Here's my take on the question: I think that polygamy could be a good thing provided that all parties to the equation are responsible and ethical. That means that parents must provide for the emotional, economic, educational support of their children and of each other. That said, let me state that polygamy can be good in, at least, two regards: People can pool their monies together and attain economic clout. For instance, if you had three spouses, you could buy a house and basic necessities together. Another thing: As the saying goes, "Variety is the spice of life". Sure, lemon marauge might be my favorite pie, but I would like to try some other kinds such as cherry, blueberry, and pecan pie. That's my take on the question. What's yours?
If marriage doesn't work most of the times, how can you think polygamy would work?
The only kind of polygamy that works, is having different affairs at the same time. And that ,because it's fun.
Never said it would work. But if it did, just think of the benefits!
No it better for you to know that you are not alone to him rather than found out that he having an afear with others.
Why marry at all then? Why even bother with any kind of commitment? Then you can have all the variety you want without any of the responsibility! If you get them pregnant, so what, that's their problem!
Again, I am talking about responsible polygamy, not exploitation. I am talking about the good of the whole, not of just one element of the whole. I am talking about polygamy with responsibility and with commitment.
Are you showing the "first" wife responsibility, as you neglect her? Are you showing any of them "commitment" when you leave them for another? The answer to both questions is, No.
Consenting adults should be free to do as they wish. That doesn`t mean that their maritial arangements won`t lead to problems or will be successful.
Historically, societies that have practiced polygamy on a routine basis tend to have customs that are supposed to protect women against these kinds of abuses.
In Islam, a man can have up to four wives, but only if he is able to provide equally for them and their children. In American Indian cultures that practiced polygamy, divorce was very easy to obtain and carried no social stigma for women who were unhappy in their marriages. Polygamous societies also tend to encourage men to marry sisters or women to marry brothers in the theory that this will result in less conflict and adjustment.
That's not to say that these guidelines are always followed, but in societies where polygamy is widely practiced and legal, it's usually not as big a deal to the people involved as we Americans think it would be, and most polygamous men and women would be completely baffled by statements suggesting that people with multiple spouses cannot be genuinely committed and devoted to all of them.
Thanks kerryg - I have been hoping that someone would point out that polygamy has been practised from the earliest recorded time and that in some societies it is seen as completely normal. There is too much judgement of other societies from the exclusively western point of view. In some societies polygamy is actually good for all concerned. Thanks for bringing some clarity into this debate.
Thanks for your thoughts and levelheadedness. Sometimes we have to forget who we are and put down our Western lenses and take on a totally different view from our own. We have to try to walk in another person's mocassins and develop arguments contrary to what we believe.
You know! Like from civilized to barbarian, you know, devolution!
Thanks for not talking off the top of your head and actually pointing us to historical data in which polygamy is a common thing. I have not personally done any studies or reading on polygamy, so I don't have the facts. Thank you for sharing some with us on this forum.
Polygamy is a residual instinctual desire within some men control women. Ask women if they would marry two or more men and 99% will say no. As men became civilized and most turned to religious guidance to control these natural desires the institution of marriage was used to bind one man to one woman. In the past the ruling classes in most countries, cultures and religions kept the practice reserved for themselves above the common man. Now in modern days we find that the common man can rise in stature and seek the same privileges he desires as the elite. It all boils down to the same power trip that men seek over woman. While some might say it is not about control but about freedom I would ask "would you allow one of your wives to have another man"?
Ever heard of Polyandry? There are two forms of polygamy. Polygyny and Polyandry. Polygyny is multiple wives, and polyandry is multiple husbands. It happens less often, but can be found in Africa, Asia, Europe, The Pacific Islands, etc...
I don't advocate for polygamy since it can be very cumbersome and expensive to maintain.
I don't think it should be illegal. I think it should be the right of the people to marry whom they like, & if they so wish be a part of a poligimist marriage. I don't think they should necessarily receive any tax benefit for marrying x number of wives or husbands. But they should be allowed to live free in this country.
