Unless someone has ever struggled with weight issues, I think they would have a tough time fully understanding how much of a struggle it can be for someone. I have struggled with weight issues all of my life.
I can see where weight can become an issue, but I think it's important to look beyond the weight and determine the real cause behind the weight gain.
If you love someone you will stand beside them through thick and thin (no pun intended) and help them discover the reasons for the gain and help them reverse the problem.
what kind of question is this?..i mean what is she gains 100 pounds..this can't be reason to leave spouse..
nope, but knowing my luck with girls in general, i think she would leave me if i gained over a 100 lbs. lol j/k
I will not leave, true love is unconditional, it is also for better for worse
I feel it goes both ways too.
Within 10 lbs is okay. The question is why this person has let herself/himself go physically by putting on lots of weight. ...100 lbs? This person has no respect for herself/himself, and he/she does not care about how their spouses' feeling. So, anyone who allows herself/himself to become extremely overweight can’t complain if his/her spouse loses their passions and don’t feel attracted to them any more.
My answer is YES.
Or just be grateful they can keep ya even warmer at night! ha
But seriously too. I don't care if my spouse gains weight. Unless of course it's a problem in his eyes; then I'd support him in trying to lose weight if I could help.
What an interesting question. I think if a spouse gained 100 pounds it is saying there are some problems, either with their marriage, a medical issue, of perhaps a mental issue. Somewhere something is wrong. Part of our vows is to love each other through the good and the bad in sickness and in health. A spouse should do everything possible to help that individual get back on track. A spouse should absolutely not ignore it.
I think suddenly gaining a lot of weight probably has a psychological cause like stress or anxiety so I'd try to help them with that first. But really I'd just want them to be happy.
sure if you married them for what they looked like. keeping it real says if you married for looks, yes. its just like if you married for money and the money was gone. however, if you married because you love someone, you love the inside regardless of what the outside looks like and this would not be an issue or a question
It depends on the person. In truth you should not leave b/c love is supposed to be unconditional. But then there comes the fact, well if you don't care enough about yourself, your own health, you are a health risk to me. If they simply cannot stop eating the wrong foods, cannot limit their food intake, and/or do some sort of physical activity, and get the necessary help then they are incompatible. "irreconcilable differences" do apply.
Marriages end when people change a lot. They are not the same person they met and married years ago. 20 to 40 pounds is understandable with the crap they put in food nowadays & the entertainment we can watch.
A person can still love the other former spouse and be separated.
should a spouse not leave the other if one starts smoking, drinking alcohol excessively. This is a major change in their behavior and the most important part here IF they are unwilling to correct it and seek help you are left with no choice. If they are on a program to lose it, then yes by all means stick with him/her.
My X was 5'7" and weighed 136 and had a 6 pack!
We both agreed when we married that getting fat, for either of us, would be grounds for divorce.
We divorced 4 yrs later. Not because she got fat, nope, because she started smoking and seducing other showgirls (she was a showgirl dancer with the latin fire follies, the Sheraton Ice Review and other groups in the Miami area)...'course she was bringing her g/f's home for both of us to enjoy...:
Put the smoking and all the other crazy showgirl stuff together and I couldn't live with it, 'specially with a brand new baby son.
Yeh I'd divorce my wife if she got fat and didn't lose it.
She only gained 12 lbs in her pregnancy.
6 weeks after delivering she was back on stage with no stretch marks...I rubbed her belly, boobs and butt with natural vitamin E and coconut oil 2 times a day every day of her pregnancy.
No, not if they weighed 10 pounds to start with, i.e. at birth
No I like big fat men as I am very small hehehe
well its ok as long as they are taller he should weigh more than me, I am 5 flat , I am 98 lbs this time
Aww crap, how about if I strap on a couple of anvils? :p
It is an interesting paradigm I find, women want to lose weight and men want to put it on, and neither can do each :p
Maybe women should start chugging testosterone and men estrogen...just in the interests of science you understand lol
Additional: What is 11 1/2 stone? O_o
stone lbs you mean, No I want to gain more weight
as long as you are not considered obese then theres nothing to worry about, good health doesnt mean if you are skinny you are healthy??
I've heard this line often from thin people .. "I want to gain more weight". I've always wondered (and this is an honest question .. it just boggles my mind) .. is it really so hard to GAIN weight? I really don't know .. I've never really had any problem gaining it. Just give me a week and I can gain 5 pounds or more!
Actually yes, I have an extremely fast metabolism and my frame will not support too much bulk.
For the most part it is your bones that hold the muscle and if they do not have the right set up to begin with no matter what you do you will always look skinny.
I am taller than everyone in my family and the leanest and as such my arms and legs telescope from my torso in all compass directions especially when I am walking or running, my older brother looks like Jack Bauer from 24 and I look like DEATH from the Terry Pratchett novels :p
take anti-depressants. You could gain up to 200 lbs like I did.
