I would have nothing but wonderful things to say... but I smiled at a neighbor of mine who opened her door to her loved one last night, after he'd been to a party and was drunk and had lipstick on his collar!
Her tribute to her "Loved One" was something like...
"What the HELL time of the night do you call this to be arriving home in that STATE? Is that LIPSTICK on your shirt? You filthy hoor-master! Get out of here before I call my mother and have you buried in the effin park lawn outside!"
Yes - she chose her words oh so carefully! LOL!
If not that - there is always: "Roses are red - violets are...." Yeah, you get it!