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Real Love Requires no Reciprocation

  1. profile image59
    annmarie_westposted 7 years ago

    Love feeds on the joy that comes from within. Feelings strengthened by thinking thoughts of kindness, peace, hope and success toward the one that is loved. It needs no invitation, no encouragement, no telling, no touching, no appreciation, no gifts, no looks, no words - written or spoken.

    It is not that the lover does not yearn for relationship with the beloved, yes they do, it is that love loses its balance when it begins to depend on how the beloved perceives every action, every word, every silence.

    Love, Real Love, functions almost as an independent adult, doing his/her job, fulfilling tasks known, but not requested, for the betterment of the world. And yes this also includes Real Romantic Love (Eros).

    1. OxalisB profile image61
      OxalisBposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      There is a big difference between loving some one and being co-dependant. Which is exactly what Hokey was refering to.

      Real love is reciprocated, it might be in diffrent ways depending on the person, but none the less it is reciprocated. If you love and don't get anything back, you are either in a co-dependant relationship or an abusive one.
      I know first hand about this read my blog http://hubpages.com/hub/More-War-than-L … equel?done

      1. profile image0
        Madame Xposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        I don't completely agree. There are certain people in my life that I will love forever no matter what they do. My love for them is unconditional. How I handle my relationship with them is something again entirely. If they become abusive, for example, or commit crimes, it doesn't mean that I will ever stop loving them, but the nature of how we interact will change.

    2. Jim Strutzin profile image87
      Jim Strutzinposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      very well said.

  2. profile image0
    Justine76posted 7 years ago

    I agree, sort of. My love that I have for those that I love, will not be lessend due to lack of reciprocation.
    however, in the case of romantic love, that was once reciprocated, but then seemingly taken back..it is painful. Of course I still love, but it does hurt. It does not always cause joy all on its own.

    1. Hokey profile image60
      Hokeyposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      That is not love. That is attachment. Love is a simple generosity of the heart wishing for the well being of another. Attachment is difficult because it causes us to be uncomfortable letting go of things that make us comfortable. So love. Don't attach. Life is impermanence.

      1. profile image0
        Justine76posted 7 years ago in reply to this

        I dissagree. I love my husband, no matter what. Sometimes he does not love me back. I love him anyway.
        Im just saying that sometimes its hard. It does not always make me happy. I promise you, I love him unconditionaly. And wish him well, at all times.

        1. Hokey profile image60
          Hokeyposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          Of course you love him but the attachment is what makes you feel bad that he doesn't reciprocate. So are you loving to love or are you loving to be loved back?

          1. profile image0
            Justine76posted 7 years ago in reply to this

            I see, yes...the attachment is more what causes the problem. I do and have for a long time before we were married, loved him wholly for who he is. And am now also attached. To love someone who doesnt love you is hard. Im sorry if people find it 'romantic' but its just plain painful. This does not make the love felt any less genuine.
            oh yeah, not to be 'promotional' but really, nearly every hub I have is based on this.
            I do not, ever, do ANYTHING with the thought of what I can get back...well, maybe stuff like pay bills....you know what I mean?

            1. Hokey profile image60
              Hokeyposted 7 years ago in reply to this

              Then you are a good person. Love yourself first.

              Be an island unto yourself- Buddha

              1. profile image0
                Justine76posted 7 years ago in reply to this

                smile  Im learning.

                1. Hokey profile image60
                  Hokeyposted 7 years ago in reply to this

                  It's a start. Remember. We don't control others. We control how we decide to react. Happiness is a personal choice. Make that choice. Be happy. No matter what. That simple. You can do it.

                  Namaste

                  1. profile image0
                    Justine76posted 7 years ago in reply to this

                    smile  oh, I KNOW this, but for some reason need to be reminded from time to time.  thanx

    2. donotfear profile image90
      donotfearposted 7 years ago in reply to this


      I agree with what you say here.  That in the case of romantic love that is once reciprocated then taken back, it hurts bad. Really.

  3. Bill Manning profile image70
    Bill Manningposted 7 years ago

    UUmmmm, that sounds nice, but what you say is more like immature infatuation. Stalkers think they have the greatest love of all to whoever they are stalking, LOL!

    Not saying you are of course. But having that much of a need for someone else, that much effort into them, is just not healthy. Real deep love involves respect that comes from sharing. smile

    1. profile image0
      china manposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Got to agree - the question is even phrased in romantic literature language, with the same yearning weebling kind of words and a . . . beloved !

