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Male Perspective: Why is it ok for woman to be gay but not men?

  1. Sharifa Mayle profile image60
    Sharifa Mayleposted 2 years ago

    Hello I am bisexual and I have the most interesting conversations with males...... it is like I am the inside look to the female mind or something. "You are like one of US that is cool.... we can talk about anything!"  However they dare talk to a male about their sexuality.

    Why is it okay for a woman to be gay in society, but not men. I understand it is sexy to see two woman going at it, however it bothers people that males are with males. I find this so bias..... just like it is cool for men to sleep with many woman,  but it is not okay for woman to sleep with many men...... whole different topic but the same bias belief. Anyone have an answer?

    1. dashingscorpio profile image85
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years ago in reply to this

      Life contains many "double standards" based upon society and culture. Most women look at other women to compare themselves, envy, or simply find them beautiful or attractive even if (they) are straight! Most heterosexual males aren't into men. We don't often complement each other's hair, clothes, shoes, or physique. That's (too personal) and could be misconstrued as "hitting" on them. We're more comfortable complimenting each other's taste in cars and even their women.

      Straight men look at two women having sex as "double the viewing pleasure". Two sets of this and that to feast upon. There is also the fantasy of being (asked to join in). However it must be noted the vast majority of men (don't want to see two "macho" biker or truck driving types of women) together.
      (The male fantasy always entails two traditional beautiful looking "feminine women" together.)

      In other words the man wants to be "attracted" to (both women) involved. Just about every man has dreamed of having a "threesome" with two women. Some guys would not even consider it "cheating" if they knew their women slept with other women from time to time especially if they were invited. Not many heterosexual women would feel the same way if their man slept with other men.

      Therefore I'd say you'd have to put an asterisk next to the idea of lesbian or bisexual women in most men's minds to make it acceptable. The women have to be considered "hot" looking in their eyes!

      Lastly I would say the male anatomy has never really been "revered" the same way in the art world as with that of women. Maybe it's because most of the famous artists, sculpturists, and painters were men. Our notion of what is beautiful/sexy is mostly dictated by our culture and the society we live in.

      1. Sharifa Mayle profile image60
        Sharifa Mayleposted 2 years ago in reply to this

        You are correct it is very double standard and it is all about what men want. I understand the whole perspective of women and how we already size one and another up, who has bigger butts and boobs, hair and anything that is worth speaking on. So men do not do the same? Some men talk of the same things that women do, only men do not mention the size of a man's body unless it is in regards to their height. Do you ever think that men do not speak on things just to ensure that they are not embarrassed, criticized, and/or judged?

        In regards to sex...... yes I am into women and men...... I can watch a man and a woman, woman and 2 men, 2 woman and 1 man, etc, however when it comes to a man and a man....... I have not been able to watch something like that. It is not that I do not agree, it is just something that I have yet to be comfortable with. I have seen men hold hands, hug, kiss, dance but nothing sexual. I understand that a woman can be with a woman, and so can a man be with a man. I guess you can say I am open minded to everything...... cannot force someone to be with an opposite gender if that is not what they choose.

        You are right women do have the joys of living life which ever way and so should man. I appreciate an open mind instead of a closed mine..... those who judge and look down upon others. Thank God times have changed and now a new generation can grow without fear.

        1. dashingscorpio profile image85
          dashingscorpioposted 2 years ago in reply to this

          You asked; "Do you ever think that men do not speak on things just to ensure that they are not embarrassed, criticized, and/or judged?

          I believe most heterosexual men will go to great lengths to avoid appearing gay.

          Complimenting another man's body tends to raise eyebrows. A man might secretly envy another man's body wishing his own looked that way. Very rarely does a man talk about another man physical attributes outside of saying he is tall,  short, fat, big, or bald as description.

          Men are more comfortable making fun of other men then they are with "complementing" them.

          You confirmed what most straight, bi-sexual, and lesbian women feel about the thought of watching two men have sex. Very few people outside of gay men would find that arousing.
          I have no interest in ever seeing it. Like you I too have seen various forms of threesomes involving at least one woman who was there for the men.

          Arousal is based upon one's personal taste I suppose. I believe in going with your natural instincts. Sexual arousal shouldn't be an "acquired taste". If something turns me off I simply chose not to watch. Some people are more aroused by words in a pornographic novel than they are by watching it unfold on their laptop or TV. "50 Shades of Grey" sold an awful lot of books! Wonder if as many will see the movie? smile

          1. Castlepaloma profile image26
            Castlepalomaposted 2 years ago in reply to this

            Why can’t we be allowed to do with our own bodies what we wish to do with them?  Rather than what corporation or religious group deciding or thinking what we should do with our bodies and that goes for drugs too. It's our own bodies and souls. No laws should be put on who we love or put into out bodies.

