Need Advice

1. 58

   Godmommyposted 12 years ago

   What do you do when your parents fight with you, and you try to talk to them, and all they do is yell. I feel like I can't communicate with my mom because she yells all the time and makes me feel worthless.

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2. 60

   frochposted 12 years ago

   Huh...it is hard situation. I will give you 2 advices.
   
   1) Do not feel worthless. I know that this is hard to do, but this is my opinion. Remember that behaviour of your family shall not have influence on you.
   
   2) Just wait for being adult and move out of home. I'm not joking. If child is moving to another place it depend on two things: (1) parents starts to appreciate and (2) Kid starts to appreciate parents. Result of this is better relationship.
   
   I'm no psychologist so do not get it as 100% truth ;-)

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3. 61

   fucsiaposted 12 years ago

   I remember this sensation of anger and sadness.
   The only thing that I can tell you is do not think that is your fault, maybe your mom is stressed.
   You can only wait a better time to talk with her and try to not be nervous, if your mom yells you have to be very calm to manage the conversation.

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4. 60

   frochposted 12 years ago

   Godmommy: You did not write us what is timely character of situation. Is it temporary or constant? How long is the duration?

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5. 58

   Godmommyposted 12 years ago

   Thank you guys!
   Froch: If I had enough money I would move out. That is what I am saving up for. And it's constant. Not everyday but every week she yells. The duration is however long it takes me to walk away because I don't like yelling back at her.

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   1. 84

      Winsomeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      There is a great book called "Nonviolent Communication: a language of life" by Marshall B. Rosenberg in which he recommends a method (my version of course)of talking that goes like this: "When there is yelling in the house (not when YOU are yelling,) I FEEL sad and angry (own your feelings and identify them) because I NEED peace in my life (own your needs and vocalize them.) I usually add a request after this worded respectfully--"I would very much like it if you would talk to me without yelling."
      
      What you have done is keep everything in your space not hers. When you say "You are always yelling!" you invade her space and make it personal to her. This makes her defensive and she starts yelling more. If you make it about yourself--I feel____ and I need_____, this keeps it in your space and allows her to hear you without being threatened. Hope this helps. =

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