I don't really think that poly-anything really works in the long term or for the benefit of all involved (polyamory, polygamy or polyandry). Relationships are hard enough when it is only two people....the more people you add, the more issues there tends to be.
It's not something that appeals to me personally, but I don't have any objections to the practice as long as the people involved are consenting adults.
My sister-in-law is staying with us temporarily right now and I think we've both been enjoying having a built-in babysitter, and the reduced workload from being able to split the housework and cooking among three adults instead of two. It's nice! Still, though, I look forward to times when she and her kids are away and it's just me, my husband, and our daughter together.
I know what you mean. You would like to have your privacy. But in the case of a polygamistic household, everybody would be family. In your case, you have two different families living in one household, which, of course, is not polygamy. Thanks for your comments.
Polygyny is still practiced in a few other nations. I suggest you move there as you seem to be a great fan. As for me, I'm too much a Alpha female too territorial anybody come near my guy or if he strays I guess if it's allowed for a guy...well..a woman should be allowed to have another husband
But who would want to come home to 2 or 3 husbands? !
What's good for the goose is good for the gander!
"I guess if it's allowed for a guy...well..a woman should be allowed to have another husband".
Yep, why not? 3 hubbies, please. For breakfast, lunch and dinner respectively
Unfortunately, polygamy is often used as an excuse by older men to bring a young teenaged girl into the set up.
hmmmmmmmmm, hypothetically speaking of course, how would one go about doing this?
Such behavior is not inherent in the state of polygamy. Such doings lies in the unethical nature of the individual.
Yes, there may be some advantages to polygamy, but from what I've read and observed, it's mostly extremely complicated. First, most polygamous families are not financially independent. Since they are technically not married, (otherwise they could be prosecuted) then the other "wives" live on welfare, because in most all cases women are to stay home, not work. Second, the problem of inbreeding and genetic deformaties such as retardation, etc., go astronomically high. Third, regardless of how you slice it or dice it, there is an incredible amount of deceit and jealously since most people feel insecure sharing a spouse. Fourth, the kids are totally messed up about relationships, can't ever quite figure them out, and usually perpetuate the same dysfunctional lifestyle in their own lives, even after they leave polygamous environments. Fifth, these people are always on the run, always in hiding and always in fear of being found out, prosecuted and they have a very twisted perspective of the rest of the world, society and the law.
Imagine the trauma of the children being taken from their parents and families in Texas. That will leave some psychological damage for the rest of their lives, not to mention all the twisted things they are told by their families after the fact. Can't be good.
I don't think the advantages outweigh these disadvantages.
Well stated, Carter. You present both a factual and historical argument in support of your position. However, I was thinking more of "enlightened polygamy" (i.e. polygamy with a human faace) in which the parties to the relationship were both responsible and ethical and the institution were legal.
Well, for the record, I think if there could be such a thing as "enlightened" polygamy, it would be fine. But for most people, it's just too complex and they are too insecure to not make it a nightmare. And I agree with Aya Katz that for those who are already living in polygamy, it may actually help to legalize it, with some stipulations to prevent abuse of various kinds.
I'm not against polygamy as an idea, but in practice, the evidence seems pretty compelling against it.
We shouldn't confuse the downside of polygamy itself with the perils of being in an illegal relationship.
While polygamy does not appeal to me personally, for those families that are already polygamous, legalization would be a very big help.
I disagree that there would be more inbreeding, but I can see lots of ways it could be unhealthy to be in such a family. Me, I'm way too selfish to share my man with anyone. I sure couldn't do it.
The more and younger the merrier. And yes Dolores, I am an old man
Polygamy sucks as you cant maintain families, economically and emotionally and the children will be confused too, neglected as you can only handle and take care at the most ideal number of children and spouse plus you get tired too, physically working and then sexually hehehehe....
