Last Saturday evening, My new girlfriend, myself, my dad, my niece and her husband were over at my parents house where my girlfriend and I were making everyone beef stew. This was the second time we made dinner for everyone. This time my mom (age 77) stayed in her bedroom and then stormed out of the house and drove down the street where she sat in her car for 2 1/2 hours. When she returned, she went back into her bedroom and sat in the dark. My girlfriend is nice and polite to everyone and my dad has no problem with her and neither does my niece and her husband. She has been like this with all my friends and she decides that she doesn'T like my friends (especially girlfriends) before she even meets them. I'm not going to let my immature mother ruin this relationship. I don't know if this is a mental disorder or not. I beleive she is in need of professional help.
Does anyone out there have an immature parent like this or is this a rareity?
The real problem with mother is after engagong with someone. Mothers are likely to have their son always in their womb. if they find that someone is taking her son and her son is taking care of a girl then the problem arise.
you can have a word with your mom about it and make her understand that if she wants her son happy than accept her.
Sounds like a bit of psychological manipulation. You might want to distance yourself from anyone who makes you feel bad, and focus on the situation you have: enjoy the company of your girlfriend and don't expect others to validate whether or not she's "right for you." How you feel about her is all that should matter. Unfortunately, even older people can be stubborn, and refuse to change for the sake of keeping a good relationship with family. It's out of your control, so there's no point in trying to "fix" it. Good luck in your relationship.
I've never met a parent who acted like that, either one of my own or anyone else's. I personally can't imagine why someone would be so purposefully rude. If it were me, I'd never introduce my mother to any of my partners.
Sorry to here a situation like that. It really sounds like dotage, when a grown human is as stubborn as a child again, and simply tries to get his way by protest. If dotage is the case, then talking won't do much good either, you'll just get and answer that she "knows best" and you should listen because she's your mom.
I'd keep my relationships in a distance from situations like these before i find out, that my partner is absolutely fine with this kind of behavior and that it won't influence your relationship.
Be more patient with your mom, she is old already! Maybe she is jealous, moms can be like that.
Talk to her and tell her you love them both but on diff levels...
I remember mine locking me in the basement..
But I rang a female locksmith
Phew... lucky I didn't know PDH then! Or I would have been chained as well
I agree your mother is older, and mothers tend to get more needy,jealous, and feel like all the attention needs to go to them.Dont ignore your mothers reactions, simply try and talk to her, and explain to her you have your own needs, and how wonderful your girlfriend is, and shes missing out on that..
she's 77.. just tell your girlfriend that she reacts that way to everyone and not to take it personally... you can blame it on age.. very convenient
My mother was happy when I introduced her to my girl friend. Must be a sign that she's trying to get rid of me. lol:)
This is a long post, but I'm aiming it not necessarily just at the OP's situation; but also at anyone else who creates this kind of issue. To be honest, I'm very bothered by so many of the attitudes toward mothers that are showing up here (and for the record, I'm nowhere near as old as the OP's mother is YET). (I was going to turn this into a Hub, but the situation is too specific.)
I'm not a big fan of the blanket generalizations (above) about either mothers of sons or else older people (since "older" for people in their twenties or thirties is often as young as fifty). I know more than my share of women substantially older than I am, and older mothers don't necessarily become "more needy" (except, of course, if they have medical problems that make doing some things more difficult for them).
What I've learned as the mother of three grown kids, but also from things my own mother used to say about being the mother of grown kids; is that grown kids often mistakenly assume one thing or another about what the mother is thinking (or in the case, what's bothering the OP's mother) - when, in reality, she may be bothered about something completely different.
So, my first thought here is that unless she has out-and-out said she doesn't like the girlfriend, don't assume that's what was bothering her. Even if the OP knows his mother doesn't ever like any of his friends, there's the chance whatever her issue is has nothing to do with her associating him with "her womb". That kind of thinking comes from either men or young people who don't know what it's like to be the mother of grown kids.
I think you should start by out-and-out asking your mother what was bothering her that night. There's a chance she won't feel she can be honest, because she may not want to alienate you by being honest (if she doesn't like the girlfriend, or if she thinks you have rotten judgment in friends (correct or not) ). Then again, if she's the type who freely criticizes she may be honest. If you think she's more the type not to be honest, then maybe ask your father (or someone else close to her) to see if they can find out what was really bothering her. There's at least the possibility that it had nothing to do with your girlfriend at all.
