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Being Needy....Loosing the Reins on Your Man

  1. Nerak2Karen profile image77
    Nerak2Karenposted 5 years ago

    I have trust issues when my husband goes out of town and don't call me. Am I being unreasonable for being angry when he don't call when he promised to?

    1. bell du jour profile image61
      bell du jourposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      No you are not being unreasonable, if he says he will call and he doesn't he is not being considerate.  Also if he knows you are missing him while he is away shouldn't he call to check you are ok?

      1. Nerak2Karen profile image77
        Nerak2Karenposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        Thank you bell smile

    2. Cagsil profile image83
      Cagsilposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      You were being unreasonable by putting a restriction on him to have to call you in the first place.

      1. Nerak2Karen profile image77
        Nerak2Karenposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        I realize that now. He never been away this long since we been married and I was being paranoid. I admit that I was wrong for saying what I said. I need to get myself together :\ Thank you for stopping by. Have a great weekend.

        Oh and I love your profile smile

  2. rikabothra profile image61
    rikabothraposted 5 years ago

    I do not think it is unreasonable at all, especially when he promised you. Next time he does not call you can call him instead and tell him that you miss him.

    1. Nerak2Karen profile image77
      Nerak2Karenposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      Hello Rikabothra...I couldn't call him because his battery died. I am just being ridiculous. Paranoia at its best.

  3. Lisa HW profile image83
    Lisa HWposted 5 years ago

    Respectfully, I think just the idea (presented in the thread-title question) of "loosening the reigns" implies a little too much attempt to control another adult's behavior.  Maybe it was just a quick/careless choice of words for the questions and doesn't "mean anything"; but - boy - if I knew someone (like a spouse) mentioned "loosening the reigns" on me, it's not a relationship I'd be willing to be in for too long.

    There's asking someone to call because we worry and want to know they're OK, and then there's asking someone to call because we don't trust them.  I think it's reasonable to be upset if we worry, the other person knows we worry, and he doesn't call when he says he will.  (Even then, though, being reasonable about understanding that things can happen can also be important.  For example, the person who says he'll call when "he get's there":  When is "gets there"?  When he's gets off the plane, and maybe after it's already landed later than scheduled anyway?  When he's in the middle of getting his luggage?  When he's trying to grab one a taxi?  In the taxi? On the sidewalk after getting out of the taxi?  In the elevator on the way up to the hotel room?  In the hotel room before or after making a desperately needed trip to the bathroom?   See what I'm getting at?   smile  So, being a little (or even a lot) upset and worried is perfectly understandable, but getting over it is important too.

    If he just won't call because he thinks you shouldn't be worried, then it's reasonable to be angry that he doesn't respect you, or the take your worrying about his safety seriously enough.  Then again...   If you worry about his safety so much you expect a grown-up to be calling you every "hour and a half", you're the one who needs to get control of your worrying.

    Worrying, though, isn't what you said your "issue" is.  "Trust issues" are.  Chances are your husband knows your requests that he call are a matter of those trust issues - not just your wanting to know he's arrived safely or gotten in for the night safely.  Not trusting him is where, I think, you're the one who might be being unreasonable by then getting angry if he doesn't call when you expect him to.  If he's someone who, in fact, IS trustworthy then never being able to trust him (and expecting to "keep tight reigns" on him isn't always "being needy".  Often, it's being suspicious and overbearing.  If he's a guy that you (and a lot of other people) tend to know "can't be trusted worth a nickle" then you shouldn't be with him in the first place (or should at least accept that he's not trustworthy and stop expecting him to be  hmm ).

    If he's a trustworthy person and knows how trustworthy he is, there's the chance he just agrees to call you when you ask him to because he doesn't want to fight over the fact that you're expecting to keep "tight reigns" on him, so instead he may just agree and figure he'll do what he wants to do once he's out of range.   hmm

    1. Nerak2Karen profile image77
      Nerak2Karenposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      @Lisa....Your right, what I meant to say didn't come out right. I love the way you speak your mind...you made me think about what I said. He hasn't given me a reason not to trust him. I am just paranoid. Thank  you for your feedback. Have a great weekend smile

      1. Lisa HW profile image83
        Lisa HWposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        Nerak2Karen, thanks.  Enjoy your weekend too.   smile

        I'm not always comfortable about that "speaking my mind" thing I do on here.  Then again, (although this isn't what everyone always wants a forum discussion to turn into) I also often wish that more and more people would treat some discussions/subjects as if they were discussions between a couple of offline friends in offline life.  People all think so differently...  I think there's something to be said (at least at times) for really sharing different perspectives, objective thoughts, in online discussions.  Oh well...   Occasionally (often, actually) uncomfortable or not, words seem to be my thing.  They come out in writing.  They come out in offline discussions.  They come out in online discussions.  They even come out when I'm alone!!   lol   I can't help it.   They just keep coming.  lol  lol  (Oh well, I mean well, as they say  smile  ).

        1. Nerak2Karen profile image77
          Nerak2Karenposted 5 years ago in reply to this

          I know you do. There is nothing wrong with being truthful wink