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age gap

  1. profile image61
    joanna25posted 6 years ago

    hi there.

         i want to seek for advice and hope you will help me
         i have this indian friend and he is 17 years old
         we have 10 years age gap

         i am inlove with but i know it is impossible to happen
         because he is too young
         now if there will come a time for us to be sweethearts
         would you think it would work?
         or we will just wasting most of our life?
         please help me, i need an honest advice
         thank you i know this is petty situation
         but i think it happens to anyone...

         thank you...

    1. Rochelle Frank profile image87
      Rochelle Frankposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Wait ten years.

      1. Cagsil profile image61
        Cagsilposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        Or longer....even 15 years. Let him get his life straightened and moving forward, before you even attempt it. wink

        1. profile image61
          joanna25posted 6 years ago in reply to this

          ...thank you for your honest question,now i know that i decided correctly...take care and thank you very much...

          1. profile image61
            joanna25posted 6 years ago in reply to this

            ...ooops sorry for your honest answer though

    2. PhoenixPoet profile image60
      PhoenixPoetposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Are we talking just casual dating here or you think it's gonna be an LTR?
      If you're just looking to "get some" as one of my favorite banned hubbers used to say then i say as long as 17 is a legal age in your country go for it!
      Mind you, 17 year-old boys might have stamina but they have no clue what they're doing.
      Well, I did at 17 but then again I am exceptional!  I personally believe in the 30-Years-Down-3-Years-Up Rule!

      1. alternate poet profile image77
        alternate poetposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        Hi - welcome to HP - what makes you think you were exceptional in any way, myself and most of my friends were dating, getting 'some' and generally piling up life experience from 15 onward - my first sleep in girlfriend was 23 when I was 15 - experiences that have helped me enormously in life.   Did I know anything?  well, she didn't know much (in my opinion) but she was the usherette at the local movies and got us all in for free, I was discussing issues like infinity and time as something other than the straight line picture we have of it - with my other 15 year old friends.

        1. PhoenixPoet profile image60
          PhoenixPoetposted 6 years ago in reply to this

          Trust me, I WAS exceptional.  I did not, however, say I was the ONLY one who was exceptional.  So we are in the same club!
          Mind you, I am probably older than you so given the general downfall of society as the years go by I was probably a bit more uncommon.
          On the other hand, working with/observing 15 year-old kids through various community organizations and teaching I can honestly say that we probably BOTH had friends who were stretching the truth if not downright telling lies.
          I, too, was discussing things like infinity and time since my first toke but I was referring to sexual knowledge.
          Anyway, I'd consider us exceptions to the rule when compared to the general public!

    3. Hokey profile image60
      Hokeyposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      My last girlfriend and I were 10 years apart and it was good while it lasted. My sister and her husband are 10 years apart and have been married over 12 years. It all depends on maturity.

      1. profile image61
        joanna25posted 6 years ago in reply to this

        hi mr. hokey

        from what country are you staying now?
        really your sister also have 10 years gap with her husband?
        do they still got the chance to have a child? may i know how old is your sister now and is she the one who is older than his husband?

        mr.hokey why yours lasted?

        thank you very much mr.hokey,i really appreciate your reply,i hope i can still got the chance to see and read more of your stories...

        thank you and god bless you...

    4. jessicababel profile image62
      jessicababelposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Honestly, that just sounds like a bad idea.

    5. shazwellyn profile image83
      shazwellynposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      If you are soul mates and it is right, life's dynamics will be right and it will happen naturally.  Just go with it with good intentions and you will not go far wrong.

      Good luck

      1. profile image61
        joanna25posted 6 years ago in reply to this

        HI MS.SHAZWELLYN,

           thank you for what you have said...yeah i hope he will be my man forever...i am happy with him and i love everything about him... i just wished that 'GOD' will bless us to be together for the rest of our lives whatever happens...
           thank you ms.shazwellyn and god bless you...

  2. profile image0
    klarawieckposted 6 years ago

    Good things will happen to you if you don't force it. Stay close friends for now and see what happens later on in life. Good luck!

