A year ago, my husband and I separated. I took the kids with his permission, he gave me the money for us to go. We moved 1800 miles away. Then 2 days after he went out and found himself a new girl friend. We have been married for 9 years at the time and I left because he was not caring about our family unit and acted as though he wanted to be single. It is obvious that he did with his actions 2 days after we left. I came back to him just 2 months later. He said he would change and he cares blah blah blah. Upon agreeing to return I find out that she is supposedly pregnant. I came out anyway because he swore she is just a 21 year do lying child just trying to keep him. Come to find out 9 or so months later his ex has a baby. Would you consider what he did was cheating and would you stay if you were me? Since I have been back it is worse he accuses me of cheating constantly. He obviously has something to hide. What are your thoughts?
I wouldn't have gone back, especially since he found a girl 2 days after the separation. I could never trust his love again.
Yesterday I heard the term "break baby" for the first time. A scenario was mentioned on a radio show that asked:
"If you and your partner decided to take a "break" and when you got back together a baby was conceived during the break would you stay?"
I was surprised to hear so many men say they would stay with their mate while most of the women said they wouldn't bother. Of course real life is always different from the hypothetical.
My guess is it would easier for a woman to stay with a man who does not have custodial custody. However anytime the child did visit it would be a reminder that he had sex with someone else and this person will be a part of your life forever. Your children have a sibling.
Having said that I've never been into the boomerang relationship philosophy. When I walk away it's because I've done the soul searching and came to realization that I've given my best and if that didn't work there is nothing more I can offer. I'd never go back child or no child.
I wouldn't get too caught up on the idea that he ran out and had sex with someone once he believed his marriage was over. Some people really believe the best way to get over one person is to get under another. Others start drinking or using drugs.
I would not consider it cheating unless my mate pre-planned the breakup because they had been nurturing a "secret friendship".
He may feel that one day you're going to get "revenge" by seeing another man. Sometimes people "forgive" because they can't imagine going through a divorce on top of everything else. However over time they come to realize they simply can't forgive so they move on.
Ironically now it's the other person who feels betrayed!
The real questions are : Do you still feel you're "in love" with this man?
Do you have plans to go to couples therapy?
Rarely is it possible for a couple to reunite unless both of them make changes. If not it's only a matter of time before old issues resurface again.
He didn't find a girl in two days ! More than likely he had one all along ! Don't be naïve and think it was that simple , women are always [ almost ] more invested for good or bad . , but a bit blind to the truth !
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