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Is it wrong to share your SO's health news?

  1. Mighty Mom profile image91
    Mighty Momposted 5 years ago

    She gets blood test results witha note from doctor that's distressing.
    The outlook is far from fatal, but significant.
    She asks him not to tell anyone until she sees the doctor about a treatment plan.
    She is a private person who likes to keep things just between them.
    He is the kind of person who processes information by sharing it. He has also been carrying the stress of knowing "something" is wrong with her for a long time. She has been really sick and not functioning.  He is actually relieved it's not worse.
    He is busting at the seams to tell someone close (and trustworthy) about the test results.
    But he honors her request.
    She sees the doctor.
    He assumes the gag order is now lifted.
    He tells a close friend, knowing that the friend's wife has had health issues and perhaps can empathize with his SO (the two couples are very close).
    When he tells SO that he told his friend, she flips out.
    She screams, "I told you not to tell ANYONE!!!"

    Did he violate a trust?
    Was it wrong to tell his friend about SO's condition?
    Does she have the right to restrict him from sharing information that impacts both of them as a couple?

    What would YOU do in this situation???

    1. Michael Willis profile image78
      Michael Willisposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      I would respect the other person's request.

      1. Mighty Mom profile image91
        Mighty Momposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        Thanks, Michael Willis.
        Good answer!

    2. dutchman1951 profile image59
      dutchman1951posted 5 years ago in reply to this

      if it is truly his "so" then why would he not respect her request, and support her.

      Sometimes your better half confides in you for suport and encouragement from you directly. If the person being told has to talk it out, why does he not talk it out with his "significant other" keep it between the two of them in private as she requested??????

      see sometimes it is not about you...its about the other person. You seeking attention for Her condition to get your friend to pay attention to your stress instead of Her's! Its not about that for Her;  Its about her wanting you next to her in support at this time- NOT YOU...HER

      think it out first, and talk to Her in private, support her. Do not use her to get support for yourself.  Your a couple- a team, you are not in a contest with her for attention from friends outside of your relationship. Be very carefull and think it out next time before you jump off.

    3. Cagsil profile image83
      Cagsilposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      Hey Mighty Mom,

      The only thing I noticed from your explanation of the situation is that the timing of him telling someone else.

      She said that she wanted to see the doctor. I don't know, if this person decided to make a phone call in the doctors office, while she was in visiting with the doctor, so he could release the weight of knowing or not.

      Secondly, she only said that he was to wait until she saw the doctor and not about waiting till after, to find out what the results were from that visit. I know, semantics.

      She shouldn't be too angry, simply because she wasn't specific enough on when he could tell others. But, also, he could have waited a little while longer, as a just in case scenario. tongue

      Edit: Love and Compassion is a two-way street. tongue smile

    4. healinghands1668 profile image86
      healinghands1668posted 5 years ago in reply to this

      Allow me to consider this from a more clinical perspective.

      I work in the field of health care. I am a therapist, not a doctor, but I am still bound by HIPPAA and have to abide by client confidentiality rules. I don't share client information with anyone without their express written permission. Not even their SO. It is a violation of privacy, and one that could land me in legal trouble. Before I got my certification, I worked in records management at a doctor's office. Every patient had to sign a release if they wanted their SO's to be privy to their information.

      Simply because of my profession, I am inclined to think that the patient should ALWAYS have the final say on who knows their health information. Although I might say something like, "I had a client who had suchandsuch problem," if I were exchanging advice with another therapist, but I would never permit that other therapist to read my notes from that session or view my client's information.

      In the situation described above, a certain amount of misunderstanding was involved, and I do not think the woman should feel that what happened was a blatant betrayal of trust. That said, SO ought to have asked permission before sharing her information.

  2. mistyhorizon2003 profile image90
    mistyhorizon2003posted 5 years ago

    A real tricky one MM, perhaps he should have told her first that he felt a need to confide in a third party and why he felt this way. Perhaps then she could have explained further why she didn't want this, or perhaps he could have made her understand why he really needed to have this outside input and support.

    PS. I hope you are not the 'ill' female in this scenario, as I would very worried if you were .

  3. Mighty Mom profile image91
    Mighty Momposted 5 years ago

    Thanks, all, for your very wise counsel.
    I am heartened that the male hubbers seem to be very pro-relationship. That's so cool!
    Cags -- yes, the semantics play a big role in this scenario.
    He is sure she said not to tell anyone until after the doctor visit. She says she said don't tell anyone period.

    There is a fine line involved, I think. I myself have recently been chided by a friend. I have been out of communication with her for awhile and finally told her that I didn't feel I had anything worthwhile to bring to the friendship because I've got a lot of carp on my plate and I feel I wouldn't be very good company. She reminded me that friendship is not just about sharing good times. It's about being there for each other when the carp hit the fan. That gave me pause.

    So that is a big part of why I posted this query. It's kind of an amalgem of different snippets of storyline (some mine, some friends', some a relative's...)

    Not to worry, misty gal! I am NOT the ill female in this scenario. Believe me, if I got bad news from the doctor, my hubber friends would be the first to know!!!

    1. mistyhorizon2003 profile image90
      mistyhorizon2003posted 5 years ago in reply to this

      I am so relieved to hear the sick person is not you MM. Thanks for putting my mind at ease smile

      1. Mighty Mom profile image91
        Mighty Momposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        Well, we all know I'm "sick" but that's nothing new lol
        Hope you are well, too, my lovely British friend!