Taking into consideration that you would like to be a parent someday. What amount of sexual promiscuity is too much? Would you have children with a porn star? Is their any boundries you would consider when picking a spouse to parent with?
What is too much? Well, if you live your life by being afraid of what other think, then Yes, this question has relatively much to do with the question posed.
However, if you're a person who is completely honest with themselves and really doesn't care what others think about them, then No, the question isn't relevant.
Hoped I helped.
I don't see the connection between becoming a parent and your sex life.
"Picking the spouse to parent with" - reminds me of the cattle market. I do not understand the approach at all.
I married a prostitute, I have sold my own body, boys, girls, both in the same room, whips, chains, cuffs, younger girls, older girls, a couple of grandmas, plenty of mums, list goes on... no joke and yes I know, Its a little strange. Needless to say, I'll be 27 in a few weeks and I have calmed down now.
No one has boundries. I must be strange if I'm the only one.
I've already had my kids, and believe me, their father was no porn star! but seriously, I don't judge people based on their sexual activities - I picked my mate based on the fact I thought he would be a good dad (he was) and had the same general ideas about life I had. I don't remember worrying about his promiscuity, however I think this is something men agonize over more than women. am I right?
I agree there's probably more judgement of a womans behavior. I always find sexually agressive females more the exception than the rule. That said we put alot of positive reinforcement on both in our church and encourage abstinence.
They encourage abstinence even with your spouse...not mocking...just curious.
Youth and singles. We actually encourage a healthy, loving sex life for marrieds. We do believe a woman should submit to a righteous husband and why wouldn't she if he offers loving companionship.
Sneako, all respect and more power to you if this type of relationship is a positive one for the both of you.
Believing a woman should submit is a problem for me. The strongest relationships I have seen personally are the ones where both people are working together equally.
You missed one word "righteous". He would never press any percieved advantage and always have his partners feelings and wishes top priority.
I have a different meaning when I think of the word righteous. My bad, not yours.
If I had read your explanation here first, the word "submit" would not have come to mind. What is submitting, to you? The meaning of it I mean.
Sharing a loving and sexual relationship with your spouse. I am not advocating the abuse of women in any way shape or form.
You have a very high moral standard. We'll almost never agree with one another. But you are using the word "share" to define the word "submit".
When you say "submit to a righteous man" that sounds to me like you are expecting a woman to let herself be controlled. But that's not what you describe here.
First submitting now sharing, Is that a lady mug or a man mug?
Not that it matters to me either way... If you are cashed up, I'll be open for marriage the day after divorce
It is a lady mug, trying to understand the concept of something that I would never do. If a guy asks me to do something, I will. If a guy tells me to do anything, I'm gone.
Aaaah, no cash though. Legal tender, or of the bovine nature.
Control couldn't be farther from what I mean. The term "self-righteous" is being confused with "righteous".
Let me put out here what I am understanding from you.
A man and a woman who are married should be respecting, loving, and caring for each other.
Submitting to somebody means giving that person control. Where does that fit in?
(Not giving you a hard time.)
Be yourself but just make sure that self you are is the same self you expect in a loving partner (with breasts and a hoo-ha) kidding. But I think I get it. I used to think like that but something happened along the way and now I forget. I think I tried to hard to be someone I wasnt and just lashed out and here I am
I don't think control is the right way to put it, maybe trusting is better.
OK then. Here is my verdict:
You are using language that is not accurate.
I have a very big issue with your first description, especially the word "submit".
But your explanation doesn't leave me with anything to argue with you about.
Why argue, when a woman loves a man she should give him the sexual satisfaction he needs whether she feels like it or not, just because she married him and knew that was part of the arrangement...therfore "submit unto one another"....
Never had that problem myself Dee Dee, bedroom was the only place we got along! If she could have submitted to not drinking vodka at 7am... Anywho.