That really would not be a good idea...You know how someone can drink cider and be merry, drink bitter and be sad, drink brandy and be a bit...heavy? Put pills into my system and you might as well ratchet up the crazy 1000 fold lol
I can be slightly manic at the best of times, there is no telling what could happen if I start adding mood altering medications lol
(I will not even take paracetamol for that reason)
Like I said earlier, weight is not an issue with me...like time.
I cannot help the way I am built so why worry about it? :p
There are men and women who struggle with this.
I have a high metabolism, and though not athletic, am active. Gaining weight, especially healthy weight, is very difficult. And keeping it on is nearly impossible. Loosing it, on the other hand, is so simple.
Too bad some can't loose weight for others, like one can clean house for another.
You assume I would ever allow myself to have a spouse but in actuality weight or looks are not really an issue to me and never have been...so long as I can stand to talk to someone for more than two minutes I am happy
And I think for me at least that is the crux of the matter, looks and beauty fades(especially my own)...personality never will.
I am however not so short sighted to say that looks are not important, I am attracted to good looks just as much as the next man, but overall I have different priorities is all.
The real question should be turned back upon yourself, what are you seeing that so repulses you about someones looks?
If all you are interested in is looks, are they not simply a trophy to drape your arm across?
Did I gain weight too or only my spouse? Am I really that shallow? Did I love my spouse when I married him? Do I love my spouse now? Did I warn my spouse not to gain 100 lbs? Did he gain the weight on purpose or was it even a choice? What does the pre-nuptial agreement say? Are there laws concerning weight gain during marriage? Am I able to see beyond the nose on my face?
If you truly love someone I don't think it should matter. After twenty years of marriage and two children my wife is not the size she was when we first married. Then again, neither am I. Yet to me she is just as sexy as she was the day I married her.
I am about 11 and a half stone, not sure what that is but the BMI says it is average for my height at 6"4...
I am concerned about my weight now thanks to this hub lol
Ironic that my star sign is the scales, someone up there has a sense of humour lol
By the way, why do you want to gain weight?
If your hub picture is anything to go by you look fantastic....mildly oriental which I find the most attractive...Im going to shut up now before I embarrass you too much :p
because the twelve years old girls here in the neigborhood are bigger than me, I mean I need seven pounds more for my BMI
Forget the kids. They just keep growing! I'm taller than you and weigh more than you, and the 13 yo down the street is still bigger than me.
If a stone is equal to 14 lbs like I've always been told it is....then 11.5 stone is equal to about 161 lbs. That is quite thin for someone 6 ft 4 in. in my opinion.
I would not leave my husband over weight gain. Can't say I'd find him physically attractive if he gained 100 pounds, but I didn't marry him for his looks in the first place.
I find my husband very attractive, in all ways, it is just not the reason I married him.
Looks can be destroyed so easily, and not just by weight gain. My husband tends toward extreme sports, and had sustained two major injuries in the three years I knew him, before we were married. Responsibility has slowed him down a bit.
No spouse of mine would ever gain 100 lbs, that's a lot of weight that just doesn't happen over night. I'd be checked in on the health issue at the onset and work on successful methods to help my spouse maintain a healthy weight.
Well, my husband said he'd divorce me if I ever weigh more than 60 kgs (I'm almost there, LOL!) His rationale is that it's not really the weight... it just shows that you have no self-control and he doesn't like that in a person (or something ..)
No way I would still be their partner and together we would workout to help him lose it..
Yes it about what's going on in that persons head to put on that much weight and if you love them enough get them help!
Exactly Exactly, right somethings a miss for a person to gain that much weight....Waiting till it's that far gone would be neglect on a partners part don't cha think, I mean who would just let their partner gain that much weight without working on the issue? Good topic....
Weight gain and loss is actually closely liked to evolution for the most part anyways, when there were times of plenty you would find that you would gain weight specifically and when they were times of shortage you would lose weight...for a short time at least and then pile it on even if you were effectively starving.
If you go onto an unnatural diet you body panics and tries its best to build up fat stores regardless of what you want.
It is a survival mechanism...if you keep trying to lose weight by eating less then the cells in your body send a message to the hormone producing parts of your brain to tell fat storing cells to stock up on what they are lacking...
When there is plenty of food also it is desirable to be thin, but if you look at some African tribes or even 16th century paintings when food was at a premium then the heavy-set look was more desirable.
This is true even to this day in certain parts of Ghana.
I read a study some time ago in the lancet where they proved this principle, there was a certain enzyme responsible for it but I cannot for the life of me ever remember what they are.
