What advice would you give to someone before they commit to getting married? What tips would you like or would have liked to receive?
People say marry for love - it doesn't matter about the rest. That's NOT true!
And mother in laws can be EVIL! Even if they try not to be, subconsciously they all think they have a perfect son and everything is your fault - and feel as if you're stealing their child.
My husband and I broke up for 6 months due to mother in law!
Respectfully, that's a blanket statement that isn't true of all mothers of sons. My son and his girlfriend were two kids who married young and stayed married for six years. I was concerned that they were as young as they were, but I was happy that he had someone who made me happy for as long as he did. When they eventually separated (no children because they both had enough sense to know how they young and unready they were for that) - and I gave them credit for that), I wasn't surprised, but I was kind of sorry to see it happen. I was happy when my other son was going out with one girl for a long time. My sister is pretty happy to know both of her sons have nice girlfriends.
Sorry I may have been a little bit partial there - I have both a very hard to deal with mother AND mother in law...
I'm sure there are good ones out there... and I certainly will make that an important part of my decision if I ever am in a position to get married again.
Marriage was designed to last for all time and eternity and not just till death. When you look into his/her eyes consider your own happiness and progression with that person throughout the realms of eternity. If you hesitate it then perhaps waiting would be appropriate.
The reason for divorce is marriage. If you do not want to divorce do not marry.
I think it is crucial that you thoroughly know and understand yourself before getting married. Unless you know yourself, you cannot know what you really want in a partner and you cannot truly be happy, either alone or with another person.
I'd pay close attention to how a man treats his mother and/or sisters. Does he respect and love them? This could provide insight into how he'll treat you?
Does he clean up behind himself or expect you to do it for him?
Is he stingy with his money?
What career goals has he set for himself? Does he have any?
Is he willing to be the man in the relationship or is he wanting you to wear the pants?
What was his level of commitment in past relationships?
Is he willing to stand up for you?
Is he willing to communicate with you?
Is he willing to put you first over family and friends....
Yolanda you nailed it. How he treats his female relatives is critical as an indicator as to how he willl treat you. How you treat him and his family is the other side of the coin. I agree entirely with you...from experience in a happy marriage of twenty years.
My #1 rule these days is to make sure that you get along with the person that your with, to make sure that you share similar interests, and so forth. Basically, make sure you get along well with each other.
I believe that would also apply to marriages well too. Don't get married based on physical attraction, lust, money or anything else.
1. "This above all, to thine own self be true." No matter what, the reason why someone falls in love with another is because of who they are - faults and all. Don't ever change for another person.
2. Compromise.. it's different from changing, it's working together. As a married couple, that's one of the most important things - working together.
3. Listen. It takes two people. Better yet, listen with the intent to understand. Most problems arise because of simple little misunderstandings.
4. It ain't easy. Anyone who says it is is lying. There are bills to pay, decisions to make, and a hell of a lot of adjusting to do. I was told once, if you make it through the first three years, you should do alright. Really, it takes that long to get used to living with another person.
5. It's alright to get angry - it's not alright to hurt the person you're with. Words can have an impact long after their said.
6. Don't do it unless you're absolutely ready. This means, you know how to live alone, you know how to handle money, you understand the importance of experience. This also means, you're ready to commit yourself 100% to another person, both the good and the bad.
Do a criminal check, credit check and check how often he changes his undies.
VERY IMPORTANT STUFF
Ensure the other party is alive and breathing is a good starting point.
Don't! Don't do it! Run, run very fast, run for your life, and don't look back!
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