I'm so frustrated! I tell my boyfriend of 2 years that I really want him to come to my work christmas party. I told him I cant wait to introduce him to my higher ups. (quick background: He loves to shop and buys themost expensive stuff and dresses to the "9" all the time). He shows up to pick me up in a wrinkled cotton "ive been outside chopping wood all day" looking shirt. He said "oh I look like such a bum, sorry I just got out of the gym and hung out with "n", his best friend, and lost track of time and didnt go home to change. He was supposed to pick me up for the party at 630 and I called and reminded him at 430 so i dont understand why he couldnt go make himself presentable during that 2 hour window.
I just dont understand because even if he is just coming over my house to watch a movie he is always dressed so nicely and the one time its important to me that he is presentable he doesnt even seem to care.
I didnt say anything about it because I figured, you know its not worth me making him feel badly or getting worked up about it because at let he showed up.
Fast forward to later this evening. My friend texts me and informs me that there will be an eclipse tonight. I am pretty excited and I know my boyfriend likes that sort of stuff as well, so I call him and let him know. We start talking about random stuff and I ask him if he found out whether he had to work New Years or not. He says he doesnt have to work and that "n" asked him to hang out. I replied jokingly "so I guess you'll be kissing "n" at midnight then?" . He said "ya I guess so" (totally joking though cause "n" is a guy and he isnt into that sort of stuff.) "N" has just dumped his 7th girlfriend that I've known of in the part 2 years that I've been dating my boyfriend and told my boyfriend they need to have a guys new years eve.
I am all about friend time. I think its important that he has his friend only time and I have my friend only time but Im 28 and I have never had that new year kiss at midnight because Ive always worked in the service industry and have worked every new years. So this year I figured well I have the night off and the one i love has the night off, maybe ill get my special moment. I tried to explain and he said fine i'll stay with you, but I dont want him to "have to " stay with me, I want him to "want to" be with me.
I'm so annoyed and I feel like maybe my expectations are too high or something. He is a great guy and has been beside me through a lot. Sometimes I just feel like i'm not as important to him as he is to me and it hurts my feelings. Am I being out of line or am i turning into a crazy girlfriend with high expectations?
Sounds like it was done on purpose which sucks. You are not being out of line.
In my opinion, guys rarely carry such high expectations for anything as the women they are with, whether it be a Christmas party or New Years Eve.
With that being said, I don't think I would ever make New Years Eve plans without my wife or even with the different girls I dated prior to meeting her.
I had a very similar experience to this last year with my partner.
I hope you managed to resolve the problem, however I think it's really important that you sit down with your boyfriend and explain calmly why this was so important to you and why it hurt you. Try not to accuse him or say phrases that start with "You always..."
I wish you the best of luck
The man you have described sounds very much like my first husband. We have been divorced almost twenty years now, and he is still exactly the same person (only older looking.)
I don't know enough about your relationship to judge your boyfriend, but I can tell you that the man I was married to (who treated me much like your boyfriend has you) was/is a very insecure, selfish, and self-seeking person. It wouldn't matter who he ended up with, he will never be happy.
So, to sum it up, I don't believe he's even thinking about how anything affects you...it seems to be "all about him!"
Your expectations aren't too high, you just haven't found the right guy to fill them yet. Don't settle.
Why do we women question whether our 'expectations are too high?" Not at all, believe me if his expectations were such and such he Would probably let you know it. Hey if my guy wants to spend New Year's Eve that I have not had off in forever, with his guy friends instead of me, I'd tell him I hope he and his friends are happy with each other. He'd hit the road so fast he'd not know what hit him. Why do we women concede to men? Life's way to short to play games with a guy who does not get it. Plenty of guys out there do get it and would rather be with you than with their friends on a special night. What he does not understand about women would fill a book.
You need to tell your boyfriend that he must put you first. Who is his "first" ? Is it you or some other person or friend? Get that sorted out. How high up his list you are - that's crucial. I would demand to be his first. Everyone else should come after first, so that should be after you. My heart goes out to you having to take a night off just to get that new year kiss with your guy, and then it needs to be communicated to him how important this is to you. He should know. If he doesn't know, then make sure he knows he made a mistake before judging him, just in case. I never had two years with a guy, so well done for that. I don't expect guys to automatically just somehow know everything. It is give and take. Why can't you have lots of other moments and special times together? Get him involved in this too, make him feel more a part of this relationship. Some guys wish to have that and don't know how to ask, I have found. "The Oxen are slow, but the Earth is Patient..."
Yeah, i have to pretty much agree with Cheeky on this one. Unless the guy is like a single parent, then obviously the welfare of his child should always come first as his priority. however, if that's not the case, then i think you need to talk to him about this, as you don't want to keep something like this bottled up as it'll only cause problems for you both later on.
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