It is not cortisol or progesterone, maybe a doctor who reads this will be able to help
Unfortunately for me there are more studies on this subject hidden in Google listings than there are bad adverts promising that you too can lose 300lb in 5 minutes with the supershake el-cheapo never to be repeated for one time only costing £20,000 at a dodgy surgery scams
It may not even be your fault, I read once back a couple of years ago that seratonin signals 2 instructions to your body, one to regulate eating and another to regulate metabolism...in some people it gets crosswired so even though you do eat less than does not guarantee weight loss any more than if you chopped off your own leg
Took me a moment to find it
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/20 … 121212.htm
Heck no, I wouldn't leave my spouse if he gained 100 lbs! I'd march his butt right down to his doctor, then to a Weight Watchers meeting. I'd do this after he gained 50 lbs, much less 100! It's like this.... a sudden weight gain is one of 2 things: a sign of a physical problem (like thyroid) or a sign of an emotional problem (eating for comfort). Get to the root of the problem, pull it up, & then you get a solution.
What if it happened slowly, like over a period of 30 years?
My dad has put on about 100 pounds since my parents were married. The first 50 or so were good pounds. Took him from a string bean to a man. The next 20 or so were okay. The last 30 have made him large. He would be better off 30-50 pounds lighter, but it was only the last 30, after knee replacement that made him heavy (gained over a 10 year period).
I think that I would probably start encouraging them to change eating habits, exercise etc after the first 20 or so lbs....
Gaining that much weight? I would protest that it is unhealthy.
Of course it's hard to lose weight. Best to keep it off. Surely there would be some communications between the couple before it got so out of hand.
It's very tragic that the final frontier for discrimination is the way society laughs at, denigrates and abuses those who are not of the ideal weight.
It's open season isn't it? Not as bad as someone with cross eyes, or with a real gimp (run forest run). Especially if you are cool-- and you get a laugh at someone's expense, It's OK , right?
I wouldn't leave my spouse if he ended up gaining 100 pounds. You fall in love with someone not because of the way they look but how they are as a person. If you love them you have to love everything about them not pick and choose what you love.
The way I see it, if you married someone you are going to be with them until they are old and wrinkled so why care what appearance they have? Beauty fades over time but the heart never changes.
No, I guess I wouldn't leave him for that sole reason. I've gained weight throughout the years and although it's an issue in our relationship, he's still here...However, he does always say that if I don't lose weight he's gonna leave me for another woman. To that I say "BE MY GUEST!"
yor sweet GO...or do you have comeback? go leafs go!
...me? No....but I might get smothered...and till death do us part might come a little earlier than planned...............................
No, I will not leave my spouse if he gained 100 pounds. I will encourage him to continue eating healthy and exercising to stay fit.
she did and I just roll her where ever she needs to be. What is weight when love is heavier? what is fat when love is tastier?
Nope. Because I believe in "for better or worse." ^^ (besides, I'm already twice myself; who cares if they gain some, too?)
this is the funniest question i have ever encountered...........
My answer is no....... with age people usually gain weight .......... and even in normal life or young age if it happens then it doesn't matters....... physical appearance is not enough to live a happy life.......
If I were to marry someone at one weight and they gained lets say 100 pounds over a five year period .. I would absolutely dump him. The problem with this society of over weight people no one wants to take the responsibility of what they are stuffing in their mouths and it is not just the weight issue .. health becomes at risk as well. Furthermore ,, fat is not attractive!
I hate that this thread looks like I started it. I only responded to someone else's post. According to the Hubtivity screen dawnM started this thread.
I wouldn't leave him if he gained a 1000 pounds and looked like Shrek.
When I first met him, he was the finest looking man I'd ever known.
Over time, I came to know him as simply the finest man I've ever known.
I would'nt leave my spouse if she was to gain 100 pounds or more, simply because I wont let her gain that much weight. Alot of things can happen 4 a person to gain weight, stress can cause a person to eat and gain weight, depression, job lost, etc...
But i'll never leave her though, we'll just have to exercise alot until she loses the weight...
As a believer and as a pro-family advocate, my husbands weight gain issues must not be a basis for me to leave him because I committed to God and to the community who were present during the marriage ceremony(when we made our marriage vows) to love my better-half in all circumstances, 'til death do us part. For me, marriage is a lifetime commitment. It is part of my commitment to lovingly help him deal with his weight problems and inspire him to lose weight for his own health benefit. This is just my personal opinion. I respect the opinion of those who think otherwise.
A 100 lb weight gain? Yes!
I realize it's not the most politically correct thing to say however I believe it's better to get a divorce than it is to cheat with someone else you are attracted to.
Unless there is some medical issue the only reason for that type of weight gain is the person has stopped caring about their appearance.
When someone doesn't care about his or herself it's very likely they don't care about you either.
"When we change our circumstances change"
Interesting, so what happened to your vows? Do you pick and choose which apply or are valid?
If your spouse were injured how would you support her?
