Does he have a problem due to his drinking? Or do you have a problem with his drinking?
I have alot to say on this topic, I think I will email you though..if you read through many things I have talked about..well, you will understand..
I know what it is like, I even have been at the wrong end of abuse due to alcoholism....
There is a reason why my husband is one and I married one time, for better and for worse...
talk to your husband when he is sober, try and get him to see his ways, it is not an overnight process and it is not an easy one..it may take awhile..
once he realizes what he is doing, if he is a good person, ( mine was not like this untill his mother died of cancer they claimed she was in remission from and some other outside issues recently) he will seek help for himself to be the man he used to be..
only time will tell
My girlfriend dealt with that situation for years, and she really didn't want to separate from her husband; because she knew he had a problem and was otherwise a very good guy. After a while, though, he got so he was drunk and difficult so often she didn't want her kids having to deal with it, and see it. She said his drinking had gone from not really being all that big of a problem for everyone in the house, to being a very big one.
The last time I talked to her she said she'd be glad to take him back if he got help for his drinking problem, but he hadn't. He was "safely" living with his parents, though, so she knew he wasn't out on the street or anything like that. I think sometimes people can feel they have no choice. Having not lived with the situation I'd be very reluctant to say what I think I'd do (because we usually learn that unless we're in a situation we don't really know what we'd do). I think, though, I'd probably do similarly to what my friend did.
I've been through this. How about a compromise, like drinking only on the weekends? Does he drink beer or liquor?
When someone is an alcoholic, everyone around him has problems. Including himself.
tough love is required, hard but the only way to save him
it will be difficult and devastating to you and your family, specially if you have children, the only thing I can say is for the wife to support get him counseling, and serving like a police to him, as much as possible avoid the ways in which he will drink again, this is very difficult for you, you need all the strenth of mind and emotions..
i found alanon so helpful when my sister was fading away due to alcoholism, it so helped me understand the illness and stopped me being judgemental. I was able to cry amongst people that understood, it was a safe place for me at their meetings.... my poor sister, so sad this condition takes young lives
Being a recovering heroin and cocaine addict myself, now in recovery i see the pain this disease causes the ones around us who love us most and feel helpless. Alanon is a good program and I am so glad it helped you, I really do understand the pain, I too have active addicted family members. Bless, Kimberly
How old are the two of you?
How much time is invested in your relationship?
Are there children involved
How long has this been a problem?
These questions should be dominate in your decision making process. What worked for other people may not work in your situation.
Anything that you do will have its consequences.
The first thing that you should do is to really get into your own head and decide what you can live with or without.
Do not threaten divorce unless it is a real ultimatum.
I've been on both sides of that fence
I don't think that he will ever quit until he understands that the drinking is not "THE" problem. Another issue or issues are driving the drinking.
He must also recognize the amount of damage it is inflicting upon the family, he will have to recognize this for himself.
Once the stinkin thinkin sets in, everything becomes an excuse for that first drink. He feels that drinking is not the problem, it is a cure.
He is avoiding a problem that he can't or does not want to deal with. He may not even recognize what the core of his problem is any more. Good luck and many blessings to ya
alexandria and lyricngray may be correct but I must add that
I've known two people that went to alanon and they didn't like it. Alanon made them look at themselves as a contributing factor to his drinking.
When my wife had this problem I found suport from a friend that was going to AA. Ya might want to hear from both sides of the issue
Certainly we could not assume 12 step programs work for everyone besides those who do attend only 3% will live in the solution of recovery and die that way. The remainder go back whether alcoholic or co dependent family members who suffer their disease from the outside.
You cannot however blame the program of Alanon for that woman, you get what you give and take in any program. Her issues, like denial are powerful, baffling, cunning and causes as much sickness as the alcoholic or addict.
should anyone need info or help. You don't have to be alone.
I did not intend to put down alanon. And I apologize if it came out that way. Alanon is a great program.
I was just sudjesting that it may help to hear all of the advice avaliable.
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