I beleive that men and women view sex very differently than each other, what do you think?
My G/F has asked me: "wouldn't you like to know what I feel when I orgasm?" I ask her the same of me.
We both agree that we would.
Testosterone creates man's drive to "get it up and on!"
My g/f says says she NEEDS ( a powerful need)to feel her vagina being filled with her mans sexual "tool!"
A "lover" once told me that women desire sex just as much as men do.
Sex and procreation, are the most dynamic, the most powerful aspects of all lifes genetic programming.
I think a womans desire is driven more by emotion, but her physical desire is great.
A man is driven by male ego, less emotion than a female and a testosterone driven need to dominate and impregnate a female.
That's the "rule" that determines the goal of all life: survival!
I love the way "Mother Nature" planned it and worked it out!
this is way too subjective, as even among most women and men, the majority of each party hardly has the same point of view when it comes to sex. As I've met some men AND women that both viewed sex as nothing more than a way to have fun and get their rocks off. Whereas others like calling the art of sex making love, as an expression of two lovers showing how they feel about each other through intimate touch and contact. In the end, it really depends on the person.
Granted there is a difference between making love and merely having sex but for some people, they often like to think of it as one and the same. Not saying that's what I believe, as I like to think in a relationship there's more to it than that. However, this is just merely based on my own personal observations.
It 100% depends on person. It does not depend or men or women.
When I can't answer a question honestly because it concerns mans most powerful drive, I quit!
I will never understand why I can't speak as casually about sex as I can about enjoying a great Thanksgiving dinner.
You asked an interesting question.
Why can't I respond with an interesting answer regarding it?
Why are we Americans so danged "queazy" and backward about chatting about that which is responsible for both of us being here?
I visited Europe years ago. The friends I made there were not embarrassed when talking about sex. They were very open minded, very realistic about the subject. They wondered too why we Americans make such a big deal out of sex.
There is only 1 reason i.e. we Americans are religiously oriented nuts!
Naw, you asked a "real"question, you should get a "real" answer.
They won't kick us off. We're adults chatting about what comes naturally!
I think everyone is different so it varies from person to person.
I think men and women do in some respects,but not absolutely all.
Females tend to enjoy the 'whole orchestra' experience,while males are happy with the beat of any drum so long as it beats.
By the way I read Qwarks post 2 or 3 times, very titalating (?) ya know what I mean. good writing actually.
If that was on the flap of a book ,I'd wanna buy it
I wish that were true. I asked mine if we could sometimes have quickies and he was hurt by that. You know, sometime I like a quick symphony!
I think I told you about my bicycle trip around Europe in my 20's.
My "bike" buddy and I visited vatican city then on our ride thru Italy.
I was impressed 'cause at that time I was a young "born again christian idiot! I'd weep at the sight of jesus on the cross! I was a "fundie" dedicated to my bible studies and fornicating with willing, European young ladies regardless of their religious leanings....lol
Hi qwark, believe me I would say go to town about talking about sex, I am a sexologist and there is nothing that I would rather do than talk about it, besides doing it...lol
all being said I write about sex and marriage and I try to be as tasteful as I can, but I just got nailed for being pornographic in my subject matter on sex and marriage, I can’t bring up the word but it was about a woman giving her husband a.....And the technical biological anatomy of the male penis...so that is what I meant about banning this forum... yes we do need to be more open about talking about sex in marriage so many people are doing it but not talking about it, and I will continue to promote open communication in marriage concerning sex, its healthy and my goal is to save marriage and if it means me having to fight for the right to promote healthy sexual relationships in marriage than I will.
dawn! I APPLAUD YOU!!
I read one of your "hubs" and left you a response.
The "hub" had to do with whether women would marry dominant men.
I love your attitude! It is very "European."
You should! It doesn't really make sense to censor sex as it actually is when it's literally the reason I am here today.
J/k hey Im curious though ,how much research and or how does one go about getting credited for this title...
Sorry this post was sposed to follow after the sexologists post.
Hi Eaglekiwi, I have a masters in marriage and family therapy, 15 years of couples work and then I went back to school to get certified in Sexology and currently taking continued course in sexology, which is ever changing, so I think that I will take class forever....maybe I will just get my doctorate in it...lol You can get a certified sexology with one year of schooling without a masters degree, but I think that to really stay on top of the current trend, taking regular school courses yearly is necessary. The medical part of sexology can take years to really master.
lol...Dr. love ,
by the way how do you get the faces on the forum?
dawnM, just wondering: How is the field of sexology "ever changing"? How do trends play a role, if any, in how a therapist works with/advises/etc. clients?
