As my bf of 5 years recently left me, i joined a dating site, but just to make friends, definately not looking for a relationship any time soon. But, i met one guy a few nights ago, that i stayed up till sunrise chatting to. For 10 hours. We have so much in common, and we both agree that on some level, we have feelings for each other. I can't get him out of my head, he said the same. We are absolutely going to meet, but he lives 400km from me.
Do you think it is possible to be falling for someone whom you haven't actually physically met? It feels like that's what's happening. Like i have this feeling of knowing in my heart, that he is 'the one'.
Take it slow and have no expectations. Go somewhere public to hang out and get to know each other. It is the internet. He could be really nice or a total creep. Be careful and I wish you well!
He has proof that he is whom he says he is. I know he's no creep. He's also only 18..4 years younger than me. But equally as mature.
although you can develop feelings, there is no way you can know for certain that he is no creep. you're young and you're in a vulnerable state having just lost a bf. it's so easy to convince yourself it's the real thing, but you would never know this until you meet. my advice, be very careful.
Just because he has proof that he is who he says he is doesn't mean a thing except that he is who he says... doesn't prove he's not a creep or that he's not something other than what he represents himself to be. It's easy to fool somebody online. People can lie their heads off... yeah, sure, I like kids and dogs, I'm OK with it if you go out with your friends, blah, blah, blah... You won't know who this guy really is till you've spent some time with him in the real world.
Also, I'm not sure just how mature any 18 year old guy might be.
He could also have a dozen other girls just like you that he's "sexy" with on line. My husband had many other women who sent him sexy photos and did sexy things for him on their webcams. There is no way to know.
I say be careful, meet up with him if you want to, in a very public place, make sure somebody knows you're going to meet him, have a good friend call you sometime during the date on your cell phone to make sure everything is OK and that he knows there are people out there who will look for you if you disappear... and have a good time.
Don't confuse cyber sex with falling in love. 18 year old guys will usually tell you just about anything you want to hear to get what they want from you. But, if the chemistry is right and he's for real, things will work themselves out.
I do no such thing as cyber sex. That is just stupid to me. It's not real. What we have is real. Thanks for your comment, i do appreciate it. Just saying i'm not some dumb little tramp that types dirty things over the net.
"Not only is he amazing, he's so sexy to me. We have shared you know, like 'intimate' photos."
Hey those are your words not mine. I'm pretty sure "intimate photos" might qualify as some form of sexting in somebody's book, so don't get offended. I'm not calling you a tramp, I'm just passing on some experience, and I know how easy it is to confuse infatuation with love. It can happen to anybody, no one is immune.
Believe me honey, I've been "in love" more times than you have had years on this planet with 4 divorces and countless broken hearts to show for it.
I have a daughter close to your age and she was IN LOVE WITH THE MOST WONDERFUL GUY IN THE WORLD... she was 17 he was 19... now she has a two year old son to show for that love and the man of her dreams is gone, gone, gone, his excuse... he realized he was TOO YOUNG to be tied down to one girl. It's not his fault, he was absoultely correct, he was too young. If I sound like I'm lecturing, I probably am... I apologize, but I just can't help coming across as a mom when somebody pushes my "MAMMA BEAR" button like you have.
Do I believe you can fall in love over the internet, of course you can. Falling in love is the easy part, it's what comes after that... staying in love when you finally see all the little annoying things about your lover that you never knew about before.
You have pages of good advice here from lots of people who seem to care about what happens to you. Take the good advice and put it to good use. If this is the real thing and you two are really in love, it will work itself out and you will be together.
I'd head back for the cellar if I were you! Look it could happen, but it could rain in Coober Pedy too!
I'm serious. I do take extreme care with this dating site thing. Out of about 50 people that have added me, i've only accepted 3 of them. There is PROOF that he is whom he says he is.
I wish you well and hope he is all you hope for, but take it easy, he may be not all he says. I have seen very few honest profiles on dating sites. One of my friends has been on them for years, and I have witnessed some real tossers!
first ofall met the boy personaly then decide other things . ther is no harm inmeeting without Physical relationship
good luck with that hun.. let us know if he's a creep or not when you do meet him..
