A happy, fulfilling, and successful marriage is supposed to be lifetime where the couple grow together in loving, understanding and caring for each other. Likewise, ideally, they learn from each other and reciprocate each others needs and simultaneously progress in their pursuit to achieve their mutual dreams.
Which do you prefer, to marry an already very rich prospect without love or to marry the love of your life where you both can build your future together.
Marrying for love. I know it is important to have financial stability but to me if you marry for money, you will only think you are in love instead of marrying when you know you are in love. Even if it does not work out, you can know your intentions and expectations were pure from the start.
Thank you Alecia,
I like the way you put your conviction in words. We are all unique even with our perception of things. Those whose priority is financial stability have reasons unique to them. We make mistakes in our choices but we all learn as we live the choices we made. What is important is we make the decision ourselves so that whatever is the consequences of our decision, we only have ourselves to question and forgive then start moving on as we learn.
Ideally both! But since I just got married and she is far from rich I guess my answer is for love.
Honestly there is no better feeling that being truly in love. Wouldn't be worth any money offered to give that up
Glad to hear that; Congratulations! I am newly married too so I know the feeling, of course I marry for love this time, this would be my last, I don't have much time left; It's so inspiring to dream with someone you truly love.
I wish you both lasting happiness.
الحب هو الحياة
Love is life
Nah, for an idealistic person like me, ofcourse, hopefully, I will marry for love, as long as the person is really worth loving for. But if he is not, then that is an another issue. Love can be learned and so stick to the one who will really make you happy not necessarily for the material things he can give you but more on the feeling of peace, compassion, happiness and security that he and only him can provide.
I'd marry for money in a heartbeat. Money cannot buy love but you can find happiness.
That is an interesting answer; if you believe that is how it works for you then so be it. Good luck.
OK Mathews, let says your new money solve your financial problem which is 1/5 the equation of your life. How is the going to solve the problem with your intellect 1/5, physical 1/5, spiritual 1/5 and your relationship 1/5
Keep in mind much of happiness has to do with your health, what you can forget and how gracefully you solve your problems
I think that isn't a choice... . In my opinion money and love must be stayed together. Without money.. how you can go on for life ??? and for life also need love....
There are many situations in life...and a lot more if you are observant enough, where a woman is torn between marrying the love of her life who is unemployed and have no source of income, and whether to marry a suitor who is financially stable but that he is not the person that the woman really falls for or is in love with...so, in this illustration, if you are the woman, who will you choose to marry?
This is the situation that I am talking about...you cannot marry both...If you have not experienced it in your life then you won't really understand what I am talking about and your opinion only applies to you, but it does not also mean that just because you have not experienced it then such situation does not exist...it happened to me.
You will never live without money and love. So, it is a better option to follow these criteria for marriage. It will make you to enjoy a healthy marriage. If you are intelligent, then you will understand what I am saying.
Really? Are you sure you understand my question? Even a simpleton can understand...you are out of context...illogical, fallacious...I never said anything like you can live without money and love...read first and understand the question before you start babbling.
I have answered your question with a practical mind. So, what I think is right, that I have told you. It is up to you whether you like it or not.
My question is, and I repeat "Given two choices, will you marry for money or for love?"
There is a delimitation in that question...it is giving just two options and these two are if there is a situation in your life where there are two women in which you can marry only one of them (of course), one woman is rich but you are not in love with her; the other is not rich but you are in love with her...the question is, who will you marry?
Now, eve an idiot can make the choice...you don't need to be intelligent.
Do not challenge my intelligence...I know who is intelligent and who is not for the more than two decades that I am a Professor. Just understand that simple question...it's not a matter of whether I like or not your answer...it's a matter of preference in your part...I don't really care what your preference is...this is just a matter of survey in order to know how many people who answered correctly are more money-oriented or "love-oriented."
Is everything clear now?
My opinion is that either way, you are still marrying for love. Be it that you love the person and their money. there is still love there. the question should be, would you marry someone just for there money, in that i case i would say no.
I just stumbled upon this and felt like adding one side note. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and from what I read in your post it says "what do you prefer". Many people bring up valid points on both ends but you seem to be very critical of those who oppose your thoughts. If you're asking people to comment on your question, you should allow them to say what they believe without being ridiculed for their different thoughts.
It is hard to find out if love is true, i was well off when i met my bf everyone thinks he was only with me becuae of money until i became broke and it was time to see the answer if they are indeed right. A year pass by and being broke was real hard to deal with, i asked him to leave me, i was helpless with high debts and friends are not around those hard times. But insread of leaving me he married me, he accompany me with my problems and when i cry he he cries too sayin we'll never be apart no atter what. I lost everything my car, mo ey and other material things but i never lost him even we fight as if we'll give up. Now, we are strugglling, we chose to stay with each other.. When we see running cars, he would tell me, i will buy you a new car someday honey, we are young and we still ahve the chance to make things better. My friends are wrong about him, he showed me love , a true one.
I would most definitely marry for love. To marry someone for their money is being extremely selfish. It's true that we need money to survive, but to be with someone for financial gain will turn sour quickly. What happens when the money runs out? To be financially independent is what I hope to be someday, but not at the expense of my spouse. The marital vows state "for richer, for poorer" says exactly what it means; and it's unfortunate that so many people do not take those vows seriously. We must have the wisdom and knowledge to go out and make a living for ourselves instead of asking someone to do it for us. I know that it is the husband's place to provide for his family; but I would like to think that I could help him to provide by not letting him shoulder all the burden of our household. If we made the bills together, it is our responsibility as a couple to see that they are paid. That's just my opinion.
That is in fact a very reasonable opinion, for as long as both you and your husband love each other, everything is possible; it's wonderful to dream together and achieve together.