Submit may be a poor choice of words, I've never taken advantage of my wife and never would. I always respect and honor her opinion.
this could all so quickly become another joke session with me - so I will refrain from making comments about 1)abstinence 2)sexually aggresive females vs. ditto males 3)sex in church - and I might have been better off in the long run marrying a porn star - he might have been more open-minded and accepting!
The question is more who do you want left alone with your children. I feel as a parent you have to allow your children to make well informed decisions and understand the consequences of their actions. If they feel there are none then what will they teach your children.
Haven't it ever occurred to you that it's THEIR children too?!
That's just absurd.
Just as absurd as the youth coming out of our gettos and projects. Just remember those were their children too and now their violence often affects the innocent. It is absurd.
Doesn't this mean you should re-consider your attitude to abortion issue?
Or maybe YOU are so perfect that your children would be only prudent citizens? Only YOU are capable of doing that, and leaving this to someTHING like a woman means trouble?
And that's really disgusting.
Not absurd...in fact, that's the whole point, too many women subject their children to sexually abusive fathers because they didn't take notice of their ulterior motives...too involved with young people for the wrong reasons...prior to getting married and having children with them.
Well, if parenting is the only way children get their attitudes about sex and promiscuity, then why was I much more so than my parents would ever have been. And, in fact, my own children are much LESS promiscuous than I was. I never told them, and no one else did either. How would they know? Most people aren't in the habit of saying-"look, Jr., just because your mom makes a living doing these porn films (here, watch one!) doesn't mean you can go around being sexually promiscious" My kids refused to talk to me about sex much - beyond the abc's. Perhaps social pressures will have more to do with it than parenting, but I really don't know.
This may seem like a very silly thing to compare, but when I'm interviewing applicants I really put less weight to their resume than I do to how they handle an interview.
The character of a person is more important than their past history to me. Now that I am out of a bad marriage, I don't go about dating by asking how many partners a guy has.
Frankly, I'm a little embarrassed that I married the first man I dated. It turned out badly, but since I was following so-called "rules", I didn't end the marriage. Now I'm too old to start over. My mistake and my regret.
So what amount is too much? You can't put a firm number on that, and it is only one of several factors to consider when looking for someone.
How are you today?
Oh, by the way, no you are not too old to start over. You are never too old to find a love that would satisfy you for the remainder of your life. So, please learn from your mistakes and let go of regret(it will only do damage).
You're a bright and intelligent woman, who seems to be caring, so please try to have a better outlook.
Good morning. (I just rolled out of bed, long weekend driving.)
Well, my outlook is shattered because it is too late for me to get what I want again. I had it and lost it. I'm 40 with a medical condition, odds are so slim I may have a another child now that I don't let myself hope. I'm trying right now to find something else to work toward.
I'm not-dating a guy right now and we're having a good time. That's good enough right now.
I don't know how many women he's been with, and he doesn't know about me. We are simply enjoying each other's company.
Sorry if you are cringing about that sneako
I think this is a great question, because maybe men more than women have a number in their head that they consider to be a quote en quote "acceptable" number of partners for their girlfriend or future wife. I'm not afraid to say that my number is 5 or fewer, but if I fall in love with a woman that has been partying like a "rock star", as long as she has enough energy left for me, so be it.
And, just curious- What's the limit you put on yourself? Since, you're limiting your girlfriends to (5), What about yourself?
Are you saying it is alright for you to have 10, per se, versus the Woman having only 5?
If so....what's that say about you? A lot actually. But, I'm just pointing out the obvious, so make nothing of it.
I appreciate your attempt at interpretation, but you're absolutely wrong in every assumption you made. But, I'll play your game. I hold myself to the same high standard. I can't ask my future love to be something that I'm not willing to be. And what's that say about me? I don't know, maybe it says I have standards. In all sincerity, I don't choose my lovers based on the past or numbers; if they're with me my focus should be on keeping them with me.
sneako: do you really believe women should "submit" to men in their relationships? expound on that, please - it sounds terrible to me - "submit" ????
Sneako, just read what you wrote in this thread yourself.
