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I am in love with a man who cannot live pornography sites....

  1. alenushka profile image61
    alenushkaposted 6 years ago

    I am really desperate... i feel betrayed, cheated... and still he says he loves me, i am everything he wants and needs in his life... but what he is doing hurts so much...so not myself... i hope you understand he cannot live without porn...

    1. Valeed profile image79
      Valeedposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      It seems that he is addicted to pornography and that is quite normal now, as there are tons of sites which provide this stuff at almost free rate. You must consult a psychiatrist and fix a appointment with him. Take your man to him I hope the doctor will surely help him. Don't have bad feelings about your man because porngraphy addiction is just like other addictions, so he just wants your help to become normal. smile
      All the best and I hope you find a way out of it.

      1. alenushka profile image61
        alenushkaposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        The problem is that he is hiding it from me, i figured it out just by accident... most of the porn site he is watching... teenagers girls...

    2. Stevennix2001 profile image82
      Stevennix2001posted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Well, I don't really see this as a big deal, as almost everyone here probably looked at porn, at one point or another.  lol.  Seriously though, if this really bothers you that much, then it sounds like you should probably talk to him about this, as communication is the best way.  Or perhaps, you two can somehow share his passion for porn together.  I remember hearing from a classmate of mine, in high school, say he often learned new various techniques from pornography.  Therefore, why don't you watch the porn with him, and try to mimic the techniques of the actors to not only enhance the pleasure, but to try out the various techniques.  Trust me, you'll be very surprised what you learn from watching experts have sex.  Anyways, i hope that helps.

      1. alenushka profile image61
        alenushkaposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        unfortunatelly i cannot "turn" my genitals into 14 years old girl's vagina... he is mostly watching this"type" of porn... and our sex life ... believe me some people could be really surprised how "inventive" couple can be...

        1. Stevennix2001 profile image82
          Stevennix2001posted 6 years ago in reply to this

          Are you serious?  Wow, that's a horse of a different color then.  You'll have to excuse my comment earlier if that's the case, as I thought you were referring to regular pornography.  Not the extreme illegal kind that supports the exploitation of minors.  That's a completely different story.  I do apologize sincerely if I offended you then.

      2. saleheensblog profile image60
        saleheensblogposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        huh?

    3. profile image60
      germangirl100posted 6 years ago in reply to this

      maybe you should try and please him a little more... you know try osme new things with him.... maybe hes bored of the things you do maybe thats why he watches pron all the time and its not wierd im pretty sure every living male wayches pron for fun i dont think you should worry about it

    4. SingleCityGirl profile image59
      SingleCityGirlposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Dear Alenushka,
      I dated a porn addict for five years. It was the most devastating experience of my life.  Despite being reassured that I was everything he wanted in a woman romantically, sexually and physically, his actions proved otherwise by turning to porn before turning to me.   It affected his ability to climax half of the time.  When he did climax, I considered it a "victory".    Not only did his addiction to porn come before my needs and our relationship needs, but the more it bothered me the worse his addiction got sad   I suffered a lot!  And it made me feel incredibly insecure and jealous.  Try to determine if your lover is going through a phase.  If his problem is as bad as my ex's is, you have two options:  1. Leave the relationship -  It will continue to break you down and destroy your bond.  The problem could be deeply ingrained in his psyche and could go on for ever.  (2) - Encourage him to seek professional help if it not just a phase.  It could be fear of intimacy that needs to be massaged through over time. Good Luck!! p.s.  My ex's problem with porn ruined his marriage and his subsequent relationship with me.  Keep that in mind if your honey's problem is severe.

      1. alenushka profile image61
        alenushkaposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        Thank you for your post, i know for some people it is just fun, they think that is really stupid to make a big deal from the point that a man you love spending hours at the comp masturbating, looking at the pic of the girls who can be his daughters by age... but it really hurts me...and i love him ... like nobody in my life before...

        1. schoolgirlforreal profile image74
          schoolgirlforrealposted 6 years ago in reply to this

          ONe thing I came up w/ in my mind;, that might help, I could be wrong, is go w/ out sex with him for a month or more...so if that changes your perspecitve of him and loosens your love,,,only reason I say this is in one of myhubs I talkied about hte endorphins released when havieng sex w/ someone esp in women....when I sepreatered w/ my bf....i lost alot of my feeling for him...good luck thou.

