What are your boundaries for taking care of your parents as they age?
My father is already dead. And, I'm already taking care of my mother.
When we were children our parents took care of us with love and affection. Now when they are aged and physically (and mentally also) become dependent like children, we should do the same treatment as we used to do for our children with the same love and affection.
If you've ever looked into a nursing home - they cost over $4000 per month! Medicaid won;t even talk to you until all your money is gone. If you put your parents in a nursing home / assisted living facility, they'll drain your inheritance.
My parents have always set the boundaries. Neither one wanted to end up in a nursing home. Neither one wanted to live for any great length of time with any one of their children. In retirement they made a new life for themselves with people their own age in a fishing village up north and they were happy with that arrangement. My father is still happy with that arrangement. My mother passed away about two years ago but her last years were good ones.
My parents recently took in my grandparents. They simply could not live alone anymore and though they could have gone into an old folks home, the nearest family around was 3000 kilometres away, so a little difficult to check on them.
It was a struggle for everyone. My grandmother was becoming increasingly sick and needed my mother all the time. My grandfather wanted to return to BC and was resentful to my grandmother for being so sick and so was plain mean to everyone.
But my mother had to finally put my grandmother into hospital in extended care when she could no longer properly care for her. It was painful for everyone to bring her there and have to tell her everyday that she could not come home. But it was inevitable and too dangerous to keep her at home. She passed away in december.
There is never an easy answer and rest assured that there will be tough times ahead if you decide to take care of your parents. having said that, I think we need to ask ourselves what our parents have done for us. Or rather, what wouldn't they have done for us. Yes, it will be hard, but it won't last forever, and unless your parents have made other arrangements and have the money to get into a good old folks home, I think we should always consider taking care of our parents. Its a cycle and I think we need to respect that.
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Against each other. You need your wife and mother both.
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