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What is too big an age difference... older woman younger man? Serious

  1. 60
    rialeeposted 6 years ago

    I have been on my own for many years (2 decades)firstly through choice, then through my own fussy standards.
    Recently I met a younger man whom I had conversed with regularly for about a year before we met.
    He said we had an instant connection. We spent a weekend together, had several other platonic 'dates' and we have not had sex. He lives about 600miles from where I live and so its hard to see each other regularly. We communicate via msn and phone, sometimes 2/3 times a day. He has suddenly stopped txting as much and phone conversations have shortened though they are still frequent. What could be the cause of this? Could he be seeing someone else? Could it be because of our age difference? (he said no to this when asked). Could it just be the long distance?
    Should I just let it go and move on?

    1. DogSiDaed profile image60
      DogSiDaedposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Why ask here? Why not ask a trusted friend or someone you know, who can evaluate the situation better than a stranger?

      1. 0
        Kenrick Chatmanposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        It could be the distance. 600 miles is like a 8-10 hour drive depending on how fast you are driving. It may be too expensive to catch a flight on a regular basis due to the current economic conditions.

        Since, a man has needs he may be speaking with other women who are local. Likewise, he does not have as much time to speak with you like he once did. Or he may just got busy with family during the holidays.

      2. 60
        rialeeposted 6 years ago in reply to this
    2. tantrum profile image60
      tantrumposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      And why didn't you had sex ??
      That's very strange !
      I'm sure he wanted.
      Or he was the one who didn't ?

      1. 60
        rialeeposted 6 years ago in reply to this
        1. tantrum profile image60
          tantrumposted 6 years ago in reply to this

          Well, if he's not gay ,and don't want to have relations with you, maybe he has sexual problems, or he doesn't like you. Anyway, someone that's not sincere with you, and don't tell what's happening, is not worth the trouble.. Sorry!

    3. 0
      cosetteposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      he's just not that into you. if he was he'd be all over himself trying to get to you, you know this right? let him go.

    4. Marisa Wright profile image91
      Marisa Wrightposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Why did it take a year before you met?  Having known each other that long, why didn't you get intimate when you did finally meet (not on the first date but one of the subsequent ones).  I can't imagine many men being that patient, especially if he's young. 

      Maybe he's been waiting for a signal that you're ready to go to the next stage and you're not giving it, so he's given up. 

      You don't say what the age difference is.  I've seen relationships with a 12 to 14 year age gap work very successfully.  It's more likely to be the distance that's the issue.

      1. 60
        rialeeposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        TY too..for your response...IT WAS NOT ME  it was him that did not try anything... He knows how I feel.

    5. prettydarkhorse profile image65
      prettydarkhorseposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      morning rialee, thanks for sharing your problem here, it is also nice if you can talk to him honest to goodness talk, the earlier to know whats going on is better, I hope your relationship with him will trun out to be more positive after talking to him,
      good day to you

      1. 60
        rialeeposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        TY for your response hun. I guess I would need a whole page or more to tell about this properly. We have talked and he said he was a little scared cos his last 2 relationships ended VERY badly. I knew his last relationship ended before him. The one before that was bad too, his fiance left him after moving to a new town, she met someone in the 1st week and left him. Sad but true. so so complicated.
        Might just give it the flick...TY

  2. prettydarkhorse profile image65
    prettydarkhorseposted 6 years ago

    no age is big, they can meet in the bed hehehehe, tall long short, old young it is ok as long as you love each other

    1. 60
      rialeeposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      I responded to you but neglected to put your quote in my response.
      I hope you can find it in all the responses. TY for your time and some great thoughts on my issue.

  3. tantrum profile image60
    tantrumposted 6 years ago

    Where's the OP ?
    I'm curious !
    answer my questions ,please ! big_smile

  4. Fishing Videos profile image60
    Fishing Videosposted 6 years ago

    I married my baby sitter who is 17 years younger. I know what you are thinking. She was over 25 and we are still happily married.

    1. 60
      rialeeposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      TY for your response...AND you don't know what I was thinking...Good for you..if you are happy its all good...the age gap for me is I'm 49 and he is 35.

  5. 0
    sneakorocksolidposted 6 years ago

    Are you rich?

    1. 60
      rialeeposted 6 years ago in reply to this


  6. Dao Hoa profile image61
    Dao Hoaposted 6 years ago

    1.    Now that he met you. I think it is the combination of all of the reasons above.

    He was a stand up guy and he was waiting for your signal. You did not give him the signal to go forward. Then the distance makes it expensive to hold on to the not very promising relationship. Since you were not intimate after a few dates, he gave up on you because man at this age does not wait too long for it.

    By now, he probably has met somebody else and he let you down gently by reducing the frequency of contact. May be he keeping contact because he just wants your friendship!

    Usually older man and younger woman couple works better because of the intimacy compatibility.

    If you want to continue relationship with him, make another meeting in his town to find out for yourself. Good luck.

  7. 60
    rialeeposted 6 years ago

    Ty for your reply...but it was not me who did not want intimate it was him...

