Many couples are now splitting up and this becomes emotionally stressful for them. If there are kids involved, this becomes even more complicated. So how do deal with a break up, separation or divorce so you can get back on your feet and move on?
Dealing with separation is never easy especially if you still have feelings for your partner or if the cause of separation is infidelity. One has to go through the process of accepting reality, it is normal to feel betrayed,angry,sad, frustrated and disappointed with the other party. Accept it and start forgiving each other, then only you can start the process of healing gradually. Life has to go on. Children can be the strongest motivation to start moving forward. When a family breaks up, it is painful for all involved. Young children gets confused, older children disappointed. It is best to have supportive family and friends around during times like these. Try to explain what is happening to the children as honest as you can be in a gentle way. There is time for everything. Even difficult times will pass. Have faith. The 'sweet and bitter' is life's package.
I agree with you. It is important to explain to kids what has happened. Of course it must be said in a level that they can understand. Putting a handle on situations will help children make sense of what is going on around them.
ginjill ashberry -
I also agree with you and could not have said it any better. You are right - in times things do get easier. One of the things I did to help me put things in a positive perspective was to make lists of things that were better or easier for me now that he was gone. This helped me think of the positive rather than dwell on the negative. I remembered things like HE was the one with the no pet rule - so I got the dog I had long wanted. I remembered HE was the one who didn't like to eat in the bed - so I brought snacks to bed sometimes when I watched TV. Just little things, but they helped me go forward...
Coping up with separation is never that easy because starting a new life all alone is going to be very challenging. If kids are involved then it wont be fun at all, the kids are the ones that will be traumatised the most.
Trying to keep things as friendly as possible makes the process less traumatic for everyone. And if children are involved, seeing their parents separating in friendly terms gives them a positive message.
I agree Princessa, but it is so hard to do when you want to pick up the nearest knife and thrust it into his back!
Just don't stab someone in front of the kids
But I agree with Princessa as well. A separation can be done in a more civilized way. There may be negative feelings but still, it can be done in a better way than shouting and throwing stuff out of the house.
This is a subject I know a little something about having been divorced several times. I'm not a very sentimental person and it's always been easy for me to detach myself emotionally from a relationship that's gone past it's shelf life. When I get to the point where I think enough is enough, I cut the cord as quickly and painlessly as possible, call my lawyer to take care of the business end of things and move on. Life is too short to look back, cry about what might have been, harbor ill feelings, hold grudges, or badmouth my ex-husbands in front of my kids. It wastes too much energy to be that angry and I have better things to do with my time. But I've seen copules who go down in flames and seem to almost enjoy punishing each other. Everyone suffers when that happens, especially the kids. Both my daughters have a great relationship with my current ex and I don't discourage it a bit. In fact, they can talk to or visit with any of my ex-husbands any time they like for as long as they can stand each other. Although I'm not "friends" with any of my ex-husbands, I am always polite and civil.
I admire your strength in the face of divorce and separation. It's so great of you to let your kids continue seeing your ex husbands. Many try to cut off relationships of kids and their dads. What would be the hardest things when you got divorced?
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