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Do you ever feel like you are a loser magnet?

  1. Renee A profile image60
    Renee Aposted 6 years ago

    I am so tired of my friends saying, "Renee you are so beautiful, you can't possibly think you're going to end up alone." I have to keep reminding them, that I have a loser magnet! I know it sounds crazy but it is so true; for example: A couple of months ago I ran into one of my childhood friends, (infact the last time I saw him, he was in the marines and he was doing well for himself) so naturally I thought he was still doing well. He asked me out  and I said yes; the day of the date he called me and said I promised my daughter and my niece and nephew that I was going to take them out to night so we might have to double date, so I said ok because I really liked this guy. So we went to the movies and we watched "Alvin and the chipmonks" but then I realized that I ended up baby sitting the kids while he slept in the movie theatre. I said to myself, alright cool I have faith in him so next time it'll be better...After the movies we dropped off the kids and then he told me that he had to make a quick stop, so I said ok; I ended up sitting in the car alone for a good 30 minutes. So I finally got frustrated, I started calling him,  dudes phone was off! Imagine my surprise, so I decided that I was going to knock on the door of the house he went into but I got scared because I was in some bad part of Brooklyn ( I know, like sitting in a car by myself was any better). Long story short it wasn't a very good date but you think the loser radar came on... heck nah.. I still saw potiential in this guy. We had great conversations and dudes 10 year plan seem up to par but something about him seem shady, but I kept shacking it off by saying maybe it's because of his life long dream of being a rapper...Then I finally asked him what he did for a living because I realized he was travelling alot but he shook it off and asked why I was interigating him and that's when I really started to get suspicious... Then dude started to do the unthinkable, he started asking me to do him favors, like buying him gas and paying tolls, dude even asked me to buy him a plane ticket to California once...Did I do the favors yes I did because I was sprung (not an excuse right?) .To think I would have dropped the loser but I thought he was in a hard spot...Oh he was in a hard spot alright, I found out that dude was a drug dealer and his cheese dried up....So that's when I finally woke up and kick Mr. Rapper Loser to the curb...Now I'm back to square one, beautiful and single in New York!!!!

    1. 0
      sophsposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Ohhhhhh, I am the biggest loser magnet around.. trust me lol sad


    2. 60
      ellinorposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      you are not a looser magnet, but you have to stop thinking you are one. You have a bit of inner work to do, but you will succed ,because you have localised the problem

    3. Will Say Plenty profile image61
      Will Say Plentyposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Let me see if I understand.
      Okay, so you are referring to this guy as a loser.
      It's not your fault that you never thought to ask details about the first date.
      A guy keeps you waiting for half an hour--the way women have made men wait for decades--and the time is a problem.
      You went back for more.
      You don't know a drug dealer when you see one.
      None of this is your fault?
      I see.

      1. Faybe Bay profile image84
        Faybe Bayposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        It happens more often than you could possibly imagine Will. My ex-husband told me, after we were married, that everything before was an act and I would have to just get used to the rules. He was great before.

      2. 60
        Debbiieeposted 3 years ago in reply to this

        I am a woman and I do not make men wait. And no, none of any man's behaviour is a woman's fault. Men need to learn to make that distinction. The only reason you behave the way you do is you behave the way you do. She made it very clear she did not know he was a drug dealer, last she heard he was in the Marines and he would get aggressive when she asked him for information so how the hell would she know if he was a drug dealer?? It's not up to women to be "Mommies of the world" and correct men's bad behaviour through discipline. If this idiot would have taken what sounds like a very nice lady seriously and put an effort into the relationship maybe he would have ended up safe and cozy in a bed with her every night instead of in a jail cell, or the wrong end of a gun or beating where he probably did end up. HIS FAULT, NOT HERS!!!!

    4. 0
      Dog On A Missionposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Practice saying "NO", "WTF?", "DON'T CALL ME EVER AGAIN" and "GOODBYE" in front of a mirror.