            Personally prefer two women doing it, two Guys going at it, feels like a fistfight

            1. Sharifa Mayle profile image60
              Sharifa Mayleposted 2 years ago in reply to this

              You are so right but people use the Bible as an example of how life should be, in all reality only God can judge. Religion is just that a preference to God and he has not chosen hateful people to be his disciple and cast down judgement. We live in the now and who knows if we are to ever walk the earth after death, but I do know that I will live this life to the fullest.

          2. Sharifa Mayle profile image60
            Sharifa Mayleposted 2 years ago in reply to this

            I have never read the book or seen the movie but I understand what it is implying lol. Thank you smile

            1. Castlepaloma profile image26
              Castlepalomaposted 2 years ago in reply to this

              Good for you, good times

    2. 67
      MikeyPeteposted 11 months ago in reply to this

      I also find it as double standard. The Bible says a man doesn't go to bed with a man as with a woman. I go to bed with a man as with a man. If me receiving anal is feminine, fine.

  2. danicole profile image83
    danicoleposted 24 months ago

    It threatens the false notions of masculinity. Gay men are always seen as feminine and trying to be female. To a lot of people men are supposed to "men" and not like/have sex with other "men". The ever popular phrase "God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve (eye-roll)

    We all have femininity and masculinity in all us. But in a lot of societies showing femininity is a weakness. Femininity is seen as a human stain and masculinity is revered!. But if women show too much masculinity, it is not seen as good, but abnormal and not right. Women are supposed to docile and be here only to bear children, cook and clean (BS BTW!!!!). Women are seen as sexual objects, ..... ok I am going off topic sorry

    I feel masculinity/femininity is bs that is meant to divide people.  Heterosexual relationships are celebrated/considered normal in society. This is what is popular/accepted and what we are used to in society! We've been brainwashed to think homosexuality is abnormal. Homosexuality proves that the social invention of genders (I'm not talking about biological sex, but gender socialization/expectations) is bs! I sound really feminist saying this (I don't think I am a feminist!!!) but the patriarchy feels this threatens the control they have over people (that keeps them/us divided).  Nothing is black and white anymore! We got to look at the grey too!!!

  3. brimancandy profile image84
    brimancandyposted 9 months ago

    I don't think that being lesbian or bi as a woman is frowned up on any less then men being gay. People who dislike gay people don't ask themselves why they hate. you can give them a million reasons not to, and they are not going to change their minds.

    As for woman being seen as being ok by straight men, I think that is more of a recent thing. I would say the last 50 years, women who are gay are more acceptable in our culture, as women in general have become more assertive and showing who they are, gay or not.

    I'm not an expert, but, if you look at women's rights in general. Going back 100 years, women were mostly thought of as becoming wives and having children. Staying home and cooking meals, and doing womanly things, and wearing pretty dresses, and getting their hair done. Nothing else they did was ever thought of. The only thing really frowned upon as a woman was being a prostitute or a an adulterer. I'm not sure if being a lesbian or bi was on anyone's minds back then at all. They was also no generation after generation or peers warning people about the sins of being a lesbian.

    Men on the other hand, have been ridiculed for being gay since biblical times. Churches and other peers have gone out of the way to drill the hate towards gay men for centuries. Gay men were fems, weak, and usually said to be full of disease and not to be trusted around your children. Gay men were pretty much demonized in the minds of young boys by people who wanted to deter them from being gay. That hate spread through generation, so young afraid boys, grew up to be gay hating straight bigots like their peers that raised them. There was never any talk like this warning young girls about fears of being a lesbian.

    No boys were ever told there was such a thing as a lesbian 100 years ago, because what women did back then was not talked about. they married you, had your kids, and cleaned your house and cooked you dinner, and that is all that you needed to know about them. Sex was barely talked about at all, unless it was through marriage.

    So, when the sexual revolution came around, men were rediscovering who they were, and seeing women as sexual objects rather than a future wife. And, women were starting to claim who they were, as sexual objects. Older men rejected them, and tried to shut them up, but, once they were out of their way, women jumped onto magazine covers, and were pretty much seen everywhere, no more so then a surge in pornography which resulted from the revolution.

    Suddenly women were seen as kind of trampy and daring, which a lot of straight men liked. And, seeing a woman with a woman for the first time was ok with them. Men were never portrayed as sexual objects, and being seen as a sexual object, even though they liked seeing women naked in magazines, they could never Imagine a man being nude in a magazine, and did not see themselves as a sexual object...as that might demean them, or make them appear gay.

    men are also not as likely to express their sexual feelings as women do these days. I was actually shocked at some of the things women say about men in their little social groups. Men might share their sexual feelings with close friends, but women don't mind sharing theirs with the whole room.So long as most in the room  are other women. I also love their reaction when they see a photo of a gay kiss between two good looking men. As awee....that's so cute! Unless they are ugly, then its t