  3. alternate poet profile image77
    alternate poetposted 6 years ago

    Take no notice - age is just one of the other things that make us different and it can enrich a relationship beyond anything 'normal' people can imagine.  In my case we have a gap of over 30 years and all it does is provide us with an amazing array of attributes that we can give or lend to each other.

    On the other hand you do need to be more like a kid and he needs to be more like an adult for it to work smile

    If it happens, go for it without fear and enjoy the game.

    1. profile image61
      joanna25posted 6 years ago in reply to this

      gud eve mr. alternate poet!

      i just want to ask you is it really true that you have case like mine and your gap is over 30 years?
      may i know how old are you now and how old is your loveone?
      are you still together until now?
      are you married?
      in what country are you both staying now?
      can i asked who is older the guy or the girl,sorry for i don't know if you are a boy or a girl...eventhough your pic is a man ,i still want to know...hope you're not getting mad...
      i really appreciate your answer as well as your thoughts in life and in love
      thank you for understanding my situation
      god bless you
      and may you have everlasting happiness
      thank you very much...

      1. alternate poet profile image77
        alternate poetposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        Hi  -  I am just passing 60 and she is 25, we are planning to get married next year and have 1 child that I expect to see graduate from uni before I die, or at least finish High School.

        Also my first girlfriend was when I was 15 and she was 23, many years ago.

        The only problem you have is the guilt about what you are doing put on you by others, there is no guilt involved, there is no wrong being done, just the moralising opinion of others who think that everything should be black and white and a marriage should be two people of the same age with 2.5 children.  Ignore them and their angst or religious moralising and just make your own way the wya you think is right, if you are in love then you are in love and should be together.

        Period.

        1. profile image61
          joanna25posted 6 years ago in reply to this

          mr. alternate poet

          i am so happy for both of you and i wish you all the best and happiness being together forever.
          thank you for bringing up my soul
          this is hard for me because i am 10years older than him
          it's quite painful but i can't do nothing at all
          but because of you
          you have made me feel alive again
          and now we are doing better

          and i just want to be happy for now with him
          and ride on with the game

          thank you very much and have a nice day...
          god bless you...

  4. Flightkeeper profile image79
    Flightkeeperposted 6 years ago

    He is way too young for you, good grief he hasn't had any life experiences yet.  I don't understand why you can't find someone your own age and are willing to wait ten years and let life go by.  How do you know he's going to feel the same way in ten years?

    1. alternate poet profile image77
      alternate poetposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Why should he not get his life experiences with her ?

      Why is he 'way too young' - I know many many middle aged people with little 'life experience' and no love to give - and quite a few young peole with more world sense and real love to share. 

      Making such judgemental statements says more about you than the OP or her situation.

      Having said this - only the OP knows if 'he' is 'old' enough to cope with any kind of relationship.

      1. Flightkeeper profile image79
        Flightkeeperposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        The kid is 17, is she going to college with him? What are they going to talk about? School, beer bongs, frat parties, etc.?  She's done those already, why would she do them again at 27?  You may consider me judgmental, but he's not as emotionally developed as she should be.  Why would you want a kid to have a mature woman hanging around him?  If she loves him then she should let him have his life and if he comes back to her ten years later and feels the same way about her while she is 37, then they are closer together developmentally and can discuss a life together.

        1. alternate poet profile image77
          alternate poetposted 6 years ago in reply to this

          School, beer bongs, frat parties ?   -  not everyone is interested in what you were interested in at that age.  I certainly wasn't.

          It is imagining that 'he' or 'she' is like you that makes you judgmental, only 'they' know what they are doing and there is every chance that 'they' could find plenty of exciting common ground and differences to explore - which is what 'life experience' is about - no ?

          1. Flightkeeper profile image79
            Flightkeeperposted 6 years ago in reply to this

            No, I think it's selfish of her to not let him have his youth.  He is too young and inexperienced to make any decisions that may last a lifetime.