  8. nadiaazhar profile image77
    nadiaazharposted 6 years ago

    i think long distance could be the reason. i know u r going through hard tym....i had been through almost the similar situation!!

    1. 60
      rialeeposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Yeah well he still has lots of contact and its still the same feel to it..He is very mature for his age... If its not distance then maybe has not been honest and has had a woman all along..???
      I can feel a long break from communication comin on.
      TY 4 your comments

  9. Dame Scribe profile image60
    Dame Scribeposted 6 years ago

    Too much stigma for me with age differences hmm I don't enjoy being called a sugar mama (if dating younger guy) tongue but it can get annoying if the guy doesn't take no for a answer. Got to make you wonder what his motives are then hmm

    1. 60
      rialeeposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Hey TY. My belief was not to date anyone more than 10 yrs younger. However, I love this guy cos we are so connected in our belief/ideals and future plans etc etc etc. We are very similar in our vocations etc and we can always discuss topics without breaking out of a discussion into aggressive talk. SO suga mama or cougar never entered my head. We just fit together psychologically... alas not physically. Maybe our destiny is to JUST be friends

  10. Pamela N Red profile image91
    Pamela N Redposted 6 years ago

    When online friends and lovers meet, regardless of age, we see things we cannot see through a monitor: Voice, body language and smell. Sometimes after meeting a person we aren't as enamored as we thought due to one of more of those three things not being up to our expectations.

    In regard to age. I've seen many May/December relationships work out in which the woman was the older of the two, however if he wants children this can be an issue. It works best if he already has kids or doesn't want any.

    Long distance relationships seldom work out unless one or the other is willing to relocate.

    I will add in closing that he may be shy and needs you to make the first move. That is why my husband married me. ;o)

    1. 60
      rialeeposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      TY your comment makes a load of sense...yes it could be the child issue as well as the distance....hmmm may have to explore this avenue. Thanks again

  11. Robhastey profile image59
    Robhasteyposted 6 years ago

    As far as age differnce- lets just say I am a 26 year old male,And gay- I have been around alot of people..dated alot of ages.I would have to honestly say str8-gay-bi-girl-guy a good age is within 12-15 years.(Girls,you might want to date guys a few years older because guys are all little momma's boys)

    1. 60
      rialeeposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      I have a lesbian daughter and she has a totally different opinion to her straight sibling... TY 4 your contribution...

  12. 0
    Ghost32posted 6 years ago

    Age difference doesn't matter to me, although I suppose at age 66 I'd hesitate to hook up with a 90 year old woman for fear she might outlive me.  Um, that's not quite as tongue in cheek as it sounds; my Mom was 9 years older than my Dad and still outlived him by 5 years.

    I've been married 7 times.  Pam (current wife) and I are hooked at the hip and have been so for 13 years so far, working on 14.  She's 8 years younger.  Of all 7, the youngest was 11 years younger, and the oldest was 2 years older.  I can truthfully say that not once did age have anything whatsoever to do with the longevity of the relationship.  One of the best marriages among my friends is between a guy who was 45 and a gal who was 22 when they had their first child. 

    True, he's a Viet Nam vet and an insomniac, and she's "old for her age", but still....

    Ah, and one brief comment on Rob's comment:  I'm an exception to that "little Momma's boy" syndrome and always have been--by the time I was in my teens, my adage was, "I don't need a mother."  But that IS rare, so Rob IS right.  My wife was in shock about that when she met me--at age 45, she'd never before run into a man who didn't need a Momma. 

    Guess the comment wasn't all that brief after all! lol

    Can't quit yet.  DameScribe, I've never given a hoot about social stigma, but that's just me.  As a lady not appreciating comments like that (Sugar Mama, etc.), it's very understandable you'd choose to avoid the situation.

    1. 60
      rialeeposted 6 years ago in reply to this


      Seriously though TY for your comments and I have re-read them cos there is some sense in them.. TY and BOLA

  13. yenajeon profile image81
    yenajeonposted 6 years ago

    In terms of just age, it depends on the range. The older you both are, the less extreme differences seem to be.
    For ex., if the man is 20 and the woman is 40 thats WAY too old. But, if the man is 35 and the woman is 55, its more acceptable. By the time one is 60 and the other 80, its not much difference at all! See...

    1. 60
      rialeeposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Yep I agree..i am 49 and he is 35...should not matter but he's from a staight laced family so maybe it does.

  14. Stimp profile image81
    Stimpposted 6 years ago

    Run Foresrt Run.  If it don't come easy you better let it go...per Tanya Tucker. Age has nothing to do with it, MATURITY does.  Let him figure out what he's missin' when its gone.  i"d be like "and you r/......"  fck font feed their ego.

    1. 60
      rialeeposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      TY TY TY  cannot say much more

  15. divacratus profile image75
    divacratusposted 6 years ago

    Age difference shouldn't matter at all, as long as you both are happy!

  16. blondepoet profile image80
    blondepoetposted 6 years ago

    Seriously it does not matter to me age differences, what matters is what's in the heart,and how you feel about each other.

    1. 60
      rialeeposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      TY 4 your comment...I agree but I am not the one holding out here so I don't know what is the problem except distance or age.