jump to last post 1-26 of 26 discussions (61 posts)

What do you think are the top causes for unsuccessful relationships?

  1. A Thousand Words profile image81
    A Thousand Wordsposted 4 years ago

    I think it starts with the reason for dating in the first place. If you're dating someone solely because you don't want to be alone, disaster. If it's simply based on some fantasy idea of them and you've given them unattainable attributes and expectations, disaster. Etc. What do you think?

    1. ytsenoh profile image91
      ytsenohposted 4 years ago in reply to this

      I think the causes are a result of lack of mutuality, or none, and having high expectations.  I prescribe to having a friendship on fire.

      1. Eranofu profile image79
        Eranofuposted 4 years ago in reply to this

        Relationships often fail because of lack of expectations too. I read somewhere that it's the best to ask of partner a little bit more &inspire to do so that he/she can do so he/she could improve himself/herself. Demanding however indeed most likely would lead to disappointment.

    2. Leann Zarah profile image84
      Leann Zarahposted 4 years ago in reply to this

      If it's a romantic relationship, it's probably the failure to nurture friendship alongside the intimate affair. Such situation often leads to loss of respect and inability to communicate with honesty and understanding.

      1. A Thousand Words profile image81
        A Thousand Wordsposted 4 years ago in reply to this

        I agree totally! That's the main reason I'm still single! yikes I want the man I marry to be my best friend, first.

        1. Leann Zarah profile image84
          Leann Zarahposted 4 years ago in reply to this

          Hope you'd find him soon or better yet - he'll find you soon. smile

      2. Marlena Oechsner profile image60
        Marlena Oechsnerposted 4 years ago in reply to this

        Leann, I agree, but I also think it can be based on failure to keep the romantic spark alive within a strong friendship. My ex and I got along great, but there was no spark. The guy I'm with now does things that make me realize he's a great person, and a great lover. You need both sides to be secure.

        1. Leann Zarah profile image84
          Leann Zarahposted 4 years ago in reply to this

          I've read a couple of studies citing that a certain brain chemical called dopamine is behind the "romantic spark" which usually wanes after a certain period. As I recall, the waning starts around six months or so. When that happens, the realities of being in a relationship sets in. Thus, both parties to a relationship should work "to keep the romantic spark alive" as what you've said.

          Guess one thing that both men and women should realize before they get into a relationship is to realize that love should not be blind. A spark is not permanent, of course. It also tends to fog our sense of sight. Question is, when it's no longer there, would you still love your partner or would you rather leave her/him behind?

    3. passthejelly profile image80
      passthejellyposted 4 years ago in reply to this

      I believe trust is very important, but it is also very hard to obtain.  I think even some of the strongest relationships experience deception, half truths, and lying.  Lying can sometimes be a good thing. In some cases ignorance is bliss, but ultimately if you constantly live in fear that your other is deceiving you or cheating on you, your relationship will never be successful.

    4. mathira profile image87
      mathiraposted 4 years ago in reply to this

      You take your partner for granted and do not make efforts to nurture your relationship. You give less and demand more which makes any relationship fickle and brittle.

    5. 59
      Caleb Robertsposted 4 years ago in reply to this

      Its lack of respect and communication.

    6. yolanda yvette profile image61
      yolanda yvetteposted 4 years ago in reply to this

        1. Choosing a mate for the wrong reason (physical attraction shouldn't be the only/top reason we choose to be with a certain person, nor should we depend on the way they make us FEEL when we're with them...our feelings are not always trust-worthy.  2. Failure to communicate effectively.  3. Not enough quality time spent together.  4. Self-centeredness.

    7. BizGenGirl profile image85
      BizGenGirlposted 4 years ago in reply to this

      All relationships need to meet our basic human needs. If they don't, the relationship will flounder and fall apart.

      The needs every relationship needs to meet:

      1. Certainty - The certainty that you and your mate are loyal, faithful and in love.

      2. Variety - The need to explore, find adventure, be romantic, change and be risky with your partner.

      3. Significance - The need to know that to your partner, you are the sun, moon and stars. That you are important, special and worthy of their love.

      4. Connection - When we are connected, we feel loved and love flows more freely from us. Connection is the need to feel that your partner understands you and that you understand them, and that you both still love each other despite of any flaws. Basically, connection is the awareness of your Unconditional Love for each other.

      5. Growth - The need to grow, be more, create more, learn more and do more. All things must grow, or they die. So if one of you grows, and the other doesn't, your relationship will wither and eventually die. There's a reason the phrase is "GROW old together"....

      6. Contribution - The need to give to our partners, and feel like it truly makes a difference in their lives because we contributed to them with our body, mind, soul and actions.

