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Why do nice people always get hurt the most?

  1. Sia184 profile image60
    Sia184posted 20 months ago

    Currently at the point where i have been in many failed relationships after putting my all into them and getting cheated on, betrayed, lied to etc.

    I'm at the point of giving up. Is it me, my luck or the guys I know?

    Can anyone offer any advice on what i seem to be doing wrong?
    Thank you in advance.

    1. dashingscorpio profile image85
      dashingscorpioposted 20 months ago in reply to this

      The only thing all of your past relationships have in common is YOU.
      Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.
      Whenever someone keeps having bad experiences in relationships it's time for them to re-examine their "mate selection criteria".

      Truth be told a lot of folks do not have a "process" for selecting whom to engage with. They've bought into the idea that it's "unromantic" to evaluate before jumping into relationships. They believe in the "follow your heart" philosophy. In other words they allow "impulsive connections" and "happenstance" to dictate their relationship choices.

      That's the equivalent of going shopping without a list!
      You're likely to toss anything into your cart on whim.

      When we change our circumstances change.
      Everyone has the ability to learn from their mistakes.
      You can learn to (choose better people to date) based upon traits you desire. You are the "buyer". You have the option to say "yes" or "no"!

      Never separate your mind from your heart when making relationship decisions. The purpose of the mind is to protect the heart.

      You may want to Google and look over a book called:
      My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany).
      It's about learning to approach relationships with complete awareness, having realistic expectations, and using self-empowerment techniques.

      The world may not owe you anything but (you) owe yourself the world!
      Don't give up! Best wishes.

    2. Richawriter profile image97
      Richawriterposted 19 months ago in reply to this

      I'm a guy and it happened to me a lot too!

      Perhaps it's something you do in the relationships that leads to the cheating and the breakups? We have to consider this as a possibility, we have to consider everything.

      In my case, I was "too nice".

      I was so nice that they got bored of me. Everything was on plate for them, and they never had to work for it. Can you imagine that? Imagine the most delicious food you've ever tasted being delivered to your doorstep, your bedroom door, bathroom door etc. What once was delicious soon becomes boring and bland, and no matter how nice, expensive or nice looking it is, you soon start looking at other menus if only to try something new.

      HOWEVER. Imagine that same food was given to you only in return for you doing something for it first, as a reward. How would it be then? It would be much more valuable to you wouldn't it? You'd work for it because you know it isn't easy to come by. You can't just snap your fingers and it's on your plate.

      It's the same in your relationships. If you're giving everything and getting nothing back, for you to keep giving is a bad move because they'll soon grow bored of the ease with which they can take from you. Then they'll naturally gravitate to other girls through sheer boredom and lack of challenge.

      But if you give a lot from the beginning and they don't give back, take that as a sign they are wrong for you or they need reminding of just how good you really are. So if you find yourself being the one always calling them for example, slow down a little, pull back. Let them call you sometimes, let them miss you, let them "give" while you "take" for once.

      Make them work for you and if they really want to be with you, they'll stick around, and they'll appreciate the challenge, and the passion it stirs within them. If they don't want to work for you, they don't care about you enough.

      Sometimes, though, we can even drive the "right" ones away by being overly nice and giving too much of ourselves.

      Make sure they "give" and as much as you "give" and you'll have far more control and say in what happens to your relationships. The same thing can be applied to friendships too.

      I hope you understand, and I hope I could help a little.



    3. savvydating profile image88
      savvydatingposted 19 months ago in reply to this

      First of all, congratulations for leaving him. To answer your question, "nice" people don't  always have strong parameters. Beginning right now, you have to decide what is good behavior and what is unacceptable behavior. If a man invades your parameters, you have to "put on the brakes." You also have to recognize the difference between a worthwhile man, and one who is not. Long story short, don't waste your time on men who always take, and almost never give. Relationships have to be "balanced," for the most part. You would do well to stop giving so much of yourself so soon. Observe his behavior before putting your heart into any relationship. Best of luck to you.

    4. Phil Perez profile image82
      Phil Perezposted 19 months ago in reply to this

      Nice people don't get hurt the most, unwise people get hurt the most (no offense).

      I once thought this myself thinking if I were to do something nice, generous, altruistic that I'd have someone reciprocate what I did. That's false. What you do doesn't control what they do. You'd think it's a logical tactic to get what you want but it isn't mainly because people are greedy. They take advantage to get more than they believe they deserve.

      You can be nice, but have self-respect. Find boundaries that don't permit others to find weaknesses in you so you don't get hurt. Or, do what I do and change your mindset. I'm not saying to be mean, I'm saying try to understand why you get betrayed and cheated on. I usually think deeply and would say that it's because they're troubled and can't handle with their emotions properly. They lack confidence. It makes me feel better because it makes sense, and I conclude that I'm better off without them.

  2. BritanyMoss profile image62
    BritanyMossposted 20 months ago

    You aren't doing anything wrong! The right guy will come along when you're not expecting it. Maybe it's that 'nice guyfriend' you don't see as a boyfriend. Someone, sameday will sweep you off your feet and make it where you never even think of those awful relationships, or maybe you'll look back and think, "what tools!" you don't need to find anyone, someone will find you smile

  3. Sia184 profile image60
    Sia184posted 20 months ago

    Thank you so much for the help smile it's been so hard these past few months, ive just been in a depressed mood and have been missing my ex-boyfriend even though I was the one that ended the relationship. I think it's hard to get back on your own feet after a breakup, you feel unhappy and insecure. But your kind words have helped me smile so thank you for that xoxo

    1. HowardBThiname profile image91
      HowardBThinameposted 20 months ago in reply to this

      You're obviously better than the guys you've been dating. It is tough when a relationship ends - even if you're the one who ended it because it's a loss of sorts. But, better to end it than to stay in an unhappy relationship and allow someone to lie to you and cheat on you.

      Your guy will come along. Many men are in the same boat and are just looking for a woman who wants the same things they want.

      Don't be so quick next time a guy looks your way. Make him earn the right to be with you. And don't ever accept anything less than being treated like the wonderful lady you are!

      1. Sia184 profile image60
        Sia184posted 20 months ago in reply to this

        Thank you for your kind works! It's quite hard but I'm managing to get back on my feet again. It has only been a few months so it will take time but I'm sure I'll get there eventually! You're right, next time I won't enter a relationship so quickly.

        Thank you anyway smile

    2. BritanyMoss profile image62
      BritanyMossposted 19 months ago in reply to this

      anytime sweetheart,
      hey if you think you made
      a mistake, do what you need to do and when you've found yourself, go back. If he's not the one, well he's out there someday. Go adventure. Have a great day

  4. efeyas profile image93
    efeyasposted 19 months ago

    Check out her site : http://www.aphroditeastrology.com/2012/ … uence.html

    Just some really great advice on men, women, dating and life in general. Make sure to read the comments! Just really valuable insights, one article has over 5,000 comments ! Good luck!

  5. Keith Whipple profile image77
    Keith Whippleposted 19 months ago

    I think people today rush into things too fast.  I know people who date a person a few times and then want to jump into a relationship.  These people need to slow down.  Talking to the person for a few months and dating over that time will give you time to see if the actions of a person are put on for show or if this is the person's core values.  If you and this person, where suppose to be together the extra time will mean nothing and should provide a stronger relationship.

  6. Kathryn L Hill profile image85
    Kathryn L Hillposted 19 months ago

    I heard that in the fourteenth century "nice" meant "ignorant."