    5. 60
      Debbiieeposted 3 years ago in reply to this

      I have been dating for a few years now. Man number one we got close, intimate and when I told him I really liked him he told me not too get too attached. I was out of there. Ten years later he contacts me? Um, sorry!! NO!
      Man number two, sexy as hell firefighter who did those things to make me fall head over heals. One day I come over to dirty sheets, white wine in the fridge, (we drank red) When I confronted him he didn't outright admit he was seeing anyone else although it was very clear he was, and he told me if he ever wanted anything serious he would call me. Once again, Um, sorry!! NO!
      Man number three. Drop dead gorgeous magazine cover face, charming, fun, sexy. One day he accidentally replied all on an email he was sending to an online stranger he was meeting for sex. So I got to meet all of his other conquests and they got to meet me. So did every member of his family, co-workers, acquaintances, the members of his baseball and hockey teams,  Needless to say he didn't get laid by his new stranger, myself, or anyone else. I had the option and still might report him to the sexual assault division of the police department. Apparently they don't look kindly upon men who lie to various women to have sex with them putting everyone at risk. If he were to ever catch anything and start spreading it, they wanted to be ready for him.
      You are not alone sweetheart, there is NOTHING wrong with you, and you may very well end up happy with a great man because they are out there too!!!
      And to anyone else reading this post ready to pounce and criticize me for the men I ended up mixed up with, they made the mistakes, they need to learn the lesson, not me. It is perfectly normal and healthy for women to be attracted to and loving towards men. It is abnormal that men exploit and hurt women.

    6. realtalk247 profile image70
      realtalk247posted 13 months ago in reply to this

      Renee-I am going to respond to this post in love. You have to love and put yourself first.
      I was reading the beginning of this interaction and thought-MISTAKE- when he invited the family on the date and you (a grown woman)on a first date is settling to watch Alvin and the Chipmunks and babysit. When he called you to tell you he needed to bring the family, your response should have been "I understand. We'll have to get together a another time." (Then you should have erased his number). Your time is valuable. He sounds like a thug.Getting involved with that type of man will never produce happiness and it certainly will not result in a happy-productive-loving relationship. Interaction with those men don't end in marriage for 50 years, children, grandchildren, and stable retirement.
      #2 He put you in danger driving you to the ghetto in Brooklyn.  Leaving you in a strange place, impoverished community, and turning off his phone showed no care or you at all. He put you in danger. Someone could have raped and/or robbed you.
      #3 "Something about him feels shady." -you knew this when you met him. 
      #4 10 year plan. Yeah right. He probably recited something he saw online.
      #5 ***He asked you to pay for tickets and other things and you did it. REALLY! This is a confirmation he studied  your desperation, willingness to accept anything, and took his using you to the next level.  It's never a sign of care when A GROWN MAN asks you for money. 
      Marines, yeah right!!?? Dishonorably Discharged if he ever was in the military. You seem intelligent, why would you be in the trashcan?

      The things I mentioned was not designed to put you down however you have to examine your value and your worth.  I'm not sure what your father experience was and I'm hoping it was positive.  The desire to have a relationship is normal.  What's not normal is to go along with anything a man does as if you don't have a backbone for yourself. 
      This man didn't even start out impressing you or doing anything to get your attention.  I suggest you write down the qualities of the man you desire in your life and do more than just listen for the words a man speaks but watch his actions.
      No doubt as soon as he could he had you experience the only thing he has to offer in order to emotionally draw you into his broke/ghetto lifestyle and use any resources you could offer him. He's  a mess. No doubt ducking and dodging child support and people on the street. Association with the wrong people can cost you your life or introduce some criminal element in your life. Negative.
      Drake said - Know yourself. Know your worth.

      You are valuable and don't believe because of a shortage of men you should allow garbage to entertain you. Where can you go in your career with a man of his low caliber?
      You are not a loser magnet. You are a woman desiring to be in love that you are willing to allow anyone that approaches you to be involved in your life.  When you look in the mirror and really embrace the wonderful person that you are then when people like that approach you -you will quickly scan the individual and say no thank you.
      Love yourself  and seek men who share compatible values, morals, career, life goals, and respect for women.

