come from a friend is one that builds you up and supports you not make fun of you. I suggest you keep your distance and cut him out of your life.

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    1. 43

       ARUN KANTIposted 9 years agoin reply to this

       He is not your true friend. Ignore him totally and while distancing yourself from him try to associate yourself more with other friends. That will send out the necessary message to him.

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18. 71

    AshtonFireflyposted 9 years ago

    Have you actually discussed with this guy how you feel? That might be a good start....just a thought.

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19. 50

    Thebloomonsterposted 9 years ago

    1. Try to come up with witty replies to what he says.
    2. Use his weapon against him.
    3. Ignorance is bliss. Move away from people who do not make you feel good.
    4. Directly ask him the reason for such behaviour. He is continuing this behaviour as he's assured that you would never charge him back or would always allow yourself to be mocked by him. Face him and ask him and prove him that you are not a person with a weak mind.
    5. Next time he mocks you just smile and joke about it. Take it lightly and laugh about it. He'll feel awkward and might stop mocking you further.

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20. 59

    royaldominicposted 9 years ago

    One thing I'd like yo say is "He is not your friend"  you dont need people like that. Life is short make it sweet...

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