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The cross-dressers responsibility?

  1. GaeHall profile image59
    GaeHallposted 5 years ago

    It is interesting how often a woman finds out after dating a man for sometime, even after being married, that prior to their relationship commencing, he cross-dressed.

    Do others agree that it is a responsibility of cross-dressers to disclose this aspect of their personality and behaviour to those considering future potential relationships?

    Would that be a basis for breaking up?

    1. brimancandy profile image83
      brimancandyposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      I saw this post and had a good laugh. People often assume that mainly gay men go around wearing womens clothes because they like doing it. Well, they would be close. A lot of gay men who cross-dress do it for a living, and to make money doing shows and performing in women's clothes. The few gay men that do wear women's clothes because they choose to, always wear womens clothes, because that's how they are most comfortable with themselves. A majority of gay men do not wear women's clothing at all, with no interest whatsoever.

      Straight men are a different story, and, a little bit more secretive in their cross-dressing.  Telling your wife or girlfriend that you cross-dress is like telling them you are also a compulsive masturbator. They usually do it when they are alone while the girlfriend or wife is out of the house. Few actually go all out though. And, that is dressing up in drag and going shopping to see if anyone notices, or thinks they are pretty. But, a majority of straight men who cross-dress do it for their own enjoyment, and would rather not have anyone know that they are doing it, including the girlfriend or wife. And, I don't see that as being a big issue. Unless he is doing it to attract men...then that might be a problem for a couple to deal with.

      I actually knew a so-called straight man who cross-dressed and then he would go out and see if he could get a man to hit on him. Then go as far as sex to see if the guy would freak out if he knew he was a man. He claims that a majority still had sex with him anyways. DRUNKS!!! LOL!!

      Unless the cross-dresser is doing it for something that might get in the way of his relationship with his girlfriend or wife, I don't see a problem.
      I would say, if she suspects ask him. Don't expect him to tell you, because he probably won't. Let him tell you.

      And, if you are wondering about how I know about the straight guy in the dress, I picked him up in a bar. He was wearing a man's uniform, with a complete french teddy and women's underwear underneath. YUKKKK!!!!

      1. littlelacesecret profile image59
        littlelacesecretposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        So you wouldn't continue to see him? What if you found out months after you began to like him would it make him a different man? I too wear panties, but I work hard play hard and love women and life

    2. Greg Sage profile image60
      Greg Sageposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      Does he shop at Victor's Secret?

      1. thighhighchick profile image60
        thighhighchickposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        You might be able to get a volume discount if you both shop there

  2. DIYweddingplanner profile image92
    DIYweddingplannerposted 5 years ago

    Yes and maybe.smile

  3. Disturbia profile image61
    Disturbiaposted 5 years ago

    So he likes to cross-dress?  So what?  So he likes to buy his foundation garments from a Frederick's catalog instead of Fruit of the Loom?   Who cares?  I sure don't.  What if I like to wear men's boxers under my jeans, or go comando for that matter?  Do I have a responsibility to tell anybody?  I don't think so.  So, I don't think he's under any obligation to tell anyone either, unless he wants to.  If my guy wants to keep his teddies and heels in his own closet, so be it.  There are far worse things your guy could be into than lacey undies.  It's certainly not any reason to end a relationship in my opinion.

    1. thighhighchick profile image60
      thighhighchickposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      As long as they are not my undies its his deal. I would hope he would come forward to me but he is not under any responsibility too

      1. thighhighchick profile image60
        thighhighchickposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        Gives a whole new meaning to "wanting to get into your pants" Lol
        I am a big women so I have made love to people in lingerie before they just didn't have a real flesh one. LOL

        1. thighhighchick profile image60
          thighhighchickposted 5 years ago in reply to this

          That don't come out right. I meant I am a big women lover not "I am a big women"

  4. Cardisa profile image90
    Cardisaposted 5 years ago

    If it's something he is not doing anymore then maybe it wouldn't matter now. I don't want to know everything all at once. There are things I don't mind finding out later in the relationship. It could have been a phase.

