Is chatting to the opposite on the computer cheating or just being friendly/ where does the line get crossed?
depends on if you would tell your spouse what was said.
One male Hubber has become a very good online friend, and I suppose we do flirt a little. Nothing goes on that I wouldn't tell my husband about, so I don't consider it wrong. Just harmless fun ...
does he consider it wrong? how much do you value his feelings? even if it isnt wrong, if it hurts him, would you quit?
We're both the type who keep things in proportion. If something like a mere (online) flirt with another man were to hurt his feelings, he wouldn't be my husband, and vice versa.
Why would you want to flirt with someone when you have already taken vows to belong to another?
Nothing good could come of that . . .
i totally agree with you ohmygoodnessrae... when couples take a vow (as husband n wife), its means you promise to each other to be loyal and respectful to each other. in my opinion, intentionally flirting with anyone else aside from your husband or wife can be disrespectful to the person to whom you made a promised to be loyal and be respectful...It is couples responsibility when they took their vow to take the time to make a marriage work by being there for each other instead of wasting time flirting with other people..
Jayne agree with you. So long as there are boundaries....there is noting absolute it's all about drawing the lines in the right place
The fact that this male hubber was the first thing that popped into your head is very telling, as well as the way you try to justify it.
It depends what you're chatting about, and the parameters of your relationship. However, if you are having flirty or sexy conversations on line that you wouldn't engage in with people on the street, then you know you're doing something wrong or risky. Want to know if you're cheating? If you can't wait to get home to see if there's an email from a certain party, or you're making e-dates for times when your significant other is not around, you're probably cheating.
I hate when people say things like that. When you have to ask, there probably is no concrete answer, nothing against you Sab, but sometimes people do ask questions about relationships in which the situation is not so black and white. It doesnt mean they are trying to justify the situation, or even make themselves feel better about it, Shes prob just unsure.
Indeed it is easy to cross a line. That would be the line of secrecy, where level of emotional involvement with the person on the other end starts to escalate and your write stuff you wouldn't want others to do see, especially your partner. In essence, you start "diverting" energy from your primary relationship.
no it's not cheating because it's pointless and silly. i have never understood cyber flirting and i guess i never will.
p.s. flirting online with someone is a far cry from meeting them in hotel rooms. now there are some people who have phone sex with others which is also weird, not to mention stupid. ugh i can't even imagine it. that might be cheating.
but chatting online it is not cheating if there is no sexual commentary being shared. how can it be?
Well it's the first step to cheating if it continues for a long period of time. It may seem harmless at first, but what happens when the two want to meet 'just as friends' and something happens?
It also depends on the tone of the conersations as well; are there conversations going on that you should be having with your spouse and not some stranger?
Finding common ground with someone of the opposite sex online could lead you to keeping secrets from your spouse but chatting about it with a stranger. It may not be cheating right off the front but again, it's one step closer.
umm..it really depends on what your talking about with the person. if your just talking about casual crap like what you had for dinner or what your plans for the weekend. or even what your favorite films and books are, then it's not cheating.
if it's playful flirting..it's hard to say exactly. as some people that i met are just naturally flirty. don't get me wrong, im not saying that's a bad thing. however, that's just how some folks are but if it's just harmless flirting, then it should be okay. although it is a very tight line to cross though.
however, if the conversation deviates to being completely sexual without his/her spouse's knowledge of it, then that's obviously cheating. at least that's what i think.
As long as the conversation is non sexual and you and your partner are totally trusting then no its not cheating<cheating is having or implying that sexual relations are going or have happened
all of it depends on the Intent....chat to just chat make a friend, not bad
but chatting to play, implying something else, neither of you being truthfull, thats something else.
you either wish to be married to your spouse or you do not, make up your mind and do it! but be honest. With promisquity you must have honesty, and if you do that be prepaired for your spouse to do same!
can you handle that? most who claim yes, can not!
I think that if one has to ask this question about someone they're chatting with online, the relationship is suspect. Where there is no doubt there is no question. Now if the person asking is the chatty one's partner, then yes. If it bothers you and your partner won't stop then they are basically choosing a chat buddy over you.
If the conversation becomes sexual then it's cheating (in my book).
An old ex of mine has recently started messaging me via Facebook, it's innocent enough with a little mild flirting mixed in. But she only messages me on the night her boyfriend goes out to the football. So whilst innocent enough she knows she's doing something her partner wouldn't like behind his back. So whether she knows it or not, she's already taken the first step to cheating on him.
interesting, so it would be considered cheating if you are sneaking around to chat, correct? but out in the open it is not.
sneaking anything is never a good sign
Exactly. I am a total flirt but I hide nothing, actually sometimes I encourage my boyfriend to read it because sometimes I think I toot my own horn... I think I am funny.
I don't consider it cheating if both parties are aware of it and don't have any objections. Flirting online, to me, isn't cheating, but hiding it from your partner is an indication of deception in the relationship, which is never good.