    5. goldenpath profile image81
      goldenpathposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Perhaps, but YOU can live without him if that's the case.  With that smut people indulge in the fantasies of want.  If their attention is on that then you cannot ever take that place.  Attention is the priority of an individual.  You have to be stronger than that.  Either you significant other gets counseling and removes the computer from the home and life or you leave.  Simple as that.

      Good luck.

    6. Misha profile image75
      Mishaposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Any links? wink

      1. saleheensblog profile image60
        saleheensblogposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        lol lol

    7. Angela Nielsen profile image61
      Angela Nielsenposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Its natural for man especially when they love surfing through net. This sites maybe some of the websites visited and many new porn sites that they upgraded to be a more fan sites in the net. Be considerable.

  2. SomewayOuttaHere profile image61
    SomewayOuttaHereposted 6 years ago

    ...i don't know much about porn sites...some like reading playboy for example...not sure how much reading there is but....ha ha ha....anyway...i don't think someone who looks at playboy is cheating...if they are obsessed however...then i figure there could be something missing.

    1. profile image69
      logic,commonsenseposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      What about those obsessed with HP?
      Some appear to be unable to live without it! smile

      1. saleheensblog profile image60
        saleheensblogposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        Like me smile

        1. schoolgirlforreal profile image74
          schoolgirlforrealposted 6 years ago in reply to this

          I can't live w/out my comments wink lol

  3. Hotplate profile image59
    Hotplateposted 6 years ago

    Tell him that you want to make a video with him.  Try to get him focused on making and watching videos of the two of you.

  4. psycheskinner profile image81
    psycheskinnerposted 6 years ago

    The bottom line is that if he won;t give it up for you, and you can't live with him using it, you need to have a serious talk.  I don't have a problem with porn, but I would be worried about a man who would considered it more important than his relationship with his partner.

  5. Deborah Demander profile image91
    Deborah Demanderposted 6 years ago

    I am sorry for your experience. I was married to a porn addict for twenty years. They were lonely, hurtful and shameful years for me. For a while I tried to change him, until I realized that I can only change myself. An addict is an addict is an addict. The substance they use to numb the brain may be different, but you cannot make him do anything he doesn't want to do. The best thing for you is to do what makes you happy. It is easy to say, but not easy to do. You have to take a good long look at what you really want in your life, and in your relationships, and then do that thing. It took me twenty years to get out, but I am so glad I did. Good luck to you.
    Namaste.

  6. profile image0
    Home Girlposted 6 years ago

    Don't walk away - run. he does not need you - he has his fun...

    1. saleheensblog profile image60
      saleheensblogposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      roll

    2. schoolgirlforreal profile image74
      schoolgirlforrealposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      I know a sick person who thinks his "relationships" with girls in magazines is better than a real girl lol lol hahaha you wonder how I met this "freak" !!LOL I told him....screw you (he's just a friend) I said you're CRAZY!!! Real women are obviously better......hmm does this make you think??

  7. IzzyM profile image88
    IzzyMposted 6 years ago

    I would be tempted to look on his computer when he's not around for evidence of him downloading child porn - if he's into 14 year olds he's breaking the law here, but are these girls actually 14 or do they just look it?
    Anyway, call the police. That'll put an end to that!
    Honey you don't need a guy a like this...and when he gets caught you will find yourself in trouble too as an accessory after the fact.
    Act now.

  8. Greek One profile image78
    Greek Oneposted 6 years ago

    unless you cut and paste the pictures here, how are we to judge?

    1. saleheensblog profile image60
      saleheensblogposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      lol lol

  9. saleheensblog profile image60
    saleheensblogposted 6 years ago

    how old is he?
    are you married?
    do you stay together?
    where and when does he watch porn?

    1. Greek One profile image78
      Greek Oneposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      you're too young for him saleheensblog... get back to your studies!

      1. saleheensblog profile image60
        saleheensblogposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        ok sad

      2. profile image0
        Home Girlposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        He is actually too old for him...