Plus, compare this with your writings about abortions (another thread).
Yeah, my mind goes to a much darker place...
But that is a different forum. There may be a TOS issue.
I'm really aware all the sudden that I have to click the word SUBMIT every time I talk to you.
If she is married and he does his part to care for and protect I doubt submit isn't even a thought.
No children that I know of... Too much trouble if you ask me. I like kids but only if I can give them back
5 girlfriends? Cmon? Too serious. I went the other way, too far perhaps but why fret so much about sex. Anyway, whatever works for the individual I suppose.
Precisely... And I didn't make it. I was in bed recharging for round 2
It is the ONLY question.
And the answer is, yes.
I'd rather leave children with a porn star than with a paedophile.
Break it up! Break it up! Sorry,I just have to go back to the thread here - Sneako: I am sure you have nothing but the best intentions when you are describing a man/woman marriage relationship (per your church, of course) but judging by the way you describe what the male role is and what the female role should be - well, I just cringe. It sounds to me kinda chauvinistic and not at all the equal roles people in my generation have been struggling and shouting for! I, personally, don't care what any church says, I WANT EQUALITY and that means, I'll take care of myself, you take care of yourself, and then we have this other thing - "the marriage" and we both take care of it. We care for each other EQUALLY within the marriage. What we did before the marriage shouldn't have much to do with it, unless we're really scurvy types to begin with. So, please leave your one-sided "righteous man" out of it and please understand that most women will HATE the word SUBMIT (unless its for posting)
I say this with LOVE!
Not being funny @mega1 but within the church, I dare say this control/trust (?) issue is probably the done thing IN THE CHURCH?? Who knows? For me, it should be about trust, not control, not at all. Even if you are married, it might not work out, many don't but if you don't try then what's the point. If its too much like a business arrangement, I mean in a contractual , this is your bit this is mine kinda thing, nah... I think that is selling the marriage short. Just my thoughts... I am not a churchie and very liberal with relationships.
Well you missed completely, sorry. I live a nontraditional marraige, my wife makes way more money than I do and I assume more of the domestic chores. I own my buisness and my hours are more flexible. I always refer to a married man that shares in all the responsibilities and is responsible and loving. I'm sorry you haven't met one when you do you'll know what I mean.
... also a cynic sometimes so not giving advice just getting into the conversation
SNEAKO SAID:Well you missed completely, sorry. I live a nontraditional marraige, my wife makes way more money than I do and I assume more of the domestic chores. I own my buisness and my hours are more flexible. I always refer to a married man that shares in all the responsibilities and is responsible and loving. I'm sorry you haven't met one when you do you'll know what I mean.
BUT I SAY: You assume too much and are misinterpreting my words! I have met plenty of men who are responsible and loving and unthreatened by women. I bet you are one of them, its just that words are getting in the way. I really don't see marriage as a kind of business relationship where people dole out chores to each other. The marriage to me is a sacred trust for each other. "submit unto one another" says it well, but I still don't like the word "submit" - that's all. I may have chewed this subject to death. But DON'T assume crap like that "I'm sorry you haven't met - - - ! You don't know who I've met and know - lalalalala I was just trying to find out what your words really meant! OK?
That's perfect! I wasn't trying to assume anything, we share it all good and bad, hard and easy. We've done it for 34yrs and will continue the same. I have submitted many times to sit outside a changing room and be honest and supportive.
Well, you're ok, Sneako. I knew it. I just knew it. And your wifey is damn lucky, too!
Maybe because there are so many shades of the word Submit...it's supposed to be one relinquishing his/or her "self" for the preferences of another, done in love, as the example given by Sneaky...but some see how submission can be brutalized...outside of a love relationship...it can be perverted into abusive bullying...not cool.
Oh, well, OUTSIDE THE MARRIAGE - sure an there's no better night of fun than the ol' dominance & submission game! Complete with costumes, of course! Well, heck, maybe even INSIDE the marriage.
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