When I’m out with my friends and having a good time a lot of people say that I come off cocky because I know how good I am at things, and how beautiful I am. When I am home alone I can’t help but to think the exact opposite. If I were to undress myself and look in the mirror, I can tell you now I would not like what I see. When I look at myself I see fat, scars, and anything else there could possibly be wrong. I can’t help but to ask the question, do other girls see their self the same way or do they have confidence? People tend to judge themselves based on other people standers and what other people look like. Forgetting that everyone’s body is different. Yet I still will say that I look ugly. When I am with a man, in the bedroom I can honestly say that most of the time I will be dressed or it will be dark enough so that they can’t see me. There is one extremely huge scar on the middle of my stomach, which a lot of people like to call it a battle wound. To me it’s just another insecurity. Every time I see it I can’t help but to think of every one else’s perfect, flat, scar free stomach. A guy has never told me that they wouldn’t be with me because of a scar but to me that doesn’t matter. When I grew up I was always sick, and I had the best friend ever. The biggest problem was that she was absolutely beautiful (which is not a bad thing). She had the “perfect” body, skinny, tan, blonde hair and beautiful eyes. Knowing that I already felt like an outcast because I was always sick but now I’m second best (at least in my eyes). Time moved forward and we stayed friends till this day, but starting in middle school things turned for me. We got into the boy phase, where we started liking boys. Of course she had the best guys and everyone I was interested in liked her. I love my best friends and I wouldn’t change them for the world, but with every guy thought the last 10 years built on me. After being in an abusive (emotionally) relationship not naming anyone, my mind is just convinced that I will always be 2nd best if not worse. How did I get so low on myself? How do I fix it? That’s just some of the things that go through my head everyday. My judgments on how I look will not change. I don’t know if I will ever be happy with the way I look. How do you change something that took so long to create? I just wish and hope that one day I will like me for who I am, not they way I viewed myself in the past.
Yes, I feel the same way about the way I look. But I have read & men have confirmed it.....men don't SEE our scars or imperfect thighs, etc., IF we are comfortable with our own bodies & with theirs. Honestly, it really does work, because I've asked many men & have experimented. If I act confident, they actually think I am. Ever heard the saying: fake it until you make it? Well, it does work, but it takes time. I do feel your pain & wish you well.
The idea that we should be perfect, and somehow fail if we are not, is a modern idea to do with people as commodity - through straightforward advertising. we are persuaded all the time that we should be different, models are impossibly tall and skinny and perfect - to be impossibly attainable, this way you always have unfulfilled desire, and desire leads to buying.
Nobody is perfect (except my partner) everyone is only relative to another and to compare yourself with someone beautiful is to ignore the rest of humanity around you in various degrees of ugliness.
It sounds like your problem goes way deeper than just minor. Can you seek professional help? You are not alone with these feelings.
I can say that I struggle with thoughts similar to yours, but not with an intensity. I too have bad scarring on my abdomen...the result of 2 C-sections that were done with the vertical incision resulting in the total destruction of muscle tone there. It looks bad but oh well. It's not me. I try to accent the better parts. Besides, what does it matter?
Please try to talk to someone about your insecurities. You are worthy and worthwhile.
Please dont feel that way. Its good that you are or seem to be confident when you go out, no one and i mean no one likes the "do i look fat" girl. But you should have that same confidence at home too. Look i am by no means the overconfident huge chick, im 26 years old, ive had a baby, and have done absolutly nothing to get rid of baby belly. But, the older i get the more i desperstely look for the good qualitys i have, and the less i overdramatize my flaws. One day we will all be 90 years old, and we will look at our wrinkled bodies, and remember how young and smooth our skin was and we will finally get that saying. "if i knew then what i know now" The one good thing about being an individual is that we are all different. Guys may have their superficial moments, but thay dont really see scars and stretch marks, and stuff like that. Confidance is key, and i mean that without trying to be corny. When your confident, people are less likely to focus on the things you think are imperfections. Its when you think less of yourself and it shows, that you magnify what you think is wrong with you. Your beautiful, and your scar, everything about you makes you an individual. And dont stand in front of the mirror for too long. Youll see imperfections that arent even there.
You look great! If you aren't happy about your looks you need another look! There's nothing wrong there! I know it's not fair but if you're out with guys try and be a little more fun and not so smart. The young guys I know are about a good time and hate anything that resembles drama.You're a good looker and you're smart be confident and fun!
by hunnybunny7836 years ago
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