I am against it, so you are saying that it is o.k. for a man to have multiple wives? Well then a woman should be able to have multiple husbands. One that runs her bath water and washes her hair, another who cooks all of the meals and takes care of the children while she works and a third who runs all of the errands, so she can enjoy relaxation time and pampering. What do you men think about that?
The only problem with this is gay men don't like women.
No, I didn't say that it was okay for men to have multiple wives. I said that polygamy could be beneficial whether that be of a man having more than one wife or a woman having one or more husbands. Note too that I spoke of a relationship in which the partners are responsible and ethical, not exploitative, irresponsible, and immoral. All parties to the agreement are family; hence they look out for each other--husbands, wives, and children. I term such a theorectical union "enlighted polygamy" or polygamy with a human face.
I say if you can arrange that, you're a genius and to be envied.
It would probably be alright if they all got the same amount of attention and love. How does the saying go. You cannot serve two master because you will love one more than the other... something like that.
It might soon become necessary in many Eastern countries, what with male:female ratios being heavily skewed. Between India and China, there could be more than 100 million men surplus this year - so if men want to get married, maybe they will just have to get used to sharing a wife
I like to keep it simple. When I took my vows, it was to the old line, to love, honor, and cherish. If I am in bed with, or showing affection to another women, I am not keeping to that vow. Am I showing the one I made the vow to "love" as I am "loving" another? Did I honor her as I place my needs or the other concubines needs, before her needs? Does she feel cherished, while I neglect her?
I don't know her. I guess it depends on how she acts in public.
If you're going to open padoras box you might as well throw the lid away.
Gay marraige, polygamy, prostitution, nambla, adultery and abortion what a nice set of activities, who could say no?
Thank you all for your comments. It's been exciting! For most of you, it seems that polygamy is a bad thing and would not work. For the couple of hubbers on the other side, they argue that polygamy is practical plus ethical. It has been working for centuries in some non-Western societies. Keep posting, and when I can, I will keep commenting.
Are you serious I'm flat out with just one man plus I'm not going to compete with other women, I'm a one man women.
haha sneakorocksolid! ..."devolution".....that's exactly what the liberal mindset is!
Simple answer to the thread post---
Polygamy is bad.
No man has the capability of equally caring for or about several women. And it leads to the notion that the man is a "god" of some type. Cases in point would be Jim Jones and David Koresh and a myriad of others who manipulated other men into giving them their wives, etc.
I'm not opposed to other people living in polygamist households, as long as they are consenting adults.
By consenting adults, I mean they are 18 years old or over and the marriage was not an arranged marriage.
I was recently watching a television special about a part of the United States that still allows polygamy. Some of the households were quite happy and quite organized, but there were horror stories as well.
In many polygamist societies, the girls marry a man they have never met. The man is usually older because their religion believes that a woman who marries an older man becomes closer to God. When their husband dies, the women are still married to each other and any man who chooses to marry one of them must marry all of them.
In one such horror story, a girl was married to a 38 year old man when she was only 15 years old. He became her husband, as well as her legal guardian. Her husband had 17 other wives and they all lived in three separate houses. Her husband would go stay the night in the house with the wife he wanted to have sex with. Any woman who refused him would be beaten and raped by him. This girl was afraid of him, but had two children by him. When she turned 18, she sought help and divorced him, but lost her children and was banished from the community. Her parents won't even speak to her because she has gone against their religion.
So, I guess there are two sides to everything. Personally, I would not want to be in a polygamist relationship, but some women are very happy with it. Others don't turn out so well, just like regular marriages.
I can see both the good parts of this and the bad parts of this. To each their own, I suppose.
Yeah, that sounds like the FLDS. Their issues go way, way beyond polygamy!
