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Dating While Going Through A Divorce: Is This Considered "Cheating"?

  1. miss butterfly profile image60
    miss butterflyposted 5 years ago

    Unfortunately all marriages don't last a lifetime. But when going through a divorce, is it bad to begin dating BEFORE the divorce is final? Some strongly believe dating someone new should not begin until the final paperwork has been signed. Others believe that the paperwork is merely a formality. What are your thoughts?

    1. emrldphx profile image60
      emrldphxposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      I think it's up to the individual. For instance, my friend was going through a divorce when he met his current wife and started dating. He had been separated for 2 years before he filed for divorce. After he filed, his ex got a lawyer who specializes in delaying court dates, and it took 2.5 more years to get it finalized.

      I see no reason to wait if the divorce is going to happen. Maybe if it's not a certainty, but I think it's an individual choice.

    2. profile image0
      DoorMattnomoreposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      I dont think it has anything to do with paperwork. I have seen a few friends "dating" while divorcing. It seems the biggest problem is jumping from one relationship to another, with no rest in betweeen can be a huge strain on the new relationship. So far, none of my friends first after divorce dating, has worked out. I think a person needs time to recover from the failed marriage, and be whole and healthy, before attempting a new relationship.

      1. Sally's Trove profile image97
        Sally's Troveposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        Agreed, for many reasons. The process of divorce can leave anyone vulnerable, and when you're vulnerable, you're likely to make bad relationship decisions.

    3. profile image0
      Mike Bigioniposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      It's definitely not. I completely agree with DoorMattnomore though. Don't get serious. Take time for yourself.
      If a marriage is over, it is over. If you are going to date just have some respect for the other person and not bring your dates around the house or family. I have seen that done and it isn't very nice.

      1. profile image59
        poopypauntz2112posted 4 years ago in reply to this

        Of course dating while married is cheating - just because man says that it's okay, doesn't make it any more right. If a person(s) are going to get married with all the ponce and circumstance, they SHOULD know, dating while married is considered a SIN in the eyes of the Lord. Now, if those same folk(s) choose to sleep around etc then they are willfully going against the grain of the bible.

        1. Cardisa profile image90
          Cardisaposted 4 years ago in reply to this

          How did the bible get in here? Why is it that Christians (and I am a Christian) always use the bible to make others feel like they are bound to hell?

          The definition of cheating:

          "Act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage, esp. in a game or examination: Deceive or trick."

          So long as the individual is not deceiving the other person by lying about seeing some, then it isn't cheating. Plus, the fact that they are already broken up and probably not living together means there is no way that is cheating.

          Cheating implies that you are deceiving someone who trusts you. If the marriage is okay and they believe you to be faithful and you go behind their backs and get involved with someone else, then you are cheating.

          1. hubpagegirl profile image59
            hubpagegirlposted 21 months ago in reply to this

            In the eyes of the court, it's technically cheating. It depends on the judge as to how seriously it will be taken. As far as it being labeled cheating by some Christians... it technically is cheating in a moral sense. If one is a Christian, then one obviously made a promise to God first, then their husband or wife. It doesn't mean you're bound to hell, but I'd ask for forgiveness. God understands that we're human, but He also gave us self-control. No one said anything about being bound for hell except for you. Cheating is cheating as long as you're legally married.

  2. tobey100 profile image60
    tobey100posted 5 years ago

    Nah.  Just tacky to most folks although is a definite to your spouse that you're serious.

  3. Disturbia profile image59
    Disturbiaposted 5 years ago

    I don't see how it could be cheating. A divorce is just putting a legal end to something that's already over.  The cheating is usually what happens before the divorce.

  4. Greek One profile image77
    Greek Oneposted 5 years ago

    Upon divorcing, one should abstain from sexual relations for a period of 15 years, so as to allow the body time to rid itself of the former spouse's essence.

    1. Disturbia profile image59
      Disturbiaposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      ewwwwwww yuk lol

      1. Greek One profile image77
        Greek Oneposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        emotional essences.. that is smile

    2. Sally's Trove profile image97
      Sally's Troveposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      I do agree that some kind of purification is in order...15 years might be a stretch. lol

      1. Greek One profile image77
        Greek Oneposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        7 hours ok?

        1. Sally's Trove profile image97
          Sally's Troveposted 5 years ago in reply to this

          Not without REALLY intensive psychotherapy.

          1. Greek One profile image77
            Greek Oneposted 5 years ago in reply to this

            that's what i called my looooooooooove making skills

            1. Sally's Trove profile image97
              Sally's Troveposted 5 years ago in reply to this

              Oh my goodness, some pricey therapist would really like to see you. lol

              1. Greek One profile image77
                Greek Oneposted 5 years ago in reply to this

                As long as they are registered

    3. AEvans profile image72
      AEvansposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      OMG! LOLOLO! big_smile A person could become a little dusty by then. tongue

  5. psycheskinner profile image80
    psycheskinnerposted 5 years ago

    If you are officially separated it is not cheating, especially as the process can take years.

