jump to last post 1-13 of 13 discussions (44 posts)

How soon after a breakup would you start dating again?

  1. Escobana profile image87
    Escobanaposted 5 years ago

    After another breakup in my interesting life, I'm wondering....When to start dating again? And where to go anyway?
    http://s2.hubimg.com/u/5870649_f248.jpg

    1. prettydarkhorse profile image63
      prettydarkhorseposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      depends when you are ready again, readiness is different for every individual, your criteria I mean. Just enjoy your moments alone for the meantime. It could be fun.

      1. Escobana profile image87
        Escobanaposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        I will enjoy my time alone for a while. I don't believe in jumping from one relationship into the next. Not anymore:-)

    2. Marlena Oechsner profile image60
      Marlena Oechsnerposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      Some people really hate being alone, but I think you need to be alone to appreciate yourself and know what you want. Reflect on your previous relationships. What went wrong? What did you enjoy? Know what you want and refuse to settle. You can find purpose alone, and if Sex and the City has taught me anything, you don't need a man. They are always nice to have, but they aren't necessity.

      1. Escobana profile image87
        Escobanaposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        I agree with you and I do feel great on my own. To take some time on my own is good but I think I would also like the companionship of someone who really loves me for who I am.

        I was single for 4 years, before meeting me last boyfriend. Now that we seperated, I don't see myself being single again for so many years. Not because I don't like it. I love my life as a single. It's just nice to have someone to share great things with.

        1. Marlena Oechsner profile image60
          Marlena Oechsnerposted 5 years ago in reply to this

          I know how you feel; it is always nice to have someone to share things with. Just make sure that person you choose to share your time with is worth it. Don't feel like you have to settle for anything just to be with someone. smile

    3. couturepopcafe profile image60
      couturepopcafeposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      Right away if the opportunity and desire to do so are there.  There's no reason not to if you meet someone you want to do something with.  I would suggest dating in groups or going to places that are NOT conducive to romance.  It's easier to judge a person's character that way.  Keep it just that.  Dating.  And date several people.  Don't become physical for a long time.

      1. Escobana profile image87
        Escobanaposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        Interesting advice. I do like the idea of just dating. Not becoming physcical for a long time will be quite a challenge but one I've never really tried.

        Speeddating would be nice but in Spain where I live, it doesn't exist. I know it can be fun and without any romance. I'll see what else they have to offer in a prude country like Spain:-)

        1. couturepopcafe profile image60
          couturepopcafeposted 5 years ago in reply to this

          You think Spain is prudish?  You should live in America.  The problem here is it's extremist.  One side: prudish the other side: sluttish.  There's no adult discretion and classy relationship.

          1. Escobana profile image87
            Escobanaposted 5 years ago in reply to this

            I was used to Holland. Open and free to live your life the way you wanted. Prejudices all over the place but it didn't matter much. People left eachother alone in their business.

            I think I don't mind the sluttish way of life either but most of the time that's just a fase. When you get older you value other things. I don't see living like a slutt would be wrong. It's just different:-)

    4. IzzyM profile image88
      IzzyMposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      Now's the time to get in touch with all those old girlfriends and arrange some wild girls' nights out!
      Have fun smile

      1. Escobana profile image87
        Escobanaposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        That definitely belongs to one of my plans:-) Always nice to have some wild fun with friends!

    5. Dave Mathews profile image61
      Dave Mathewsposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      How about immediately. If you fall off your bike, do you wait a week or a month to pick it up and start riding again? I doubt it so dating is the same thing.

      1. rebekahELLE profile image93
        rebekahELLEposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        Not really. Dating involves real people, relationships. It's quite different from falling off a bike. It's healthy to take a break with relationships.

        1. Escobana profile image87
          Escobanaposted 5 years ago in reply to this

          It's definitely something different than falling of a bike. In fact, I asked this quiestion in the forum because I feel different after this break up.

          I absolutely still love the guy. The love isn't gone just like that. However I did go for the rebound guy as soon as possible to forget about the sorrow, after other breakups. It didn't cost me much energy. I felt good about it.

          Now I feel different. Confused sometimes because the love was very strong. I know he still loves me. But I live in Spain and he lives in Brazil.

          Long story.....read my latest Hub if you really wannna know some more:-)

    6. djeff37 profile image75
      djeff37posted 5 years ago in reply to this

      There is not a set time period before you start dating again or before getting into a new relationship. It all depends on the relationship you were just in and the nature of the break up. More importantly, it depends on when you feel comfortable dating again.

    7. yolanda yvette profile image60
      yolanda yvetteposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        As far as the when, I would just play it by ear.