I'd agree with this and add, that being financially independent means not being trapped into an awful situation (such as poverty or being married to someone who has turned controlling, sometimes because he thinks his money makes him a big cheese) if/when love dies (and it can, no matter who thinks it won't) or when the spouse dies (and you discover he didn't have as much money to leave behind, and to you, as you thought he did).
Love is the only thing that makes some of the junk you have to put up with by being married at all tolerable, and it's the only thing that makes a lot of stuff that would otherwise be "junk you have to put up with" of little importance to you.
The key is, though, to recognize when love is real and whole and what it's supposed to be if it's going to last. Too many people think what isn't real and whole love is - so they end up marrying neither for mutual, real and whole love, nor money.
BUT, if you marry for love that isn't quite whole and real and permanent, or for love that changes when the people involved grow and change, you still come away from the marriage and go into the rest of your life with something that a lot of people (money or no money) never get to have - and the memories of a love that once seemed right, or else getting to keep some of the nicer remnants of a battered love that couldn't sustain a marriage and couldn't survive, but remain a positive part of life; can still leave you and your life a lot "richer" than money ever could.
Besides, a good part of the time people who "marry for money" don't even marry for big money. They marry for enough money to be able to afford an apartment or a house; so they don't get the financial stability of "big money" anyway; and if there's death or divorce they end up with nothing but whatever the person's life insurance policy involved (and people who are only stable enough to have a roof over their head and eat often live long lives and/or don't always have decent life insurance).
So - really - if anyone is even thinking about marrying "for money" he'd better make sure it's really big money (and not just more money they, themselves, can come up with).
Very logical reasoning, Wow! It's really true; everything you say is very realistic and practical. I know lots of people marry somebody who they think have plenty of money but end up nothing...and another; love is not an every day thing, in fact not everybody experience that. If there is a regret in choosing love for marriage then at least we experience what love is...it's beyond what money can buy.
If we're lucky, though, and if we marry for love but it doesn't last, we don't just get to experience that. We can actually find that we do get to "keep" some of the things that may not have been enough, but that continue to make us, our overall life, and maybe even relationship with that person just that much enriched
With a relationship that's completely and utterly destructive it can be different, of course. But I think when it's a matter of marrying for love that "just wasn't quite whole enough", nobody ever comes away with a "negative balance" on the whole. We can come away with a whole lot more than just memories of love.
I married for love... love alone.. struggled trough the initial phases but with so much satisfaction and happiness...money has come,gone and now we have more than enough .. but has never been an issue.. love can see you through the good and the bad times...I dunno if I could say that for money.. LOL
That is EXACTLY how I feel, sofs. I think we've agreed on this before, lol...
Thumbs up...that's strong willpower coupled with strong love. Love to hear that.
Love is a many spendored thing. But money can buy many splendid things. Ironically, the only thing it can't buy is love. My father used to tell me to marry the first time for money and the second time for love. I should have listened to him, but ah, the idealistic glow of youth which sees with the heart and not with the mind!
For as long as we have plenty of time in life, like in our youth, we can try anything that appeals to us; we can marry for money if there is the opportunity or we can marry only for love because yes, "love is a many splendored things" you're right, for the time you are in it...what is money, money come and go but love, true love doesn't come every day...there will be time enough to look for money.
Spoken like a true youth! (Of course, I'm teasing you and I love you.)
I know you're not a 'youth' but you have the sensibility of one. A good thing.
Marrying for love. It's better to make money with someone you love. Much better if you've already been together as a struggling couple. Best, if you love each other whether or not you have money.
Very nice to hear; dreaming and planning together and achieving together is by itself a bonus fun for a couple in love.
Well, if there is enough money there, maybe I could keep a mistress on the side?
On the other hand, my wife and I celebrate our 36th anniversary today, and it hasn't been money that keeps us together (there isn't any!). Nor will she let me keep a mistress...very selfish, she is.
Love doesn't require large sums of money and is worth far more than any amount of filthy lucre.
Congratulations to you wilderness. You are a rare breed.
People are always going to say that they'd marry for love. (at least most people) I know I married for love but do you ever wonder why, in the US, there's a divorce rate of over 50% and number 1 cause for marital problems is money?
I think we all should take a step back and look at ourselves and our relationships and truly remember why we married our partners. If it truly was for love then keep that feeling always, no matter what and we all might be as fortunate as wilderness.
Personally, I believe that the reason for the high divorce rate is because we are becoming a society of "me first". The individual wants and needs are more important than anything else: the "I" takes precedence over the marriage and partnership.
It takes two to make a marriage work; if even one decides that the "me" is more important than the union it will fail.
wilderness, I completely agree. My first 2 marriage failed and, looking back now, I see how selfish I was. It was always about me. Now I do things differently. I think of him, of us and our relationship and we have an amazing relationship. Thanks for sharing.
That's good observation, I agree with you.
I agree with you, studies show that money is among the major causes of marital break-up; too much money or lack of it both cause marital problems or break-up; hence it's not money per se that breaks marriage, it's the mental attitude of the couples in marriage about money that break them up. My first husband for 18 years had plenty of money; he was rarely home and two pregnant women came to me and said my husband was the father. That is plenty of money..
LOL Congrats on your 36th Anniversary... wish you both many more happier ones to come:) God Bless!
We reaffirmed our vows this summer with a central theme of "We are one". Facing and meeting the world as One, not as two individuals. There are two bodies, two minds and often two opinions, but still only One.
The love we share has made it possible, and quite impossible to imagine a good life any other way.
Now if only my head would stop hurting; the other half of One read my earlier post over my shoulder and now it hurts and seems loose on my shoulders.
Wonderful ..it isn't everyday that you hear such things... Have a lovely, lovely day ! But what are you doing here... you need to be out with her... having fun!
wilderness, I am so with you here. Real, true, honest-to-goodness love is priceless. It doesn't ever fade away, because if loves fades, then it wasn't real to begin with--been there, done that first time around, lol.