  5. Kate Spenser profile image89
    Kate Spenserposted 5 years ago

    I think that in any relationship, people should have the right to wait until they feel comfortable with the person to reveal more "sensitive" aspects of themselves - whether it is that they are a crossdresser, they suffer from depression or OCD, they were abused as a child, had a chronic illness, have a learning disability, had a drug problem, they hate classic movies, they can only have sex with the lights off, don't eat anything that's green...or any other thing that is "unexpected" or could be considered a taboo or hot-button topic in our society. People ought to be able feel that they are in a safe environment before they reveal anything about themselves that might be a sensitive subject...and anyone who has ever been on a first date knows that a first date is far from a "safe" feeling situation!

    I think part of the problem in situations like this is that our society's definition of masculinity is so narrowly defined that we automatically assume that men who enjoy anything "feminine," including dressing in women's clothing, are weird, or something is wrong with them. But really, if you know someone well enough as a person and care for them enough that you've been in a relationship with them for a little while, I don't think any revelation of a "secret" of any sort (save, perhaps, that they murdered their last partner or something) should be automatic grounds for a breakup! Sure, you might be surprised, shocked, confused, or whatever, but just because you found something out about the person doesn't change who they are as a person - I think anyone who wasn't at least willing to hear the person out and learn about what motivates their desires, etc probably wasn't worth dating to begin with.

  6. thighhighchick profile image60
    thighhighchickposted 5 years ago

    Well said

  7. 4tune profile image62
    4tuneposted 5 years ago

    Agree with Kate and if I loved someone.. No I would care about that sort of thing, even if taken aback at first but that would only be because it was hidden for too long.

    It is just too bad people can't be what they are from the get go then there would be less confusion and more women taking these men home with an already clear understanding of them I think.

  8. Jonathan Janco profile image82
    Jonathan Jancoposted 5 years ago

    Depends on what level of crossdressing youre talking about. For someone who has a serious fetish, he should probably tell his wife/girlfriend just for his own sake. If she's into it or atleast open minded, it could hurt the relationship by keeping it secret. If she's going to be judgmental about it,the relationship is probably a farce to begin with. I have some mild tendencies in this area but nothing a mentally mature woman couldnt deal with. I find pantyhose to be comfortable when its too warm for longjohns but still too cold for loose long pants and short underwear. And I have dressed in drag for Halloween a couple of times. When I have a girlfriend, I usually demand a pair of her panties as a token of our commitment. Every woman I have seriously dated has indulged me in this pretty much without an issue. Some will ask me if I wear them and I'll say, 'once in a while', but it's really just a symbol of possession for me.

    I don't think its necessarily a good thing to be secretive about this sort of thing, because I believe in honesty and openness in a relationship, but I can understand considering the many many many things women generally keep secret about themselves without batting an eyelash.

  9. 61
    SandyGalposted 5 years ago

    A cross dresser,  one that enjoys the free feeling of feminine clothing, as well as the 'taboo' nature of that - remains closeted and fearful for many years.   How does he admit that to casual dates?  He doesn't of course,  but then - one appeals to him a bit more, but it's not quite serious yet.  Does he now admit it?  Of course not.  A bit more time and it does become serious, he 'loves' her!  Does he now tell - and lose her? No - I doubt any guy, as a closeted cross dresser,  could admit his hobby? or desire, or fetish or whatever -- and risk losing her.

    For the cross dresser not interested in going public,  there doesn't seem to be a good time to tell.  But as the relationship deepens and marriage looms, there is no 'good time' to tell - and any responsibility takes a back seat.

    I'd imagine this scenario plays itself out uncountable times in society.

  10. 61
    missanonposted 5 years ago

    Hi Everyone

    Very very new to this page and this world. I have a boyfriend of six months and whilst spending time at his home i have discovered he is a cross dresser possibly more. He doesnt know that i know and im trying to research and read up on this to help me be more supportive. Thing is do i let him know i know or keep it a secret?!?!?!  its really stressing me out.

    1. thighhighchick profile image60
      thighhighchickposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      You didn't say if his cross dressing bothered you. If it does then I am sorry this relationship probably wont work. But if you can deal with this then have some fun with it. Ask him to wear a pair of your panties, or just put a pair that you buy him on him before bed one night. Dont ask him about it or tell him you know because he will deny it. But if you bring it up the way I suggested he may just tell you. Is he into full cross dressing or just under dressing?  (Wearing female lingerie )