  2. Ohma profile image81
    Ohmaposted 6 years ago

    With your whole life ahead of you. It was a bad experience no doubt about that but we learn from our mistakes and whatever does not kill us makes us stronger,

    1. 60
      Debbiieeposted 3 years ago in reply to this

      What mistake did she make? She dated a man, he made the mistakes so why blame her? And no, some things do not make us stronger, they drain us and wear us down.

  3. Cagsil profile image83
    Cagsilposted 6 years ago

    Might make for a really good first hub. Don't you think? hmm

    Btw- Welcome to HubPages. I hope you enjoy your time here. smile

  4. 0
    lyricsingrayposted 6 years ago

    welcome, glad your here.  sorry too tired to read such a long post right now, will do later, welcome again.  big_smile

  5. waynet profile image48
    waynetposted 6 years ago

    His cheese dried up??!! damn that cheese to hell!

  6. Faybe Bay profile image84
    Faybe Bayposted 6 years ago

    Feel? I know I am a loser magnet, and the worst part was, after I figured it out, everyone started telling me. Like yeah I know, okay? Five years, no losers, no dates, but no losers. Maybe I was better off with the losers.

  7. Faybe Bay profile image84
    Faybe Bayposted 6 years ago

    Oh! Welcome to hubpages. Yes this would make an excellent first hub!

  8. IzzyM profile image84
    IzzyMposted 6 years ago

    Welcome to Hubpages, Renee!
    Sounds like you a lucky escape!

  9. 0
    moonphlowerposted 6 years ago

    I think I have a sign stuck to my back that says, "Losers only please!" 

    But we live to learn from our experiences.  You don't have to settle for anything less than what you feel you deserve.

  10. 0
    sneakorocksolidposted 6 years ago

    Everytime I interview people for the position I have.

  11. TrixieGator profile image59
    TrixieGatorposted 6 years ago

    ~~ can so relate...then you wonder what was that all about? ...its a vicious cycle ..because you have love to offer and there is always someone out there who try to latch on and suck the life out of you...~~glad you got out..

  12. 0
    StormRyderposted 6 years ago

    Due to the world in which I work most of the men I have been attracting as of late aren't losers but they are between 45-60...many of whom are married I'm sure. Why do they think I, being 25 would be interested in them anyway?

    Ok..this is off topic a bit: A few nights ago a friend and I were at a club having some drinks and dancing..fun!! So this guy and his friend come up and start hitting on us...and very poorly I must say...get this line. "Whats your name"? I say, "Stormy"..He goes "Oh, you must be a stripper"..WTF????
    Now this guys name was CHAD...I started to think..every guy I have ever met in my life named Chad ( probably around seven )has been a major douche bag..Can someones name be an indicator of their personality??

    1. Greek One profile image80
      Greek Oneposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      The proper reply to "My name is Stormy" is..

      "I could have guessed as much, because your smile just blew me away"

      1. 0
        StormRyderposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        smile smile smile

        Nice reply!

  13. Mrvoodoo profile image59
    Mrvoodooposted 6 years ago

    Do you ever feel like you are a loser magnet?

    Nope, but most of the girls I go out with are. smile

    1. Disturbia profile image60
      Disturbiaposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      The question begs to be asked... if most of the girls you go out with are loser magnets, what does that make you?

  14. Rafini profile image81
    Rafiniposted 6 years ago

    Yah!  I feel like the lose magnet is permanently taped to my Forehead!!

    1. tobey100 profile image60
      tobey100posted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Come on now ladies.  Renee and Rafini, you are both so beautiful, you can't possibly think you're going to end up alone!  wink

      1. Rafini profile image81
        Rafiniposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        aaww, thanks tobey, that's so sweet!