They say a real love and a happy marriage is hard work, but it never has been that way for my husband and me. It's been ridiculously easy, probably because we both want to please each other, and we always think before we say things that the other might get hurt by. That part was badly missing in our previous marriages, which is one important reason that they didn't last.
Congrats on your 36th anniversary-That's wonderful!!!
All couples will argue and even "fight" over things, but when the conversation turns to saying things that intentionally cause hurt to a spouse it is a huge warning flag.
I've seen it in others, and invariably if it continues the marriage does not. Everyone will sometimes hurt their loved one, but when it is intentional there is a problem - left alone it is a destroyer of families.
Sounds like you two really have it together, and will follow us to those big anniversary numbers in the future. I'll tell you now, it's completely worth any effort. A young (in terms of length of marriage) couple can't imagine the depth of love that will develop over decades.
Thanks wilderness--We're going on 24 years this year, and it's been the best 24 years of my life. And I so agree with you when you talk about how much love really deepens, the longer you are married. If it's real, then it doesn't lessen, or fade away, it just grows and grows...
What you said points out part of what I blame some of the divorce rate on, and that's your point about how we hear that marriage (or a good relationship) is "hard work", and you've seen for yourself that it if it's right it isn't all that hard work. A lot of inaccuracies about love and relationships have been presented to people over the last several decades, and I think that's reflected in the fact that too few people really understand what real, and whole, love is. So they get married thinking they have what is needed in a marriage, only to discover that there was a chip in the foundation; and when the storms hit everything starts to crumble. Why? Because the bad stuff can bring out the most fundamental things of our natures (things that don't show up and cause problems if enough bad stuff doesn't arise); but when some of life's bad stuff and challenges hit (and hit enough to bring out those previously hidden fundamental differences in nature/personality), those fundamental things aren't only revealed, but highlighted.
Faced with someone who has become "so different", people find themselves dealing with the problems alone and within, because trying to deal with them as a team only causes more problems. If the crap lasts long enough, both people go so far within themselves for so long; if/when they ever try to turn outward toward the other again, they discover they've changed too much and no longer even know one another.
It doesn't help either that when someone else is very different, and wants to handle things his different way; there can be a tendency for one or both people to start viewing his own way as superior and to not to respect the other person as much as the person should be respected as a human being.
Whatever studies say or don't say, I really don't think money is the most common, or at least root, cause of divorce. It can be that lethal combination of not knowing enough about real love, maybe even being someone who overlooks the minor stuff "because you can't expect someone to perfect", and being unlucky enough to have too many big, serious, "storms", batter away at the individuals from outside the marriage. If my ex-husband and I hadn't had so many horrendous things (not money-related) to deal with, I'm convinced I'd still be "mostly happily married" today. Was I ever completely happy and without a sense that there was "some minor thing" missing? Right from the start. But I overlooked it because I didn't think it was reasonable to expect perfection. After all, I lived in a world that told people of my generation that "marriage is hard work" and "nothing's ever going to be perfect". Life is obviously not always going to be perfect, but a whole lot of people will tell you that love, and relationships, can be (and should be expected to be).
He-he, I like the humor though I know there is something serious there. Conratulations! There are not many couple nowadays who would be together that long.
Yes, there is something very serious here. Even the thought of marrying for money is such a mistake, it will remove from your life the greatest gift you could ever have.
And thanks for the congrats, though most of it should go to my better half. I got the better part of the deal, which she has to put up with me.
My wife of almost 45 years led me to believe that she was tall and quite wealthy.
Only after we were married did I learn that she is barely over 5 feet tall and had even less money than I did. I was of course quite angry, but by then she had fed me enough of her cooking that I decided to hang in there.
I do resent being lied to, but her lasagna is very, very good.
LOL I almost fell out of my chair reading that... You met your match!
I often tell her that she is very lucky indeed that she is beautiful, kind, loving, smart, funny, patient and is a creative and wonderful cook, was a wonderful mother and has several dozen other attributes I will not bore you with.
If she didn't have those things to fall back on, I honestly don't know how I would have put up with her all these years.
Not every man could get a wife like your wife. She is lucky indeed and you too. You won't be together that long if love is not above anything else your relationship.
Congrats to both of you.
Pc, so was it the expensive high heels that blinded you or did she literally blindfold you?
lol...My husband has always loved it that I DON'T ever fix lasagna, because he hates it!
And congrats to you, too, on the 45 years!
Nearing the three-quarter century mark on this old planet I've found that a choice between love and money can be a crap shoot either way -- the bottom line being either can run out -- money or love. Perhaps both hinge on the way we live our lives today. We live in such a changing world that love undergoes a battery of ups and downs -- some it can survive and some not and partners often grow apart and take different paths because of it. As to the money -- today's economy offers no guarantees to even the wealthiest among us so marrying for money is risky at best. That leaves the two lovers who are bottom line devoted to one another and roll with the punches no matter what. Those folks are the fortunate among us.
Funny topic. Most of the replies are from people who are happily married or forgot the time when the environment around them programmed them to choose mate depending on his/her steady income, looks and behavior(love, batteries etc included). There are two types of folks who get married - type one who choose mate depending on his/her steady income and another type is after rich slab. Nobody marries a broke, that's the truth. People who marry broke don't have internet access to answer OP's question. Pick any random marriage/dating website and eyeballs always search for - 1) looks 2) money. People risk their life for these two things, rest of the others getting married for love are minority on this planet.
I think it is a case to case basis; there are still people who got strong values system and high self esteem who won't bargain their self value to settle for less. Just like what Angela Blair said, both money and love can run out but despite the difficult economic condition, money is still easier and quicker to find than true and lasting love. In this case, there would be two people who can figure out to fix the money problems.
I didn't even have a job when we married. We scraped by for several years at barely sustenance.
