Bride Marries Herself. Should More Singles Throw Solo Weddings?
By Piper Weiss, Shine Staff | Love + Sex – Fri, Mar 16, 2012 4:22 PM EDT
http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/bride-m … 00537.html
Here comes the single bride. Last week, Nadine Schweigert married herself in a symbolic wedding ceremony. The 36-year-old divorced mom of three wore blue satin and clutched a bouquet of white roses as she walked down the aisle before a gathering of 45 friends and family members in Fargo, North Dakota.
I'm not sure if this is inspiring or a sad state of our modern society
Something tells me that Child Welfare may suddenly take an interest in her...
I think the phrasing is unfortunate. I do think though that people who decide they really are happiest alone should be able to declare this in a positive way to the world. The majority view still seems to be that someone on their own (especially a woman) is to be pitied and is in that situation because they are unable to find any who wants them.
I think we've all had many experiences of being married to ourselves. It's called being single.
Yes, I agree it is called being single. However, nobody congratulates you, says what wonderful news this is to hear and wishes you all the best for the future if you say you have decided to be single.
I think this is what that woman is trying to say: that being single can be as positive and life-affirming, and for some people much more so, than deciding to get married to someone. However, society in general gushes endlessly over wedding stuff and pities people who are single.
That is why I agree that the act of deciding to stay single, when done in a positive way rather than by default, also deserves a ceremony and a celebration, although I would not call it a wedding. Perhaps "choosing freedom" might do it?
It still feels ironic and awkward to me to use a ceremony normally used for joining two people to celebrate your single liberation. I guess it's one thing to be happy to be single, another to symbolically declare that you wouldn't consider companionship even if the right person came along. Maybe even feels a little conceited? A bit of a mockery of people who are married?
Those aren't opinions so much as feelings that reflexively crop up in my head at the idea. Maybe it's cultural. Could very well be. But I think if I were invited to something like that I'd be like "Um, I've got stuff to do that weekend..." A regular old party might have a better feel to it for something like this. Might be easier not to read into it too much, if you will.
I was almost continually in a marriage or long-term relationship from the age of 22 to the age of 56. My last relationship ended in tragedy in 2010. Once I worked through the initial deep pain of that death, I was amazed to find that the overwhelming feeling I had was one of freedom, of finally being able to be myself. I have not looked back since, am happier than I have ever been in my life before, and am doing masses of things I could never have done before.
If the "right person" were to come along now, I would enjoy companionship at times when we both felt like it, however there is no way I would let that person move in with me on a permanent basis, nor would I agree to any expression of "ownership" between us. I am no longer prepared to twist my life to match somebody else's whims and fancies. I enjoy living the way I am finally able to live now far too much to sacrifice it on a marriage altar.
If offered the opportunity to celebrate formally this new and utterly delightful conviction that has been born within me, I would probably enjoy it immensely. For too long, I went along with all the ingrained stuff about how awful it is to be alone, how helpless and pathetic people are without a mate. I now see that as being absolute rot and I regret that I allowed myself to be brainwashed by such social conventions for so long. Yes, I had some good moments being with others, but those good moments could have also been experienced without being tied. Possibly the only events that needed a relationship at the time were having my two lovely daughters.
If that is conceited, too bad. If it is a mockery of married people, it is no more a mockery than the mocking whispers that emanate so often from smug married couples: "Oooh, look, she can't find a man, poor thing!", "Oh dear, no woman wants to stay with him for the long term"... etc, etc.
Actually, that would be my favoured response to a wedding invitation. I find them generally to be dull, trite and cliched affairs and am bored to tears after the first few minutes. I cannot say I have ever positively enjoyed a wedding.
I go because the people it concerns want me to be there. Should such exist I would go to a ceremony celebrating singleness, divorce, a polyamorous group relationship etc if invited, again because my presence was wanted by the people concerned.
With failed marriages far behind me, thank goodness, I ask, Why Get Married At All?
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