    8. fpherj48 profile image90
      fpherj48posted 5 years ago in reply to this

      You begin dating again WHEN YOU FEEL YOU ARE READY TO GO OUT THERE WITH A SMILE AND ENJOY YOURSELF.  Do not waste your time wondering or worrying whether it's "too soon" or issues of that nature.  Go with the flow of your spirit.  Broken hearts heal in time....or....in the case of anger/bitterness, this will pass as well.  It's up to you to decide whether or not dating will be a positive part of the healing process for you.   Best of luck

  2. CyclingFitness profile image90
    CyclingFitnessposted 5 years ago

    Do you feel the need to start dating again?

    Why not take some time being single and see how it feels for you?

    1. Escobana profile image87
      Escobanaposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      I don't feel the need yet. On the other hand it makes things easier in a way. To forget about someone for real. Focus on other men and listen to their stories.
      I wouldn't date to start a new relationship but to meet new people, widen my world and going out some more, would be nice instead of staying at home too much.

  3. rebekahELLE profile image93
    rebekahELLEposted 5 years ago

    If it was a long, serious relationship, I think some time is essential. I guess some are afraid to be single, which is silly, so they go from relationship to relationship never discovering who they are as an individual.

    1. Escobana profile image87
      Escobanaposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      We were together for a year. Not that long. Afraid of being single I am not. A little tired of meeting someone again, getting to know someone, seeing how things work....yeah...after 8 serious relationships it kind of wears you out.
      But I'm not complaining here. All of the guys I chose myself. I learned from them too. I discoverd who I am. I believe time will tell but the older you get the more cautious you get too.

  4. jcmayer777 profile image78
    jcmayer777posted 5 years ago

    I've been completely single for the last 6 months and actually really like it a lot.  Lonely at times, I suppose, but I like it.

    It's really a choice that you have to make.  Do what you want.

    1. Escobana profile image87
      Escobanaposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      I like to choose what makes me happy. I wasn't happy anymore with my ex. So now I'm back to being happy on my own. I like the freedom, the endless possibilities and the excitiment of not knowing what will happen tomorrow.

      Yet, I'm a little impatient maybe in finding the right guy. Guess we all want to be with that great love in the end, sharing the good and bad, growing as a couple.

      1. Relationshipc profile image89
        Relationshipcposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        Many people don't realize that they are not happy with their partner, and they don't end up getting out of the relationship. They don't realize that they can be happy on their own, but you did! Smart girl.

        There's nothing wrong with wanting companionship in your life. It only becomes a problem when you start to chase it and become desperate...that's when you start to accept the losers and dumb-asses into your life (because you want someone right now and take who you get.)

        Sounds like you are not desperate, so date, have fun, and be selective!

        1. SweetiePie profile image84
          SweetiePieposted 5 years ago in reply to this

          Sometimes people are selective, and they find out later down the line the guy or girl was a total jerk.  Some people are in relationships where they are presenting themselves as the ideal couple to keep up appearances.  There is nothing wrong with being single for years, too.  You can be selective, and completely in the dark about the character of your mate.  No one can know everything at all times.

        2. Escobana profile image87
          Escobanaposted 5 years ago in reply to this

          Thanks for the compliment Relationshipc!!! I do realize I can be happy on my own instead of being unhappy with the guy I love.
          Desperate I am not. Thank God! I know from friends around me, it doesn't bring you to your best match.

          I'm sure to date, have fun and be selective. I'm not the indoor type of girl to sit at home and wait around for som fun to come towards me:-)

  5. SweetiePie profile image84
    SweetiePieposted 5 years ago

    I think people think too much about dating.  What about just enjoying life, and being the ultimate single girl.  I am in my thirties as a single woman, and I think it takes a strong cookie because you have to field a lot of questions.  People wonder why you are not married, not dating, or at least not having kids.  Some people cringe when you tell them you are not all that interested in those things.  I think more about my writing and artwork than I do about dating.  Of course, I was never the highly social type, so I did not go out looking for dates.  The people I dated in my twenties never had much in common with me, and I have not even bothered dating in two years.  These past years have been the most fulfilling and exciting for me.  I really enjoy getting up, going to work, and then coming home to work on my writing and book at night.

    1. Escobana profile image87
      Escobanaposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      I think it depends on what makes you happy. I've been single for 4 years before meeting my last ex. Had a blast! However I am the social type, I like a party once in a while, I need to feel wanted, play the game of flirting, because that's just what gives me good feeling.

      Next to writing, going out with friends for a coffee, taking care of my cats and keeping myself in shape, by going to the gym. My life has been very fullfilling on my own but sharing experiences with your loved one is an absolute extra feeling of happiness.