Beginning your life in poverty doesn't necessarily mean that you will always be there.
My wife married me for my money, and I married her for her body! We were both disappointed! Of course she claims to be more disappointed then me. lol
I can assure you, we married out of love and have been happily married for over 30 years. My statement was a standing joke between us. lol In all the years I can count the arguments on one hand. We just never argue and in that rare few, no one ever went to bed mad.
Certainly for love. Love is something you cannot ask or earn, unlike money. So, no matter how poor I could be, I'd always choose love instead of money.
It's apparent that most people will marry for love before they'll marry for money. Of course this assumes you have a choice before you. So, let's see, the really cute guy with the awesome personality, down to earth and will give me anything I want OR the guy you love. Of course you'll pick the guy you love.
But what if the other guy came first? You marry because he's there and you're going to have a great time until it ends. No brainer.
You can learn to love a rich man as easily as a poor man. And for all those people who are willing to do this, make sure you have your own bank account. Put some of your 'allowance' into it every week because when it does end, it's really tough 'getting a real job'.
If two people are right in front of me? Then i would marry for love. Building my life with someone i can actually stand for more than their bank account sounds a lot more interesting. By the way, would i have money, or am i poorer as well. Actually it doesn't matter.
I married for love, but am fed up of being broke...... Next time i might marry for money..... ha ha
If your true love left you? then you may experiment the other...good idea.
If you are broke you can always make it up, but I bet you don't know what you have gotten to have married for love. If you have money you can't buy love with your money yet you need love.You can find money and get it but if you find love you will never get it, because love will does find those that deserve it.
I have married for both.
My first marriage was for money. I was very young, alone in the world, and needed someone to take care of me. My husband was elderly, wealthy, and more than happy to fill the role of provider. I never had a day of regret in the eight happy years we had together. I was truly heartbroken when he passed away.
The next four marriages were for love. I loved them and they loved my money.
I am now happily single and plan to stay that way. So, I say... Go for the money and a good pre-nup, that way you have something to fall back on.
I would say you are lucky; you must have that very strong "manifestation energy"...you got what you needed and wanted in a given time. For as long as marriage for money was your true intention and it happened and you were happy about it then that is perfectly commendable. You got all, not everybody has the luck you have. Keep being happy.
LOL, it wasn't my intention at all. I fell into a relationship with a rich, older man who was completely besotted with me. I was 17, a runaway from a foster home, living on the streets. He saw me while I was panhandling for spare change at a parade, befriended me, and then asked me if I wanted to "crash" at his place for awhile. It was a no-brainer for me and not so very different from moving into another foster home. Next thing I know he's making an honest woman out of me and it wasn't like I had anywhere else to be or anything else to do. He gave me everything, saw to all my needs, and made sure I had an excellent education. I grew to adore him. He was an amazing man and so interesting and not bad looking either. But best of all he was honest. His lifestyle was unconventional to say the least, but he was open and honest about it all and that was the most important to me. He became my yardstick to which I measure every other man and they ALL fail in the honesty department. I didn't even know about all his money till after he passed away. I knew we were comfortable, but I had no idea. He certainly took care of me, right to the end and beyond. I had massive guilt for a long time and gave away lots of money to friends and charity. Eventually, I just accepted it, but I still give away lots of money to charity.
Wow, you were a Cinderella, very interesting story of your life. I can understand your "giving away" of money. I just hope you will learn to accept your "blessings" before you realize that it is too late. All you have to do is to affirm to yourself that you deserve all the money you inherited. You do deserve that money because it was given to you in "love". Love is a blessing ...just accept that you are loved and blessed...that's the best way to handle your money correctly. Take care...you got a spectacular story...other girls just dream of what you are and have.
You have actually spelt it right,MONEY AND LOVE.Well, money will buy you gold,diamonds, cars,houses,make ups and what have you,that could go unexpectedly but it will never by you happiness. Happiness and love goes side by side, if you find a pure and true love and you don't have money,love can always bring you happiness and when you are happy you can do anything that would bring you money. LOVE CAN BUY MONEY BUT MONEY CAN'T BUY TRUE LOVE but it can buy other pretentious love that would fade away when money is gone. At the same time there is nothing you can do without money,but seek love first and other things would follow, if you marry because of money,money comes and go and what happens to your marriage when there is no more money? Marriage is not a business organisation where you need money to run its affairs, rather its a lifetime institution where you will not stop learning and the only thing that would make a marriage a better one is Love, an unpretentious love. I mean TRUE LOVE.
Hi back Jynzly,Thank you for the appreciation because many thanks should go to the person who pass by you and raised their eyebrow some have passed by that didn't look at where you are let alone raising their eyebrow.I try to be useful and meaningful to others who needs to know more beyond what they have seen.
I will always go for love anytime. I can earn money and i can buy myself lunch. Don't want to need someone else's money.
I have done it and i will want to do it over and over again.
That is woman Sovereignty for you, you go girl
Don't judge, that's not woman Sovereignty. That is a very responsible woman there, and she is not a "girl"...a girl has a connotation of being a loose woman...She is a College Instructor as well as her husband. My daughter is a decent lady.
I'm a 8 year old trapped in a 57 year old body and decent person too. How am I judging her, she knows how to love from what I hear, what more important than love and whats wrong with that?
When you say woman sovereignty concerning her comment is jumping into conclusion; and like I said, to call her "girl" sounds unethical; it's inappropriate. I said that she is decent but I am not saying anything about whether you are decent or not.
I don’t where you found the word -you go girl- unethical, I mean it like Childlike/Adult sweet and responsible, I mean women sovereignty like self empowerment
(OH BOY)A little jumpy are we? I talk funny, can’t help it being an artist and all
Okay, sorry if I had misinterpreted it. I am the mother of an only daughter and I admit that I am an over-protective mother for that matter. This is the first time my only daughter commented in my hub or joined in the discussion that I initiated.