        Truth time!!  -  Yes, I will remain alone for the rest of my life (thanks to previous experiences, I've learned My lessons!  lol)

        1. tobey100 profile image60
          tobey100posted 6 years ago in reply to this

          Now, don't be hasty.  Unless you're 95 and have a severe liver condition you never know what may be coming down the pike.  You could be the perfect piece of lumber some carpenter out there is just waiting to nail. smile

          1. Rafini profile image81
            Rafiniposted 6 years ago in reply to this


            Nope.  Aint happenin.  Not only do I have general trust issues, but I trust men even less!!  Nope.  Aint happenin.


            1. tobey100 profile image60
              tobey100posted 6 years ago in reply to this

              Somehow now I feel guilty.  We ain't all bad.  Couple of us anyway. sad

              1. Rafini profile image81
                Rafiniposted 6 years ago in reply to this

                dont feel guilty, its not your fault   smile

                i totally believe there are good men out there.  i just doubt I will ever find one.  smile

                1. tobey100 profile image60
                  tobey100posted 6 years ago in reply to this

                  As I gaze into my crystal ball, I believe you will.

                  1. Rafini profile image81
                    Rafiniposted 6 years ago in reply to this

                    What does he look like?  I wanna recognize him when he shows up!  lol

  15. 0
    Home Girlposted 6 years ago

    Nature works in balance. What do you think girls?
    if you are a smart, intelligent, beautiful lady -  you HAVE TO BE A LOOSER MAGNET! I am sorry, there is no other option. Loosers need you! They cannot function without you! I am older than you but I am still a looser magnet and it is so hilarious !!!
    You know, only in Hollywood movies beautiful people meet each other and live happily ever after. In real life it's so... unreal. If you want a smart intelligent beautiful guy,find one and just dress sexy and drop some books in front of him and let him pick it up for you. It looks like a movie variant all right, but it might work big time. He might really pay attention to you and by the way, invite him for a walk or smth. not expecting him to do the first move, but nothing else, he has to rescue you, not other way around ( let him think so ) from loneliness and loosers in your life. Trust me, it works.

    1. Rafini profile image81
      Rafiniposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Nope.  Aint gonna happen.  I CANNOT pretend to be helpless just because there's a man around!  lol

    2. Will Say Plenty profile image61
      Will Say Plentyposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      I think the insult you are trying to spell is "loser".  That's LOSER. 

      What was that about wanting an INTELLIGENT guy?

  16. donotfear profile image90
    donotfearposted 6 years ago

    Well, Renee, hon...you aren't the first woman to get scammed. I had the same affliction, a scum magnet, for years. Always attracted losers, idiots, players, liars, alcoholics...you name it, I attracted em. I would finally let my guard down to the ones I really liked, then BAM, they'd disappear with no explanation. Or do something really crappy. For instance, there's the guy who blew me off for a week cause he went to the personal ads and started seeing somebody he met there. Duh! Then there's the dude I knew in elementary school that came on strong, big guy, black cowboy hat, manly man...Gets me an engagement ring. Disappeared for 2 days and when I questioned him about where he went, he got defensive and turned like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hide. Then disappeared for 3 months. Blew that one off. Then a light went off one day and I realized I'd been settling for what was 'familiar' to me. So I changed what qualities I looked for in men, took a Beginning Again class, then Finding the Love of Your Life course. Ran into Spousey not long after...good morals, fear of God, strong foundation....and I thought, Cool. This one's different.  And now it's 12 years later & we are still together, roughly.

    And who says you can't live your life happily as a single woman? I actually envy you.

    1. Rafini profile image81
      Rafiniposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      congratulations on finding a way around the Loser Magnet!  smile

  17. Flightkeeper profile image77
    Flightkeeperposted 6 years ago

    Renee, your experience made you wise.  Now you can recognize a loser when you see one and you know that your beautiful single self can let that one pass by; you're not a loser magnet any more.  You know enough not to be in a relationship that's unhealthy and painful just so you don't end up single.

