I know alot of men who are so uncomfortable approaching a strange woman that they simply will never ask a woman out or approach someone they don't know. So they take convenient path by dating the girl who who makes things easy for them. Maybe they only date girls that approach them or people they know, yet they never really go for it and pursue the girl of their dreams. So what is your story?
It's not that I'm afraid to approach a woman, but she has to show interest on some level. She can't just pretend to be agressively uninterested and then expect me to see through that. I react to people based on what they show me. And if they show me nothing but coldness, I react accordingly. And if a woman plays hard to get, it really is such a massive turn-off that it doesnt really matter if I was interested in the first place.
I fall into that catagory. I am a very outgoing-easy-to-get along-with-and-can-carry-a-whimsical-conversation kind of guy, but when it comes to walking up and just saying hello to women, I fall short. It isn't because of anything other than this stubborn belief that women don't want to be bothered or that they will think I'm "hitting" on them (which I am in a way) OR that they probably have a BF. Most of this belief comes about because I don't really do the bar or club scene so the only places I am likely to meet a woman will be at the gym (where she often has ear buds blasting music), the grocery store (which again, seems creepy to try to meet women there), or the department store (same as before). I'll go to restraunts and if the waitress is cute I'll ask her out but I've had zero luck with that as most of them have BF's. After a while I get tired and distressed from even trying so I just smile and go about my way. Because of this, I've turned to internet dating and that works out pretty good for me in the respect that I get to meet women in the elusive search for the "one".
Bars and clubs are bad hoodoo anyway. When I was a bit younger (I'm 37, now) it seemed every woman I hit on had a bf, but I would never find this out until after we had gone somewhere and . . . well, you get the picture. And that always leads to bad things. I guess I tend to attract women who are unavailable. One time I hooked up wth this woman who swore she was totally single and so on. The next evening her boyfriend threw her out of a moving car right in on front of the bar where I was working. She came into the bar with her head bleeding and after this guy she was dating had made bail, he stalked me for about six months. SHE IS STILL WITH THIS GUY SEVEN YEARS LATER!
So, it's not so much that I'm shy, but rather guarded.
I think for men they look at approaching women this way: there is a 50/50 chance she has a boyfriend, 50/50 chance she may not be interested, and a high percentage I get humiliated with a "No" or "Oh, that's so sweet, If I didn't have a boyfriend".....the percentages are not in their favor so go with the girl who makes it easy for them.
50/50 that she has a boyfriend. but if she has a boyfriend, there's still a 50/50 chance she'll even let you find that out. If I know she is in a relationship, I steer clear of her. Which is why most women (if interested) will keep me in the dark about it or try to. I think it relates to the stereotype that women seem to feel the need to feed that men are only interested in sex. 'Boys' are only interested in sex, but with men it is much more complex.
Men as well as women are not big fans of rejection. I think it's human nature for people to take the path of least resistance. Hoever contrary to the popular belief which states "Men love the chase" I suspect the man of today is looking for a woman that indicates a mutual interest in him. Too much "playing hard to get" is a turn off. In fact what was once considered "romantic" pursuing a woman with flowers, poetry, letters, and other things (to get her to go out with a man) are now considered "Stalking" or "Sexual harassment".
Today a woman has to give a "green light" before most men are willing to invest much effort.
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