There seems to be a new trend among women now to attempt/try to wait until marriage to have sex with their significant others. Is this a return to virtue? Is this a return to the ideology, why buy the cow when the milk is for free?
The latest to get married -Jodie Marsh. It is reported she waited until her wedding night before having sex. I believe Meagan Good did the same with her boyfriend, now husband.
What are your thoughts? Do you think this is a good trend? Do you think this creates a more solid foundation between two people when you take sex out of the equation?
I think it's not a new thing at all. Many conservative evangelical Christians believe a woman is a whore if she has sex before marriage. The value is put on the hymen and not on the woman as a complete human being. It's likely why young women who attend private religious schools are more likely to get abortions than women who attend public schools; they have the additional consequence of being treated like trash by their families and peers for the rest of their lives if they become pregnant out of wedlock.
The decision really depends on one's belief system. I believe there is more to a relationship/marriage than sex. Can one die from lack of sex? I don't think so. Waiting cultivates a level of discipline such that in the event of prolonged illness or an accident, life goes on without one spouse straying.
Personally I don't think it's a major advantage either way.
The old adage of "Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free" no longer applies since most couples have premarital sex and we still have over 2 million weddings per year in the U.S. alone!
Ultimately people don't get married to have sex nor do they stay married because of sex.
More often than not these days this "movement" involves people who aren't virgins but are looking to find a way to make their next marriage better than their last one or past relationships. "Lets try this!"
We have such a high divorce rate that so many people are looking for the "magic pill" to avoid becoming a statistic. Some folks have latched onto the idea that having premarital sex increases odds of getting divorced.
This makes no sense since (most people do) have premarital sex!
It's the equivalent of saying people with 2 legs get divorced more than those with 1 leg. Of course they do! Most people have 2 legs!
Having gone through a divorce and knowing many others that have I have yet to come across anyone who said:
"If we had waited to have sex we'd still be together!"
The reality is most divorces are the result of one person committing a "deal breaker" in the eyes of the other person.
This may include (cheating, verbal/physical abuse, drug/alcohol addiction, emotional/physical neglect..) or over time they grew apart and fell out of love.
The absence of premarital sex never saved marriages. Women didn't have the income and career opportunities they have today. Most relied on their husbands. Today 66% or 2/3rds of all divorces are filed by (women).
The more options one has the less crap they will put up with!
People should do what is right for them. In my case having sexual relationships outside of marraige is how I learned that I do not want to marry.
The sad thing I see is how 'sex' is defined by kids. Young girls seem to think everything other than the one specific act is OK. I'll be honest. I think if someone is going to do everything else, they are as sexually active as the person who doesn't possess an intact hymen and I'd rather have a daughter who, if romantically involved, was participating in a well rounded loving and mutually satisfying sexual experience as opposed to some of the things I hear the young girls say they do 'to satisfy their men', yet they are still claiming some high ground of virginity which they don't really possess; if you look at the situation honestly.
Live to Learn, You make a valid point.
Not only do kids feel everything else is OK as long as they don't perform that specific act it also practiced that way in other countries who place a high value on virginity. I've also known couples who decided they were going to wait until their wedding day to have intercourse but they were "pleasing" each other ways.
Having said that as long we define a female virgin as a woman whose hymen is intact then theoretically all her "other experiences" does not change that fact. Essentially we can no longer assume just because someone is clinically a virgin does not mean they haven't engaged in sexual activity.
Even when president Bill Clinton stated: "I did not have sexual relations with that woman". Essentially he was saying they did not have intercourse. Even on the recorded calls Monica Lewinsky also agreed with his definition.
Awhile back I recall seeing a Dateline or 20/20 story regarding teenage girls in the suburbs who wore various colored bracelets as code for what they were willing to do with guys. Pink = hug, Red = kiss with tongue...etc They saw it as being fun. The adults had no idea!
No one on this thread has mentioned male virginity as a virtue.
Women are more than their vaginas. It's each individual's choice about whether to wait, but as you can see right here in this thread, "waiting" is focused on women and not men. It's just another way for men to "possess" a woman.
I'm married now, but if a man even asked if I was a virgin when I was dating, I dropped him like a hot potato.
There has always been a double standard when it came the value of virginity for women versus men.
Oftentimes guys who were virgins lied about having sexual experience. Most of us couldn't wait to get that label removed.
Having said that society has always been more protective of women when it has come to sex. For example a woman having sex with an underage boy generally does not get the same amount of jail time that a man would for being with an underage girl.
Generally speaking things we place a high value on usually become more valuable with time. And yet if someone is a 30, 40, or 50 year old virgin people think there is something wrong with them!
In essence virginity has an expiration date stamp on it in our society.
Today the vast majority of men aren't expecting to marry virgins.
The 1960s brought the sexual revolution, birth control pill use, and the terms "free love" and "shacking". People expect to have premarital sex.
Yes dashingscorpio, society has "evolved" however some things will rarely change. Except for rappers most men don't want to form relationships with women who enjoy "free love" so much that they have to think of the 1,000 men that were in the same bed before he arrived. What guy wants to sweat with the plastic on?
Although not everyone is expected to be a virgin, as a woman you definitely don't want high mileage.
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