I have a daughter too, she really is the love of my life.
So you can understand my overreaction. I hope.
I think it's wise for our daughters to learn how to take care of themselves first, yet being among their best friends , we get a great inside track to guide them along.
Yes, I did my ultimate and full time "motherhood" duties and responsibilities for my two children when they were young. Right now my son is 34 and my daughter 31, both have their good families and they are responsible parents too. I can say that my effort as a single mother paid off. I am now free from my basic duties to them.
Hehe, that's my daughter and I know she is speaking her heart out. I should know...isn't she my daughter?
If you marry for money...then one of you is a prostitute. The other one is also soliciting sex for money. If you want a business partner, sign a business contract.
Given two choices I would marry for money and love.
Given only one choice I would marry for love.
I wouldn't marry again. However, regarding the choices I'd make about who I would want as a life partner, it would be someone who shared common interests, values and was financially independent, as am I.
I haven't even married once!
I'm not even sure that I want a life partner, too many things to do.
My given choices is just an assumption; what if you want to marry and there are two lovers who are willing to marry you; one is rich but you are not in-love with him, the other is not rich but you are in-love with him; and that is just assuming...so in this situation who would you prefer?
The choices I had presented are "the rich suitor" versus the "one you are in love with" but not rich though not necessarily poor; it's just a given which means that what if you are in that dilemma or situation.
If it's just one then that means, take it or leave it. I was just presenting two choices that is if you have to choose which of the two situation you prefer say for example, you have two suitors who are offering marriage to you sincerely; one is rich but you are not really in love with him, and the other is not rich but responsible enough to support himself and you are in love with him; the question then is who of them will you marry? The rich or the one you are in love with.
The one I was in love with. However, I wouldn't marry again. Those who would, however, should ask themselves, which one would make you happy?
I will choose the guy with lots of money...
Money is hard to come by these days, love is easier to find.
Peace to all.
Ma'am Veron, (TENKAY)
Very naughty, naughty, naughty...tsk..tsk..tsk.. If I don't know you I might get carried away. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Ma'am Veron speaking here. She is the best friend I was talking about and the very reason why I want to stay here in hubpages. She just told me that she had published her first hub.
Money stays behind. I chose an amazing, tragic love story.
Be wary not to confuse our behavioral trends on love. The choices we make cause drama. Splitting our focus, letting society, family, and friends dictate what our love should be causes drama. Doubt, low self esteem, bitterness causes drama. Love in and of itself does not cause drama.
Besides, if you are honestly trying to avoid drama you would not go after love or money. You would not care for friendship or career. Drama is our way of life. So what rewards would you reap in the midst of drama that we already have?
It is very tempting to analyze life life along the lines of stereotyping love, drama, society, low self-esteem, etal. The fact remains that each person has his own way to deal with any situation he/she is in and per observation, human as we are, no matter how we try to live the "golden rules"; when we are emotinally attacked to the core, we always respond basically for self-preservation...and most often; the more we try to preserve ourselves using all the stablished and theoritical applications in the study of human behaviors the more we destroy ourselves...whether we are aware of it or not...Just observe people wherever you are.
I agree. I see people, lost as they are. Most do not seem to be worth the effort. I would not recommend looking for love, but if you should stumble upon it I would hate to have you step over it and chose what so many give up their true happiness and fulfillment in search of...money. Besides that, once you have fulfilled your heart you may be inspired in ways that bring you the money you seek in the end.
Best of both worlds. Sounds like a dream right? Impossible, only I had it. It came to me, for a short time and I was not looking for it.
Good luck on your quest no matter what you chose. Blessings...
Actually, I already have what is due me. Reason I ask the question is because I had observed a lot of people, in the net or in real, who don't know what they are really looking for. Right now I am happy with my husband despite our distance and i am not searching. If I were to say, I always prefer love because it is an inspiration, a force behind any success. Money in a loveless marriage is more prone to temptations of side-tracking from true happiness in a marriage relationship...well that is just how I see it; it cannot happen to me.
Thanks for your bright opinion.
I would NOT marry for the love of money. I definitely would marry for the money (value) that love will bring.
Ideally both are important part of life at the date. But as far as I'm concerned, I will prefer Love over money. I can get money if I would have love, but reverse may not be possible.
Of-course both are important for living but I will go for love marriage first because we can make money whenever we want but can't get love.
I agree, love is a driving force to make a dream come true. Money is good but it can only be wasted if you allow it to control you. Good luck and thank you for the comment.
All we have in life is what we can give away. If you want money, give money, if you want love, give love and so on......
If most of people got that much money without earning it. and without giving true love back. Their disrespect for both LOVE and MONEY would eventually burn out or fade away.
My first post I was kidding,when I said : I don't know, that's a lot of money!.
I understand. There's a saying which goes "You can give without loving but you can't love without giving." This only shows that once you are in-love, you do your best to earn money so that you will have something of value to give...just my opinion.
Every time I would choose love! Money does not automatically equal happiness.
Why do they have to be mutually exclusive? Why can't you have both? You can have a rich guy/woman in which you both build a LIFE TOGETHER.
well I've married for love and he left me with nothing. And having to scamble to make ends meet.
So if there ever is a next time it will be for money, with a prenup.
Locking in my security, so that if he decides to leave he will have to pay for it.
Fair enough. Actually we make our choices based on our life experiences. It's a personal thing; nobody else will live your life for you all throughout. Good choice though, given your situation.
On my death bed, I prefer to think about all my love ones rather than think about all the money I made at the office
Wow such a nice statement...reminds me of Colin on his deathbed...he never had one moment of thinking about money...he just reached for my hand and his sister's hand, on the left mine, on the right his sister's hand until his breath left him.