            1. alternate poet profile image77
              alternate poetposted 6 years ago in reply to this

              Platitudes, like morals, are easily said - but they don't mean much.  what do you mean 'let him have his youth'  -  it means nothing at all.
              How do you know anything about his experience.
              His choices will last a lifetime if they are good ones, if they are not it will fall apart like MOST relationships do at some point.

              You are being morally judgemental based on your own ideas of right and wrong, good and bad,  without any reason to back it up.

              1. Flightkeeper profile image79
                Flightkeeperposted 6 years ago in reply to this

                You don't know anything about them either.  Nothing that you say can be backed up either so what's your point? I'm giving an opinion just as you are and yours is not any better than mine.

                1. alternate poet profile image77
                  alternate poetposted 6 years ago in reply to this

                  I just backed up my opinions with why I think them - if you have no why for your opinion it is just empty moralising

                  1. Flightkeeper profile image79
                    Flightkeeperposted 6 years ago in reply to this

                    You backed up your opinions with why I think them - so you're backing up your opinion with another opinion?!

                    lol lol

                    And you accuse me of empty moralising?  lol

                    Oh, thanks for the laughs.

  5. Polly C profile image87
    Polly Cposted 6 years ago

    You don't say whether or not your feelings are reciprocated?  If so, then it is entirely up to you, at the beginning we never really know how any relationship is going to turn out.

    17 is quite young though, and probably there is a high chance that it won't last, but nothing ventured, nothing gained. Most 17 year old boys are significantly less mature than 27 year olds, but only you know if he is the exception. Ten years is a huge age gap for a 17 and a 27 year old, but between a 27 and 37 year old, much less so.

  6. fucsia profile image60
    fucsiaposted 6 years ago

    Too young ... for whom?
    For you? For society? For your friends? Love has no age and if you love he and you are good together .... what's the problem?

    1. profile image61
      joanna25posted 6 years ago in reply to this

      hi there...

      i just want to say thank you to all of you for spending time giving me comments, advices and thoughts regarding my problem...
      it's very painful for me and i don't know what to decide anymore and because of you guys i can feel much better now...

      this is hard for both of us,we didn't mean to feel this way but we can't control it anymore...

      thank you very much and i'm still hoping that you will continue sending me comments,answers, and advices...
      thank you very much and god bless you all...

      for those who experienced this situation,i do hope that you will try to understand me...thank you so much...

  7. profile image61
    joanna25posted 6 years ago

    hi there...

         i just want to say thank you to all of you who spent time to give me advice,comments and thoughts about my problem...
         this is hard for me and very painful...

         i don't know how to thank you guys but you all really helps me a lot,both of us didn't mean to feel this way but we can't control it anymore.
         
         thank you very much and i'm hoping that you will continue answering and giving comments and advices for me...

        thank you and god bless you all...

  8. Anath profile image72
    Anathposted 6 years ago

    I would only worry about whether it is legal or not where you are to bed a 17 year old.  If it is, great, have fun.  Young men are great for moulding according to what you want and they are really eager to learn!

  9. PhoenixPoet profile image60
    PhoenixPoetposted 6 years ago

    60 and 25?  You GO, poet! 
    I am almost 50 and had my most recent 19 year-old when I was about when I was 45 and even though I was working full-time at the time I didn't have tons of money!
    My youngest kid is 12.
    OK.  We are BOTH exceptional for sure!
    Yeah!

    1. alternate poet profile image77
      alternate poetposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      or crazy big_smile

  10. wychic profile image81
    wychicposted 6 years ago

    Alternate poet...looks like you made my point long before I got here!

    Age is not the important thing...maturity, life stage, etc. are what are important, and one 17-year-old is certainly not equivalent to any other one. I was on my own for a couple of years by time I hit 17, and all the males my own age bored me to death...because of the fascination with beer bongs, frat parties, etc. The fact that attraction has sparked suggests that he's perhaps not too immature for the OP, and age alone shouldn't be the deciding factor.