If the weight gain was due to that injury and was going to be a forever problem, what are you going to do to keep your outside attractions in check?
Keeping in mind, it is very likely she does care and cares deeply. She is likely experiencing the change in her situation at a very core level. Not only has she been injured but her body has been changed and is now outside of her control, this affects her health, her physical capabilities, and her emotional well-being. It affects how she interacts with the world around her also. Based on your answer it very likely means she has to worry about her marriage as well.
Just curious, how do you respond to that scenario.
I will not leave him. I will help and encourage him to lose weight. I will prepare his food - low sugar low fat diet and tell him to exercise.
To my experience, physical attraction occurs when you first meet somebody. When you really come to love somebody, such a thing like your spouse or partner gaining 100lbs wouldn't really matter. If it troubled my spouse that she was so over weight, I'd obviously try to help her lose it.
I wouldn't necessary leave my spouse because of weight gain, but I will help them cope.
Because in my faith, marriage is seen as a means to approach God, then my only question would be: is this person still helping me to become closer to God, or is this person impeding my attempts to become closer to God? Nothing else makes any difference to my immortal soul.
The weight of a woman has never been an issue to me, when you love someone you don't care. One of my wives never made it to 100 pounds her whole life, while a girl friend gained over a hundred pounds while we were together, I actually egged her on, she had to gain thirty more pounds before they allowed her to have the gastric staple she needed for other health problems. I have never had an interest in having a trophy wife. I would rather have a woman who loves me and accepts my love in return.
If she gained a hundred pounds?...Hmmm...I sure wouldn't let her get on top anymore,that's for sure...
I would love my husband no matter what, but gaining 100 lbs is not healthy. My love for my spouse means I want what is best for him. I would never leave him but I would encourage and help him to achieve a healthier weight.
When we were first dating I weighed 120 lbs, four years later it was 180. The weight gain was for a number of physical and psychological problems, but with the help of my husband's love and gentle encouragement I got back down to a healthy weight.
We are both happier and healthier for it.
I'd love my fat Albert with all my heart! It doesn't matter what he weights! I'd still love him just the same!
WOW, this is an interesting question. I know I'm probably supposed to say something like I would love him no matter what, but seriously, I've never been in that situation so I'm not sure what I'd do. There needs to be some physical attraction for me to be with a man in the first place. Maybe that is shallow, but that's just the way I am. Now some men could probably carry an extra 100 lbs and still be attractive. I guess it would really all depend on how deeply I was in love with him. There is also the health aspect. I guess I'd probably stay with him, after all, if you can gain 100 lbs, you can lose it too, but he'd have to show me that he was serious about it. Since I'm not currently married, this is all just hypothetical anyway.
No, I wouldn't.
For Better for Worse...
For Richer for Poorer...
For Fatter for Thinner...
If my spouse gained 100 pounds, we wouldn't look good together anymore. If I couldn't make him lose weight, I'll gain weight for him. I'll eat and eat until I become fat. Then, we'll look perfect for each other! Just kidding. Seriously, I won't leave him for that. NEVER.
Unless it's a medical problem, and only point one percent of weight gain is due to a medical problem, the issue is always eating too much.
I can understand weight gain of twenty or thirty pounds. Or even 40 pounds if there is a lot of stress involved.
However, 100 pounds?
Unless the socio-economic situation is untenable, I absolutely would leave the person.
I guess I'd have to ask myself what would cause such a gigantic weight gain in the first place. If he has a medical condition, it should be treated. If it is stress, well that's a lot of stress and that should also be treated. If he's unhappy in the relationship, well then what would be the point of staying with him?
No. I'd rather spend my energy on helping him find the root cause or causes of the weight gain. Then, I would support him to exhaust the avenues that would help him face his issues so that he may become healthier. Keeping in mind that he needs to do the work himself in order to succeed.
WOW! So many of you would leave the person who gained a 100lbs. There are several questions to ask before you just dump someone because they put on a little weight.
1. Are they depressed? If so what caused the depression?
A: Some people gain weight when they are depressed because the spouse is abusive and they have not found a way to get out of the spot they are in. That spouse that is abusive may tell that person they are fat and ugly and no one will want to be with them because of that.
2. Maybe their thyroid is out of whack and they need to get a doctor to help them.
3. Always be there to support this person into losing the weight. Go with them for walks and maybe to the gym. Yes I agree they need to do this themselves but they need you to be there beside them as well.
I cringe everytime I see this forum thread rise to the surface again.......I didn't start this thread, I simply responded to it. The person who started it deleted their post and it left me as the opening post. So, I constantly see people quoting my post in response to me. *sigh*
...oh no...well, don't cringe! ...you've cleared things up, for now....
It might be good for all of us to remember to quote/copy before responding to a single unanswered post.
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Any suggestions which are easy to follow please post.
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