I think love is a choice. You aren't in love. Your wife changes (gets sick, gets old, etc). You make the choice to love her. And I wouldn't marry someone for their wealth. I think a lot of it for me has to do with values and whether she values/believes the same things as I do and whether she's a humble and forgiving person.
One should always marry for love. If you marry for money, it is not marriage but merely a financial arrangement. If you marry for money, chances are you would do just about anything for money and who needs that?!
Marriages are made in heaven....And Heaven has no currency .... only Love
I like that kind of thinking...yes, that's nice.
But you know something, with all the Love in heart, sometimes we cannot stop marriages to break. When money matter peeps in, the bond Love gets strained and there might be a position when it may torn off leaving the marriage barren of Love.
Very true, in fact all divorces revolve around 50% in money problems or mismanagement and the other 50% around infidelity...then incompatibility sets in and love is pushed down to the bottomless darkness. That's why love between couples should be constantly nourished and must bear fruit of abundance and prosperity...it needs constant workout.
When I met my wife, I fell in love with her. For me it was love at first sight.
Other things followed later on. I believe marriage should be oiled with love and not money or other things. Lol
If money was a substitute for the men, the married daughters of kings
it is true , so any thing in world uncomplete and unstaisfied
it Is not satisfactory at 100 %
that is the life >
I prefer love.Money can be earned.But you cannot earn love.So,once you find love, I guess it's better to choose love.Money is a vital thing in life but you cannot be happy if you don't have someone who loves you.So I marry for love.
The question is flawed.
I would not marry somebody I loved, if they were too lazy and irresponsible to attain some form of financial security. I don't want to live on the streets because of "love."
I would however consider a person I loved, who was financially stable (not necessarily rich) over somebody who was rich that I did not love.
But then, even in that scenario, I am marrying for love AND money -- since money IS a factor.
To explain further:
Rich woman I don't love vs Woman I love, but is a financial sinkhole: I choose the rich woman. (Marrying for money)
Rich woman I don't love vs Financially secure woman who I love: I choose the one I love. (Marrying for love and money)
Anybody who answers "just love" is lying to themselves, unless they are admitting they would marry somebody who will ensure financial ruin, just because they were the one they loved.
The question is not flawed; it is a valid question. There is "magic" in love. If two pwople are in love...truly in love, they will never live in the street; Love is an energy that trigger dreams, then action, the fulfillment. Actually, when love is the choice, abundance will naturally follow because pure love attracts everything good. When you choose love, you are actually choosing both eventually. When your choice is money over love...then you will have money for time being but most often, plenty of money without love could cause infidelity.
Once turned down marrying a rich old woman for one other woman who I truly did love. She had good looks, humor and we both got rich making money anyways, in the work we both love to do( in the Arts and entertainment world).
Sometimes love is not enough, I lost her to drugs because she did not love herself enough. Lucky for me I continued loving my work for most waking hours of my life. Someday, all my work will be pass down to my daughter who is an artist and who I love most, for now.
Both love and money takes work, work is love made visual, love of money can be evil.
So, I’ve been rich and been in love, loving yourself first and knowing marrying that rich old lady for money first rather than love first, would'nt been the solution to a graceful happy lifestyle
If I started life all over again, Happiness and Love is the most important behavior in the world would be first . Go for love first and then money will come. Still working on building a bigger and better lover, luck is just around the couner when the only group you belong to is the optimist club.
I agree wholeheartedly with this. People can't just marry "for love" anymore. It is no longer fashionable to live in a shack and sell newspapers on the street for pennies. I certainly don't want to live in a ditch, whether I have a partner or not, that is unacceptable.
No decent person in his right mind would live in a "shack" and sell newspapers...or what, but there are still a lot of them who do that because their minds cannot think of how they are going to transform their life situation. My question is applicable only to decent and above average mentality who are capable to make choices and having the ability to make the right decisions for themselves...Lots of people don't even know that they have choices...and that they can dream and plan to achieve their goals.
If women really loves me she would move into a tent, most likely.
Most homeless people do not live much longer than a year outside or they could become mentally ill from the exposure. If you love myself first, then you will do whatever it takes not be homeless or live in a News Shack.
When two people love each other, they are stronger together than they would be apart. What are the chances of anyone being stuck living in a News Shack lol lol unless your hooked on drugs or crime.
If one was a tree, it's good to shakes off the Bad News Leaves, and grow new ones
My grandmother told me if you marry for money you earn every penny. I am 47, married for love and know that a lack of finances can cause a lot of issues in a marriage. I still believe if you marry for money it would be a very lonely proposition. I think my Mammaw could be right. She was about most things.
Many issues in marriage can be resolve more easily when the couple are truly in love with each other. There is more danger if money is the "binding factor" in marriage; too much money can corrupt a person when love is not deep-rooted, lack of money can also break the marriage for obvious reasons... but abundance of love could glue the couple together "in sickness or in health, in plenty or in lack..." there is no other power stronger than love in marriage.
I don't know if you still read these messages. But I have been single for the first 30 years of my life, I am in my early 30's now. For the past decade I have been struggling with choosing between marrying for money or marrying for true love...
I TOTALLY understand how you must have felt when you were in this situation. I hope you are still happy with your choice to marry for love instead of for money, because I too chose to marry for TRUE LOVE in the end.
I will briefly describe my story and hopefully it might help others to see through this a lil clearer.