In other words, is someone were a therapist five or ten years ago, might they have given one "trend-based" kind of advice back then; when, perhaps, today the same therapist would be giving clients different information/advice?
Also, as long as I'm asking, how do the people who conduct the latest studies find a way to make sure that the studies aren't skewed, based on something as simple as the fact that only a certain percentage of the people with problems (or only a certain percentage of people in general) would even be willing to participate in a study?
Let’s start with hormone replacement for women, new studies and new advances, some are alternative and others we learn to work with the hormone replacement, with lubrication and creams. Dr. Berman came out with a line of sex toys that are made just for women, which has been a huge advancement in the sexual enhancement for many women. Or after a woman has had a baby Kegel exercise was recommended to tighten her PC muscle, in the 50’s but we now know that it also helps women who have trouble achieving an orgasm to have one. Kegel exercise cans also make an orgasm much strong for a man and women. There are new studies and advancements in a person’s health and sexual drive, with an increase of anti depressants and blood pressure medication, some men are finding it more difficult to have an ejaculation and then this causes performance anxiety in the bedroom. We just learned about male multiple orgasms and how a man can achieve this too. So much has happened in just the past 10 years, I would hope that any professional would want to continue to learn new studies and techniques. If I did not know that a man could have these problems from his medication, then I would most defiantly have been giving him wrong advice, so knowing about what advancements in medicine have taken place than I can better counsel my clients.
When people do studies Lisa, I would guess that the information they would extract would be the general consensus of a group the “majority’. If a study were skewed than I believe that it would be irrelevant and why have the study at all? But from your profile I would guess that you already know this since you stated “I have spent several years studying/researching the subjects of child development, earning problems, and giftedness children - all for a long-term project”
So I am not quite sure why you asked me that question when you yourself conduct studies? I would imagine that continued knowledge in any professional is a plus and studies that have been skewed most professionals would throw out or have it retaken, I am not sure how you work, but most of the professionals that I know are very passionate about what they do and understand how emotionally upsetting it is to have sexual dysfunction, or to be in a marriage or relationship where a couple has lost the ability to be intimate, of course when this happens, many times cheating takes place or divorce.
Hi, Dawn. Thanks for answering. I'm not trying to be "Devil's Advocate" or anything. Based on my own exposure to studies (I didn't conduct the child development ones. Studies I've conducted were in the medical applications/scientific applications fields, industries, and involved products/tests/procedures, as opposed to human beings and psychology, etc. Even with that, though, we ran into fudged data, questionable conclusions, and improper methods with more than one thing.), I use what's available as a result of them, or use some findings if I have no reason to question who did the study and how), I've seen that I'm not entirely comfortable (not just with child development but with many studies in general) that a lot of studies "cover" enough of the "non-studied" segment of any population to always warrant confidence in any conclusions.
I have more faith in information gained through actual research/observation. I guess your example of new awareness associated with orgasms is an example. An example of the kind of information I place complete trust in might be something like the observation of a part of the brain responding to one thing or another and observed on a brain scan.
An example of a questioned study might be the Terman Studies, in which x number of gifted kids were followed from grammar school through adulthood; and the conclusion was that gifted children were often more well adjusted and happy in adult life than anyone had previously believed. Then, however, people came out and questioned how the studies were performed; and conclusions came under fire. So anyway, I'm always interested in studies used in any field. I pretty much question a whole lot of ideas from any field (not particularly because I don't believe them - only because I'm someone who kind of questions most stuff presented in most fields. I only asked for purposes of "legitimate" discussion here, and because, like a lot of people, I don't know anything about being a sexologist or about that particular field.
I see from your answers about "changes" in the field that it looks as if those changes are primarily a matter of adding new information on top of information previously understood and accepted. That gives me more confidence that something like complete u-turns in beliefs from one time period to another. One of the more well known "u-turns" in medicine is that when my sister was having her first baby over 30 years ago, women were told they shouldn't gain more than 15 lbs at the most. My sister gained 11. By the time she and I both had sons a few years later, word was that women should gain around 20 lbs (plus or minus). Eight/ten years after that, all the women I knew was gaining - like - 50/60 lbs (!!!), and that was generally accepted as OK. The last I heard word was that any weight gain is kind of OK, as long as the woman loses it afterward (not including some complications in pregnancy, of course).