      Being the ultimate single girl and never date, to me seens very lonely in a way. But then again....if it makes you happy, it makes you happy:-)

      1. SweetiePie profile image84
        SweetiePieposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        Why is it lonely? I work, I walk a lot, I still talk to people.  I am really close to my family and my sisters, so I guess I have all the people I need.  I never really dreamed of getting married or having kids, so I suppose that is another reason I do not mind being on my own.  I have a lot of friends who are single as well, so knowing like minded people sort of makes it less lonely.  Honestly, I was never the type of person who felt lonely.  A lot of people are alone in relationships anyway. 

        After my dating experiences, I just discovered I did not feel wanted by putting myself out there.  If I am meant to be in a relationship, not ruling it out completely, I want the guy to come to me.  Several times I went out of my way to let someone know I liked them, and it did not make me feel good to find out they did not feel the same.  I am very reticent after these experiences.  I might not be the most exciting person in the world, but if someone wants to get to know me, they will do the leg work.

        1. Escobana profile image87
          Escobanaposted 5 years ago in reply to this

          It 'seemed' lonely to me. Now that you've written back I see your life is filled in a different way. The thing is...I'm close to my family too, I have lots of single friends too and I didn't think you really 'felt' lonely.

          Just like you I don't want kids and just like you I've had my share of dating experiences, getting out of my way, yet disappointed in the end. Ít sounds fare to let the guy come to you but in all honesty....

          I do want to marry some day. I'm in no hurry but I can't expect a guy to come just to me. When I'm ready, I do think there is some responsibility I have in order to 'make that guy come to me'.

          Meaning I have to go out, have fun with friends, go on a holiday on my own, sign in on a dance course or whatever fun things there are to socialize. If not I'll be spending too much time at home, being perfectly comfortable, not getting hurt too and not getting in any relationship as well.

          I have to say....I'm not ready yet to take any risk because I'm still in the process of letting go of my ex emotionally, but I know it involves risking your heart always if you want to try a new relationship.

          Thanks for your imput here! Really appreciate it!

  6. daisynicolas profile image83
    daisynicolasposted 5 years ago

    People are too absorbed with dating which can result to a break up one way or the other. Our existence is brimming with other more important issues. I actually find it better not to date in order not to go through these break ups.  There are millions of incidents in life that hurt you, I, for one, do not need these intentional pain.

  7. SweetiePie profile image84
    SweetiePieposted 5 years ago

    You seem like you would be a fun person to be around, and someone nice to talk to.  What about those singles' cruises in the Caribbean?  Those are supposed to be a fun way to meet people, without the pressure.  Lots of entertainment as well.  I heard some people got back from nice cruises to the Bahamas.

    1. Escobana profile image87
      Escobanaposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      Thanks for the compliment:-) Sounds great! Singles cruises. New to me too. Something to consider. Thanks for the tip!

  8. Lisa HW profile image83
    Lisa HWposted 5 years ago

    In my case, and after a record-breakingly nasty break-up - over a decade (but maybe that's just me  LOL )

    1. yolanda yvette profile image60
      yolanda yvetteposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      LOL!!

  9. BizGenGirl profile image88
    BizGenGirlposted 5 years ago

    A wiseman once told me, "it takes half as long to get over someone, as the time you were with them."

    So however long you were with them, cut that in half, and if dating feels right at that time, then go for it. Until then, revel in the amazing adventures that only singledom can offer smile

    1. yolanda yvette profile image60
      yolanda yvetteposted 5 years ago in reply to this

        Good answer.

    2. Escobana profile image87
      Escobanaposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      I posted my question five weeks ago. A LOT HAS HAPPENED SINCE THEN. Dating never happened. I wasn't ready at all and I didn't feel all that relieved in the end, for having lost my loved one.

      After some weeks WE GOT BACK TOGETHER. Though he's living in Brazil and I am in Spain, the love we feel for eachother is too strong. If all goes according to plan, I'll be joining him at the end of April.

      LOVE IS LIKE A ROLLERCOASTER....I WOULDN'T WANT TO RIDE IT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.....Thanks for all of your answers dear friends!

  10. stricktlydating profile image85
    stricktlydatingposted 5 years ago

    I'd start dating again whenever I met someone new worth dating.  It could be immediately or a year down the track.  Just whenever I met someone who seemed worth getting to know.

  11. habee profile image91
    habeeposted 5 years ago

    I'd wait at least 24 hours! lol

    1. fpherj48 profile image90
      fpherj48posted 5 years ago in reply to this

      Habee!!!!   YOU are HYSTERICAL.....thanks for the laugh!  I love it!  You can always tell a wise, experienced woman when you hear one!   LMAO

  12. ajayshah2005 profile image74
    ajayshah2005posted 5 years ago

    It depends upon luck too that how fast i get my perfect match again.

  13. kkuma01 profile image61
    kkuma01posted 5 years ago

    Depends on the length of the relationship and the depth of the connection

 
working