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How do you handle a 'brush-off'?

  1. donotfear profile image89
    donotfearposted 7 years ago

    In this case meaning: An abrupt dismissal or snub by a person or group.  How about when you continually get the 'subliminal brush off message'.?   Any input?

    1. Greek One profile image75
      Greek Oneposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      urinate in their coffee... it's the only logical solution

      1. donotfear profile image89
        donotfearposted 7 years ago in reply to this


        lol lol lol

      2. Disturbia profile image61
        Disturbiaposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        OMG! I'm getting a visual of that and I've got tears in my eyes from laughing... be careful not to splash over the top.

        1. Greek One profile image75
          Greek Oneposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          oh, it's much better in person tongue

          1. donotfear profile image89
            donotfearposted 7 years ago in reply to this


            But if it can't be in person, no response is the best response, right?

            1. tantrum profile image59
              tantrumposted 7 years ago in reply to this

              Not responding is so obvious that it wouldn't work ! lol

              1. donotfear profile image89
                donotfearposted 7 years ago in reply to this


                Really?  Ha!  How's that?

                1. tantrum profile image59
                  tantrumposted 7 years ago in reply to this

                  It's obvious ! big_smile
                  If you don't see it I can't help you

                  1. donotfear profile image89
                    donotfearposted 7 years ago in reply to this


                    Gotcha!!! plain & clear now.

            2. Greek One profile image75
              Greek Oneposted 7 years ago in reply to this

              I guess you could courier the coffee.. but that can get pricey

      3. FranyaBlue profile image76
        FranyaBlueposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Greek One, I used to work in a lab and one girl decided to pour a patients urine into the coffee of a really annoying colleague after an argument they had. Gross but true and to make it worse, the urine was taken from the 'pending tray' where they usually sat for days getting black and smelly.

        1. Greek One profile image75
          Greek Oneposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          Pee is one thing.. but if you are going to go that route, the least you can do is give a fresh cuppa

        2. mega1 profile image80
          mega1posted 7 years ago in reply to this

          oh how gross!  this is worse than spitting in the food!

          1. FranyaBlue profile image76
            FranyaBlueposted 7 years ago in reply to this

            Yep, I did feel a bit sick after hearing about it. I also felt really sorry for the guy. And the girl who did it felt really bad for ages after.

            But it was good for the rest of us, whenever he was annoying all you had to do was imagine him drinking that coffee and you instantly felt better lol

            1. Greek One profile image75
              Greek Oneposted 7 years ago in reply to this

              I've written a hub about a coffee chain I visit...

              their coffee often tastes like urine

              1. FranyaBlue profile image76
                FranyaBlueposted 7 years ago in reply to this

                and you still go there?

                1. Greek One profile image75
                  Greek Oneposted 7 years ago in reply to this

                  how else do you expect me to prepare myself for the day when someone pees in MY coffee??

                  1. FranyaBlue profile image76
                    FranyaBlueposted 7 years ago in reply to this

                    Don't accept drinks from other people and never leave your drink unattended.

                    That's date rape advice but it works for this too smile

    2. lorlie6 profile image85
      lorlie6posted 7 years ago in reply to this

      In 2001 I had this happen at work...suddenly my co-workers no longer took breaks or lunches with me.  It was painful, but I knew something was amiss, and after around 6 months, I put in my notice.  Came to find out there was a new owner and the management went through huge changes.  I wasn't what they wanted.  But it hurt.

      1. Greek One profile image75
        Greek Oneposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        yeah.. then move on.. there could be hundreds of reasons for that..

      2. Betty Reid profile image61
        Betty Reidposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Wow.  Usually I don't care is someone snubs me, but if it were the entire company, that would be really tough.  That's great if you were able to find a new job before getting fired.

    3. profile image0
      Poppa Bluesposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Really. get new friends! Why would you want to bother with people that continually dismiss or snub you? The best you can do is be the bigger person and don't bother to interact with them unless it's necessary and keep it professional and never, ever be personable with them, other than to smile and say good morning and good night.