  10. Greek One profile image78
    Greek Oneposted 6 years ago

    how young is he?

    1. profile image0
      Home Girlposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Not 14 anyway. If this guy likes minors...

      1. IzzyM profile image88
        IzzyMposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        Exactly, HomeGirl! He is breaking the law, he is a dirty perv, and the OP would be well shot of him!
        Nothing against porn or whatever between consenting adults, but wanting 14 years olds is just sick!

        1. Greek One profile image78
          Greek Oneposted 6 years ago in reply to this

          hold on.. let me go back and actually read the content of the posts before mine (I've never actually done that on any thread)

  11. arb profile image80
    arbposted 6 years ago

    Love often distorts our perception, indeed they say that love is blind. In this case it sounds as though you are blaming yourself for his problem and it is a problem. We can not change others, but, we can certainly propose consequences, which can force decision and choice from the other individual. If there is no consequence, there is no incentive to change. Sounds like its time to define what love is to you. Love does not live in what we say, it lives in what we do and in what we don't do. Best of luck.

  12. Greek One profile image78
    Greek Oneposted 6 years ago

    oh ok.. i see now..

    yeah, best you get someone who isn't into pedophilia pics.. probably isnt the right kinda guy to build a family with....

    unless, of course, you plan on buying a home in a prison exercise court

  13. prettydarkhorse profile image64
    prettydarkhorseposted 6 years ago

    not on minors, if he is happy just watching porn rather than being with her ladylove, then he has a prob,

  14. couturepopcafe profile image61
    couturepopcafeposted 6 years ago

    Try loving yourself.  Then leaving him.  If he can't live without you, he'll leave them.

  15. gamergirl profile image60
    gamergirlposted 6 years ago

    How do you know the girls are 14 for sure?  There are thousands of 'barely legal' sites out there on the internet where the girls, usually between the ages of 19 and 30, are photographed in clothing typically worn or styled for teens, and then those photos are heavily altered to make the girls being photographed look even younger.

    Unless he's looking at bootleg, homemade child porn, don't assume that the sexy teen photo galleries he's looking at are underage girls.  The market for 'barely legal' porn is enormous.

    1. alenushka profile image61
      alenushkaposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      I totally understand it, he is not pedophile, but you should understand it, girls on the pic - all look like underaged, you understand what i mean, not developed breast, skinny, blondy, haircut with layers, like school girls wearing.. of course i understand that these girls are maybe 30, but... he is definetely"inclined" to this group... and i feel terrible about it...

  16. libby101a profile image60
    libby101aposted 6 years ago

    If I were you I'd give him the opportunity to change. The problem I have with this is if he really cares then the porn would be gone! If he is looking at young girls then that is entirely a different level! It doesn't matter if the site is trying to make these women look younger or not---it takes a sick person to want to see women look like young girls! I surely wouldn't want to have a daughter with someone who wants a young girl!

    It's hard to do the right thing when you love someone! However, your life ahead will be full of sorrow if you don't stand up and do what is right for you! If you can't live with this, then you should go! If you can talk to him, then have a long talk and tell him you are leaving if he can't change!

    Good Luck!

    1. LSKing profile image85
      LSKingposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      I agree. I think she should move on. His problems are not her problems to deal with. Especially an illegal one such as underage porn.

  17. Lifeallstar1 profile image60
    Lifeallstar1posted 6 years ago

    Does he have any other addictions?

    1. alenushka profile image61
      alenushkaposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      no, if not this, he is one i was dreaming all my life.. i feel so good with him... and our sex is great too... and it is almost everyday... it could be more.. if we don't go to work...smile))

  18. schoolgirlforreal profile image74
    schoolgirlforrealposted 6 years ago

    I'm a jealous gal myself and I'd be pissed. Really....

  19. saleheensblog profile image60
    saleheensblogposted 6 years ago

    Lifeallstar1, Mykeydoes and schoolgirlforreal stay out of this forum. Greek one has said younger hubbers to stay away of this.

    1. Lifeallstar1 profile image60
      Lifeallstar1posted 6 years ago in reply to this

      I'm always somewhere I'm not supposed to be big_smile

    2. Greek One profile image78
      Greek Oneposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      just YOU.. you're supposed to be studying!

