This time of year is difficult for most everyone, especially singles, and "oh joy, I just had my heart broken, too!" What are some ways to avoid feeling lonely during the holiday season? Especially when it seems like everyone is going in couples to stores all around?
friends and family! being single can be a blessing as well as a burden. there's a lot of stress around the holidays, and i would give my left arm right now to be able to soak in a hot bubble bath with a good book and a glass of champagne by my side and have nobody to answer to and no disturbances. when i was single (for a good few years by choice) and missing the positive side of being in a relationship i used to go out, buy myself some flowers, get comfy, eat and drink what i wanted in front of my fave film and plan a date with a close friend. if you were in a relationship, you would be spending a fair amount on your partner. take that sum and spend it on yourself (even wrap what you buy and put it under the tree if you wanna' :-) ). and ask your mom for a cuddle if you can :-)
I don't find holidays to be complicating as a single person at all... if anything it makes it easier.
I don't have to go to any parties or events that I don't want to. In fact, I have friends with partners or spouses who tell me they are envious that I get to go to more interesting parties than they do.
I don't have to hang out with in-laws who I don't like, I don't have to buy gifts for people I don't like and I don't have to make small talk to people I don't know.
I got my divorce 10 years ago, and I do remember being single. Although I'm married, now, I don't remember anything wrong with being single. You are putting too much of an emphasis on being part of a couple. Even though I am married, I am an individual. My needs come first, so I don't have this need to show up to holiday gatherings with my husband as a couple. Far from it. If I don't want to hang out with people or go to parties, I don't go. I don't force myself to do anything I don't want to do. Whether you are single or married, there's nothing wrong with doing what you wish during the holidays. I have friends who are single and have the best of times all year. One of them loves to spend her holidays alone with a complicated jigsaw puzzle and a glass of good wine. Do what you want to do and be happy. Or you can focus on bringing joy to others who are having a tough time by volunteering. Being single is not a death sentence or a curse. You just need to modify your thinking and expectations.
Thanks to everyone for the input, and I appreciate it. First off, I'm so broke that I can't afford to buy gifts for my kids, let alone "save money on not buying a gift for someone." I guess that's another can of worms causing me stress this holiday.
Second: I'm happy even as a single woman, and became a pro at spending my days solo since my divorce started 2 years ago. But I guess the heartbreak came at a bad time of year, and I long to hold someone, and be intimate again. That is really the only part I miss from being in a relationship: companionship. All my relatives live in another city about 2 hours from me. I have few friends in town since I moved here only 3 years ago (and my ex left after a few months of living here). It can be LONELY in this big house, and in the middle of nowhere among coyotes and jackrabbits as the closest neighbor.
I have no expectations of anyone. Just miss touching, cuddling, laughing and snuggling with someone I love while watching movies on the couch. I'm sure I'm not the only single person who feels that way.
So, on a positive note, I do have my kids to comfort me. I'm blessed with their love in my life.
Thanks again for the tips!
I can understand the loneliness of missing someone... lot's of people understand that.
You might consider doing some volunteer service for those that have less-- or for people who are alone. If you have a big empty house maybe you can share some time with others. Two hours away from family? too far?
I can't say what might be best for you. Think more about what you can do instead of what you miss.
Hope you find an answer.
I do volunteer: both as a helper in the museum and as a caterer for receptions. It is food for the soul-- I became involved as part of healing during my divorce, and kept with it since.
Two hours drive doesn't seem far, but in a time when money is scarce, the gas does pinch into my budget.
The house is a boon on my back I'd like to get rid of (because of the high price of maintenance) but waiting on my ex for closure. Long story, and sorry to sound like I'm venting.
It's been another long year, and I'm looking forward to an easier lifestyle. Writing is my release. Helping others is my purpose in life.
But I do miss closeness. Especially when they predict more rain with thunderstorms. Holding someone I love: I guess that's on my wish list. I've been a good girl (for the most part). A girl can dream, can't she?
Fist off tell them you love them. Next since Christmas is on Sunday, go to church with them! What a great day to go! There are many organizations out there that provide chistmas gifts for families. Just take the time to look for them! Don't foiget the family get together too!
Cook lavishly for yourself. Play all your favorite music. If you live in a four-season town, go country-skiing, ice skating, etc. Watch the "Sound of Music," "As It Is In Heaven," or any wonderful storied hilarious movies. If you don't have a pet, foster one for the holidays. You may have a lot to thank for as opposed to others who doesn 't have any.
Well said, thank you. It is with sadness that I just read a friend of mine is having a double mastectomy. My heart goes out to her, and really puts things in perspective for me. Thanks to everyone for the kind words of advice, and I feel the love through them.
I am grateful to all the wonderful people who reach out to me. I'm sending the love right back to all of you. Have the best memories during the holidays.
I "cope" by enjoying my life. I am single by choice and enjoy being single, including on holidays. I share my life with a lot of people, I just don't happen to be having sex with any of them on a regular basis.
I enjoy the holidays single the same way I enjoy the rest of the year, by living my life. I also use a bit of humor when people make their invitations specific to couples and yet still invite me...such as the one I got recently that said "Significant others strongly encouraged". I sent my reply and noted "I will take one of those significant others you strongly encouraged!" and then I asked the couple hosting the event whether I where one finds such an item, as I was not familiar with this "significant other" and didn't know where to purchase one. (I was told the Wal-Mart candy aisle is quite good, but someone like me is better off searching the spice aisle. I tried, but still had no luck unless I wanted to bring a grandmother or someone's husband with me!)
In all seriousness, I think you have to be comfortable with yourself. Nowhere does it state that I have to be with someone to be complete so why should I feel like I am half an individual just because I am not dating someone or married? If you are invited to parties that suggest couples, then either don't go or bring a friend who you like to hang out with. I started a few rumors last year when I brought a female friend to two parties! And for another party I invited a single friend who was in the same boat of needing a friend to go with.
I hope you make it through the season...and remember, you will have many opportunities later in life to make "couples" feel equally awkward when you send out invites that say "Coming alone strongly encouraged."
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