    For me, I met my husband when I was 21, and he 49...on an online poker game. Sounds impossible, no? I've never been happier in my life...he moved here after six months, we got married a year later and now our baby girl is due in November. Neither of us have ever met anyone with whom we have more in common, or whose company we enjoy more, and that initial spark that sent us both into orbit never did die out. Friends and family on both sides constantly urged us both to call it off and forget about it, there was too much of an age gap, it would never work out, etc...I can't tell you how glad I am to have ignored them all.

    1. profile image61
      joanna25posted 6 years ago in reply to this

      hi there miss wychic...

      i want to congratulate you and your husband i'm very happy for both of you...
      i want you to know that you made me cry for what you have said in your comment,it really helps me to just enjoy and be happy for what we are encountering now...

      but my situation is very painful for me because i am the one who is 10 years older with my man and it very hard for me
      if only i can turn back time and be 17 years old again i will do it but i can't anymore...

      when he reached 27 i am 37 years old by then and i don't think i can give him a happy life because i am too old by that time

      i don't know what to do anymore ms.wychic
      i hope you can give me advices
      for my problem is i am 10 years older with my man...
      it's really hard for me...
      hope you understand...

    2. alternate poet profile image77
      alternate poetposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      This is the only really important thing, along with how you 'fit' together generally.

      I am not so sure about winning your man in a poker game, what did you have on the table as collateral !!!   big_smile big_smile

      1. wychic profile image81
        wychicposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        Well, you know, that's what happens when you get too cocky about your A/Q full house and the other person is holding the fourth ace tongue.

        Joanna...I know it can be a bit different when he's the one that's younger, males often (not always) mature slower and it's not nearly as common to have a younger male instead of a younger female when there's a big age difference. However, just because it's not common, doesn't mean it doesn't work...again, it all comes down to an individual thing. I have a very good friend who, at the age of 18, right after graduating high school, married his 32-year-old girlfriend who had two kids from a previous marriage. Wouldn't work for most guys just out of high school, but like me he'd had factors in his life that made him grow up fast long before he met her, and by time he got out of school he was ready to move forward with the next step in his life rather than sit in the relative stagnation of parties and "hanging out with the guys."

        1. profile image61
          joanna25posted 6 years ago in reply to this

          hi ms. wychic...

             u made me cry,i love you for being so natural and being so understanding...
             i don't know what life has to offer but i am willing to go whatever it takes...
             i am very happy now although it causes pain still my hearth tells me to go on...
             your friend has a pure heart because even they have almost 14 years of age gap(if i am not mistaken) he still manage to be a good family man and he loves her wife who is older than him for more than 10 years,he still loves her unconditionally...

             i'm so proud of your friend and i idolized him...
             
             thank you ms.wychic for everything you have thought me,thank your for helping me to face life and live with it in happiness.
             you and your baby are so adorable and loving...
             ms.wychic you really had a pure heart and your man was so lucky having you in his life...

             GOD BLESS YOU and YOUR FAMILY ALWAYS...

  11. habee profile image90
    habeeposted 6 years ago

    My husband is 11 years my senior.

    1. alternate poet profile image77
      alternate poetposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      He will be 33 then ?

      1. habee profile image90
        habeeposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        Lol, AP - I think I love you!

  12. Greek One profile image78
    Greek Oneposted 6 years ago

    hi there.

         i want to seek for advice and hope you will help me
         i have this indian friend and he is 17 years old
         we have 10 years age gap

         i am inlove with but i know it is impossible to happen
         because he is too young
         now if there will come a time for us to be sweethearts
         would you think it would work?
         or we will just wasting most of our life?
         please help me, i need an honest advice
         thank you i know this is petty situation
         but i think it happens to anyone...

         thank you...



    ---

    he is 17 and there is a 10 year difference..

    ah, just to confirm, you aren't 10 are you?

    1. profile image61
      joanna25posted 6 years ago in reply to this

      hi mr.greek one,

        yeah i am not 10!
        he is 17 and i am 27...
        and it's really hard for me...
        if only i could turn back time...
        how sad for me?
        thank you mr.greek one...
        god bless you...

  13. profile image0
    kimberlyslyricsposted 6 years ago

    He is under 18, and you are 27?

