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Which is most important - Significant Other, Self, or Relationship?

  1. tsmog profile image85
    tsmogposted 17 months ago

    Based on the answer to the OP is it important to decide focus for life planning based on that criteria? We have all seen in the cinema how one or the other gave up a career or finishing their education for the significant other career. The drama is based on continuing that dream later in life and the conflicts usually.

    The final act of 'For Love of the Game' with Kevin Costner and Kelly Preston is an example. He decides to end his baseball career to be with her and her dream.Is that a selfless act or is it really realization the relationship is most important?

    What do feel and think? Which is most important?

    1. Castlepaloma profile image23
      Castlepalomaposted 17 months ago in reply to this

      1. The World and me
      2. Loving work, it's where we spend most waking hours of our lives.
      3. Partner, or person i send most personnal time with.

    2. chuckandus6 profile image55
      chuckandus6posted 17 months ago in reply to this

      MY husband always comes first.i also find mySelf and relationship important, just Value him ,more

    3. dashingscorpio profile image85
      dashingscorpioposted 17 months ago in reply to this

      I believe it's human nature to do what ultimately (makes us feel best). Even when it appears we are sacrificing we do so because it's the outcome that (makes us feel better).

      You asked if Kevin Costner giving up his career to be with Kelly Preston is a selfless act or is it really realization the relationship is most important.
      Clearly between the two options he felt he'd be happier with Kelly.

      Nobody ever gets everything they want! However we do tend to choose those things that mean the most to (us). Anything short of dying to protect another person is difficult to consider a complete "self-less act".
      Most likely there is an "upside" for us whenever we make a decision even if it's simply a matter of it being the least painful option.

      1. Castlepaloma profile image23
        Castlepalomaposted 17 months ago in reply to this

        I do not know why a woman would stop you from doing the work you love. Unless it harms the realationship some how. I warn women about my passion for the visual arts that I spend most waking hours of life doing it.

  2. Kathryn L Hill profile image86
    Kathryn L Hillposted 17 months ago

    My viewpoint:
    All three are equally important.
    Self
    Significant Other's self.
    Relationship of the Selves.

    1. janesix profile image59
      janesixposted 17 months ago in reply to this

      Others come first.

      1. Kathryn L Hill profile image86
        Kathryn L Hillposted 17 months ago in reply to this

        That is a myth.
        Without developing/being/knowing who you are, you are nothing to someone else. if you are something to yourself you are something to others.

        1. janesix profile image59
          janesixposted 17 months ago in reply to this

          Not for me. Perhaps you have a stronger survival urge than I do. That is pretty normal.

          1. Kathryn L Hill profile image86
            Kathryn L Hillposted 17 months ago in reply to this

            Self is everything. No, you will not survive if you do not stay in touch with yourSelf.

            TWISI

            1. janesix profile image59
              janesixposted 17 months ago in reply to this

              I don't believe self is everything. We are all ONE. It is not just the survival of the self that matters.

              EDIT: Plus, it is built in that you will eventually die.

  3. Kathryn L Hill profile image86
    Kathryn L Hillposted 17 months ago

    ...well yes, real self as opposed to false self.
    Many loose touch with the soul in favor of the ego. The soul loves, the ego does not.
    Yes?
    Edit:
    Survival is a matter of time… will we make it to the finish line or conk out sometime before hand?

    1. janesix profile image59
      janesixposted 17 months ago in reply to this

      The life force is eternal, so no worries that your "self" will ever die. But we take on different personalities that for a short time are here for new experiences.

  4. Kathryn L Hill profile image86
    Kathryn L Hillposted 17 months ago

    ...what would cause us to conk out, I wonder?

  5. Kathryn L Hill profile image86
    Kathryn L Hillposted 17 months ago

    -for instance:
    If my child is catered to and becomes a spoiled brat while all of the rest of his frinds are learning to survive because they are in touch with their love of life and are learning how to navigate through the world, my inexperienced child will be confused and lost when he gets out on his own.

    -for instance:
    I am having to order and pay for Super Shuttle for my friend's son who is 20. My kids are telling me to let him take the Gold Line to the Fly Away to get to LAX tomorrow. However this particularly coddled kid could never do that! He would end up getting lost! So, I had to call Super Shuttle for him and, as I already mentioned, I had to pay for it. (His parents are both out of state... in separate states.)

    This to me is a case of a weak Self.

    1. janesix profile image59
      janesixposted 17 months ago in reply to this

      Sounds like a weak personality.

