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Funniest Blonde Joke: Do you have a better one?

  1. mcrawford76 profile image90
    mcrawford76posted 6 years ago

    Q: If a blonde and a brunette fall off a building at the exact same time, which one lands first?
    A: The brunette; the blonde had to stop to ask for directions.

    Q: How does a blonde turn on the light after sex?
    A: She opens the car door.

    Q: How do you confuse a blonde woman?
    A: Take her to a round room and tell her to stand in the corner.
    Q: How does the blonde confuse you?
    A: She asks you which corner.

    1. Walt Smith profile image60
      Walt Smithposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Q: Why was the blonde fired from the M & M factory?
      A: For throwing away all the W's..

      Q: Why did the blonde have bruises all around her belly button?
      A: Blonde guys aren't all that bright either.

  2. Mighty Mom profile image90
    Mighty Momposted 6 years ago

    A blonde, a brunette and a readhead were competing at a swim meet.
    The event was the breast stroke.
    The brunette won easily.
    The redhead came in a close second.
    The blonde lost by several body lengths.
    When she finally finished, the blonde complained, "No fair. They cheated! They used their arms!"
    lol lol lol

    1. Pearldiver profile image87
      Pearldiverposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      big_smile  big_smile That's a beauty MM... I had my money on the Read head. sad

    2. pisean282311 profile image59
      pisean282311posted 6 years ago in reply to this

      lol lol

    3. mcrawford76 profile image90
      mcrawford76posted 6 years ago in reply to this

      LOVE IT!!!

    4. Bellamie profile image60
      Bellamieposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      "They used their arms"!!!!!  Now that is totally funny!!  LOL!

  3. Mighty Mom profile image90
    Mighty Momposted 6 years ago

    Actually, the redhead wins the next event.
    In that one the blonde loses because she can only find 3 butterflies -- not enough to pull her across the pool smile

  4. SiddSingh profile image59
    SiddSinghposted 6 years ago

    A blonde police officer pulls over a car that is incidentally being driven by a blonde.

    "Your license please".

    "Umm, officer, what does it look like?"

    "Ok, it is small, rectangular and has your picture on it. You will find it in your handbag."

    "OK, let me check."

    After a few moments, the blonde driver pulls out a small mirror, looks at it, of course sees her image and hands it over to the officer.

    The office glances at it, and returns it immediately.

    "Hey, why didn't you tell me you were a police officer, too!"

    1. pisean282311 profile image59
      pisean282311posted 6 years ago in reply to this

      smile

  5. dingdondingdon profile image59
    dingdondingdonposted 6 years ago

    Q: What do you call a blonde in a library?

    A: A girl who likes to read.

    Am I doing it right?

    1. mcrawford76 profile image90
      mcrawford76posted 6 years ago in reply to this

      No. I would say a better Answer would be LOST.

  6. Joy56 profile image59
    Joy56posted 6 years ago

    A blonde driving home on a busy motorway, we shall call it the M1

    Husband phones her, and says
    " Careful on the M1 honey some idiot is driving along it the wrong way"

    "not one idiot darling," the blonde replied, they all are.

       Blondes and red heads have the same amount of fun......

      Red Heads remember it.....

    1. mcrawford76 profile image90
      mcrawford76posted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Too funny!

  7. mcrawford76 profile image90
    mcrawford76posted 6 years ago

    Q: What do you call a SMART blonde.
    A: A Golden Retriever.

  8. mcrawford76 profile image90
    mcrawford76posted 6 years ago

    Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

    A: Are you sure it's mine?

  9. mcrawford76 profile image90
    mcrawford76posted 6 years ago

    During her company's periodic password audit, a blond employee was found to be using this password:

    GoofyHueyLouieDeweyDaisyDonaldMickeyMinniePhoenix

    When she was asked why she had such a long password, she said, "The boss said that my password had to be at least eight characters long and have at least one capital."

  10. livewithrichard profile image83
    livewithrichardposted 6 years ago

    A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a bar stool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender,

    "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke ?"

    The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says,

    "Before you tell that joke, you should know something.The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde, and I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb.blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde, and she's a wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"

    The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it 5 times."

    1. Joy56 profile image59
      Joy56posted 6 years ago in reply to this

      the blind man in the bar, then proceeded to tell the story,.

      could anyone finish this for me

    2. Eaglekiwi profile image75
      Eaglekiwiposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      lol  lol  lol

  11. Joy56 profile image59
    Joy56posted 6 years ago

    How  many light bulbs does it take to change a blonde.

    The blonde has to want to changs.....

  12. profile image0
    Brenda Durhamposted 6 years ago

    How can ya tell a blonde's been using the computer?


    There'll be White-Out all over the screen.  big_smile

    1. rebekahELLE profile image93
      rebekahELLEposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      lol 

      Why did the blonde nurse take a red magic marker to work?
      In case she had to draw some blood.

      A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

      As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

      Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”

      To which she replied, “There certainly is!”

      My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”
         big_smile

  13. stclairjack profile image80
    stclairjackposted 6 years ago

    blond following a dumptruck through a snow storm,.. repeatedly she gets out of her car runs up the window and says "hi, my name is tabitha, and your loosing your load, its leaking out the back of your truck",... at every stop light she does this and at every stoplight the dumptruck driver shakes his head and drives on.

    when the trucker can stand it no longer he speeds to the next light, jumps out of his truck and runs back to the blonds car, tapping on the window,..

    she rolls down the window and he says to her,... "hi, my name is kevin, its winter time, and i drive a damn salt truck"

  14. mcrawford76 profile image90
    mcrawford76posted 6 years ago

    A blonde woman, driving a sports car cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does. The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she's smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she's laughing. He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down. He demands, "What's so funny?" She says, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!"

  15. mcrawford76 profile image90
    mcrawford76posted 6 years ago

    Or the funniest blonde commercial?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPlqhw8AoQI

  16. profile image0
    Home Girlposted 6 years ago

    That's not true,guys, it is all mere insinuations, I do not do all of these things really, just some of them, sometimes. You just forgot to mention that moment when I was trying to open somebody else's car trunk to put my groceries in. How did I know it was not mine? It was the same shape and the same nice red colour! The keys were different though for some stupid reason. The owner of this car came to me from behind when I was busy trying to open it with my keys and told me quietly,"By the way, this car is mine." big_smile

 
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