I will admit to some skepticism (or at least caution) about a lot of fields (including sexology - and that's why your presence/thread here seemed like a good opportunity for me to actually learn more than I now do about that whole field). (I don't happen to know any sexologists, the way I know tons of engineers and business people. )
I'm willing to admit I know nothing about being a sexologist, or the field (and that there's a whole world of fields I know nothing about as well). What talk of sexology makes me wonder, though, is where its role is in what would seem to me (again someone who admits knowing nothing about the field) between the role of family/marriage therapist (in general) and the role of physician (for matters like ED or too little testosterone in women).
I mean... (and please forgive me, because wouldn't go as far as to say I'm "skeptical" about the need for sexologists; instead I know this is "just me" and just the way I think, and the fact that I may just be ignorant)... It seems to me that if, say a couple has trouble with intimacy, that's either the result of a problem outside the bedroom that gets brought into the bedroom; or else it's the result of a medical problem one partner and/or both has. I guess there's a part of me that thinks problems with intimacy won't destroy a marriage if the relationship (outside the bedroom) is what a healthy, whole, one. Maybe, too, I think if the relationship is otherwise whole and healthy, the two people might be less likely to want to share what does or doesn't go on between them with anyone (even a professional) other than each other. If they don't feel that their intimate life is something so special between them they're willing to share it with anyone outside the marriage, might not that, in itself, indicate that there's something bigger that's a problem in their marriage? (I feel like I have to keep apologizing for my "seemingly skeptical" questions here; but, believe me, the world is full of people in different fields that I'd be questioning if I had the chance. It's not at all my intent to be "borderline confrontational" at all. It's just that I like not being clueless when I suspect I may be clueless about one thing or another. )
This, I guess, gets back to the original question of this thread; but one thing I think (and, again, I know I may be completely ignorant or just some kind of anomalous person) is that women and men do view sex differently. Personally, I can't imagine all the toys in the world being able to help a marriage that's in trouble outside the bedroom, and I do have trouble understanding how, if the relationship is what it ought to be, there would be anything other than medical issues that would cause intimacy problems if that relationship were right. And maybe this gets to a little more of the crux of my concern with the field, but I'm wondering if things may be skewed in favor of male sexuality and men in that field? I can't say (again, from a woman's point-of-view) that I'd want to hold my marriage together if the guy was only staying faithful because of a great selection of toys.
Other than the education thing I worked on, I can't say I had a whole lot of passion for a lot of the other stuff I've worked on. One thing I do have some passion about, though, is women's issues (and maybe that's where I'm coming from, with all this interest in your field). I won't hijack your thread (any further) by bringing up all the women's issues I have in mind (and that I think too few people and fields seem to have in mind). I hope, though, you understand that one of my passions is women's issues - and, oops - it's apparently showing in my posts here.
I guess my question about the field of sexology (and the latest approaches it uses) is whether it may be "a separate little world" of people studying it, and people who have problems AND are willing to see a professional who specializes in it; but a "world" that doesn't always factor in the people who won't participate in studies, believe their intimate life (for good or ill) is between only them and their partner, and who ("hang-ups" or not) wouldn't even be able to consider seeing someone for outside help (other than a family therapist and/or physician).
In other words, is that "little separate world" (that includes clients, of course) a world where sex is more important to some people than it is to others? (For example, men?) I guess I'm wondering if your field overlooks women, who are often known for seeing intimacy as somewhat less critical than a lot of men do. AND, is there an overall aim of the field to get women to change their attitudes toward sex and see it more the way men do?
My generation (end-of-the-Baby-Boomers generation) and others that have followed it were raised hearing, "Gone are the days when men were the ones who enjoyed sex, and women just tolerated it. Women are sexual beings too!" (and that part was true). How that seemed to have been interpreted, though, was that women are supposed to behave every bit the same as men, when it comes to sex. A talented and notorious-for-her-black-leather-and-whips kind of costumes singer once said something like, "I'm comfortable with my sexuality, so that's why I'm comfortable with what I wear". Most of the women I know (from my generation, the one just after it, and a few women in their 20's) think, "That's not female sexuality. That's male sexuality, or at least it's female sexuality according to someone's idea of what female sexuality ought to be." Yes, women have their sexuality and are "sexual beings" and enjoy sex; but most of the women I know agree with me that the fact that women don't always want to act like men when it comes to sexuality is that their sexuality shouldn't be a "bad copy" of male sexuality. Most of the women I know (all of them, I think) feel as if they don't have the male biological hard-wiring and instinct to "spread their seed" (since they don't have a lot of "seeds" to spread around anyway ); and that for decades, now, our society has been telling the women (the ones who aren't big fans of promiscuity, or the black leather look in women) to "get over their hang-ups and acknowledge their sexuality." Like so many other women I know, I don't like that it so often seems as if "the world" is telling me that what is perfectly normal and right for someone of my own sex, with regard to views/attitudes about it, is something that needs to be "fixed" because men think it ought to be fixed, or because women who aren't quite as "entrenched" in their own female sexuality (as far as being more reticent/reserved/selective etc. goes), don't even realize that women who are exist.