      1. Kathryn L Hill profile image86
        Kathryn L Hillposted 17 months ago in reply to this

        self equals personality equals character wouldn't you say?

        1. janesix profile image59
          janesixposted 17 months ago in reply to this

          No, because you seem to be referring to "self" as a personal soul, which I do not agree with. I think there is only one life force, which is organized by our individual, temporary personalities.

          1. Castlepaloma profile image23
            Castlepalomaposted 17 months ago in reply to this

            On a plane the mother puts the oxygen mask on herself first, before the child. Because if the mother dies they are more likely to both die if it was a case of lack of oxygen.

            1. Kathryn L Hill profile image86
              Kathryn L Hillposted 17 months ago in reply to this

              Same for a Lifeguard: A lifeguard must consider his own safety first and foremost. How can I save you, if I drown first?

  6. Kathryn L Hill profile image86
    Kathryn L Hillposted 17 months ago

    How can I be a good companion if I only think about YOU?
    I would be boring, wouldn't you say?
    ( I would also be bored.)


    For Instance: Once upon time, according to a magazine story I read, there was a homosexual man named Joe. He lived with his partner, Fred, who was in the habit of fulfilling Joe's every whim, desire and need. Joe essentially had to do nothing in life. While this made Fred happy and productive, Joe lost touch with his own hopes dreams and ambitions. Joe eventually committed suicide.

    He had lost the ability and habit of fulfilling his OWN dreams, goals and ambitions, which is what gives us true joy of life.

    This true story illustrates how being in touch with one's self is the key to joy of life. We should not live our lives through others, as it takes away THEIR volition.  There is an art to allowing others to stay in touch with their selves, including our children, including our citizens. The "self" indicates sincere interests, feelings, outlooks as connected to the essence of self: Will.

    Some people are compelled to live for others. I believe this compulsion ends up being detrimental to both parties. How can we help other if we aren't in touch with the love, compassion empathy and sincerity which emanates from our selves? Think of the meaning of sincerity.

    TWISI

    1. Castlepaloma profile image23
      Castlepalomaposted 17 months ago in reply to this

      At one time my mother said I was selfish. No , self serve, in order to serve others better, to be of serves. In her day, they were taught to think of others first, well they did not live as long in those days.

      1. Kathryn L Hill profile image86
        Kathryn L Hillposted 17 months ago in reply to this

        It is also based on a misinterpretation of the old adage, "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you."
        If you do not know what makes you happy, how can you know what makes others happy?
        One must confer with one's self first in all matters. This is subtle, but true for all.

        Ultimately, it makes us happy to make others happy.

        And sometimes giving others space is what makes them happy. lol
        And sometimes not. neutral

      2. Kathryn L Hill profile image86
        Kathryn L Hillposted 17 months ago in reply to this

        Ha Ha!

        (The self-oriented ones are still around. They are the longest living generation there has been, so I have heard.)

  7. Kathryn L Hill profile image86
    Kathryn L Hillposted 17 months ago

    Wouldn't it be nice if all people were so self-oriented that they determined to take good care of the earth and each other?

    1. Castlepaloma profile image23
      Castlepalomaposted 17 months ago in reply to this

      all for one and one for all

      1. Kathryn L Hill profile image86
        Kathryn L Hillposted 17 months ago in reply to this

        Yep. Why not?
        Its a win win! smile

  8. Chriswillman90 profile image90
    Chriswillman90posted 17 months ago

    It may be selfish but the self is most important because you can't contribute and help others without helping yourself. You can't be giving if there's nothing to give and relationships will fail because you're not giving it a chance to succeed.

    1. Kathryn L Hill profile image86
      Kathryn L Hillposted 17 months ago in reply to this

      I agree.

      It is not selfish it is self-oriented. Selfish is the bad habit of only caring about yourself.
      Self-orientation is conferring with your self regarding life and directing one's will.

      orientation
      1 positioning, location, position, situation, placement, alignment. Thesaurus

      1. janesix profile image59
        janesixposted 17 months ago in reply to this

        What makes people give up their lives for the benefit of others?

        1. Kathryn L Hill profile image86
          Kathryn L Hillposted 17 months ago in reply to this

          Conferring with their hearts. Loving others on a sincere level.
          Not being compelled from without, (expectations, demands and altruistic ideals,) but within.
          Love, compassion, sympathy and/or empathy prompt us to act (use our will) from within. One must get in touch with one's self to feel these things first and act on them second.