I was single in my early 20's and I met this young man who was well off with money not super rich (not yet) he was surprisingly loving, caring and really in love with me. But I wasn't ready to settle down with anyone yet, had too much to experience first and wanted to know more before I made my final decision. So I was going on dates with him for a while nothing serious we were still getting to know each other and we didn't live in the same State, we were just a few hours apart drive. I was still in College and he knew I was not serious too so I am sure he did went on other dates too and that was fine with me. So this thing lasted a decade... seeing each other on and off while I was living my life and he was too living his. I met this other guy that just graduated from College and was starting his career. Had a good starting job and was responsible and all but ten years younger than the other guy. The other guy was now established in his career field and started making much much more money and we were getting more attached to each other even though we still kept it light and still were seeing other people too due to the distance. But one summer, he took it seriously and he asked me if we could do it for real now, after more than 7 years doing this on and off thing he was ready to settle and he realized I was the one he wanted to be with and live with. All these past years when we saw each other we went on traveling around the world, he paid everything I wanted and never asked anything in return but my company whenever I would come visit him in his State. I mean anything I wanted, I could have with him. And best of all, he was not much older than me, just 6-7 years older and was not ugly too. But I COULD JUST not fall for him that way.. it's weird because he really did care for me and loved me. So at the same time he was starting to be more serious, that's when I met this new guy who for once in my life, I fell in Love with. I been on lots of dates, been with lots of richer guys and hotter guys and all... but this guy, college educated, smart, very good looking, CARING for me, and not making a ton of money yet cause he just started in his career field, I found TRUE LOVE in him. But with him, I had to start all new, get to know him better, get to see if we were getting along or not, do we have things in common or not, everything was the beginning of a new journey for us. The other guy (guy #1) who became rich self made in the last 7 years we ve known each other, I liked him a lot because he was truly taking care of me, nice with me, in love with me and nothing wrong with him, beside one thing: I COULD not fall in love with him no matter how hard I tried to. I wanted to believe me! he was so nice to me, giving me the moon if I wanted to, talking about getting married and having kids and keep traveling the world with him some more, having a huge house and all and never have to work another day in my life if I choose to... But I still couldn't make myself fall for him after all of that. I was 30 when that happened. I had to make a choice, between choosing security over a new endeavor that my heart fell for. This second guy, who was few years younger than me, will have a great future too, I know it. Might will never make as much money as mister #1 BUT I was in love with him. I was attracted to him, I was in awe for him and I felt VERY HAPPY too. Not that I didn't feel happiness with mister rich #1 whenever he took me from Countries to countries and bought me all I wanted, but I felt "EMPTY" NEVER was I really satisfied.
But I felt SATISFACTION with guy #2. I felt Stronger, More Powerful, like anything can happen and everything was possible no matter what with guy #2...
That year of my 30th birthday I made the most important choice in my life. It took me a year to make peace in my mind and make sure I made the right decision. I chose TRUE LOVE over financial security.
It was the best day of my life and until now, it still is! I chose guy #2. The few years younger but starting his life career over the already established self made way richer guy that I could not fall for, for some reason, no matter how hard I tried to resonate with my mind and my heart.
Guy #2 and I been married for few years now. We are the best of friends, we goof like children and we love like passionate teens in their first relationship lol. I don't have all the materials or all the extravagant lifestyle I used to have with guy #1, but one thing for sure now is that I am no more lost or confused, I feel like I am where I should be in life and I feel STRONG, POWERFUL, UNSTOPPABLE, IN LOVE. And really money, we are both making decent money together combined.
I have realized that even the rich guy #1 could not make me feel satisfied or happier with all he could give me compare to what my husband is giving me right now, a feeling of "REAL" security, a sense of belonging to someone I were meant to be with. He is the most imperfect person for many many other women, SO I am too for many many other men I met, but for some reasons, we are just PERFECTLY made for each other. His weaknesses I have them as my strengths, my weaknesses are his strengths traits, we do balance each other in so many ways. I don't NEED or neither WANT to shop as much anymore as when I was with the guy #1, I guess I had needed to feel like spending a lot because something was missing for me, until I met my husband guy #2, I realized I didn't need much to buy anymore because my happiness is FULFILL I don't feel empty. There is a purpose in life for the both of us and I am feeling truly blessed I have met just amazing good guys in my life and that I had the clarity to make the right choice among all those good guys that loved me.
My husband and I believe that if two people find their true mate, find true love, money will always be possible to find together. I believed it, because I am LIVING IT. There are no more powerful feeling than finding your true mate, rich or not. IF HE/SHE is the right person that you love and that person loves you back EQUALLY, money is just a bonus at that point. And it will happen! you might not be millionaires, but you will feel richer than millionaires! Cause this is how my husband and I feel like.
In the end, what would you rather have, a person you can grow old with that you truly love, or grow old with tons of things/materials, but feel lonely even if you're surrounded by tons of people? I guess when you are younger and you are more ambitious you want money, but like I had, once you have experienced all the luxuries and an extravagant lifestyle and I still felt lost and unsatisfied... I realized that true love in the end is all that matters to me. Believe me, I was once the gal who believed money was all. I wanted to show the world I could and would marry rich and live the large luxury life... but I grew out of it when I met my true mate.......
I am now the richest WOMAN in the world hehe, not because of money, because we are not that rich but still do very well. I feel like the richest woman because I have found a man THAT CAN LOVE ME AS MUCH as I love him, AT THE SAME TIME... so hard to find.
I used to fall for men that wouldnt fall for me, or would not fall for men that did fall for me. Or just bad timing in all... but this time, this time, this guy #2... we both love each other equally, at the same freaking time! It's to find the a man you love that also loves you back that is rare and hard. I was blessed to have found him.
I am now proud of being the wife of guy #2. hehe. You will know when it's the right guy. I always felt like there would be better things next when I was dating someone, the grass next door always seemed greener all the time, or there were always what if's? Once I met guy #2. all of that disappeared and it seemed like all my past baggages and the what ifs next door grass blab bla bla never existed.
I am where I am supposed to be. With him.
