a man needs to be smart - commonsense smart - if he is then he'll be gentle, and if he's gentle he'll be loving and understanding, and if he's loving and understanding he can get just about everything he wants!
I think its a life long process to figure out the difference my friend. It all comes from experience. The most important quality women look for in men is not that his is nice and sweet it is that he is dominate and manly. Women want assertive guys that take change for the most part. The do not desire needy men, or desperate men. They desire driven men with purpose and self value. They desire leaders. Leaders that improve the quality of those around them. Basically trust what makes you a man and rid yourself of any insecurity and there will be masses of women wanting a relationship with you and it well be very successful.
In my experience, as long as he's not a douche (pardon the french...although douche means shower in french if I'm not mistaken....) and he has drive and motivation to succeed and be happy in life, he's good enough to me.
If he's not terribly attractive, for me, honestly a really great personality easily makes up for it. Trust me, I'm not saying that just because it's what you're supposed to say. I've really liked guys who were rather unattractive just because they had great personalities. Charismatic and all that.
And he's got to be completely obsessed with me. In a non-stalker way, preferably.
I'm open minded enough to accept a great many things in a relationship, but the one thing I will not abide is dishonesty.
If a guy has issues, addictions, problems, fetishes, what have you, if he wants to have an open relationship, whatever... I need him to be open and forthright about it. I can cope with and work with any truth, but I can't stand the sneaking around behind my back, keeping secrets, telling lies, game playing, and all the rest of the garbage that comes with dishonesty.