    1. Sally's Trove profile image97
      Sally's Troveposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      Having been through this, I can tell you that entering into a love relationship before a divorce is final is not a good idea. Losing a marriage is like experiencing a death. There's a grieving process that needs to happen. In that process, you put your life back in order. I don't think you can do that if you put the demands of a new relationship ahead of what you need to learn about yourself regarding how the marriage failed.

      1. psycheskinner profile image80
        psycheskinnerposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        As the child of a woman who waited over ten years from separation to divorce, I think you should keep in mind that your situation is not universal.

        1. Sally's Trove profile image97
          Sally's Troveposted 5 years ago in reply to this

          I think we agree?

    2. frogdropping profile image85
      frogdroppingposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      I agree with the above. I'm not even close to divorced after four years and I'm living with someone. I've been with the one guy since some time after we separated, my ex ... I've lost count of the women he's had.

      I don't consider either of us a cheat.

      1. Sally's Trove profile image97
        Sally's Troveposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        You got the conversation back on track...no, it is not cheating. Some of this went to whether or not having a relationship while separated but not divorced is a good or bad thing. I think I'll get off my horse now.

        1. frogdropping profile image85
          frogdroppingposted 5 years ago in reply to this

          Dearest Sally ... I wasn't meaning to get the topic back on track, just answering the OP. I agree with you and Denise by the way, about being healthy and whole before embarking back into coupledom (supposing the opportunity presents itself).

          I'm not one to follow, I never do anything by halves and rarely do I do anything sans the unhinged part of my brain being involved.

          Hear that people? Do not jump feet first into a new relationship until you're ready *looking for a stern-faced smilie* post-separation.

          1. Sally's Trove profile image97
            Sally's Troveposted 5 years ago in reply to this

            I don't think any part of your brain is unhinged. smile

            1. frogdropping profile image85
              frogdroppingposted 5 years ago in reply to this

              I think I love you smile

              1. Greek One profile image77
                Greek Oneposted 5 years ago in reply to this

                I know i love you both

                1. frogdropping profile image85
                  frogdroppingposted 5 years ago in reply to this

                  Love is in the air. Is it February?

  6. dashingscorpio profile image85
    dashingscorpioposted 5 years ago

    If a relationship has come to an end and all you're doing is waiting for the paperwork to be completed then I would say go ahead a date. It makes no sense to put your life on hold. I have a friend who has been going through a difficult divorce process for over 2 years! I also know of other couples who have been separated for 20 years and never filed for a divorce or legal separation. My only suggestion would be to inform the other person you are dating that you are "legally" still married at this time. You'd hate to have something turn serious and then later have to state "it's complicated"...etc

    1. Sally's Trove profile image97
      Sally's Troveposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      Your comment brings up another question, not to derail the purpose of this thread, but why can divorce proceedings take so terribly long? Because people are undecided about how they feel about each other, because dealing with the finality is so painful, or because there is so much hatred and resentment that these negative feelings get played out in court in terms of dollars at which point no one is willing to bend, or that the children are being used as pawns?

      If any of these responses to divorce is in play, then how could one of the parties to the divorce even begin to entertain a relationship with someone else?

      With this question, cheating takes on another dimension...who are you cheating when you engage in a romantic relationship before your divorce is final, yourself, your spouse, your children? What is "cheating"? I think it means dodging around your responsibilities, promises, and commitments, whatever they may be. Just food for thought.

      1. Greek One profile image77
        Greek Oneposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        to answer your question....

        BECAUSE LAWYERS AND THE LEGAL SYSTEM THEY USED ARE A BUNCH OF MONEY-HUNGERY SOBs

        smile

      2. dashingscorpio profile image85
        dashingscorpioposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        In my friend's case there are no children invovled. They own a few real estate properties and had a business together. They can't seem to strike a compromise on the $$$$ involved. A prenup would have made life a lot easier but that's now water under the bridge. Eventually one of them will cave in to get it over with. It might take falling in love with someone and want ing to be free to marry again....

  7. Sally's Trove profile image97
    Sally's Troveposted 5 years ago

    We belong...to a mutual...admiration society. My baby and me, oh... (repeat refrain) smile

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbdSnVOc9ew

  8. frogdropping profile image85
    frogdroppingposted 5 years ago

    @ Sally - my divorce isn't happening because I haven't yet found the motivation to download all the paperwork and fill it out. Just laziness on my part. He's happy, I'm more than (I mean in our current relationships) and the paperwork is one of those 'I'm gonna get round to it' things.

    @ Greek - yeppers. Which is why I ain't using any. I did try but they just saw how much money I was entitled to and started getting excited. I'm not interested in that side of getting divorced. If I was, I'd have stayed for the big bucks. Anyway long story short they despaired with me. I tried a different one, she also ended up depressed.

    I bowed out before they started suing me for stress.

  9. sweet face profile image60
    sweet faceposted 5 years ago

    I believe its up to each individual on what they decide to do.  Depends also if children are involved as you need to be there for them throughout this.  I personally could not move on until everything was settled as the whole thing is mentally exhausting. Paperwork is a formality but your life is turned upside down.