      1. pisean282311 profile image58
        pisean282311posted 6 years ago in reply to this

        @greekone as soon as i read the title i thought we were discussing you...tongue

        1. Greek One profile image78
          Greek Oneposted 6 years ago in reply to this

          ah Pisean...  am 40 years old with a wife, newborn and mortgage...

          when I think about going to bed with someone, it is to sleep

          1. pisean282311 profile image58
            pisean282311posted 6 years ago in reply to this

            wow being father changes many thing it seems...

            1. Greek One profile image78
              Greek Oneposted 6 years ago in reply to this

              so does age and marriage...

              and a @#%^@^@^ backyard that has take 2 hours to mow each week in the summertime

              1. pisean282311 profile image58
                pisean282311posted 6 years ago in reply to this

                lol

  20. Mikeydoes profile image80
    Mikeydoesposted 6 years ago

    You'd be surprised how many men watch and use porn daily. Nothing to get upset about, it is healthy.. I wouldn't call it an addiction unless they were doing it constantly through out the day. Even then it still isn't an addiction.

    Just sounds like a dude bored with free time to me.

    1. alenushka profile image61
      alenushkaposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      "Just sounds like a dude bored with free time to me." - you don't believe me how right you are!!!!

  21. LSKing profile image85
    LSKingposted 6 years ago

    This is way more serious then him just having a porn addiction. If he watches illegal porn, the ISP address will be tracked to your home if he is caught by the authorities.

    Also, if you were to have children with this guy, wouldn't you be concerned that he would be sexually attracted to your future teenage daughter.

    This is really sad. Please know that you can and will get over this guy, it will just take time. You have to do what's best for you.

    1. libby101a profile image60
      libby101aposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      I agree L SkKing.  And I'd be sort of worried that he would want to look at grown women who are dressing like teen girls! That is not normal!

      If there's nothing wrong with it, then why is he hiding it?

    2. alenushka profile image61
      alenushkaposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      we don't have kids together, my son is almost 20, and sad things i look like his girl friend somehow although i am already old enough.... he has 2 kids from his first marriage. 10 years old son.... and 15 years old daughter

  22. Greek One profile image78
    Greek Oneposted 6 years ago

    oh well, geesh.. if it's not child porn, don't stress yourself out...

    most guys look at porn.. it's not a healthy thing to do, but it's not something to break up a marriage over

  23. profile image0
    Sophia Angeliqueposted 6 years ago

    Well, I see three possibilities here.

    1) You learn to live with it because he isn't going to change.
    2) He feels it worthwhile to go for counseling and leaves the porn alone (don't hold your breath).
    3) You can't live with it and leave.

    I think you're probably hoping for the second. Most people would. I'm not a great believer in that kind of hope.

  24. Bill Manning profile image71
    Bill Manningposted 6 years ago

    I don't know why I always open my mouth to these threads, but I will just say what I think and leave.

    MOST guys, from the age of 14 to 99, love to watch porn. They also love to watch younger looking girls that look like they are 16 to 19.

    So IMO it's actually normal for guys to lust after these, it's in their genes. It does NOT sound like he is watching CP, but a "barely legal" type of teen site.

    You say you and him have great sex and have it all the time. If so that tells you he loves your body, desires you and wants to have sex with YOU!

    He looks at the sites, gets aroused and then makes passionate love to you, what's the problem?

    I once knew a lesbian couple. The older girl had a hard time getting aroused. She had to watch porn for 15 minutes or so by herself to get in the mood before she could have sex with her mate.

    It worked for them, so whatever works is fine. He MAY have an addiction, and if so then your doomed. But nobody on here can tell you what he is thinking, only you, and you have to talk to him.

    But the fact that he seems to want to make love to you tells me he is just watching this stuff as an arousal and fantasy. He seems to love your body and you, so don't feel bad. smile

    1. Greek One profile image78
      Greek Oneposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      great points...

      but please tell us more about this lesbian couple

      1. pisean282311 profile image58
        pisean282311posted 6 years ago in reply to this

        lol ya i second that...we are all ears to listen to that...

