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Why does it seem that people work so hard at being in love?

  1. chuckandus6 profile image53
    chuckandus6posted 21 months ago

    Why try so hard to be in love, when you are already? a lot of people analyze it way too much,and it creates fictional problems  for them,that they need to fix but can't because there not real.

    1. janesix profile image60
      janesixposted 21 months ago in reply to this

      I'm not really sure what you mean. Can you be specific? Maybe give examples?

      1. chuckandus6 profile image53
        chuckandus6posted 21 months ago in reply to this

        from observations of other people I've noticed that their spouse had a bad day and was grumpy,they take.itas something is.wrong until it.creates problems,when nothing is wrong
        plus other examples ..like someone flirts with your spouse they don't respond but causes fights
        I see this a lot and I don't know why people have to go there.why not just be in love?

        1. janesix profile image60
          janesixposted 21 months ago in reply to this

          People don't always take the time to listen to each other, to try to figure out what really is going on.

          1. chuckandus6 profile image53
            chuckandus6posted 21 months ago in reply to this

            I know everyone has doubts at one time or another but I would need.a lot more,to go on,to let it cause such hate and resentment.

            1. Castlepaloma profile image23
              Castlepalomaposted 21 months ago in reply to this

              Look around you, it's like the light-bub conspiracy, Edison light still works in the UK after 110 years. It,s a throw away society and throw away relationships, plus  over stressful. More often about money than about sex. People don;t have a lot of time for each other, yet I do think work is love made visual. It dose take a lot of work and kindness to keep it together and a few do.

              1. chuckandus6 profile image53
                chuckandus6posted 21 months ago in reply to this

                that is a really good explanation, people are afraid because society has shown "love" not lasting and being replaceable.
                is this really hard with all the social sites to be afraid like this, how can one keep up on their insecure feelings?

    2. dashingscorpio profile image84
      dashingscorpioposted 21 months ago in reply to this

      I believe people are obsessed with having the "perfect relationship".
      We're constantly hearing about high profile divorces and breakups.

      Lots of people are looking for the "secret" to a happy lifelong relationship.
      A large group of folks want to be loved more than they are willing to love!
      Whenever things aren't going smoothly they become insecure because no one is certain what the other person's "deal breakers" are. Apathy and taking someone for granted are known to cause problems They don't know what circumstances might cause their mate to cheat on them.

      Communication is the GPS for relationships.
      It lets you know whether you're "growing together" or "growing apart".

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them as is or move on. The choice is up to us!

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary.
      - Oscar Wilde

      1. chuckandus6 profile image53
        chuckandus6posted 21 months ago in reply to this

        you have very good points here. I think it is sad that people are trying to chase after unrealistic love when they got the real deal. thanks for replying

        1. dashingscorpio profile image84
          dashingscorpioposted 21 months ago in reply to this

          Unfortunately the "fairytale love" doesn't exist once you get past the "infatuation phase" of a new relationship.

          I have observed it's human nature to treat "the new" better than the "tried and true". I first learned this by watching my own mother be nicer to my friends who were visiting than she was to me! She was much more patient. This also happens whether it's a new car, job, or relationship.

          Someone gets a new car and immediately tells their friends "No smoking, drinking, or eating in my car!" They have it washed every weekend and detailed every 6 months. Five years later there is an inch of dirt on the body and the inside looks like a grenade went off!

          A person starts a new job and they show up for work on time and never call in sick during their 90 day probation period. Once they feel "secure" in the position they show up 20 minutes late. A co-worker makes a comment and this person says; "They're lucky I showed up!"

          When we first meet one another in new relationships both people tend to bend over backwards to impress each other. The word "no" is seldom if ever used! Both people make the other person's happiness their top priority
          A new relationship ensues and the couple talks for hours, have passionate sex multiple times per week, make plans for romantic dates and outings. It's only natural to feel as though they've met "the one"; (again).
          Cards, gifts, and surprises are done "just because".
          The guy shows up at his girlfriend's home and she asks:
          "Would you like me to make you something to eat?

          After about a year or two these "effortless deeds" begin to feel like "work".
          The guy asks his girlfriend to make him a sandwich and she says;
          "What do I look like? You've got two hands fix it yourself!"

          Gradually there is less and less "quality time" spent together, no more breakfast in bed, sex goes down in frequency, spontaneity, and variety. Neither person will not hesitate to say "no" to anything they're not in the mood for. It's almost a cliché to hear someone say:
          "He/she is not the same person I fell in love with."

          Like everything else in life when we (stop doing things) there are consequences. Stop going to work you lose your job, stop paying your rent/mortgage you get evicted or foreclosed on, stop being affectionate, romantic, considerate and the couple breakup.

          The whole thing repeats itself with the next "new" person they meet.
          Suddenly they're back in the gym, losing weight, buying new clothes, and sometimes doing things with the "new person" they refused to do with their ex. Eventually with experience we learn nothing "new" stays new!
          However if we put the effort in we can have a "classic" that is appreciated!

          1. chuckandus6 profile image53
            chuckandus6posted 21 months ago in reply to this

            wonderful insight, thanks so much for sharing, you write out your words very well.

            1. Castlepaloma profile image23
              Castlepalomaposted 21 months ago in reply to this

              May I ask Chuckandus6

              Do you feel stronger together with your wife than being apart from her?

              Do both of you, share little acts of kindness much of the time together?

              1. chuckandus6 profile image53
                chuckandus6posted 21 months ago in reply to this

                my husband..
                yes
                and yes

                1. Castlepaloma profile image23
                  Castlepalomaposted 21 months ago in reply to this

                  Then your good to go, we all need a lube job at times.

                  1. chuckandus6 profile image53
                    chuckandus6posted 21 months ago in reply to this

                    that'd true thanks for the reply.

 
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