Do people actually have control over who they fall in love with or does falling in love just happen to them?
few person have nature of like this, but its now common every one showing that he is fall in love actually he is not
It's a combination. There are levels of deep connection that you either have or you don't. But if you choose to focus your attention on good, kind, decent people who share your values, and give it some time, you can *find* that deep connection there surprisingly often.
I always thought it was more of something we could control. I always wanted to believe that love would find me, but I thought for a while that I was the one that would seek it out. My first marriage failed because I was not in love with my husband. I loved him, he was a great friend and we did so much together.. however, something was lacking. I thought that settling, overlooking a lot of your differences was a part of spending your life with someone. After I got divorced and went back in the dating world, I was scared. I was out of my element. I tried a dating site just to see who I would be matched with, if I was close to who I thought I would pick. A wonderful man contacted me and we got along very well. When we met in person I did not think that he was the one for me. He was a complete opposite to me. He is a police officer and has conservative views, I am more of free spirit. He was shorter and skinny, I am curvy and always dating bigger guys. When things started to really move for us, I broke up with him because I thought that we were just too different. This is where love found me. On my door step one afternoon after work was a hand written letter, with pictures attached. The later stated that he knows, as I do what it feels like to be in a loveless marriage and for the first time in his life he felt alive. He put in pics of various stages of his life and told me that he wants me to be in the pictures of his future. I realized that I was scared because I was feeling something I never felt before.. TRUE love. I am glad I did not walk away. I learned to trust my feelings and go fourth. We are happily married and together we have 5 children. I couldn't be more happy in my life. It feels surreal sometimes.
I dont think there is a choice in the matter. I somehow failed to marry all five women I was engaged to but the one woman who I ever felt immediately attached to could sit in my lap right now and she would OWN me.
Sometimes I think we have no control over who we fall in love with, hence why some people end up falling for their boyfriend/girlfriends sister or best friend! It's sad indeed but it cannot be done intentionally in my opinion, if you start to have strong sensations for someone it won't o away until you do something about it
Love happens any time, somewhere. Your mind can control your heart, not the heart itself.
Seems to me both. You can fall in love with someone who fits your ideals, more of a psychological love affair. And it can just happen, something about the personality and energy of the person, even though they don't match one's ideal profile.
I think there's an initial infatuation stage in any love affair, that we would refer to as "falling in love." This changes over time, but if we truly love the person, we continue on with the "affair," and it becomes much more. BUT, I also believe that there are things and characteristics that we desire in our life partner, and that when we meet the person who possesses those, we tend to love them immediately. I wouldn't call this falling in love necessarily. Like with my husband, I would call it recognizing the love of my life without question.
Depending on the people and if there is a spark as I call it that helps them fall in love. For some they may have to over come being shy for the first time and for some they may know right off the bat whether or no this person is the one.
I would not rush moving in with each other right away because you my find that this person is not right for you at all. Give it time and if God wants you to be together he'll give the sign that he does.
I love your answers Motown2Chitown Your so right on with it. : )
I believe that anyone can fall in love with anyone BUT we subconsciously restrict ourselves to falling in love with certain people because of whom or what they are. We give ourselves income brackets we'd like the person to falling or physical features we'd like them to have or even education backgrounds. This can be seen in the fact that you may be interested in someone you meet but as soon as they mention they're a drop out or broke or something you don't want to hear, you immediately switch of and you can slowly feel the attraction or "chemistry" disappearing.
From my own personal experience, and by my age, I've had plenty, I feel that even though you are attracted to someone,you are still able to control the trip down Lover's Lane early in the game. If the person you are attracted to is say, physically violent, is a liar, etc., you certainly don't want to continue as you have, making yourself vulnerable to actually falling in love. That's where you pull back and have a little talk with yourself, knowing that you are headed for big trouble if you get any deeper. You may or will be still attracted to that person, maybe even more so, knowing that they are not good for you, but too bad. Be smart now, or sorry later...................Walk away, one foot in front of the other. Don't look back. Instead, look at them at Facebook where it's nice and safe, until you find yourself attracted to someone else who won't make you suffer. (:
I am in control. When I don't see her I don't have to be in love with her. When I see her I am in love again.
You may not have control over who you fall in love with but you certainly do over the relationship.
Trust me I wish we did have control but the heart seems to want what the heart seems to want. However, I do feel we have complete control over whether or not to stick around in a bad relationship. It's not love if you are being hurt whether physically or emotionally.
"What if you fall in love with a wrong guy?"
Got to learn how to fall out of love and quick.
I know for a fact falling in love just happens. The day after my first date with my husband, I told a friend that this was completely different from anything I'd ever known before. My husband told me the same thing on our next date. We've been inseparable ever since. Which is odd for me, I was never the type for attachments; until we met.
It took me 20 years to fall out of my love. No more, please,destiny, no more...
It just happens. You just have to learn how to control that. I find that inevitable if you don't have conversations with this person. Better to be involve in many activities, rather than be focused in one person.
After a twenty year marriage went bust and ended in divorce, I honestly didn't think I would ever find love or get remarried. I never said "never" but I wasn't looking either.
I took my new wife out on our first date with the intention of showing her how a gentleman was suppose to treat a lady. She'd had some real losers in her life. The last one was a moron that walked out on her and their son when he was 4-Months old. I didn't think we'd have too much in common or that she'd be interested in a long-term relationship due to our age difference. I was wrong on both points. We were married about 18 months later.
I wasn't looking for love but it found me. I got lucky.
For me, it is something we have no control over. Falling in love is not something we decide, it is something we feel with or without reason... Now, what can we control? It's our perspective towards what we feel. Example, when you fall in love in with a friend, you can't do a thing to deny it to yourself. But, you can still decide if you are going to make your friendship to the next level or give value to your friendship by staying the same way. Love for your friend is in your heart. The decision of making it real is in your mind. That's the difference.
I was reading this and I wondered, "where do the codependents and alcoholics fit in here?"
Some people fall in love with alcoholics if their dad was one, and some feel comfortable and codependents are needy,
so does it mean that all the above should be corrected before dating? What does it mean?
The only way to control not falling in love with someone is by running away from that person at the point where you start feeling strong emotions towards him/her. If you are able to do it at the right time, then you're in control.
interesting. And I've also heard (I believe it's proven by science) that once you start having sex, the chemicals released -esp to women- give you the feeling of closeness and being in love and make it harder for either person to "see straight" so...I guess that's why they say be friends first so you can determine if you really like the person.
true love does not happen overnight & takes work. Anyone can "like someone" but the real deal may take months or even years. Lust happens easily, love takes time
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