Actually, their existence is one of the reasons I think polygamy should be legalized in this country. Making it illegal has only given sickos like Warren Jeffs more power over their "wives" because it forces the practice into secrecy. The FLDS is very powerful in some parts of Texas, Arizona, Colorado, and Utah, so I'm sure some of the abuses would continue even if it were legalized, but it would be that much harder to hide "marriages" to 11 year old girls, and to help girls and women who wanted to escape the lifestyle.
Thanks for the balanced view. There's good and bad in just about everything. So too with polygamy. Because there are bad applications of polygamy doesn't mean that polygamus by nature is bad. Just like there existence of murder doesn't give democracy a bad name. It's not the system, but the people taking advantage of others who are part of the system that is bad. The same can be said in respect to one-man-one-woman marriage. They are not all bad. Nor are they all good.
if you're gonna be praying to God for me, then I'll welcome that. Somehow I doubt it though.
Actually, all sarcasm aside, for a Christian person, you hold a great deal of animosity towards others; even in the snide comments that are made. So, in conclusion; yes, I will, for you know not the pain you are causing yourself through your actions.
Animosity? Pain? What are you talking about? You sure are negative in your judgement of me. Oh well.
By the way, again,
who or what would you be praying to for me?
Negative? On the contrary, unless you wish to label yourself negative as well; I was merely holding up a mirror to you. It's not pretty is it? That harsh criticism of others? Apparently my statement went well over your head. My apologies. As for the to whom I would be praying? I don't pray to a WHO or What for that matter. I wish well unto others.
hmm..well, no I've never considered my face particularly pretty..
and that's not important to me.
Ah, but you mean to say I'm hypocritical.
A word often used on people who actually have the guts to say something, anything, is just plain wrong.
Sorry, but your opinion of me isn't the most important thing to me.
Um, okay. That would be wrong according to your beliefs; not everyone shares those same beliefs, no? I wasn't formulating an opinion of you; you could be Jeffrina Dalmer, for all I care. But, again, I may have overshot my mark. Ah, but nevermind; an inflexible mind is akin to a brick wall.
I'd love polygamy! Dishes, cleaning, all household chores can be shared! And look, he will find somebody else to fuck anyway, 90% of them or more are cheating anyway - at least you get some benefit out of it
When I raised the question regarding polygamy, that is just what I had in mind--sharing responsibility--household chores, paying bills, saving for a downpayment on a house, in a word, taking care of each other emotionally, economically, and the like.
As we argue this topic, let us try to stay away from attacking each other personally, and stay focussed on attacking each other's argument instead. Let's aim for less heat and more light.
I can't imagine sharing a house with other PMSing hormonal and neurotic women. Has anyone seen Big Love? If Nicky was my sister wife I'd shoot myself! Too much drama... no, thank you!
How about a wife per three husbands? All of them doing house work and raising kids, while the woman goes on business trips all over the world?
You may sign up at the Everglades Post Office - the smalles post office bld in the world. You'll be greeted by Al. He's green, has a big smile and a strange green skin complexion. No need to fear him!
polygamy LOL, as long as your partners are all happy. About children, well, I just hope that when you indulge in it, you think about the welfare of the children because you can only take care and provide emotional and financial support to a minimum number of children.
Quality is more preferred than quantity. I bet it will get you bald, more sex, more responsibility etc. LOL
This was my idea of a beautiful family. Unfortunately, I am 35 and haven't started popping babies! Am I too late?
Hey klara, LOL. How r u?
cute family.. a whole lot!!
I've just written a hub about this subject. But I have some doubts: Is poligamy strictly speaking, living with multiple partners? Is it one of one sex, with several of the other?
Yes, I believe so. One husband and more than one wife, or viceversa.