**hockey, get a jar of chloro-foam ready so we bust this geezer if he is a creep***
There is no definition of love so there is no way to say that it can't happen on line. Interaction is interaction. Doesn't mean you don't have a lot more learning about each other to do.
No, definitely not, unless you're communicating via videocam.
Without being able to see him, you're missing all his body language, and the tones of his voice. You'd be amazed how important that is to get a full picture of his personality. Sub-consciously, you're filling in those blanks with what you want to see.
So even if he's genuine, it's more than likely you've got a distorted view of what he's really like.
I think dating sites are great because modern society makes it harder to meet people. It works - I know lots of people who've met their partner that way. But I firmly believe they should only be used for that first contact- then you must arrange to meet face-to-face as quickly as possible, before you start building castles in the air.
I may have fallen for BP! does that count???
It definitely sounds like you have chemistry. Meet up with him and see how it goes. Good luck!
I met my girlfriend online in 2004. We're still together.
It`s possible, but serious relations are impossible!
I think it can feel like it but in reality it isnt real and never will be until you get to know eachother in person
OK got the room, ready when you are, don't tell anybody please. I am very private person
I think it would be possible. How likely it is to happen? Not sure.
Iam a face to face person so for me it would be impossible - however I would recommend taking it slowly.
Generally i am too. I've never joined a dating site before in my life, until a few days ago, with the intention of just making some friends, as i was feeling lonely. We are taking it slow, but these feelings for him are surging through me already.
Right now I have online friend whom I put close to my heart. We never meet but in video chat only. And we found many things in common between us. We talked about the possibility to move this friendship to the next level, but we are agree that we have to meet in person first, to make sure we really what we are and let that moment decide whether we really fall in love or not. Me and my friend want to take it slow. I hope you will do the same.
I met the love of my life on a dating site. He didn't even have a picture up. Just his words made want to know him. Go for it!
That's exactly how i feel! But i know what he looks like too. Physical attraction is also important.
That is very true to fall in love with someone's words for sure, it happens to me all the time LMAO.
However if Marcel is thinking of meeting this person it would be crazy not to know exactly who will be knocking upon her door.
Why use a dating site at all? I'm just curious, I have always wondered why people do? Is it easier to meet people? Thanks
I find it really difficult to open up to people in reality. I have been naive about people in the past, to end up getting taken advantage of. So i'm really careful about that now, a little too careful about how much info i choose to share with people.
I don't know anyone where i'm living. My bf was all i had, and he left me. So out of feeling lonely, i joined just for the interaction. To make friends. So wasn't interested in a relationship..Unless of course the love of my life happened to show up.
marcel285, do you know what projection is?
This person may be looking fabulous to you because that is the way you want it. You may be reading into every word that has gone between you as truth, revelation, awakening, bonding...what you may be seeing is only a mirror of yourself and your desires...projecting onto this person what you need and want.
This can happen in face-to-face meetings, as well as online. And few are immune to it.
As others have said, be cautious.
In that you have just ended a 5-year relationship, then should you be spending time with yourself and trusted friends, working to understand yourself so that you don't fall into another dead-end trap?
Be careful. You have just lost your BF, and you admit that you are lonely. There are always predators out there, and on line, they are more than able and capable of making you "believe" who they are by telling you what you want to hear. Proof over the internet is not proof. Evidence can be doctored up, even photos can be photoshopped. Loneliness can cause us to see and feel things that we want to see and have. When we project loneliness, there will always be a person out there who will try to fill it. Unfortunately, many times it will be a predator or a severe codependent. It is easy to be swept away by the "image" of a person on line. Until you meet this person during the day, in a public place, be careful. There is no way to know a person until you have met face to face, and even then, it may take several meetings before you learn who they are.
Marcel, it's always exciting to find someone new and talk over the phone, but you're just really at the start of something. I think you should set up a public first meeting over coffee and don't expect much. I think you should just have fun with it, just as you originally intended. It's nice that the conversations went well, that's always a good sign. But things should have an ebb and flow and if your expectation are so high in the beginning, it might kill whatever could develop between you two.
Just a thought.
Thanks for all the advice people. I will take it all on board. I know what i am doing though.
I think you're vulnerable, and don't know what you're doing. For the third time I say : Take care!