    Where I live that qualifies for some serious charges and jail time, as still considered a minor !

    Sorry, but what would possibly attract you to a young, still not grown nor near maturity, in school, with 17 year old girls, and parents probably an issue, can't legally drink or smoke, socially do you go out for dinner and pay or a school dance and feel slightly overaged, students assuming your someone's mother, homework, will that be a priority, and school pressure for trying dope situations, will you share common interests like skateboarding and wii games, do you both discuss safe sex and when would you have time to, I'll stop but on that last note, is it not uncomfortable having sex knowing he's under 18?

    I mean no disrespect, I suppose I am in shock, yet still entered the thread, which seems to be quite supportive.  Always best to go with the majority in a forum

    peace  smile

    kimberly

    1. alternate poet profile image77
      alternate poetposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      The OP did not mention sex once,  she talked about being in love and becoming 'sweethearts'  the sex and lust element all came from you  big_smile big_smile

      And Quark !!   you just have dirty minds the pair of you big_smile big_smile

      1. wychic profile image81
        wychicposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        Nor did she mention a country of origin...not every country has the same laws regarding ages of consent wink. That said, even if the age of consent is 18, that's not far off in this case anyway.

        However, I am kind of wondering why everyone assumes that a 17-year-old will a) be interested in drinking, drugs, and partying, b) make his life all about school aside from the aforementioned, and c) not have a job. Just because a lot of people do live lives like that, doesn't mean everyone does...I know I never did do the partying thing, never have felt like I missed anything, and I've had a job of some sort since I was 10 and full-time since I was 14.

        1. alternate poet profile image77
          alternate poetposted 6 years ago in reply to this

          Well - many of the American college grads I meet in China all seem to be focussed on beer, partying, drugs and themselves, maybe it is the norm, who knows ?

          1. wychic profile image81
            wychicposted 6 years ago in reply to this

            Yes, you'll certainly not get me to argue that it is the most common scenario throughout the US, at least...I can't speak for anywhere else...though there are exceptions to every rule. About 80% of the people I know between the ages of 16 and 25 ARE all about beer, partying, drugs, and themselves...but to lump the other 20% in as being the same because of their chronological age would be a mistake, in my opinion.

            I'm guessing I'm preaching to the choir here, though, considering the age difference you mentioned between yourself and your significant other too smile. As my husband likes to say, if I acted anything like the majority of women my age, we would certainly not be together and he likely wouldn't even be able to enjoy my company. Two of his daughters are about the same age as me, but he's stated that he knows many women 40 and older who act more like them...it's all in the individual.

  14. profile image0
    kimberlyslyricsposted 6 years ago

    Also there is always an opportunity to start hubs by writing one on this

    Idea?

  15. qwark profile image62
    qwarkposted 6 years ago

    Lust is often mistaken for love. A 17 yr old boy filled with testosterone and more than adequate "equipment" and desire can easily melt a 27 yr old girls prior teachings, mores, morality and common sense into a red hot smouldering pile of lustful desire....which can easily at the age 27, be mistaken for a cause for commitment. My advice it to take advantage of this "stud!" Be very careful and thoughtful as you proceed.....but enjoy "El Toro!"
    Qwark spaketh!    :-)

  16. sabrinaaq profile image47
    sabrinaaqposted 6 years ago

    I say u should wait until he matures into an adult cause right now he is still a kid

  17. profile image0
    Home Girlposted 6 years ago

    When both of you are enjoying you "perfect love", who is going to support him? He has to finish school, get some profession. I as sorry, but it's life, you cannot play with that lightly. If he does not understand this, you should. What kind a job he can have at 17? You can have a baby, who is going to support him too? The state? Or you just give baby for adoption? Are you that rich, or just reckless? He cannot even have legal decisions by law, his mother does. I imagine some 27 year old woman comes to my house and tells that she loves my 17 year old kid. I would probably tell her something unprintable, very unprintable!!! if you are older you have to be more responsible, for both of you. That's my opinion. Give him at least 5 years to get into some means to support himself. Not everything in life is about love.

 
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