Then what is it called when both partners have the same freedom?
i believe they call that a pipe dream! ha! actualy its called an open relationship or an open maridge when you and your partner agreethat you may have sex outside of the two of you,.... good luck wih it,... havent found anybody that open yet. ;-)
i could keep 2-4 husbands,... no problem. wonder how the aplication process would go? ha! 99 times out of 100 its always presented as one man w/ many wives, i dont know of a cutlture that has tried the multiple husbands of one wife, but the chinese may have to if thier demographics keep up at the curent pace.
i've always wanted small group of 2-4 men, keeping up with men is easy, feed 'em, f**k 'em, and give 'em the remote,.... and it would finaly possibly resolve the problem of them keeping up with me! wink wink!
Polygamy is regressive and robs all the wives of their identity. It breeds hate, envy and sometimes discord amongst the children.
Personally, i don't understand how any man can live under the same roof with 2 or more wives. It chauvinistic, self-centred and unkind.
The first wife ends up hating the 2nd for usurping her place.
The 2nd wife loathes the 3rd wife, and ends up joining forces with the first wife to give the 3rd hell.
Plus there is NO WAY any man can love two women equally. They're just lying if they claim to.
Personally, i think polygamy sucks!
Personally I would never even consider it. I think Marriage is between two people and that is it. If you want more than one person then be single.
What if one wife was the favourite? The other wife would feel like crap and they'd just start being all bitchy and row all the time. I just don't think it's right, but if people want to do it and they are seriously ok with it then let them do it.
I have a non-religious brother who somehow ended up with a second girl living with him and his wife. I stayed with him for about 3 months and noticed one thing that is never brought up. Those girls are in charge! If he does something stupid, they will gang up on him.
Economically, they do very well for themselves. Going from a two income family to a three income family makes a huge difference in standard of living and discretionary income.
I never saw any signs of jealous behavior amongst them. One of the girls would sometimes state that she felt that she was being ignored by the other two of them. Someone would then show her some attention. Everyone seemed to be fairly good at dealing with problems in an adult manner.
Obviously, polygamy isn't for most people. On the other hand, I suspect that most of the problems with polygamy were caused by religion and its subjugation of females.
I think even though this sort of animal usually has many females as mates, this sort of married life depicted here doesnt seem too bad.
In all seriousness, though, if I had several wives there would be no sneaking off to the bar to watch the football game. No sneaking a drink because there would too many inquisitive women to hide from. And how many motherinlaws would I have to make regular visits with? And how many foot massages? How many manicures would I being paying for, exactly? So, I guess if I had several wives they'd all have to be crunchy hippiechicks straight from the orphanage.
Yep, I guess I'd be fine with that.
To be real, this world needs polygamy in at least some of its parts, otherwise the whole system will collapse:
1. Be practical
2. Women are greater than men in numbers (You can check the statistics)
3. If every man marries 1 woman, many women will remain unmarried.
4. No one wants to die virgin, they'll have affairs with men who are already occupied.
5. Their families will come at a brink of destruction having an extra marital affair
6. The whole system will collapse.
Still not logical? What can I say more. Be practical; think neutral.
I am curious why is it always about 1 man with many wives. Why not 1 woman many husbands?
Monogamy,Single,Married,Open Marriage,and Polygamy all (life-style choices). Each person decides for his or herself whether or not something is good. If one lives in a country where polygamy is legal and they (want) that type of arrangement then it's all good. Having said that I do believe that (Bigamy) is bad. Clearly it's "cheating" when your spouse is also "secretly" married to someone else! Polygamy is up front and everyone involved knows what they are getting into.
I'm all for one side of the multiple wives part (I will leave it to your imagination!).
Waiting for the wives to get ready to go out!!
The queue for the bathroom!
Who gets the Duvet!!
As a christian, i know polygamy is bad. Just like what the Lord said don't do to others what you don't want others do unto you. God made man and woman and they will cling together and will depart their parents and will go as one body. Two now becomes one.
Marriage is exclusive only to two partners. If you only want money, why not open a company instead of marrying all of them.
Your love cannot be enjoyed by one family if you share it with many.
I could use a couple more husbands! I'd keep them all well fed and happy!
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