          1. janesix profile image59
            janesixposted 17 months ago in reply to this

            People don't usually take time to "confer with their hearts" when saving someone. They just do it. There seem to be those who act automatically, and those who stand back and do nothing. It seems those who stand back do the reasonable, self-preserving thing and stay out of danger.

            1. Kathryn L Hill profile image86
              Kathryn L Hillposted 17 months ago in reply to this

              <"There seem to be those who act automatically,"> 
              But it is not "automatic."  Such a person is close to his sense of what is right, based on his own judgement.  He is not an automaton. He acts under the guidance of his own will, (which comes from self.)

  9. Kathryn L Hill profile image86
    Kathryn L Hillposted 17 months ago

    I confer with my-self very quickly. (as I edited, in the twinkling of an eye...) It doesn't take that long!
    Maybe not for you…lol

    1. janesix profile image59
      janesixposted 17 months ago in reply to this

      Have you ever been in a situation where you had to save someone? I have. No thinking was involved. Only fear and panic and an urge to get my nephew out of the water. I bet most people would say the same.

      1. Kathryn L Hill profile image86
        Kathryn L Hillposted 17 months ago in reply to this

        For gosh sakes… that was your SELF!!!

        1. janesix profile image59
          janesixposted 17 months ago in reply to this

          As I said, I don't believe in the SELF like you do. Not as a separate entity, anyway.

          1. Kathryn L Hill profile image86
            Kathryn L Hillposted 17 months ago in reply to this

            But you can see that what you believe makes NO SENSE!

            1. janesix profile image59
              janesixposted 17 months ago in reply to this

              Yes

            2. janesix profile image59
              janesixposted 17 months ago in reply to this

              But what you believe makes no sense either. Separate souls that float around bodiless between lives? That makes no sense to me. At least my "life force has somewhere to go.

          2. Kathryn L Hill profile image86
            Kathryn L Hillposted 17 months ago in reply to this

            Why do you believe as you do????
            Every self is defined by a SEPARATE will. We individuals do not fiunction as a school of fish swimming every which way with some mysterious psychic connection!  At least NOT FOR ME!!!
            maybe for you!!! I pity you in that case!!!!

            1. janesix profile image59
              janesixposted 17 months ago in reply to this

              My theory is based on science. Not what I would prefer. If the life force is the same thing as energy, it can be explained.

  10. Kathryn L Hill profile image86
    Kathryn L Hillposted 17 months ago

    selves are quick like that.

  11. Kathryn L Hill profile image86
    Kathryn L Hillposted 17 months ago

    Oh, I see… no you do not float around bodiless after death. You maintain your individual light body/blue print. After death of body, your soul is still identified with self.

    Self is never ever lost.

    Until you will yourself back to the Causal, you maintain your separate identity and function with a separate will. It is up to us, based on will, whether we pull the Causal realm of Spirit into our consciousness or not.

    PS Your theory is not based on reality.
    Mine is.

    1. janesix profile image59
      janesixposted 17 months ago in reply to this

      Where does your soul go after death? Where is the causal realm? Describe it.

      1. Kathryn L Hill profile image86
        Kathryn L Hillposted 17 months ago in reply to this

        Jesus said, "In my Father's house are many mansions…"
        ...what could that mean?
        I would say it means there many levels of consciousness.
        Similar souls dwell together … usually we sleep for most of our time on the astral realm, (usually about 500 earth years until reincarnation.)

        More advance souls are very aware on the astral plane and do not sleep. They see that everything there is made out of light. They also have command of the lifetronic particles and can create anything they want.

        The causal realm is beyond the astral. It is formless bliss and it is our ultimate destiny. However, we have to be ready and 100% willing to consciously recieve such love and bliss. If not ready to become one with pure Spirit, we remain as individual selves, (which split from the causal many many lifetimes ago.)

        1. janesix profile image59
          janesixposted 17 months ago in reply to this

          Maybe you haven't thought your theory through very well, if you don't know what or where the causal realm is.

          1. Kathryn L Hill profile image86
            Kathryn L Hillposted 17 months ago in reply to this

            See above.
            The Casual realm is pure Spirit which *causes* all to exist.
            It is our final destination.

            1. janesix profile image59
              janesixposted 17 months ago in reply to this

              Where is it?

              How does it work?

              1. Kathryn L Hill profile image86
                Kathryn L Hillposted 17 months ago in reply to this

                repeating:
                Similar souls dwell together … usually we sleep for most of our time on the astral realm, (usually about 500 earth years until reincarnation.)

                More advanced souls are very aware on the astral plane and do not sleep.
                They see that everything there is made out of light.