      2. Bill Manning profile image71
        Bill Manningposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        Oh the things I could tell you,,,, lol

        1. Greek One profile image78
          Greek Oneposted 6 years ago in reply to this

          a picture is worth 1000 words

      3. alenushka profile image61
        alenushkaposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        smile)))

  25. Disturbia profile image61
    Disturbiaposted 6 years ago

    Leave him!  My husband had an addiction to internet porn and also to watching lonely women exhibiting themselves on their webcams in chatrooms... eventually he graduated to websites catering to married people looking to cheat descreetly.  I was hurt by the dishonesty and disloyalty more than the porn.  It's not like he invited me to watch with him which in my opinion would have been something erotic we could have shared.  He went behind my back and excluded me and I felt betrayed. When he got caught, I forgave him, we went to counseling, he made promises which he obviously intended not to keep, and finally after five years when I had taken just about as much as I could take, I divorced him and I've never felt better.  It's a sickness and it will do nothing but ruin your life.

  26. 2besure profile image82
    2besureposted 6 years ago

    Be prepared for a long bumpy ride or get rid of him, he already has a girlfriend. His porn!

  27. sara28 profile image61
    sara28posted 5 years ago

    ughhh I am going through this now myself and its sucks. I am finally starting to not feel like a girl at 28 and finally feel like a woman and now my boyfriend wants to look at young girls. Its frustrating! Aside from the porn I get upset when I see him intently and intensely look at girls I know are no more then 16. But I have faith in him and I do believe its the idea of something young and fresh and not the actual intent to go after a young girl. But I do admit I feel very threatened and sometimes unattractive. I am not a tiny girl. I am curvy and my d cup isnt the a cup he is admiring online. But oddly enough the woman before me was actually full figured then I am.... So I guess it is just a fantasy and not something he is actually seeking. I just wear pigtails and lil' dresses and go minimal on the make-up he seems to like that.

  28. profile image59
    Gentleman34posted 8 months ago

    Ugh. The reality of addiction and what we really want:
    I'm 35 addicted to porn, married for 11 years and my wife still finds it disgusting.   Please allow me the to offer some sense of reality.

    1. Some men have a huge sex drive, sometimes women do - it is driven by chemicals in the brain

    2.  For the women: what a man may happen to be viewing is not an indication of what he feels he is missing. (He may not know exactly what he wants, but there is something missing). If i feel inadequate, i may watch some abusive or degrading videos, but i don't actually want to treat people this way. If i wish I had pursued a young blonde, I may watch a scene on it, but I may be satisfied w someone else...read further for more explanation

    3.  Excessive porn rots the brain. See http:///yourbrainonporn.com for examples

    4.  Real sex builds confidence.  While many women think the answer is more sex or more kinky sex, the reality is often a more emotional need

    5. The truth is men often just want to feel empowered.  Being romanced/seduced/taken by a women, a sense of "she can't stand to live without me," will drive a man crazy. So many men in relationships just need that extra emotional boost. Even a gay man w no attractiveness whatsoever can sometimes give the man the support he needs.

    6. Even if a man never looks, he is aware (through magazines, a past relationship, buddies at work, TV, music, and who knows where else, that there is incredible sex available and there is vanilla sex available.  Some guys get the good stuff and the other guys are left w choices like "should i stay in it for the kids?" "will it get better later?"  "Will God be mad at me?"  "Is there something wrong with me?"

    7. While most of us actually know it's an unrealistic fairy tale, we also have had the experience of being solicited for raw passion or one of our buds has, we hear first hand about the girls who enjoy anal or watching porn w their men or who learned how to squirt for their man, or just plain push him on the bed and take advantage of him.

    If you actually think it's your age or your looks or your size/shape, you are missing out!  We men need the emotional support of a good strong woman to whip us into shape and tell us they believe in us and can't stand to be without us, especially in bed.

    One last thought:  if you as a woman have trouble getting to your man because you are tired after taking care of the kids, just remember, you will always be their mother, but your man has a choice; and he chose you...at least for now. Will he see it as the best or worst choice he ever made? 

    Sorry for the bluntness, but this is reality.  The days of cinderella and snow white never actually existed.

 
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