      1. Greek One profile image75
        Greek Oneposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        exactly.. treat them as if they were your spouse!

        1. Disturbia profile image61
          Disturbiaposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          No kidding!

      2. donotfear profile image89
        donotfearposted 7 years ago in reply to this


        I like this response, Poppablues.

    4. rebekahELLE profile image92
      rebekahELLEposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      if you continually get it from a 'friend', time to find a new friend.  people who 'brush off' rather than communicate respectfully as a friend are not worth my time.

      then there's the other side to consider, we 'generally', not always, get what we're giving. are you in some way making yourself less approachable? hmm

      brush offs are not fun and sometimes it's hard to 'brush it off' yourself. I guess if you value the friendship, talk to her, otherwise maybe she was one of those friends who is only a friend for a while. surround yourself with those who love you and want to be around you! life is too short to spend on those who use you. smile

  2. myownworld profile image82
    myownworldposted 7 years ago

    take the hint...and move on... smile

    1. Greek One profile image75
      Greek Oneposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      yes.. i agree with myownworld...

      take a hind and move on...

      right after you urinate in their coffee

      1. Betty Reid profile image61
        Betty Reidposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Haha.  Very funny.

  3. Rod Marsden profile image79
    Rod Marsdenposted 7 years ago

    I adjust my glasses and say I must need new ones. Gee I thought I was talking with some decent human beings but apparently not. My mistake.

    1. Disturbia profile image61
      Disturbiaposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      No mistake, we are all decent human beings here.

      1. Greek One profile image75
        Greek Oneposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        I can send you a new pair of glasses....

        with some coffee

        1. Rod Marsden profile image79
          Rod Marsdenposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          No need Greek One the insult was intended only for the rude person not anyone here.

      2. tantrum profile image59
        tantrumposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Someone who pees in other's coffee is not decent by my standards

        1. Greek One profile image75
          Greek Oneposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          it was JUST a suggestion... I would never do it myself...
          and you can't prove that I did because there where no cameras around at this hypothetical event

          1. donotfear profile image89
            donotfearposted 7 years ago in reply to this


            So Greek One, you never said how you'd really handle a brush-off!!! Give me some serious imput. I gotta hear it...

            1. Greek One profile image75
              Greek Oneposted 7 years ago in reply to this

              i need more context.. who is the person, what kind of association with them do you seek... what outreach have you made... what reply have you got?

              1. donotfear profile image89
                donotfearposted 7 years ago in reply to this

                A friend of mine out of town who has continually done this from time to time. I wrote it off to the fact she was very busy. Now, I'm not convinced. I believe its a lack of regard for others. Period. She's supposed to be 'very close' to me. Not a casual acquaintance. I don't have to be associated with her, I chose to because I liked her company. But it's fast become a 'give & take situation.

                1. Greek One profile image75
                  Greek Oneposted 7 years ago in reply to this

                  yeah,, that is common.. people come in and out of each others lives all the time...  sometimes those that are close to use take friendships for granted or get occupied by other things.. especially when they are far away.

                  Don't take it to heart

                  1. donotfear profile image89
                    donotfearposted 7 years ago in reply to this


                    I'll try not to. Just overly sensitive at this point....
                    Don't like being brushed off casually after I've invested with honesty and emotional support.

                2. donotfear profile image89
                  donotfearposted 7 years ago in reply to this


                  I think it's time I moved on...or her. Looking objectively, it appears she's a user wanting association when it's convenient for her, not the stable lasting kind. Think I'll sit back and wait for her to contact me again. When she finally does, as is her pattern, I'll just tell her:
                  "If you have time for a p#%, s%^&, & shower, you have time to email, text, or call.  It's obvious you don't give me any regard.  Don't say you'll contact me then not do it.  I don't like being disregarded or brushed off.  I won't be brushed off again.  It's inconsiderate & rude."
                  Maybe this is the answer. I gottaa go to work right now, but I'd love to hear any other input.