                Souls/selves with higher consciousness also have command of the lifetronic particles and can create anything they want.

                The causal realm is beyond the astral. It is formless bliss and it is our ultimate destiny. However, we have to be ready and 100% willing to consciously recieve such love and bliss. If not ready to become one with pure Spirit, we remain as individual selves, (which split from the causal many many lifetimes ago.)

                1. janesix profile image59
                  janesixposted 17 months ago in reply to this

                  What is a lifetronic particle?

                  1. Kathryn L Hill profile image86
                    Kathryn L Hillposted 17 months ago in reply to this

                    an invisible bit of pure light/energy… beyond what can be measured on earth/material plane. (although everything here exists due to lifetronic particles.

      2. Castlepaloma profile image23
        Castlepalomaposted 17 months ago in reply to this

        Is it not the Kingdom of heaven, is within?

        it's a good idea, even with or without science

        1. Kathryn L Hill profile image86
          Kathryn L Hillposted 17 months ago in reply to this

          I agree, Castlepaloma.
          If only people could understand that… there would be less greed, less drug use/addiction, less stress in the world…
          And work or school would never begin before ten o'clock!

  12. PoliticalArena profile image84
    PoliticalArenaposted 17 months ago

    There is definitely a connection between all the relationships.  One affects the other.  The relationship with your significant other is most important, but you need to maintain a sense of self for your relationship with your significant other to flourish.  In a relationship with your significant other, you may have some flaws you may need to work on in order for that relationship to grow, and you may need to learn how to forgive the other’s mistakes.  In this case, you are essentially giving up your selfish desires for your significant other.

    1. Kathryn L Hill profile image86
      Kathryn L Hillposted 17 months ago in reply to this

      +1

      1. Castlepaloma profile image23
        Castlepalomaposted 17 months ago in reply to this

        Wonder if my self serve desire is to do Art.

        Or do you mean fatty foods, drugs, or farting too much.

        1. Kathryn L Hill profile image86
          Kathryn L Hillposted 17 months ago in reply to this

          I wonder if one of my (many) selfish desires is to do art
          and my significant other must forgive me for my selfish desire(s.)

          I wonder if I must give up my selfish desire to do art for the sake of my significant other, because after all I don't want her to starve.

          I wonder if my selfish desire to do art is not so selfish because, like Monet I can use my talent to make a living and thereby help my wife and all her children to survive; not to mention, fulfill my own dream to create, study and work from my own beautiful grounds.

          Whichever sounds good enough for you.

          1. Castlepaloma profile image23
            Castlepalomaposted 17 months ago in reply to this

            Agree

            As long as it can provide a good basic living, it should be great for both or others.

            1. Kathryn L Hill profile image86
              Kathryn L Hillposted 17 months ago in reply to this

              yes.  But she should not marry you and then complain. And if you cannot afford children, she should be talented at taking birth control until you are. and you should be honest and tell her up front: "I am an artist and I always will be. I may never be able to afford children." And if she says, "Thats okay, I will work and put our child in daycare … "
              - run.  For the sake of their psyches/selves, I do not believe in daycare until children are at least three. five is better.

              TWISI

              1. Castlepaloma profile image23
                Castlepalomaposted 17 months ago in reply to this

                My ex wife wanted me stop being  an artist and do construction. Even though I was the highest paid sculptor in Canada at the time.

                Today my daughter is a professial artist and we are both building an art gallery and a tiny artistic green village within an eco village in saskatchewan  Along with a tiny eco village in Belize for us in the winter plus selling to other snowbirds eco living.

                Funny what you can do with stubborn love.

                1. Kathryn L Hill profile image86
                  Kathryn L Hillposted 17 months ago in reply to this

                  I agree.

  13. ahorseback profile image45
    ahorsebackposted 16 months ago

    First it had truly better be .....Me  , for without the best intended  me , there can be no healthy us or healthy others in our lives !  Not the Selfish-ism in me  either , so present today , No ,   but the truest , healthiest , most kind and compassionate kind of me possible , always  ! All else -is just wrong .
    1 - Me
    2- S.O.
    3 - others

    1. Castlepaloma profile image23
      Castlepalomaposted 16 months ago in reply to this

      Who is S.O. ?

  14. ahorseback profile image45
    ahorsebackposted 16 months ago

    Umm, significant Other !     Without first and foremost putting the importance on the mental health of "self " all others remain in limbo .    A healthy'  me' , is  far more important  in order to maintain healthy relationships in all of life ..

 
working