My only question is - What changed in your relationship, between the time you first got together and now?
Once you figure that out, then you can address the issue.
(a) If you haven't changed in the slightest bit.....? (b) If he hasn't changed in the slightest bit.......? (c) Did children become a factor? Such as a problem? (d) Did financial difficulty fall upon the relationship? (e) Is there someone else in his life? (f) Is there any romance or tenderness to the relationship? (g) Is his actions show you love is still alive in marriage?
I can only hope I've given you some assistance. Looking into a marriage is very difficult from an outside perspective, because there are too many other factors that play a role in the marriage.
I have not read all of the previous post. So excuse me if I repeat. How old are the two of you? Have you both been listening to each other? (I mean really listening) Sounds to me that some body is too old or too unhappy. Good sex does not make a good relationship. Good sex is a good barometer of a good relationship.
I know all to well about your issue it almost broke up my marriage. Now hubby is making up for lost time because he knows it hurt me. You may need to take your hubby to counseling and address this subject with a marital counselor. Feel for you been there done that and I had to address the matter with my husband and make sure he knew he was in control and that my sex drive was high and I needed him to try harder no pun intended, lol!
You have a serious dilemma which if not addressed one on one will result in divorce. We don't have the details or his point of view so it is hard to give an appropriate answer. Are you overly sexually active (2,3 times/day)? Maybe he cannot keep up with you. If he has a problem with at least once a week then encourage him to seek counseling with you as you are not happy. If he is unwilling and doesn't feel that his lack of sexual interest is causing a problem then he doesn't love you. Sex has little to do with love but affection does.
There is always a certain reason why does these things happen. And what I can advice you is that try to talk to him about it, say what you want to say. When he's around try wearing sexy outfit, take a bath, put on the most attractive type of cologne you have, touch him in a sexy manner and you'll see. He'll burst! Nevertheless, you guys just need some time to talk about this matter.
"your kinda horny now, eh?. Cool, I love being with you.. but before we start, let me ask you a question... how would YOU feel about yourself if the love of your life turned you down everytime you were in the mood?"
Is he having an affair, is he being satisfied somewhere else, if not then you must be gentle with him, ask him to shower with you, ask him to wash your back, then put something sexy on, lay back on the bed and let him be a man, let him take control, let him dominate you.......then....cigar....I dont care that he does not smoke...give him a small cigar.....let him know you are pleased with his work......give him a massage....kick back and enjoy life......
I just went over and read your hubs and it seems to me there are bigger problems than love making.
It seems like there are other issues that need to be resolved.
It almost sounds like you are at the point of giving up. I am here to tell you that as a team there is no way anything can beat you.
You guys need to focus on your love and then go against anything in the world that is standing in your way.
Trust me in my years of marriage we have faced many brick walls. The thing is we were never happy to just go over. We werent happy until we went through and the wall no longer existed.
Love is the strongest faith there is and I know you may be feeling like you are the only one in the world right now but if you two can work out the issues you will get to the point of feeling like no one in this world can beat you.
Cagsill and Dale, very very good answers, smart men. I can say nothing they haven't already said, except good luck honey. Could be a sign of bad things to come. Treat him like nobody on Earth matters but him. It works in my marriage of 25 years, so far. Good luck and may God bless!
Unfortunately right now it's a big problem. Men just can't do it as often as you want! My friend's daughter even divorced recently because she said she cannot do it just once in a blue moon. And it's a real tragedy for her and him and everybody concerned. I am sure, that probably environment,drugs,pollution in food, in water and everyday stress do it, and no amount of talking and sexy lingerie can cure it. Too bad.
some men do not do well with too much attention - and then when you get really interested in something else they're suddenly all over you - if you seem interested then suddenly they're not - contrariness! So you have to be a good actress!
yeh, ignore him, act like you could care less - make yourself as beautiful and sexy and scented and warm as possible and then let him do some wooing! but don't be too hard to get, just lead him on for awhile - ooooH~! I gotta stop thinking like this! do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight! ♫♪♫♪ singing (altho my voice never turned anybody on!)
After reading your hubs I have to agree with Dale, you got bigger problems than whether you're getting any or not. If your husband can't or wont work its time to get off the computer and find YOU a job! Life ain't easy and if you are waiting for someone else to take care of you you're probably going to be waiting a long time!
Last time that happened to me, we both agreed to divorce.The children were 17 and 18 already. And it was the best thing there was to be done for both of us and the children. We avoided dramatic situations to come. We have new lives now and became healthier with that and we both and the children (grown ups by now) live in good intelligence and accept each other's new lives.
The question is we don't know really the real situation is. I think the best way she must do. Ask her husband this words. Honey...Did you love me???? If her husband answering of...yes I do love you. Then she ask... why you cannot make love with me?
Maybe it has just become monotoneous for him. Take the incentive and spice it up into some more inviting gourmet sex. Buy some hot lingerie Take him on a outdoor picnic love romp Dress up as a hot nurse
Sounds like he's getting it somewhere else hun.. When a man goes off sex with his wife there usually are three reasons.. either he cant get it up, he is getting much better sex somewhere else, or he's gay..
Looks like he feels he has no competition so that doesn't excite him anymore.. Make him feel like you're available on the market..
That being said if I were you I would put on my sexiest clothes, make sure he sees me dressed up like a temptress and then head out on a girls night out.. in fact go to a strip club, get photos of naked men all around. I guarantee you'll arouse his interest again.
The OP has only one Hub now - from the other comments it sounds as though she had more at one time?
Not sure whether this is genuine or not - but in my book, it's not the sex that's the problem. If a wife has to come to a public form to ask this question, it's obvious that there's no communication in the marriage. You gotta be able to talk to each other, otherwise the marriage is doomed.
Having said that, I've met two women who had the same experience. In both cases, the husbands turned out to be gay - they were enthusiastic until they got the sham marriage arranged and a kid or two, then stopped pretending. And in both cases, the wife soldiered on for the sake of the kids - until the husband walked out.
LOL Marisa, get real. Men lose a sexual drive in family life, and women to the contrary get more sex hungry over time. It's a known phenomena. Freshening it up works for some time, but eventually most come to bunny or a young lover - or both.
Sure there are exceptions, but this case obviously is not.
Misha, you obviously live in a different world from me! It's far more common to hear men complaining their wives lose interest in sex once children arrive, than vice versa.
Although I certainly don't deny it happens, and obviously childless couples are in a different situation, I'm only sharing the experience of my friends. I'm not exactly a spring chicken you know - I have met a few people during my lifetime!
Misha, a prominent Australian sex therapist, Bettina Arndt, recently caused a furore by publishing a book in which she advocated that if your partner wants sex, you should "just do it", regardless of whether you're in the mood or not.
She wrote the book because in her experience as a therapist, the problem of sex-deprived husbands was so common (although she did say sex-deprived wives existed too!).
There were several debates on TV and radio about it, all of which agreed with the basic premise that many women transfer their primary affection to their children, and that combined with tiredness means they lose interest in sex.
Good insights so far. The only thing I would add is that if he is unwilling to address the issues and try to make it work, you might as well walk out and never look back. If his detachment from you is so strong that he doesn't want to continue in anyway, it's over.
I know from experience.
You might try getting away from him for a week or so and tell him why you're doing it. Sometimes the distance actually helps reinstill kinder connections.
Regardless, only you and he can decide where you're at in all this.
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