You might be completely right that she just hates any friends you have (I'm not second-guessing you). Here's the kind of thing that could bring on that kind of behavior too, though: Since it was going on at her house, there's at least the chance that she hadn't been the one to invite the people over. Mothers can be of two minds (and I don't mean having Schizophrenia or Multiple-Personality Disorder). There can be what they do, or agree to, for their kids and/or family; but then there can be what they really feel up to doing. If they go with what they think will make their kids or family happiest that can mean going against what they really feel like doing, or feel up to doing. They don't want to complain because they're happy (for the most part) to do what they think will make their family happy. That might be what they want more than anything. In fact, they may want their family to have their good times and friends so much that they just ignore the fact that they don't feel up to something like having a bunch of people cooking dinner.
This keeping stuff to oneself may go on for a long time; but then, all of a sudden, there may be a time when it all just has built up and a person can't deal with it graciously any longer. In such an instance, the mother may not want to be honest about what's bothering her because the last thing she'd ever want to do would be to imply (in calm conversation when things haven't gotten to where they did for her that night) that she doesn't want her kids or family around. Part of her may love having them around and feel like saying even something a little could be misinterpreted by grown kids or others who don't understand that "of two minds thing".
So, there's at least the chance that something like this could have been going on; and that things had just built up and gotten the best of her that night. There are those things some mothers would never say (even if they really should) because they know "how it could sound" to the person who is neither a mother nor a woman nor the age nor the in the circumstances that they are. Right or wrong, some women/mothers just kind of hope that family members will figure out how to consider their needs as a human being. People often can't figure it out because they aren't mothers or of the same age, or else they just have completely different personalities and needs themselves; and can't imagine anything else. It's not fair that some mothers are so intent on keeping what's bothering them to themselves, because people can't figure it out; but a lot of them are pretty considerate of, and thoughtful towards, everyone else - so they just assume others are capable of doing the same (and others always aren't).
There's at least the chance that something else has been bothering your mother. That could be something like depression, or it could be a matter of just being tired or having reached some breaking point. There's no doubt that mothers (like everyone else) can have unhealthy attitudes/behaviors in relationships; but if there's on thing I've seen it's that it usually pays to give someone the benefit of doubt and at least consider the least toxic/least serious cause of something first. So often, it can be a mother's (or anyone's) attempt to be "super-human" and always put everyone else first that can result in the very human thing of their "losing it" or having things just get the best of them.
People grossly underestimate mothers much of the time. People also have a tendency to assume the worst of everyone else. Something else people don't do is realize that people in their seventies, eighties, and nineties are often very much the same people that they were in their thirties - only older, wiser, and sometimes (not always) more tired. Look at the attitudes that have been showing up in this thread. Whether the OP's mother has depression (or some other mental/emotional disorder) or just has reached a point where she can't "be cool" all the time any longer; it's been the automatic assumption that she doesn't deserve any benefit of any doubt.
People with depression and/or emotional "issues" aren't easy to live with, and there's only so much family members can do in such situations. On the other hand, there's at least the possibility that things have gotten the best of the OP's mother for one reason or another; and her behavior was a straw-that-broke-the-camel's-back" kind of thing.
Personally, I think you ought to ask your mother something like this: "Mom, I felt bad that you seemed so upset the other night. Is there something about "Susie" you don't like, or is it just too much to have people over to cook these days? If it is I understand - or was it something else (even if you can't tell me what it was)?"
Finally (Devil's Advocate only here): There are grown kids who tend to pick some real doozies as their friends; and fathers (who can SOMETIMES be more clueless than mothers; or anyone else, don't always have as much "Doozy Radar" as some mothers may. (I'm not saying that's the case. Again, Devil's Advocate only.)
Either way, I don't think immaturity, by itself, is at the root of the behavior. I think Mother's either got emotional issues (which you have to live with/work around or else she's got something else that's really bothering her inside and maybe something that's not even specifically related to the girlfriend.
Having said ALL that, I'd say if you're correct about her just not liking your friends/girlfriends, do what Greek One has suggested (tell your friends she's like that toward all your friends and not to take it personally).
Paul Wingert. Mums are like that; There is no psycological problem with your mom. My mom does the same to me and i have come to realise that it is because of so many factors. one could be personal attachment, another could be jealousy and there is also a apossibility that you could possess a character which you dad does not possess which she loves making her over protective. I had to talk to my mom politely and let her understand that i was an adult and what she was doing had an effect in my relationship and i advise you to do the same. However if she is adamant, then you dont have to be worried. Remember, your mom is never going to marry for you and you have to be the man you are
It appears that mental illness doesn't run in your family, it gallops. You let people manipulate you, make sure terrible choices and then whine and cry about it. Grow up and get some help.
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addicted2jg, the format of this is tough to read!As far as the trip, you did the right thing. A relationship can't succeed if one or the other is unwilling to allow for a little space.
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