      Another reason that relationships fail, is because our politically correct world often views love in terms of "whats equal", which transfers into our relationships. When this happens, you'll find yourself and or your partner thinking "I'll love them when they do this...." or "They aren't doing this for me, so I'll stop doing this for them." That's "equal love", and when it runs your relationship, neither of you will ever be truly fulfilled with each other.

      Whereas, if your relationship is built upon unconditional love, the relationship will flourish, have balance and harmony, and be stable for as long as you want it to be. In a relationship founded on unconditional love, you'll find that no matter what your partner does, they can't loose your love or positive attention, and you can't lose that same love or positive attention from them.


    8. Jonathan Janco profile image82
      Jonathan Jancoposted 4 years ago in reply to this

      Dating someone because you dont want to be alone is certainly disastrous as I've made that mistake too many times. As for projecting unattainable attributes on someone it all depends on how you react to reality setting in. You may end up being more attracted to someone's real attributes simply because its an actual part of that person.
      As for the root of bad relationships, I believe that for the most part everyone who is in a bad relationship is quite consciously aware of it and has their own reasons for failing to rise to the occasion to get out of it.

    9. Justjed profile image59
      Justjedposted 4 years ago in reply to this

      I feel you will not get satisfaction when you go into a relationship for the wrong reasons. I know a lady that was asked does she want to get married. Her response was simply for companionship and she ended up marrying a sailor of all people. It is so unfortunate, that she spends the greater part of the year all alone with her three kids.

    10. faisal alkhalefi profile image62
      faisal alkhalefiposted 4 years ago in reply to this


    11. Justjed profile image59
      Justjedposted 4 years ago in reply to this

      Infidelity and lack of trust are one of the top players in making a relationship unsuccessful

    12. aisha91 profile image75
      aisha91posted 4 years ago in reply to this

      Base on my observation, lack of compassion for the both party.

      1. aisha91 profile image75
        aisha91posted 4 years ago in reply to this

        I mean of the both party. As long as their is compassion and respect, there is still a hope for the relationship to be fruitful. But if that two were gone, I beieve no sane person would stay in a relationship which just makes her/his life difficult everyday.

  2. paradigmsearch profile image89
    paradigmsearchposted 4 years ago

    I agree with both of the above posts.

    One must be selective!!!

    To wit:

    "Man who sexually assaulted chihuahua gets 10-year sentence"

    http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2 … uahua.html

    1. A Thousand Words profile image81
      A Thousand Wordsposted 4 years ago in reply to this


  3. waynet profile image48
    waynetposted 4 years ago

    Either you get on with each other or you don't! That's it! There's no analyzing the details just move on!!!

    1. A Thousand Words profile image81
      A Thousand Wordsposted 4 years ago in reply to this

      I guess I'm asking the question because people shouldn't go into relationships blind. Who knows, understanding what goes wrong in them  can help there be more successful relationships, I think.

      AND I forgot to say getting married too young, when you haven't even bloomed as the person you are fully. I'm pretty sure that leads to divorces.

  4. loveandsex profile image71
    loveandsexposted 4 years ago

    Well, i would say lack of trust..when you fail to have trust in yourself and your patner, you give room to insecurities..this inturn leads your relationship to doom...just my opinion.

  5. Kangaroo_Jase profile image81
    Kangaroo_Jaseposted 4 years ago

    Not accepting and loving oneself.

    Communication between two people.

    Not telling each other what is acceptable or not acceptable in a relationship.

    Getting involved with the same type of person with similar traits as your ex, yet expecting a different outcome of this relationship.


    Integrity, honesty and being true to your word.


    1. A Thousand Words profile image81
      A Thousand Wordsposted 4 years ago in reply to this

      LoL, communication is very important.

  6. Greek One profile image80
    Greek Oneposted 4 years ago

    1) A man's desire for multiple vaginas
    2) A woman's hormonal inconsistencies
    3) Disputes stemming from economic hardship
    4) Incompatible habits with regards to hygiene
    5) Only 1 TV in the house

    1. Disturbia profile image60
      Disturbiaposted 4 years ago in reply to this

      Greek, I think you've got it completely, especially about the TV.  How ever did you get so wise?

      1. Greek One profile image80
        Greek Oneposted 4 years ago in reply to this

        just by hanging around the Hubpages forums smile

    2. prettydarkhorse profile image63
      prettydarkhorseposted 4 years ago in reply to this

      Who owns the TV plus the remote?? Yes, I agree.

      lack of understanding where the other is coming from - compromise and lack of genuine care

    3. A Thousand Words profile image81
      A Thousand Wordsposted 4 years ago in reply to this


  7. loveandsex profile image71
    loveandsexposted 4 years ago

    L0L Greek, TV? Well, i also agree that communication is very important.. When you always bear grudges against your partner, never letting go, then there would be a problem.