                3. IzzyM profile image86
                  IzzyMposted 7 years ago in reply to this

                  If you feel your friend is not acting like a friend anymore, it's time to let the friendship lapse.
                  No need to for nasty words or anything like that, just don't call her - let her call you. Listen to what she has to say and advise her as normal, but no longer confide in her like you would so with a true friend.
                  You never know she may be keeping something from you, something bad that has happened/ is happening to her and not everyone confides everything. It may be something she is embarrassed about and so doesn't want to talk about.
                  As you don't know, and as you haven't done anything to her, keep the relationship friendly but distant. When she is ready to tell you (if there is anything to tell) you want her to know that you are a ready ear, but there is nothing else you can at this point. Hope that helps:)

                  1. donotfear profile image89
                    donotfearposted 7 years ago in reply to this


                    Yes, this too could be a possibility. This is what I call "giving it the benefit of a doubt", which is what I automatically do. But when it happens more than twice, one begins to wonder the nature of the person.

        2. donotfear profile image89
          donotfearposted 7 years ago in reply to this


          But the thought doesn't hurt anything. "Thoughts okay, actions not"

          1. tantrum profile image59
            tantrumposted 7 years ago in reply to this

            It doesn't hurt ! LOL!
            But I would never have a coffe with Greek one ! lol

        3. IzzyM profile image86
          IzzyMposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          Consider it 'urinotherapy'! smile

          1. Greek One profile image75
            Greek Oneposted 7 years ago in reply to this

            EXACTLY.. thank you Izzy!

          2. tantrum profile image59
            tantrumposted 7 years ago in reply to this

            Now you're pissing me off ! mad

            1. IzzyM profile image86
              IzzyMposted 7 years ago in reply to this

              big_smile big_smile big_smile

              1. tantrum profile image59
                tantrumposted 7 years ago in reply to this

                lol lol lol

        4. Disturbia profile image61
          Disturbiaposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          Obviously it's not OK to pee in someone's coffee, unless, of course, they brush you off... seriously, we only entertain the fantasy here, right?

          1. Greek One profile image75
            Greek Oneposted 7 years ago in reply to this

            nope.. evidently everything this written here is truthful.. kinda like what you see on TV

      3. Rod Marsden profile image79
        Rod Marsdenposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Glad to hear there are only decent human beings here Disturbia. I was referring to how I would handle a rude brush-off.

  4. donotfear profile image89
    donotfearposted 7 years ago

    Ha..maybe send one of those appointment reminder cards: Have you forgotten?  lol

  5. profile image0
    Crazdwriterposted 7 years ago

    This has happened to me quite a few times..back in HS a friend I was close to was supposed to come over and stay with me...intead she lied saying she had to go back to LV where she had moved to in our junior year, but instead she stayed with another person (one ho had threatened to kill me back in HS while she was dating my husband who had been an ex then) My mom and I saw her at the mall and she instantly put an arm around me when I said hi to her she was shocked and thrown off by seeing me. The next day she tried apologizing to me and I simply said F off. We r kind of talking because she is my husband's best friend but I don't trust her nor are we close anymore.

    another time was while I was living in Hawaii and supposedly the Navy wives were nice and supportice and blah blah blah...BS...I kept asking them to do things and they blew me off so I sent a letter to the head Navy wife whatever she is called and told her off. felt great. There is a new wife in charge and I had to contact her because some pictures I had taken when my husband came back was never given to me. She and her husband were pissed that I had been treated so poorly. And she even found a few pics, not the right ones but still nonetheless was still a few pics with me holding up my sign for my hubby when he returned from deployment. And she said that she wished I was still there so she could meet me and teach the other women respect. big_smile


    In your case I think a letter telling her how you feel and that you don't appreciate the brush off. Tell her that now your friendship is over and don't bother calling anymore. that's what I would do.

  6. Cagsil profile image61
    Cagsilposted 7 years ago

    How do you handle a "brush-off"? See it for what it is and move on. smile

 
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