      Real love has nothing to do with flowery fluffy cuddly stuff, it is kick you in the guts, rip your heart out stuff. Demeaning this powerful emotion with blubbertalk is to reduce it, as Bill points out, to the level of infatuation.

      Love is b****y hard work, to maintain it needs renewing it regularly and working on it all the time. Perfect love of course only happens when the object of it dies and so can never do anything wrong and we 'emotionally' sit on the grave till we also die and can join them.

  4. Sunshiney31 profile image78
    Sunshiney31posted 7 years ago

    You've got it.The definition of unconditional love,which is the love we are to have for one another.What a beautiful world it would be if everyone learned to love unconditionally.I'v learned though Love is not as much of an emotion as it is a decision.When you decide to love nothing can come between you and that love.Not hurt or rejection.Nothing.

  5. motricio profile image58
    motricioposted 7 years ago

    Love sucks.

  6. EmpressFelicity profile image82
    EmpressFelicityposted 7 years ago

    I'm sorry but I just don't get the concept of "unconditional love".  What if someone you love treats you badly, not just once but several times over?  To me that means they've forfeited their right to my love.

    1. motricio profile image58
      motricioposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      It means that love sucks. jaja

  7. CreativeOrange profile image81
    CreativeOrangeposted 7 years ago

    To love someone - truly love someone - means that you give them your love unconditionally. It's not based on IF you conform, or if you please me, or if you are perfect.

    You cannot truly love someone unless you truly know someone. Otherwise, you simply love an idea or a concept of the person. Further, unless you accept that person for WHO THEY ARE, then you do not really love them.

    If I give you a book and tell you how to read it, treat it, and care for it, then I'm not really giving you the book.

    If I give you my love, but make it conditional, then I'm not really giving you anything. I am making demands contingent upon my approval of you. That is manipulation, not love.

    1. Mikel G Roberts profile image86
      Mikel G Robertsposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      well said.

  8. Sunshiney31 profile image78
    Sunshiney31posted 7 years ago

    EmpressFelicity,you can unconditionally love someone from a distance.If your love is not being held in esteem of course you should back away.When I was to be married I was given some great advice this wonderful man told me "you won't always be In love with your husband".But you must always choose to love him if you want your marriage to work.I thought he was insane because at that moment I was head over heels IN LOVE.I mean I would always feel this way right? Well 15 years later I truely understand what he was saying .Love is a choice that sometimes has to be chosen everyday if not even by the hour.People are fickle.Our attention span is almost non existant.So in those times we must chose to love.If any of you have children you might understand this.I'm not really talking about being in love although I am.I'm saying that love true love is unconditional.It's pure and divine.Would be give anything less to our children?Hold our love for them to do the right thing?Give them love because they are being good? No we love them no matter what their actions mirror.We love because we chose to love.We don't love because we chose not to.

    1. profile image0
      china manposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Wow - if you breathed between sentences we might get a gap behind the punctuation. I just read this and nearly passed out with the rush !!

      Just kidding with you, I guess you are busy and were typing flat out huh!

    2. EmpressFelicity profile image82
      EmpressFelicityposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      I don't have kids so I can't really comment about the sort of feelings I'd experience as a parent - I'd prefer to just talk about romantic love, as at least I've got first hand experience of this!

      Where romantic love is concerned I totally get what you're saying about having to "choose" to love someone, due to the inevitable waning of the "in love" feeling.  But to me at any rate, some form of reciprocity is needed for me to want to do the "choosing". 

      And yet in all too many relationships, that sort of reciprocal give-and-take is absent.  One partner does all the giving and the other does all the taking.  I don't see that as a good thing at all - I think it's unhealthy. 

      I don't think I could love anyone "no matter what".  And I hope I'm never proved wrong.

      1. profile image0
        IĆ°unnposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        I agree with you.

  9. prettydarkhorse profile image65
    prettydarkhorseposted 7 years ago

    Love is undescribable, the more I fathom about it the more I cant understand it, other people will say it is like this it is like that, but then I stopped and wonder, I think LOVE is everything, -- it can make me beautiful, smile and daydream and care for others like I have never imagined. It can make me happier despite the odds, It can make me go to places I have never been
    It can make me explore the beauty of snow, rain, hot weather, it can almost do anything for me even climb the highest mountain and make me write poems which I can make in one sitting and thirty minutes..it is wonderful,
    sometimes you need to love yourself more though, the more you expect others to love you the way you wanted to be love, the more you get frustrated

    I wish I will found love again as it makes me do anything I never imagine I can do before,,,,

    I told you LOVE is everything

    1. motricio profile image58
      motricioposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      And Sucks Maita because it hurst you  soo soo sooo much,

  10. Ivorwen profile image84
    Ivorwenposted 7 years ago

    While that may be the basis of unconditional love, it makes for a poor relationship.  I have a friend who married a woman he did not love, because she claimed she had enough love for the two of them, and that it did not matter. 