Anyway, I'm sure you won't listen to anyone.Even more than one hubber has told you to be careful.
but you have set your mind that this guy is Mr. Right.
Good luck !
yeap when we are vunerable we tend to fool ourselves - try putting up some trick questions to suss out whether he is for real - good luck and ta
Also, listen to your GUT feeling. Please. Those little things that stir uncomfortably inside, like rumbling from within. When something doesn't sound quite right. When you notice "half-truths" or holes in stories. It takes a while to catch on....but look for it, and listen!
Thanks for your 2 cents Tantrum. But you don't know me, so it's not really your place to make such comments.
If you don't want comments, don't open a thread with your personal stuff.
and it's not my two cents. My time is worth much more than that.
She stated what she did with care and concern. That's all. She honestly wants the best for you and doesn't want to see anything bad happen. I believe her comments came from her concern. Please don't jump to conclusions and take it as a personal attack. I wouldn't have.
Thanks donotfear. Yes. They came from my concern. But I'm not concerned any more.
she doesn't deserve it!
I'm not jumping to any conclusions. I just don't care for people claiming personal statements about me when they wouldn't know me from a bar of soap.
So why are you posting ???!! Everybody is wasting their time here then! Including me.
You don't make sense !
Keep your problems to yourself then.
I'm very calm!
i'm not the one dating some virtual guy from the net !
Hilarious. Your not making a lot of sense yourself. You claim to be wasting your time here, yet you are still here.
marcel, if you joined the site just for interaction and making friends, I would keep it that way. you are fresh out of a relationship and definitely I wouldn't tell anyone on a dating site I was new and have never been on a site before. you say this guy is 18 years old. it sounds like infatuation, he makes you feel good. love takes knowing and seeing and touching... it takes time.
this post makes me nervous for girls like you. when people say they know what they're doing... and yet you came here and asked our opinion? maybe some of us have some experience, we're trying to help you understand. that is all I see here, people trying to help.
I'm speaking as a guy. First of all, the people here have given you good cautious advice. Second: Young ladies are easy pray. You say he is 18, but very mature. Maybe you are not as mature as you think. Third: You're falling for him, on-line. Step back and think of what you have said. Any person can arry on a conversation, find what your interets are, express what you want to hear.
Fourth: You may simply be prey! Fifth: I've written with ladies telling them I'm married. Trying to be helpful, they form a crush fantasy. If I wanted, they would be prey,
Make personal friend's, that would be best for you.
I am not easy prey. I have been hurt by a lot of ppl in the past, now i am very protective of myself. I define the term 'playing hard to get'.
Ppl whom care about me have checked him out, facebook stalked him. My sister is a very intelligent person. She has the IQ of Einstein, and she thinks that it's okay. That i am safe, and this guy is genuine.
Thanks for pointing out some good things to know there though.
I'm sure this is real, but i respect what all of you are saying, and yes i could be mistaken. Time will tell i guess.
I gotta say something here (like I'm really one to be the expert, ha!) Ya know, when it's somebody long distance and you never meet face to face how the heck do you know who the real person is? I mean, you can believe you know them, but until you make that face to face eye contact so you can read body language, it's just hit & miss. Man, I'd do some background checking, though it may not be necessary. The thing is when you meet somebody like that it's easy to fall in love with the 'fantasy' of what you think they really are, or what they are on the phone/internet. It leaves a lot for the imagination to build up a preconceived image of what you expect. Then when you meet face to face, you'll know for sure. Sure hate to see somebody let down, but you never know either. It could be the love of your life.
I'd like to chime in with my 2 cents as I actually have a lot of online dating experience. In fact last night I had a date with a girl I was emailing for about 2 weeks.
When you talk a lot to someone and things are going well, it's easy to think you really know them and that they are sooooo perfect for you!
But trust me, that's not the case. Three times I have talked to someone online and it seemed SOOOO perfect. I just KNEW they were the one.
Then once I met them they were SOOOOO different! The girl I saw last night was nothing like what she seemed to be online. Now, I'm NOT saying don't see this guy.
What I am saying is that if he is a nice guy, he will insist on meeting you in a public place for your peace of mind. If not, he's a creep.