I know that someone in your profession certainly doesn't need me to "point out" to them that female sexuality is very different from male sexuality. My thing is that I feel like my generation and those after it have, in a lot of ways, been sold a "bill-a-goods" when it comes to female sexuality; because the message women have now been given for years has so often been, "Hey, you gotta get over your hang-ups and start acting like a lot of men do, because you're 'a sexual being too'". I don't mind the "sexual being" part. What I've always minded is the fact that women's sexuality should be acknowledged as "its own thing" and not treated as something that needs to "improved" in order to make it more like the "ideal" and "healthy" male version of sexuality. As it so often is these days, it's as if women who don't put on the leather stuff and show cleavage everywhere they go have "hang-ups" because they wear non-revealing clothes, don't think girls and women ought to be acting like Tom cats, and aren't comfortable saying too much about their own intimate "doings" with anyone other than their partner.
So, I know you don't need me to add this answer to your thread; but, boy, yes, I do very much think women and men view sex very differently in a lot of ways. Then again, though, I know men (and some young ones at that) who have the same concerns about the messages being sent to young (and not-so-young) women over the last few decades.
So, again, I don't think you "owe" me any answer here, by any means; and I don't even expect you to take the time to read all this; but I suppose I'm hoping that professionals in your field aren't trying to "fix" women's "attitudes" when they're apparent "attitudes" may not, in fact, be a "hang-up", but may instead by a manifestation of their own female sexuality. (I'm not saying a lot of the "weirdness" people once had about sex in past generations ought to be brought back, by any means. It's just that it seems to me, and a lot of women I know, that there was some throwing out of the baby with the bathwater when it came to what a healthy attitude toward sex is for women (which sometimes is, and sometimes isn't, different from men).
I don't really expect you to take the time to answer all this "third-degree-seeming" stuff (although I think other people on here may have similar "wonderings" about your field). I suppose I was thinking that by bringing up these issues here, I may be offering "fuel" for possible future Hubs that would address the questions/concerns of women (or of all those other "clueless" people ).
Lisa Sexology is usually a specialty added on to a person’s professional field, medical doctor; psychologist, marriage family therapist, educator, or you can just have a doctorate in sexology, and do clinical work. I work with a small group of the society. Working with married couples that have children is my target group and not even couples but also working with men and women individually. When all MFTs go through school, practum and internship out off the entire course they only get two courses in the in-depth study of sexuality, dysfunction, and so forth. Working with married couple in the field and outside of the field, I come to realize over the years that, I did not find traditional marriage counseling for me to work as well. Because my background is also in speech communications, I am a big proponent of communication between men and women and the way that they communicate with each other. I found vast difference in many couples and not understanding how to communicate properly, i.e. by putting one another on the defensive.
As far as a women sexuality, many women are now in a field that was previously dominated by men and the stride that have been taken in the past year have been astonishing simply because of the dedication of the Dr. Ruth’s and Dr. Berman of the world. Understanding the hormones and the affect of child birth, hormones sexual drive and such have been put to great study in this past decade, and women’s sexual health has been gaining speed, with that said, women still process and see sex differently than men. Women’s bodies are different and the mind body connection that a woman has is also different form a man. Unfortunately any form of abuse or trauma can also play a role in a woman’s sexuality and her mind body connection, which is a topic that I won’t go into but have worked with women in that area. Women depending on each individual can have a different sex drive and over all view on sex itself which can impact how she is with her partner. Human sexuality is very complex and of course tied in with how she feels, hormones, past experience and such.
Men sexuality and how he expresses it differs from man to man as well, likes and dislikes past experiences, when a man marries he is now going to experience a sense of not only his own sexual pleasure but that of his wife. Many men are very focused on pleasing their wives in the bed room, which in some men creates performance anxiety that can happen and the pressure for him to please, can also cause some concern and this is where open communication between husband and wife is crucial. Most women don’t realize the amount of presser a man may put on himself as far as performance goes, they don’t like to generally talk about this. Also when a man has been married for a while and they have children, he will often take a bit of a back seat or along the way, the role of him feeling like a man or his wife appreciating him and want to be intimate with him will stop, unfortunately, there is many couple living in sexless marriages, which can be remedies with couples communication, his wife wanting to get her libido back, resentment and anger, all this spills over to the bedroom.
