How do deal when your friend is so possessive of her other friends that she won't even give another friend you both have in common your email address or contact information and that friend is possessive with everyone even you. Do you stay in the friendship? Do you get out because no one likes to feel like just a possession? Any thoughts on this?
Clearly this person you speak of has absolutely no clue what a "friend" actually means or is suppose to mean.
The control factor is a problem. This person is not set with control in their own life, but in others and that is dangerous, to the vitality and energy of your life.
It brings in too much negativity and the positiveness warranted to override it, so as to balance is a psychopaths worse nightmare.
However, the other side of the coin: if you want to keep the person as a friend, because it matters that much too you, then I would seriously have a sit-down, one to one, heartfelt chat with them and let them know it is becoming such a detriment to your friendship. I get the fact that friends are suppose to accept you for who you are and what you bring to the table(add to the spice of life), however, the chat is the first step.
Just my thoughts.
I agree Cagsil, she has no clue what it means to be a friend or an adult, control is a factor. I don't want to control her, I just want to walk away.
I have known her for over twenty years, when we both lived in California, I moved away twenty years ago to Florida and I have kept touch, but I never really knew this side of her.
Lately through phone conversation I started discovering somethings that I found disturbing. One time I called and her mother, who is 90 and lives with her, answered and was talking to me, I heard her grab the receiver from her mother while the lady was in mid-sentence, it's like her mother has no right to chat with those who call her.
She once told me her brother left the family and never came back and part of the reason was that she drove him away with her selfishness. After knowing this side of her, I started to wonder. What that poor guy must have gone through having a sister like her.
Last Sunday when I realized that she wouldn't even give my email address to an old friend of ours, that I also knew in California, I felt her possessiveness is way out of hand. I don't care what she does anymore, I just want out.
Thanks for your advice, next time she calls I think I will tell her not to call anymore. Or to give me at least a year to reevaluate our friendship.
doesn't quite sound like a friendship 2 me...and sounds like your buddy has control issues...me, i'm not into someone trying to control me for whatever reason; looks like there are other issues that you may or may not want to help your buddy deal with....guess it depends on the length of your friendship and whether or not the control thing is new....life's too short
I agree she does have control issues and I don't want her controlling me. I don't want to control her either, but I don't want to be controlled. We have been friends for a long time, but it seems that lately she would rather have social charity than true friendship. I want something more mature than having to baby her all the time.
well....just like life...relationships go through cycles...maybe this is one of those...i've had a couple of very long term friendships that have had to be revived every now and then...life gets in the way etc...and we don't all have the same things happening in life - or should I say priorities..long term friends are usually together for the long haul but with life's ups and downs; normal stuff....so maybe you take a break for a bit.
I bet your long term friends know how to deal with life in grown up terms, this person just wants to be babied by everyone and quite frankly I'm sick and tired of babying her. I tried to confront her, but forget it, she can't handle some honesty.
I do agree I do want to take a break, a long one. Perhaps a year or two see if she grows up. She calls me, I don't usually call her, for starters I'm only good for a boring Sunday afternoon, I'm not one of the people, on her list, she would treat with respect or be honest with. I've had it. Yeah, I need a break, a long one.
I call those toxic relationships, and distance myself as far from them as possible.
Very toxic. Toxic enough to be called the friendship sewer, and yes I do want to distance myself.
I will not be a property of anybody else. So, I'll stay way from such a possessive person.
I agree, the only reason I put up with her phone calls is because we have been friends for a long time and I feel sorry for her, because she has the habit of driving people away. She's always complaining about other people rejecting her and the truth is other people simply don't want to baby her, and I don't want to baby her anymore either. I confronted her on this last Sunday when she called me and she just can't handle constructive criticism, namely the truth.
She makes excuses for herself when being confronted and quite frankly I'm tired of it. If she can't grow up. Then she can find someone else to play babysitter.
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