    1. Sally's Trove profile image97
      Sally's Troveposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      *sigh* and so it is.

  10. IJR112 profile image60
    IJR112posted 5 years ago

    Why would it be cheating?  You aren't together anymore, even if it's not technically official yet.

  11. miss butterfly profile image60
    miss butterflyposted 5 years ago

    So many interesting comments and feedback! Most agree that once the papers have been filed and the process itself is in motion, it is OKAY to date and doing so is NOT considered cheating.  I believe that those going through divorce should take some time to find out who they are--seperate from their soon to be ex--before they venture out into the world of dating. I also believe that divorce is a long and painful process that no one should endure alone. That being said, as long as one is emotionally ready to date...I say go for it :-)

  12. couturepopcafe profile image61
    couturepopcafeposted 5 years ago

    No, just being a glutton for punishment.

  13. samnashy profile image84
    samnashyposted 4 years ago

    If you are both ready for a divorce then it's ok, and to be quite honest if divorce is on the cards I reckon cut the ties and move forward. Every cloud has a silver lining

  14. ahorseback profile image47
    ahorsebackposted 4 years ago

    The simple fact that one half of  marriages end in divorce  tells me .....That the answer  doesn't much matter in that two people  have already failed at doing  something right .  Put your hormones back in your pants until you learn impulse control.  To begin another relationship before the other is "over " is an invitation for added baggage .........the next time around .  Humankind is about the most inept lover of all of  natures pairs.

  15. profile image60
    steveo42posted 3 years ago

    It is not all that simple, several aspects to consider (it's complicated, of course)

    emotionally, and generally, speaking, If one or both of you are committed to the relationship, you should not cheat, but you should earn your way out of that relationship before starting another one.  That is the decent thing to do, as you can seriously traumatize an otherwise decent person who has every reason to trust you, they were serious enough to marry you, they will likely be devastated for a long time.

    If you have worked through the issues with your marriage partner, or at least put your best effort into it, and realize you can't stay together, then it isn't exactly cheating if you both agree that moving on is what is best.

    If your partner is one of those worthless cheating unrepentant scumbags, especially one who starts a new relationship secretly or sleeps around, then you are obviously free to do what you will whenever you think you are ready, though chances are you are not in a good place mentally.
    In that situation, if you find someone who is patient and understanding, perhaps even been through a similar situation, it can be a tremendous help and validation that you are indeed loveable.  It is ok to try anyway to do a reality check, and forgive yourself if you make a few mistakes along the way while trying to adjust.

    If you are not interested in a relationship, that is fine too.  I think we glorify relationships too much in this society anyway, giving childless couples tax breaks and insurance breaks and a host of other perks just because they are a fancy form of couple, which either one can walk away from at anytime anyway (and be rewarded monetarily in many cases).  If you bother to look, there are plenty of satisfied single people out there, some of whom are lifers.

    Legally, there is a chance it can cause problems depending on where you are and even which judge you get (and the attorneys involved if any).  Also there is some consolation in waiting till you are actually divorced if you are too busy to find and develop a relationship anyway, which is likely the case if there are kids and your spouse is acting like a horny teenager and you think the kids should have at least one parent who doesn't undermine their integrity.  But it would be good, legally to keep any "adult" activities on the downlow once you know the marriage is over before the divorce is final if it isn't too inconvenient anyway.  If your spouse would be hurt by it then conflict will be more likely, if your spouse is already seeing someone and they are a jerk, they may collect actual evidence of your activities and use it against you anyway.

    Even if you both agree to see other people I would put the agreement in writing in duplicate and have both parties sign it.  And I would limit kids exposure to such partners until you are pretty sure about them being around for a while and offer your partner the opportunity to meet with them first.

    Kids and new partners is a whole separate book.

  16. Mighty Mom profile image90
    Mighty Momposted 3 years ago

    I think once divorce papers have been served, that's pretty official notice the marriage
    is over. But not always!
    I think a lot depends on your motives, too.
    Rushing into dating to make yourself feel better about your divorce could end up "cheating" your date -- and also yourself.
    Revenge dating is emotionally sick (but so common).
    The ideal thing is to grieve for your marriage and figure out what exactly you have to
    bring to a new relationship and what you want in a dating partner.
    If you do get involved with someone else, but the divorce lingers indefinitely, is that really fair to the someone else? Doesn't s/he deserve as much or more than your not-quite ex?

    But ... we are human and thus imperfect.

    I would caution anyone considering getting involved with someone who is "going through a divorce" to be prepared to be the transition/rebound person. If you are ok with that, then go with it...

  17. Mohamed Aamer profile image61
    Mohamed Aamerposted 4 months ago

    A lot of men preceive the task of starting a conversation with a woman especially if she is highly attractive stranger a hard and discomforting one. Besides that, they typically take the wrong attitude of being too nice and over openhanded with flowers, paying for dinners and expressing their lack of confidence and low self esteem.

    The women on their part are not attracted to unconfident, dishonest, wussy men. They will either decline him on the spot or possibly worse take...

 
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