  8. made2becourageous profile image60
    made2becourageousposted 4 years ago

    Here lately the problem that has failed many of my friends relationships has been one trying to control the other one. I mean as soon as my friend walked in the door he was already being told what he could and couldn't do. Needless to say he got tired of that real quick, and I really don't blame him. Hes a person NOT a pet.

    1. A Thousand Words profile image81
      A Thousand Wordsposted 4 years ago in reply to this

      I agree 100%!

  9. teamelite21 profile image59
    teamelite21posted 4 years ago

    Lack of Moral Values
    Unwillingness to work things out
    Lazy......i could go on....this is hub material. haha!

    1. HattieMattieMae profile image71
      HattieMattieMaeposted 4 years ago in reply to this

      Caught in the past and never dealing with issues!

      1. wheelinallover profile image83
        wheelinalloverposted 4 years ago in reply to this

        Being expected to live up to an "ex" who has died by one or both in a relationship.
        Telling a near new spouse or boyfriend your still in love with your "ex".
        If it's true it should be kept to yourself, or explained well enough that the mate realizes you love them in a different way.   
        Finding your mate is not being faithful.
        Not understanding mistakes of the past thus not dealing with them.
        Constantly expecting more of your spouse than they are capable of.
        Treating your spouse like dirt when they can't function because they are in too much pain to move.
        Not allowing a step parent to gain respect from the step children.
        Not attempting to work things out until after you have thrown your mate out.
        Believing you are always right. It is just not possible to be right every time.
        Major differences in hygiene habits.

  10. AshtonFirefly profile image81
    AshtonFireflyposted 4 years ago


    1. A Thousand Words profile image81
      A Thousand Wordsposted 4 years ago in reply to this


      1. AshtonFirefly profile image81
        AshtonFireflyposted 4 years ago in reply to this

        well...everything else seems to come from it. Lying, infidelity, harshness, neglect, laziness, etc...

        1. A Thousand Words profile image81
          A Thousand Wordsposted 4 years ago in reply to this

          True! That is the root of most relationship issues. Way to sum it all up in one word.

  11. janesix profile image73
    janesixposted 4 years ago

    Drugs, alcohol, unfaithfulness, selfishness, disloyalty

  12. cindyvine profile image85
    cindyvineposted 4 years ago

    Boredom.  This leads to arguments as a way to create drama and make the relationship more exciting; leads to communication problems; leads to infidelities; leads to substance abuses; leads to masturbation in lieu of the real thing; leads to someone pressing the ignore button on the other; leads to spending too much money to make life more interesting in an attempt to buy one's way out of boredom; leads to comfort eating; etc etc.
    Obsession with oneself, self-absorbtion is the second cause of relationship failure as the person loves themself too much to love another and can only see their needs not anothers.  This leads on the the third cause.
    One-sided relationship where one person does all the work, puts in all the effort and gets little in return.

  13. ByChanceTV profile image61
    ByChanceTVposted 4 years ago

    Too much time time asking questions in relationship forums can hurt relationships.

    1. A Thousand Words profile image81
      A Thousand Wordsposted 4 years ago in reply to this

      Well, I'm single, so there's no relationship to hurt! smile I'm simply asking people's opinions! Who knows who this might help??

  14. dashingscorpio profile image85
    dashingscorpioposted 4 years ago

    1. Selecting the wrong mate.

    This usually happens because one does not know (themself).
    They have yet to determine what it is they want and need in a mate in order to have a happy relationship. Bascially their approach to finding love is the same as going to a grocery store without having a shopping list. When you don't (know) what you want you're likely to be "impulsive" or fly by the seat of your pants. To have a good relationship you must enter into it with total awareness. Remove the "rose colored" glasses and ask yourself, "Can I be happy with the way this person is?" "Do we (naturally) want the same things or have the same goals for the relationship?" I the answer is no to either one of these questions you can expect an uphill battle. Life is too short to be trying to change water into wine.

    2. Moving too fast

    This actually coincides with selecting the wrong mate.
    The majority of people put their heart and soul into relationships starting as early as age 16, 18, or 20 something. They were too naive to realize these relationships did not stand a chance to be "forever" in the first place. They haven't lived long enough to know who they are or what they truly want out of life. When these relationships fail they allow those youthful "unrealistic expectations" to dictate how they will approach future relationships.