I guess it depends what your talking about and to whom. It's difficult to know since so many hubbers have avatars. I for example could be a six foot rugby player from Wigan. Reality? What reality? Even so, flirting with what appear to be the opposite sex, on the quiet, has to be wrong.
It all depends.First are you hiding it? Second, If you become deeply involved emotionally with another person then I would call it cheating. But if the person is just like friend and no other emotions are involved then no.
It can't be more or less cheating than chatting to anyone face to face, if you are cheating you are cheating and you know it. Also important to consider is that what others say impacts your relationship, chatting about yourself attracts ideas from others but without any responsibility or care - and most online relationships are online because of some inadequacy in face to face relationships - if you get my drift.
if it is cheating in person, then it is cheating online...
if it is something that you partner wouldnt be upset about if he/she knew, then it isnt a problem
The problem with innocent flirting on the internet is this:
What happens on the internet stays on the internet. For a long time. Whether you want it to or not.
And it will be taken out of context by anybody who happens across it and wishes you ill.
But practical matters aside, I agree with the others: if you feel that you need to hide it from your spouse, then it's a bad idea, and you should stop.
like that time when i innocently sent pictures of my pee pee to those 146 women, right?
LOL!!! Greek One - I've seen a few of your other posts and you crack me up.
But that aside, I agree with the other's on here. If you feel you have to hide it, then you should be cautious.
If you can be open about it with your partner, then you're probably OK. You may even find that he or she has a friend they flirt with occasionally on line as well.
anyone.. not even my wife...
i feel that would be cheating with my one true love.. the one who knows me better than anyone... the one to whom I made sweet sweet love to that very special first time...
Greek one, has anyone ever told you that you are crazy?
you mean excluding those with a psychiatric license or employed at the local penitentiary?
did you ever serve time in a Kansas jailhouse too?
yeah, sure. More than any one else, you are cheating yourself!
Stay away! I'm not interested!
Well, followers welcome, just not the flirty stuff. If I don't want my wife doing it, why would she want me doing it?
I don't do marriage, but k@ri and I have discussed this....I tend not to talk to a lot of women folk via IMs/FB as much as I could because I'd rather not have any issues in our relationship. Not saying there would be, but jealousy can be a funny thing and you never know when that stressful week will slam you upside the head and make you think funny things.
But, that's just me.
I tend to do better with women, anyway, but I'm pretty content to do fly-by-night FB comments and tweets.
The Internet certainly creates a grey area for many people. "But if it's in cyberspace does it really count?". I am a single never married woman. I have married male friends that I keep in touch with over the Internet but I keep a high awareness of "emotional boundaries" in myself (being aware of disclosing, flirting, being needy or dependent of the interaction). I also keep my antenna out for people who are having momentary difficulties in their relationships and need a cyberfriend to chat with a little more than casually as a buffer.
I keep my interactions with married males light and innocuous. I avoid engaging emotionally. I write stuff that they could show their wives without difficulty, and I don't encourage face to face meetings.
so it seems that most people would agree than that if you are hiding the chatting from your spouse than that is considered Cheating? except for Greek One who went off into another dimention all together?
If it is taking you away from spending time with your partner then he is being cheated that way as well .
What can start off seeming harmless can end up turning into a full on affair ending up in divorces, broken homes etc.
it could be just online now but there have been many cases where they have left the husband for someone online who seemed more exciting .
If you are truly in love with your partner you will not feel the need to flirt online .
I was married to someone forr 22 years I wasnt madly in love with , now I am so feel the diference in many ways.
Get Real.... The Chatting is perfectly healthy!
It's the way the keyboard is being stroked that is the problem!
Its a very fine line. It really depends on what your talking about and if you keep it secret.
I have an ex-boyfriend from high school. We broke up over a third of a century ago. The last time I saw him face-to-face was at our tenth high school reunion.
He is having difficulty in his marriage, and we chat on the internet. I provide emotional support but I have made it clear that I have no intention of endangering his marriage. Once when he mentioned something I told him right away that if he wanted to consider divorcing his wife then we should quit chatting, he should wait six months before doing anything about it, and then if he still wanted to divorce his wife and contact me, he could talk to me when six more months had passed since his divorce was final. I have absolutely no intention of being the other woman and I wish this man and his wife all the best.
However, he does not tell his wife, because she would go ballistic, even if provided with proof that I have absolutely zero interest in her husband as a romantic partner. I am not happy about the situation but that is his decision to make, and telling his wife would be disruptive to their marriage. On the other hand, without the emotional support I give him their marriage might disintegrate anyway.
I think a person has to ask themselves the question:
What is the reason for talking to this person? A normal every day conversation just like the one that we are having here is all right. The conversation on this forum is innocuous.
If someone has a friend of the opposite sex that they consistently chat with on the internet, I don't think that is fair to the spouse.
The litmus test is: If you were to show your spouse your chat with another individual, would it make them unhappy? If it does, then it is wrong. Just about everyone is going to know whether their spouse would be angry or upset if they saw the chat.