    That lasted about two years.  Now, 20 some years later, she is still dreaming of him and he still can't stand her.

    1. profile image0
      Justine76posted 7 years ago in reply to this

      FANTASTIC Just what I was trying to get at. Love vs Relationship
      thank you Ivorwen. smile

  11. myownworld profile image81
    myownworldposted 7 years ago

    ."...it needs no invitation, no encouragement, no telling, no touching, no appreciation, no gifts, no looks, no words - written or spoken."

    I do agree with everything else, except this statement. I think when you truly love someone, wanting to touch, look, appreciate, and share feelings is one of the most natural desires that follow. I wouldn't want it any other way...smile

    1. susanlang profile image59
      susanlangposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Deleted

      1. myownworld profile image81
        myownworldposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        smile

      2. susanlang profile image59
        susanlangposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        My reply is in response to "myownworld's statement" 
        Again, I will say, Right On Sister... You Hit That Ball Out of The Park!  smile

        http://hubpages.com/hub/susanL

  12. AnythingArtzy profile image82
    AnythingArtzyposted 7 years ago

    Real love is mutual respect and acceptance of each other. The finding of the one person who you can truly see sharing your whole life with despite those sometimes annoying habits they may have. It's sacrafice and sharing, giving and taking, and definitely mutually reciprocated. Sometimes not to the same degree because let's face it sometimes there are days you may not "Like" your spouse but would defend them to the end. Love is enduring even after the "lust" has worn off. You look at your spouse and still desire them because of ALL they are not just what they can do in the sack. I could go on and on but will stop here lol

    1. susanlang profile image59
      susanlangposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Another real good answer smile

    2. susanlang profile image59
      susanlangposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      I am inlove and married to a wonderful man for more than 25 years now and I wouldn't have it any other way. smile

  13. profile image0
    lyricsingrayposted 7 years ago

    Im confused, what does precipitation have to do with love?

    1. donotfear profile image90
      donotfearposted 7 years ago in reply to this


      I think what it means in this instance is once you love someone and they love you back tremendously, then decide "Oh I don't love you anymore, I take it back, never mind"  then it's no longer reciprocated, or given back in return.

  14. profile image0
    sophsposted 7 years ago

    Love is confusing and scary! sad

  15. profile image59
    annmarie_westposted 7 years ago

    As I said before LOVE does not "need" anything from the one we truly love to be LOVE.  Yes we always "want" to be loved and ideally reciprocation is necessary for a healthy "relationship".

    But the question is, does every outpouring of love result in a deep relationship? If I depend on your reciprocation of love to make me love you then whose "love" sustains the love we share? Yours being returned or mine being given because of your response?

    Do you not see that love must be given freely really towards all persons at all times without conditions.

    To love, truly love means that even in a romantic relationship if the romance fades and your lover wants to leave, let them go but still love. Relinquish the need to be involved in their lives as you were before and the desire to hold and be held by them; cry because the separation brings deep pain, but still love.

    True love does not change,but yet, we searching for things that we ourselves often cannot describe,use the excuse of "falling out of love" to create separation in exchange for the novelty of a "new love".

    Must we stay in relationships that are unhealthy and abusive? No! Protect yourself. But still love.

    Should our husbands,wives, friends, children, parents be allowed to erode our confidence because we love them? No! Correct them or the situation, but still love.

    Essentially, all I am saying is that the decision/choice to love is the right place to operate from because it is the filter through which we view the world.  If I begin with true love, I will end with love.

    1. EmpressFelicity profile image82
      EmpressFelicityposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      I think where you and I differ is that you view love as a separate thing from action.  I think that for the most part, love IS action. For example, if I were in an abusive relationship with someone, I would leave them (I hope).  My departure would in my mind constitute a withdrawal of love.  (And if, after leaving this person, I still thought of them 24/7 and couldn't get them out of my mind, well IMO the term for that isn't "love"... it's "addiction".)

 
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