Go meet him, but do it in a public place. And don't get your hopes up, you do NOT know anyone well by just talking to them online. I know, I date online a lot.
Any chance your in the Orlando area? Just asking,,,,,,
well said but iam no expert when it comes to online dating, heck iam not e -xpert when it comes to dating, but I have always believed that when the time is right it just happens and if you go looking for something you're just pushing your luck - don't compromise yourself for the sake of vunerable emotions - wait and let life run its course but at the same time don't close yourself off completely .
There is no need to be so negative people. So long as you take precautions about meeting someone you met online, what have you got to loose?
Nobody has been negative, hon. You're taking it too personal. These people here aren't just going to tell you what you WANT to hear. They DO care. I belive you will take precautions. Listen to your gut!
Lol. What problems? Every one seems to have forgotten the title of this thread. It is a question.
A close person to me fell in love on dating site, gave up his life and moved to be with her after only 2 or 3 face to face visits. This turned into a nightmare for him - luckily adversity has made him stronger but he could very easily have been set back for years.
He is back online dating with a more self-protective mind-set. The point is it nearly destroyed him but he is also a lovely guy available online - so both ends of the situation outlined in most of the other posts can happen.
The numbers are the biggest problem, my gf had a short go at chatting online and out of maybe 15 guys 13 got around to talking about their, apparently huge, cock within 5 lines.
What do you mean? I did say, providing you take precautions...
sorry marcel I forgot myself - normally I stay away from subjects such as this one, but your question did worry me a little - it won't happen again - so good luck and be happy.
Hi, it can be happen, to fall in love online. Nothing is impossible in this world, and internet world help to make the world shrink to you both to meet.
My suggestion, take it slow. Make long conversation and see clearly to every corner of that person mind, and finally go and meet face to face. Even many people is cruel and liar, there will be decent people existing too, and they deserve to get a chance.
Don't put too much expectation, because what you heard maybe different with what you see. Even you might like his thought, later you might didn't like the way he walk, or find that he has bad breath. Fall in love if you want to, but have to keep grasping on reality, or you will be really hurt if turn out that person far from what you think it is.
Hope you find you happiness in this.
Have you seen him on web cam? They say that is always a good idea before you meet just to make sure it is the same person who is on the pic.
hey Deb! Good idea bringing that up. No i haven't, but he has offered. But i don't have a web cam myself.
you can still look at him though can't you ??
Oh yes Marcel being a guy he won't mind you looking at him at all. Please do and let us know what happens.
True! Buy web cam, Marcel, and speak to him through it. You will able to read his mind by studying his gesture and expression. Very useful.
I'm surprised this was suggested so late in the thread!! No sensible person these days goes to meet someone they've met on line without talking on a web cam or skype FIRST!! Whether, you're serious about this guy or not, my advice: go buy a web cam ASAP. Meanwhile, ask him to switch on his!
I love Tantrum! ok... love is to strong a word. But Dammmmmmm!
I also joined a dating site-you really cannot know someone until you interact with them in many different situations. He may have been very good at telling you what you want to hear so that you would like him more!....not because he is a creep but because he needed to you as a friend. Go into this without ANY expectations-meet him but try to hold back the feelings till you know more!...though i think it's too late!! You already DO have them! Have fun, and take it slowly, and you won't get hurt!
I'm not sure anyone could tell you how you feel about somebody else.
As everyone has said though, meet him as a friend first.
It takes time to get to know someone in real life, don't try and rush that
Of course its possible to fall in love online ,its also possible to be anything you want to be online.
Occassionally Im even rich and famous and drop dead gorgeous with a capital G
Meet him in a public place first and always have Plan B up your sleeve ,for example if I want to end the meeting whats my next step...
I travelled half way across the world to meet my best freind, but that was after chatting for 3 yrs and speaking to his family too....I figured the airport was safe enough fora first real date , and I had no doubts about my safety....
You gotta make this relationship stand the test of time!!
Listen to others on here AND check him out with ya head (as hearts tell us what we wanna beleive)..do criminal background checks etc etc....
If hes that hot ,he might already be married or worse not even theperson he says he is...
Good Luck x
To answer your question, yes, it is possible.