  18. donotfear profile image90
    donotfearposted 6 years ago

    When you see the warning signs, take heed, my friend! Dont ignore them! Run!! We're so used to ignoring the warning signs, stuffing it so we can get the benefit of the doubt. Then whammo, it comes back and hits us in the ass. I saw a hub on this....it's called
    Run! Don't Walk to an Exit. Read it.

  19. Greg Cremia profile image60
    Greg Cremiaposted 6 years ago

    If you stop being a magnet you will stop attracting losers. Figure out what it is you want and go after it instead of waiting for them to be attracted to you.

    1. Rafini profile image81
      Rafiniposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      that might work.....hasn't before, but it just might work this time....

      seriously, though.  a messed up life takes more than that to correct itself.  (such as learning how to recognize deception/manipulation etc.)

      1. Greg Cremia profile image60
        Greg Cremiaposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        (such as learning how to recognize deception/manipulation etc.)

        Again, this is a negative reaction. Don't spend your time trying to figure out who the losers are.

        Learn to look for the winners and the losers will become obvious.

        1. Rafini profile image81
          Rafiniposted 6 years ago in reply to this

          the problem is - the losers dont become obvious until after I have given them my heart therefore my heart goes to no one...

          Maybe the problem is the other way around - I give my heart too easily, perhaps...


          1. Greg Cremia profile image60
            Greg Cremiaposted 6 years ago in reply to this

            Now you are catching on. Looking at things from a different perspective offers a whole new view of the same things.

            1. Rafini profile image81
              Rafiniposted 6 years ago in reply to this


      2. 60
        Debbiieeposted 3 years ago in reply to this

        Messed up life? No, for women this is normal. You think a child who gets molested has that happen to them because they have a messed up life, or because they are in the wrong place at the wrong time?
        Men are still quite abusive towards women in the dating scene. The majority of men are abusive, the minority are normal and healthy. That is what is messed up about life, not the woman's life.

  20. She-rah profile image83
    She-rahposted 6 years ago

    I used to feel that way and now I'm happily married! Don't worry, but do look for the warning signs early. Granted some guys are just really good at not leading on to the type of person they really are. Then again, I was really naive and grew up thinking all people were good. Still do sometimes and still get my feelings hurt but that's life. I had to really wake up and smell the coffee when I got divorced. I was very careful after that and if you look hard enough for the good ones, they do exist. Raise your expectations and don't settle for anything less.

  21. 0
    Home Girlposted 6 years ago

    Just do not blame yourself too much. It's not your fault if you trust and believe into somebody and it turns out differently. Looks CAN be deceptive, even behavior, some people so-o-o-o skillful in it. I've been married to such an artist for many years and he played me like a fiddle so good I did not suspect  a thing! In retrospective I feel so stupid, but can do nothing. He still manipulates me when he can.

  22. Will Say Plenty profile image61
    Will Say Plentyposted 6 years ago

    I just wonder if anyone would object to a forum topic about b*tch-magnets, gold-digger-magnets, whore-magnets or slut-magnets?  is loser magnet okay because it refers to men?

  23. privateye2500 profile image60
    privateye2500posted 6 years ago

    ...no...and no one should.

    if that is how you are feeling - then it is you who are giving off those types of vibes.

    ...if you feel like a loser magnet - then...?  what happens?

    you become one.

    you rather get what you expect to get.

    not expecting anything is even better!  ;}

    1. 60
      Debbiieeposted 3 years ago in reply to this

      Is that why women get raped too? They send out rape me vibes? How about when I was 12 years old and a truck driver was trying to get me into his cab and take me to Florida with him? Is that because I was sending out child molestation vibes? Was I the problem OR WAS IT THE PERVERT WHO WAS TRYING TO MOLEST A CHILD??? You need to re-think your dumb ass words of stupid advice.

  24. waynet profile image48
    waynetposted 6 years ago

    Yeah, I'm a loser magnet, they always turn up at my door wanting me to lose but I say Nay!