I am not going to call it cheating but I would say that it is bad for the marriage. First of all it is deceptive especially if it is hidden.
Second: There is an intent behind flirtation. It is an eventually wish of a romance (even if this will never happen) or just grab for attention and someone who is married should not engage in these practices.
So innocuous conversations are all right but flirtatious chats aren't even if the spouse is told.
It may not be cheating initiallly but it can very easily lead to cheating. Consider how hurtful it is to see your partners profile out there as single when you are married or in a supposedly committed relationship. I think if you are chatting, flirting, hiding your relationship status, you are looking. When a man continually deletes history from the computer or downloads something like "hide my evidence", he is up to no good. And I believe all this hurts a relationship and is extremely disrespectful to your partner. My own BF posts on here and I just noticed he is no longer in a relationship. Gee, thought he was.
I wanted to add that when you are aware that your partner is doing these things, you develop a sense of non trust. When they go out on errand and are gone for hours, it makes you start wondering, When you otherwise would think nothing of it.
This whole discussion reminds me of Allan Sherman, who wrote once that the use of "do" for sexual intercourse was proof that there is only one thing the human race is capable of doing.
Come on, people. There are such things as innocent secrets (a husband who doesn't know anything about party planning consulting a woman to help plan a surprise party for his wife's birthday or their anniversary comes to mind).
the line is crossed when they are on the Ashley Madison website, the safe haven for cheaters.
I have a hard head and am used to my wife hitting me there with a knuckle rap now and again even when I am innocent. She knows how I am. A good thumping now and again builds character, mine just happens to be that of a flirt. Tell me not to and I do it the more.
well if the chatting prevents you from cheating isn't that good?
Honestly it depends on the topics you two discuss online, the way your husband feels about it and whether you feel you have to hide it from him or not.
I really see nothing wrong with chatting online with the opposite sex but some people do have insecurities about their other half chatting with the opposite sex online.
My thoughts are, if you feel you have to hide it, and you go out of your way to hide it, it is cheating, because you felt guilty enough about the messages to get rid of them before your spouse/partner saw them.
well it looks like the answer to my question is very clear, it's about crossing the line and hiding the information that makes it become cheating, not the chating itself!!
let see. words turn to sex. wow, I didn't know man was God. can it lead to sex? yes. but is chatting cheating. no. its chatting. I guess you get some feeling though the keys. oh baby, ahh, ahh, ahhh, ahhhhhh, no , didn't work
I tell my husband I'm going to find me a new man online, he just laughs, and tells me to make sure he is rich enough to take care of us both. So I guess if your marriage is strong and you don't really let it turn into anything it probably wouldn't hurt as long as it is only as friends.
I could see it being cheating if it was on the phone. Where the vibration of the voice could stir up trouble.
As long as it is only talking, it's just fine. Once you begin to flirt or stir up feelings for that person, it becomes wrong. Your spouse deserves the security in knowing that your heart is theirs and not something you pass a little bit of to everyone that you think would be fun to share it with.
I agree to a certain degree that once the flirting begins that is considered cheating. The only reason I agree is because if your spouse or significant other would not approve of it, then that is cheating. However, you do have relationships where something of that nature is agreeable.
just dealing with this now. my now ex gf was telling another man (married with kids) that she never got over him (dated in junior high, 16 years ago) and was still in love with him. he has been replying with the same feelings as well. now they text each other and i guess have met up a couple times. hes been giving her "the marriage is over anyways" and even going as far as to tell her that his wife knows of them and their feelings for each other lies and she fell for it (yes im bitter).
is this physically cheating? no. is it cheating in the emotional sense (which i see as worse)? your damn right.
facebook and the 'net in general can open many cans of worms to those that may not be as honest and in love with you as they seem. i hate to arise doubt with anyone, but im speaking from experience.
that's very interesting how an emotional affair can often hurt more than a physical one.
I agree with most of the above posts - it's cheating when you know your partner wouldn't approve and therefore you resort to deception. Means the trust and respect in the relationship is severely compromised.
Couples may differ with the amount of flirting, if any they tolerate
emotional cheating online is often times worse. Because those feelings from the wedding vows are now broke. Who wants to be in a marriage as 2nd or 3rd choice?
I believe having friends of the opposite sex is fine as long as you don't allow it to go into something more! I have many friends I talk with... but we talk just as if it was the same sex friends!
I think flirting can lead to a little more... but define flirting? Joking around??? that's okay as long as it's innocent! I see flirting as something a little more than "friends".
And if you are hiding it from your husband or wife then that would be very wrong! If anything you say can also be said if your spouse was sitting right beside you then how could that be wrong?
My husband knows of all my friends and has no issues! I have male and female friends! I treat them all the same... as friends! I don't see joking as flirting.
If anything becomes emotionally tied. Such as you start talking romantic or sexual then that is very, very wrong and pretty much the same thing as cheating! If you keep it clean and make sure it's just friends then it's not going to be wrong!
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