Hey do think teens start stealing before 16? and is it just money?
Maybe the off-centre answer is in your post - if you think that your stuff is not jointly family stuff then all the mistakes have already been made.
A family is a joint enterprise, your kids are not separate from you they are part of you. You are the ones who have taught them most of what they know, your behaviour has been their model. If you have this problem then the mistakes you made in bringing them up are what you are dealing with now. This is not a criticism of you, we all make mistakes in bringing up our kids, it is just pointing out that you are dealing with the effects not the cause.
Didn't YOU say on another thread that parents have relatively little effect on the behavior of their children?
Which is it?
I said they are not the only influence on children.
"I said they are not the only influence on children."
No, you said:
"parents have a relatively small effect on children's behavior"
relatively being the operative word when replying to the post from someone who thinks parents do everything. You are quoting me a little out of context. But anyway, why the challenge, what do you want to say, what point is there in your reply that you want to discuss?
Nicely Said CM
And OP - Please excuse that I will ignore the question as my answer would likely offend you - for the following reason:
It would be extremely sarcastic!
I learnt from my parents that Being Sarcastic.. is a Natural Bodily Response to Stupid!!
It's a hunch but I'd say they wouldn't be able to do it before they're 13.
Different children have different characteristics which are inborn. Some are by nature well-behaved and good-natured. Others are on the other extremes. Mostly will be a mix of good and bad. There is a certain degree that parents can influence their children. However, there are always exceptions to the rule. I know what I am talking, I am 60 years old and I have two grown-up adopted children. We have given them the best that we could afford. We have taught them good values eversince. But they they gave us a hell of problems. So blame it on my wife and me? What nonsense.
If you have done your best, just take heart that whatever become of your children, its their lives. You have done your part. That at least is my personal opinion. Just sharing with you. I shall not go into debate on this topic.
I would take issue that you know what your talking. Firstly because adoptive children have already been deeply influenced by others, we learn more in our first year than in the next ten or so. And the issue of adoption is stressful to all parties concerned, you are concious that you have 'taken them in' and this will have some effect however small you might think it to be; the child knows that it has once been abandoned, deeply betrayed, and however well it is dealt with it will have an effect. Lastly you have taught them YOUR values, whether these values are good or not is a judgment thing. And then you have all the normal problems that kids bring - are you to blame, yes you are - not as in finger pointing but as in their behaviour is directly related to you and the situation you have all been in.
I think you should assume that they are not going to steal from you at all, otherwise you are starting from a negative perspective.... Trust is important in family relationships. I think most teenagers would not dream of stealing money from their parents.
I stole money from my mother's purse when I was 8, 9, 10 to buy lollies as a child. When I was older I just learnt to ask and I'd get more anyway...
Oh, so your thinking is that a child is less likely to steal as a teenager and more likely when they are younger? I have a ten year old, I'm pretty sure he hasn't stolen money from me but he is partial to secretly stealing cakes and chocolate from the kitchen when I've said he's had enough!!
This pretty much mirrors me, I stole a few bits of change at that age for football stickers.... then stopped after getting caught and feeling very guilty. Then I can remember stealing something at 15, and being overcome by the same guilt, and I haven't stolen anything since.... well, maybe just the odd pen from work
I don't think children steal off their parents, unless they feel their parents have stolen from them.
Nobody in my family were teens who stole from parents - not me and my siblings, and not my own three kids (now grown). In fact, we weren't little kids who'd ever steal from our parents either. One of my own children, by the way, was adopted as an infant.
chinaman, it wasn't stressful for my son or me. Adoptees are like everyone else. One can't generalize. My son grew up knowing/hearing that "some ladies can't be the right kind of mother a child needs her to be", often (as in his case) because she didn't have the kind of mother, herself, who could teach her how. He grew up knowing/hearing he was every bit the "special gift to me" that his two siblings (the ones I had myself) were. He grew up knowing that I adopted him, not because I "took him in", but because I loved him from the minute I first saw him (just as I loved his brother and sister from the minute I first met them). He, of course, has the fact of his being adopted that my other two kids (and I) don't have, and we never denied that. I think, though, if things are handled right and the child gets the right kinds of messages, those factors don't have to affect his self-esteem or other matters of behavior. As far as how well behaved/thoughtful/empathetic they were as little kids, all three were like "clones". They did, of course, have their own personalities. Lots of adoptees are every bit as "solid" as non-adoptees (and of those who aren't, not all of them "aren't" because they're adopted; some of them "aren't" for the same reasons some non-adoptees "aren't").
Not everyone (whether adoptee, birth mother, or adoptive mother) sees placing a child for adoption (either out of wanting to give him what his birth mother cannot, or even because she "didn't know how to be the right kind of mother" (and had her child taken away) as "abandoning him".
Hi Lisa - I wasn't suggesting anything about your situation, I was generalising to point up the 'extra' issues by giving common examples. I would think that however hard you try, and how well you do, an adopted child has extra issues, if you have done a good job, as you seem to from your post, then you have built a strong character base for the child that may well survive issues in life. This does not mean that there are not subconcious or even conciously aware stuff going on.
I think this is the main reason why people in the past never told their adopted child they were adopted, right or wrong.
Anyway this is just chatting and I am no expert, just thinking aloud.
Hi, chinaman. I'm no expert either. I only have my own experience (and knowledge of some other adoptees or else whatever I've heard/read). (I don't take much of what goes on in the forums as anything more than chatting for the purpose of chatting either.) Adoption has been kind of a "cause"/issue for me for thirty years, though - mostly because one of the biggest challenges to relationship between adoptive parents and their children can often seem to be some of the beliefs of others (which may or may not be correct, at least some of the time; but which can't be correct in all cases, simply because situations are so individual).
Oh - I don't argue that the adoption factor isn't a factor for the people involved. I don't think it's subconscious at all (if people have their heads together). It's pretty much out there. There's a part of me that kind of wishes I could have just lied to my son and not had to figure out what to tell him (and all that). There's no doubt, I did a lot less figuring out when it came to the two younger children. Even if I wouldn't have lied to my son out of knowing "right and wrong" when it comes to adopted children, I don't think I could have lied to him because when you love someone so much I don't think you can lie to them.
There's no doubt about it - there's that extra factor with adopted kids. It was a heck of lot of easier to have the other two not have that factor. I think, though, the challenge for someone who adopts from infancy, isn't any different when it comes to building character for dealing with whatever issues there are. I think the bigger challenge is trying to give a sense of belonging and a sense of "being like everyone else" to adopted child. I think that's where it takes some extra thinking and resistance to "what other people say" on the part of adoptive parents.
As you say, though.... all just part of chatting and pondering.
Complex and demanding isn't it
My sister was absolutely certain that she was adopted, even when she was tiny she used to insist to anyone who would listen that really she was left on the doorstep by a Princess - really !
My own parents tried to tell me I was adopted and kept trying to make me go back !!
What age do children typically start stealing. Who knows? Children aren't always caught, so you wouldn't no necessarily when they started.
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