    My advice for anyone who is young is to approach dating as an "exploratory experience" while you focus on getting your education and selecting a career path. Date, travel, and learn as much as possible in order to formulate (your own) life philosophy. You are far better off taking your time to select the "right mate" for yourself than rushing to be someone and trying to "make it work". It takes more time to truly get to know someone than most people are willing to invest prior to becoming (exclusive). An old carpenter's saying: "Measure twice, cut once."

    1. A Thousand Words profile image81
      A Thousand Wordsposted 4 years ago in reply to this

      Beautifully put. smile I think I'm learning this stuff on my own. Life teaches you lessons if you let it.

  15. Jynzly profile image69
    Jynzlyposted 4 years ago

    Number one cause of unsuccessful relationships is infidelity and everything along this line such as incompatibility, distrust and secrecy. When each or one of the couple harbour negative thoughts against each other or towards the other long enough then they will wake up one day that love has completely left their union. They will only find faults against each other and eventually the relationship just die a natural death...they split.

  16. novicemuse profile image59
    novicemuseposted 4 years ago

    Miscommunication. As well as the fact that after the honeymoon phase everyone's true colors come out and some people just aren't prepared.

  17. Pcunix profile image92
    Pcunixposted 4 years ago

    Sure, everything above.

    But, after almost 45 years of marriage, I think the most important thing for us is that we are best friends.  We like each other and everything else flows from that.

    1. AshtonFirefly profile image81
      AshtonFireflyposted 4 years ago in reply to this

      That's awesome smile

    2. A Thousand Words profile image81
      A Thousand Wordsposted 4 years ago in reply to this

      Love it! smile

  18. Cheeky Girl profile image86
    Cheeky Girlposted 4 years ago

    Trust is everything. Trust the person. Honesty with your partner. Being always honest and trusting - the other things kind of sort themselves out and fall into place.

    It has worked in my case. I have a terrific relationship with my partner Cathy.

  19. DrMikeFitz profile image60
    DrMikeFitzposted 4 years ago

    no matter what all relationships ARE successful when you view them for what they are as they are. all there IS in life, IS success. because you and i and everyone else will always have our own unique set of internal "values" then everyone else has their own individual results.

    i am thrilled with my wife and our 22 years of both ours only marriage. we've been through hell together and of course, that makes us stronger. glad we started out at great friends and developed that first as a foundation. all the items many have mentioned we have, and there were times when we almost didn't make it.

    there is EQUAL pain/pleasure in every moment. when people figure that out, a wise person will then find their values and choose what pain it is they wish to endure in life. for me? the items i truly cannot stand about my wife, just don't both me anymore.

    i think we can all agree it is wise to be true to yourself.

  20. 72
    SanXuaryposted 4 years ago

    Selfishness and its always always about that.

  21. incomeguru profile image82
    incomeguruposted 4 years ago

    When one or both parties to a relationship are being deceitful.

  22. HattieMattieMae profile image71
    HattieMattieMaeposted 4 years ago

    Never dealing childhood issues, or present issues in the relationship.

  23. savanahl profile image81
    savanahlposted 4 years ago

    I think it's because we are selfish, thinking of our own feelings and what we're lacking or what the other person hasn't done for us. If we can be more selfless and think of the other person and their needs, wants and feelings then our relationship will improve. Both sides need to be on board though.

  24. skinsman82000 profile image87
    skinsman82000posted 4 years ago

    Forgive me if this has already been said because I didn't read the whole thread.

    Not that I've been around for THAT long, but in my little time on this planet I've found that lack of communication may be the biggest pitfall that can ruin a relationship.  This is true for non-romantic ones as well.

    People don't like to talk about it, but sex is also a huge part.  As people get older, there's a tenancy to take this for granted.  You need to keep it fresh and COMMUNICATE how you're feeling in that area, ha.

    Good question.

  25. DrMikeFitz profile image60
    DrMikeFitzposted 4 years ago

    define success first. how are any relationships unsuccessful? whatever your definition is, will only be for yourself and none other-even your partner. are not every one of our relationships "trading" something of value that we feel some form of value? then we have those relationships either in the form of one person-or many. but by adding the total sum of all, everything is present and nothing is missing. you have a soul mate now. add all the attributes of that person-you are either with them, or spread out amongst many persons in your life right at this moment. someone funny, smart, sexy, sincere, stable, kind, on and on-where are they in your life? work mates, friends, neighbors, they are there.

  26. pharuk temmy t profile image60
    pharuk temmy tposted 4 years ago

    Well the top causes of unsuccessful relationship ,this is because you they are not just the right person for you, for every man there is always a perfect woman waiting out there and for every woman there is that right man waiting...Also you need to take your time to know them well before going into relationship with them.Lastly, be sure that you are not going into a relationship because you want to consider them because may be they have made you happy  in the past or other related reasons.