Which, by the way, is what I believe you wanted to hear by posting this thread. Yet, you seem to be rejecting anyone who disagrees. You keep saying I know me, I know he's who he says he is, you people don't know me, blah blah blah. My question to you is why would you ask this question if your mind is made up?
For the record, I have been there and done that, and it was quite an eye-opener.
Now, I'm not saying that this guy is not genuine, he may well be. But you cannot be 100% sure, and if you need proof, please read my hub Prince Charming or the Big Bad Wolf.
On the positive side, I have met men online, dated several, and out of that still have one very close friend from the experience. In that case, I was the one to blame for the break-up, which I regret to this day.
I do not know how old you are, but, if I may take a guess, you sound young to me. I too have been in romantic involvements, had them break up and jumped right into the next one. I can say it is not a good idea.
If you're lonely and looking for friends, then keep it at a friendship level for a good amount of time, then, if the feelings go in a different direction, you may be ready to embrace a new love. Just tread lightly.
I'd also like to share that I have a small handful of friends that I've met online and one in particular I've been friends with for over ten years now. We have never met for reasons I won't go into here, however, even knowing him that long there is a side to him that makes us like oil and water, we will never agree. But, it is not something that major that the friendship has to die.
At the risk of being reprimanded, I will echo the others. Go slowly, tread lightly, trust your gut and not your heart.
Didn't we use virtual condoms? I thought you were on the pill. Nothing to do with me...
Ohhh is that what what that wee button was for....I thought it was a new smiley
Hugsss Surfi !
Hugs back at ya
Just don't be chasing me for child support - I am going to deny everything...
you two make a lovely...if not very confused...couple lol
Alas, it was never going to work:
She wanted to get drunk in sleazy bars, whilst I wanted to stay home and bake cakes.
She wanted a muscle car, whilst I wanted a sensible people-carrier.
She wanted to watch Steven Seagal, whereas I preferred gentle costume dramas.
A relationship based upon such differences was doomed to fail
Getting drunk while baking cakes would maybe work...
There must be a sensible car manufactured by muscle car manufacturers (with the advantages of both)
The Steven Seagal problem I sadly can see no way out of.... The is just no accounting for taste
Snorts an chuckles in a unlady like manner...well iffn ya asks me (notes ya didnt).....dats not what ya told the kids
Sorry im late in replying , busy makin baklava n other yummy sticky treats
Well if people can marry with video game characters and make news on internet then answer to OP's question is yes.
The first time me and my love met in person, we were much younger. We met down in New York City, and both had our parents there. It was about as safe as it could possibly be, and we had a fantastic time together. We've been together for almost four years, and spend all of our breaks together. It's definitely possible to fall in love over the internet.
I think you take a risk of falling in love with the idea of a person on line. It's important to meet in person, whatever "chemistry" may have been there through the keyboard may very well find its spark put out when you meet. And meet in public a few times, quite frankly, they could be some psycho serial killer! *moon watches too much news*
Lonely = VULNERABLE.
Anyone can be who they think you want them to be on the keyboard. Many don't know here in the forums whether I'm male or female. Subsequently, some assume I'm one or the other. it doesn't really matter, but I'm making a point. I can hide behind my avatar and "slip away" when sht gets heated or I'd rather not be involved. Be careful....get the webcam and chat via that for a LOOOOOONNNNGGG time. Start looking for inconsistencies in stories, etc. If they are there, you'll see them and be able to question.
Who knows in today's world. Anything is possible. I would be cautious at first and would personally want to meet someone first.
Another thought. Meeting someone from online or in person is always risky. People in person can be just as dangerous as some wacko online.
All one needs to do is watch true crime shows to see just how often a woman was duped into believing she found her knight in shining armor. In too many of the cases, she ended up dead.
Conversely, I am well aware there are true love stories about people who met online and are still together and happy. Perhaps the thread should have been 'I want to hear from people who found love online and what made it successful'.
How is the romance going Marcel? Oh please fill us in with the latest.
