Well, coming from the old chicken on the block, after I got dumped numerous times during my single time from '93-'97, I was down-right PARANOID about finding somebody else. I was more than afraid to love - I was terrified. Seemed like every time I found a potential long-term love interest, after pushing at my boundaries forever, I'd finally give up and say, "Oh well, sure I'll love again". Soon after, they casually blew me off. Happened twice. So you can imagine what my poor hubby now had to contend with when he fell for me! I trusted nobody. But he continued his calm, relentless pursuit with quiet reassurances and, eventually, the love bug hit me again. But oh man, what a struggle! That's what a broken heart will do to ya: cause mistrust. I still have problems to this day with feeling stability, even though I've been married a number of years. Just a hang up...but to answer the question at hand; yes, I was afraid.
I have been told it may have something to do with my past but I have attracted abusive men one after another without realizing it at first. They say this often happens to women, with attracting the same type of man. Yes I would love to grow old with the right type of man, with a love to cherish and hold, but it is not easy wondering who you will catch this time lol.
Interesting this subject comes up. I just discussed this matter in group last night. Seems like we always replay the script over and over trying to solve the dilemna. We use different characters and situations, but it's usually the same basic script with the same type of actors cast. That's why the pattern continues.
If one can relearn healthy traits to look for in a potential mate, it can lead to a solution. I took a course called "Finding the Love of Your Life" back when I was engaged. It was the best class for unmarried people I can recommend. It really teaches people to look for the 'healthy traits', not the 'familiar traits'. But sometimes we do it subliminally without even realize we are doing it! Refer to what I said in the first section here: the script with the actors we continue to replay.
I don't know...it's just really hard for me to open myself up that way and...really FEEL it you know? It's hard to explain, but I hear "I love you" and part of me thinks, "Yeah, buddy, I've heard THAT before...pull on the other one why don'tcha?"
Spider, I understand. I was that way too. It took poor spousey a bit to convince me, but I married him after 6 months, which was too soon. If I would have waited, we probably wouldn't have married (that's another story). Sometimes I envy single folks. It's so difficult to be in a committed, life time relationship. Enjoy your single time and love yourself. You are worth it.
Thanks I appreciate that. I'm trying to get things sorted out. I think once I can manage to get my degree behind me I won't be so lacking in energy and more of my natural optimism will re-assert itself. I just feel like I've been in school for a million years, and I'm SO tired my emotional life suffers for it. In addition to not taking the time to process stuff I need to...if that all makes sense.
Holy crap, Annette! I just checked your profile. We really DO have a lot in common--I'm getting my MA in Mental Health Counseling; when I grow up (hehe) I want to be an LPC. And my third name is Nannette. Cool.
Hehe. I knew that. I've been there twice. I stayed forever lost, couldn't read the street signs cause they were covered with snow & ice and felt like I was in a foreign country. Nobody could understand my deep accent, so I tried to fake it.
I am 36 years old traveled around the country many times and have seen alot. I have never been married and have no children(I do love kids though). Its not that I am scared of getting married its just that I only want to do it once. I love to love and I love hard. I give my heart for life. I can't help it. It's just the way I am. I love to pay attention to you and love the little things the most( a wink, a touch on the shoulder, a sly grin with a personal secret). I am protective but not overly so for I know you are an adlt and can take care of yourself but I will be there when you need me. I don't cheat, I don't lie and if you do then please don't contact me. I just like to keep things simple.
Wow, you are young! I remember when I was 36 I was divorced, single and living it up, yet I had 2 teens at home. I would have gone out with you, but would have kept my guard UP! As a matter of fact, at 36 I went out with a 26 year old guy but wouldn't trust him either. He was too much a ladies man. He was impressed because he considered me a "mature woman". Ha! AT 36!!!! NOW I'm mature.
Personally I'm not afraid, I just haven't met anyone that I'm interested in. Being alone doesn't bother me, in fact I find it consoling, and therapuetic, because I like me. That is a good thing, because most people don't...
Wow Kevin I mean Hokey that is awesome. You sound extremely talented. I play piano I have a big white grand piano sitting behind me. My grandfather was a professional musician who had the opportunity of jamming with Louie Armstrong.
From perhaps every human perspective, advice on issues about marriage tend to have the undertone of endurance... like it's just a neccessary 'evil' we all should pass through. Of course I know many people don't stay...
Unlike my previous forum topics, this does have a lot to do with me. I just broke up with someone that I cared very deeply for. I can't say why I was the one that decided to end things, but I can tell you...