Good luck to everyone out there. I am not saying my choice was the right one for anyone else. But the choice I made for MYSELF was the RIGHT ONE for me. I know everyone has their own problems in life and have to make choices they don't like due to any reasons in their lives. But remember the RESULT... in the end, what do you really want? what will really make you happy? perhaps for you it's money, so go for it! but if it's just growing old with someone you can still laugh with and be in love with, well keep looking and don't let money distract you too much. Whatever you choose, just make sure you choose what really makes your heart feel "ALIVE". and you will be sure to make the right choice!
Hope this little story of mine will help someone out there.
Beautiful Beth's got the right answer in this one ! Go ahead though marry for money , or even let it be a significant part of the reason and you know what ? You'll be repeating the act over and over again . If you want riches learn how to truly Love ! If you want Love , learn how to give the richness of being "two " away !
I'm also in dilemma because the one i'm having relationship right now (MFMN) is trying his very best to generate income to have more money to be with me but in the other side someone else (FAA) gave me a hint that if i'm with him then he will take a good care of me like taking care of the financial segment like paying for the basic needs like house, foods, clothes and a pocket money for me. I don't know which one to choose because both a very nice person. The huge different is MFMN is staying abroad in another country so we seldom meet, we only communicate thru IDD phone calls several times each day and he bare the huge phone biils every month. FAA is a local gentleman. My 7 years old daughter love MFMN so much because he loves kids and kids usually loves him as well and because we know him for almost 2 years now. If thinking with my mind and thinking about future feel like choosing FAA. Don't know which one to choose?
I am in a similar situation like you. the man that i am head over heels in love with is not financially stable and said he will work on it for me. he loves me with fire and i am so happy with him. the other man, who i have known longer and is more practical loves me also but lacks the fire that i have felt. the other man is very financially stable and will make sure that we are more than comfortable in life. i have a daughter and i am not struggling but i want whats best for my daughter. and i feel that whats best for my daughter is a good man who treats me well but is also financially stable. the man that i am in love with is a gamble when it comes to stability. the man with money is a sure thing. i have told myself that i will learn to love the man with money as he loves me. i chose my daughters future. i want her secure. the man with money will provide that. the man without.. i am not sure if he is capable. he is very impulsive and a beautiful dreamer. i miss him so much but i keep it to myself. time will heal my pains for him. time will solidify my bond to the man with money. they are both good men. but yes, chose money. if i did not have a daughter.. i would have went to the man without money.
I would marry for neither , If you marry for love , lovers will start a war against you and if you marry for money , the bankers will slam doors in your face !
Next question Marry for love or marry for sex or physical appearance?
Honestly though, I initially marry for "love" in the sense that I find the individual both attractive in two ways genetically and healthy. Second I marry them for their intelligence and ability to help me teach myself and teach them. Third I marry them because they are capable of providing for a family financially, so that if something were to happen to me they would be in good hands, and if not I would force my future wife to get a job beforehand. Finally, I marry them because the sex is not awkward.
NoNeuro, You say: "i have told myself that i will learn to love the man with money as he loves me." You can't manufacture chemistry. It's either there or it's not.
Anyone who marries for money is being selfish. It's not fair to the guy to be with a woman who is not "in love" with him. Eventually he will discover that you are NOT in love with him.
You also stated that you are not struggling which means you're not in a desperate situation. Essentially you don't want to throw away a winning lottery ticket.
You also said you want what's best for your daughter.
Do you believe teaching her to marry a man she doesn't love is best for her?
Wouldn't teaching her to be independent and not to settle be best for her?
It's almost 2016! A husband should be more than a meal ticket!
The top three reasons that cause divorce in my opinion are:
1. Getting married to the wrong person.
2. Getting married for the wrong reasons
3. They fell out love/grew apart (No longer want the same things)
(You are planning to do the first two and the third is around the corner)
Whenever I hear about the scenario of a money or love I often wonder why do people limit themselves to just two options. Clearly neither man is the "right man" for you.
Thankfully we live on a planet with over 7 Billion people on it!
If you're not struggling then continue your search until you find a man who is everything you want. A marriage that is not based in love is likely to fail.
If either of you has to change your core being in order to make a relationship works it means you're with the wrong person. You're better off being with someone who (already is) the kind of person you want to be with.
One man's opinion!
Marry for love. Love is an action word. If you love your spouse and children you are forced to act on that Love by sacrificing and taking the steps necessary for those you love to have a good life. Part of being an adult in love includes being responsible. Because your world no longer revolves around your own needs but the collective whole- with love you can achieve financial security.
Engaging in relationships for monetary benefit is morally wrong and hurtful to your partner.
Marry for love. Although having a comfy financial cushion can make your life much more stress-free, if you truly love eachother, you'll get through whatever hurdles together.
If you've had a bad day, crying into a pile of money just doesn't have the same emotional support as someone's arm around you telling you it will be okay.
by Brian4 years ago
There is a lot of talk about allowing gay couples to get married, and, of course we all know the whole because god created man and woman BS. But, here is a what if question for you.Let's say that the tables were turned,...
by Haunty5 years ago
My friend says it's old fashioned to get married, but he fails to explain why. I have to admit I'm biased towards getting married when two ppl love each other. I don't understand why they wouldn't. Can you enlighten me...
by jayb237 years ago
In a fictional hub which I have written titled P.S. I still love you - Part 1 , I came across alot of readers specially women readers who identified with the story. Women prefer men who can love them unconditionally and...
by dashingscorpio5 years ago
by richtwf4 months ago
With an increasing number of married couples ending in divorce - Do you think that divorce is a too easy way out and that a couple should work harder to make their relationship work?No marriage is perfect and couples...
by andur925 years ago
I am 19 years old right now and nowhere near the age to get married and I am not intending to get married before I turn at least 22.Well I was just wondering today that will any girl would like to marry me. Everyone...
Copyright © 2016 HubPages Inc. and respective owners.
Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners.
HubPages® is a registered Service Mark of HubPages, Inc.
HubPages and Hubbers (authors) may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon, Google, and others.