I believe she didn't hear what she expected to hear and it doesn't appear she will be coming back
Mine was an online romance. We chatted like crazy on instant messengers and phone calls were a real treat, love that british accent! Mmmm Sexy. I moved half way round the world and got married and you know what? I have no regrets. Even if the relationship were to fall apart some day I would not want to change a thing. We are at the point now where we do argue a lot But thats not exactly strange after 6 years of marriage. So yeah, its possible. Keep your eyes open and yourself safe and I say go for it! You never know what it might bring. Sure you might get burned and left with a broken heart but life is full of risks, some are worth it for the opportunities offered.
It depends on what you define as 'love'. If you believe it's possible; it is. Falling in love depends on how much time you spend with someone. If you spend alot of time with this person online. Say, more time than you do wit friends or family; chances are this person knows you better than anyone else. Therefore, chances are you could fall in love.
It is possible to fall in love with someone you never met. I am already in such problem. I know for sure I am seeking for that person everytime he gets online. It is such a good feeling.
Answear- Yes, it is possible
Hi, I think there are many cases that you fall in love with a person online, meeting them and being with them is important and knowing their relatives, family and what they are in real person is necessary.
K Happy Sunday, how are you this morning?
thats good, no snow there, it was warmer here as well yesterday I dont know today!
I am fine here,
Everyone's got some great advice here. Thanks people. Someone said i had already made up my mind, that person was right, i have. I hadn't when i posted this thread though. That person also said that maybe i wanted to hear from people who have had a relationship online and made it successful? That's also true.
Btw, i'm a deeply spiritual person. So is my love. Synergy is just a constant thing with us. It comes up everywhere.
If one of your goals in life is to go to Tibet am meditate on a mountain top, how likely do you think it would be to come across someone who shares the same interest? lol. Very unlikely i would say.
Several years ago I fell in love with someone I met online - in a chat room - I hadn't even seen a photograph of him! We chatted online every night for hours and I knew I was falling in love with him almost immediately, even though I didn't know what he looked like.
After we had been chatting online for a few days, we progressed to texting and phoning - and after 3 weeks I saw a photo. He was not a handsome man, but he had a twinkle in his eyes and I loved him.
We met after about 6 weeks, as he lived a long way away. We then had a relationship for about 2 years. Sadly it ended - he was going to move to where I live, but at the last minute he changed his mind because he had children and didn't want to move away, and I didn't want to move away from my family either...
I certainly think falling in love on line is possible - but I think long distance relationships are pretty much impossible, if both parties have family ties and 'baggage'.
Thanks for sharing that..That's how i felt, like i was falling for him straight away..
It was really strange that he even added me too, because i had no pic or description about myself, and he had denied the last 20 chicks like that that had added him. It is like we are drawn together by forces far greater than our own.
Not only is he amazing, he's so sexy to me. We have shared you know, like 'intimate' photos. We don't really have any 'baggage' either. He's 18, and i'm 21, almost 22.
yes, many woman have falling in love with me online
the key is to not to give them a picture of yourself until it is way too late
Is is possible. The fact that people are doing it all the time is a testament to that.
What is bizarre though is if they never have a chance to meet. If it stays online, and stops them from finding love in real life.
Some people may be predisposed to such behavior. It's outside the accepted norm, but it isn't seen as being strange to those that are willing participants.
The fact that some people can carry on with multiple identities, chat to themselves, even chat themselves up, should be an indication of just how mental the world has gone.
If meeting online and getting to know each other is the first step to an eventual offline relationship, then I don't see a problem with it.
It is, and quite easily.
Just it's really dangerous, and not only because of all those maniacs lurking in the dark web corners.
"you may be right, I may be crazy, but I just maybe the lunatic you're looking for..........." Billy Joel
my sister was unhappy in her marriage. while her hubbie was at work she would go on chatting sites. she wound up falling in love with a guy almost two thousand miles away. she finally divorced her husband. now her and the online guy have a beautiful daughter and relationship. their totally committed but since both have had bad marriages in the past have agreed to not marry. they love each other and their daughter. i say it makes no difference how they met just that they did.
I totally believe that you can fall in love with someone you have met online.
I am proof this is possible. I met my husband of over two years, online. I love him so much, I feel blessed.
The fact that we got to know each other, before we physically met, I feel was a plus. We got to know each other for who we are and not by pre-judging by first glance. I will say that my husband is amazing inside and out, so BONUS.
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