On the flip side if sex is good in a marriage than it is gently is not a topic that comes up because it is not a problem. Sex in most marriages if it is not good then I can literally over take the marriage, in some cases with the women but in most cases with the husband. Teaching couple how to communicate feeling and be open to discussion on how to improve the intimacy is where my practice comes in and there are things that can be done. Not just in the bedroom but outside of the bedroom, such as beginning to date your spouse again.
Apologies for the timing of this reply. You stated you loved to talk about it and you as a woman are exactly the arbitrary observer I need. I have one simple question and I ask it knowing and admitting fully that I recognize my own mindset of love=sex and sex=love. Other than a "real" reason such as medical or trauma (death in family) and the like, is there a reason for a woman to not want to have sex with the man she says she loves? Im looking for something new here ok? Lets omit medical, phychological, or whatever and all things being equal is there a real reason for a woman not to want to have sex with man she loves? I do, BTW understand the moods of women rise and fall like the tides. I guess I know the answer to my question so I will approach you another way. On a scale of 1 to 10, if the man is a constant 8 and the woman a constant 3 then they are heading for serious trouble right? Finally, does this type of situation occur regularly? is it fairly common? Greatly appreciate any words on this topic................thank you...................email@example.com
Men and women do view sex differently as with almost everything else. Women see sex more in terms of how the relationship is going, men on the other hand find personal fulfillment in sex.
yes I do agree with that, and I am fine with it, my husband and i joke about this all of the time and having the open communication with him and understanding the differences between us, we are able to accept each other, we have learned to understand the difference in male and female communications, not all the time...lol but most of the time.
You know all men and all women are not the same yet we are asking about the differences in sex between men and women.
I don't think we can quantify it or generalize it. Trying to do so creates these questions..............Why are so different? and Why can't we see eye to eye?
What couples need to do is to talk to each other and not have this barrier that is created from this huge difference that we create in our mind. One couple is very different than another and to treat our differences generally speaking keeps us from finding our true needs and wants.
I think it varies with every person, moods, timing, location..
I was once in a relationship with a man who treated sex like it was sacred, not in a religious way, but it was more than a simple act, it was the whole experience. he even cuddled afterwards everytime! he was really the first man that showed me the whole experience even more so than my marriage of 16 years.
I can only speak from a woman's point of view. The joy is sex can't be underestimated but it does lead to more deeper and better things, once we allow it to. If it were compared to driving a car and changing gears, sex would be not the fastest speed the machine is capable of, as I feel there is more to progress through, and greater rewards. For some people, the sex is everything, but are they good at anything else, and do they want to go further? Or is it too much effort? Or too much complication?...I'll stop there. But this is just an opinion. Everyone to their own thing. I guess there can be more than one kind of right. We all have our own levels anyway.
I believe that we can not speak about men or women. We are all people, and all different. The fact that the men live sex differently from women is a commonplace. The physiology is different, of course. But the transport, the feelings, the complicity, the emotions, the sense of union ( therefore the wonderful things of sex ) I think that may be experienced with the same intensity, but always in an individual way.
I believe its scientific fact the sexes view the "act" differently. All joking aside, I seriously advise anyone contemplating a marriage to sit down and openly discuss this whole sexual issue. Even if it means getting as specific as how many times a week it will be expected. After marriage you are going to fight with your wife about alot, but mainly a "few" things. Money,children(how to raise them), and "sex". As a man and speaking mainly to men: pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease here me. A woman you dont know well enough can make your life a living hell. They will use sex as a bargaining chip, have unbelievable stress in there lives when it comes up and may even try to lower its importance to somewhere around what kind of suv you guys may purchase next time. You may think I was burned recently. Truth is , I barely escaped a woman-trap carefully laid for me. This may seem a little "over the top" to some readers, but men hear me and hear me good. Your courtship needs to inlucde extensive studying, observing, and verbal communication in this area. I can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org
"Do you think that men and women view sex in the same way?"
I just received this email warning. I think it clarifies the issue wonderfully...
** start of email **
Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties & local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink by any woman.
Many females use a date-drug on the market called 'Beer '.
The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large kegs.
Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them.
A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex.
Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several Beers , men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted.
After drinking Beer , men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that 'something bad' occurred.
At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as 'a relationship'. In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of servitude and punishment referred to as'marriage'.
Men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females..
If you fall victim to this 'Beer ' scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men.
For the support group nearest you, just look up 'Golf Courses' in the phone book.
Please forward this warning to every male you know and to all females that can relate to it.
** end of email **
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