Recently a friend of mine and my husband just lost her spouse to a heart attack. We have eight dogs at home and can not take the trip together to help our dear friend out. I sent my husband with great trust and faith to travel over 300 miles to help this woman friend in need. Some people have asked me if I trust him? They would not let their husbands go alone. So now I am curious, would you trust your husband to ease a friends pain in sorrow when they are the opposite sex and you can not travel along? How comfortable are you ladies out there with your man?
Not that comfortable...at all! It always starts with good intentions, then you end up on the talk show Maury for a lie detector test!
I wouldn't be married to my husband if I didn't feel I could trust him like that. To be honest, I wouldn't have married him if he wasn't the sort to want to help anyone in need, including the opposite gender. Then again, I think "if I lose my husband to another woman, did I ever really 'have' him in the first place?" so don't understand a relationship without trust.
I agree completely and will flip this...As a husband, I completely trust my wife to help another man in trouble...Now trusting the other man really depends on the man...
I agree with you, 100%.
When you have a relationship based on trust, then you don't even think about unfaithfulness, in any situation, highly charged emotionally or not. My husband and I had to live apart for almost a year while we were relocating to another state early in our marriage. It never occurred to either of us to worry what the other was doing at any given time--our thoughts were always on each other.
I know that not all marriages are as rock solid, but I do know there are couples out there who understand exactly what I'm saying.
My husband is no longer alive, but I absolutely would have trusted him, and expected him to help a friend in need. I have been the widow left devastated by an unexpected death and the overwhelming emotions and responsibilities that come with the death. Supportive friends and family are what kept me going at one of life's most vulnerable periods.
O Lord RebekahELLE, my heart just did some weird thing when reading your post. It must be devastating losing your spouse. I always fear losing mine. The last thing on a widow's mind would be getting intimate with someone else. I find it surprising that people would think that something might happen when a man consoles a woman who has just lost her husband.
Factually it is the issue of Personal Insecurity which is the real problem in regard to many of the opinions here. I think it very sad that someone who is clearly insecure (for whatever reason), should ever allow their own insecurity to dictate what is expected of another person and their own ability to act in whatever manner that they feel is appropriate to the circumstances.
Personal Insecurities always tend to be hidden from view by using unrelated reasoning to 'justify' not having any intention or commitment to 'fix' the insecurity. Many consider it far easier to deflect any attention to one's own insecurity, by creating a smokescreen referred to as 'Lack of Trust' of another!
Cheers for that... I'm pretty sure a lot of people don't agree on that though Cardisa..
I'm also pretty sure that many prefer to have their egos stroked, rather than to look at the whole problem honestly and practically.
- Truth hurts, they say! But I believe it to be a great leveler!
I agree that it depends on the man, but who marry someone when there is no trust?
I would not have married my husband if I did not trust him. Marriage is the bond for life. If there really are such things as soulmates, then I have found mine.
Knowing my fiancé, I would let him go. I know nothing would happen between them so I don't have a problem sending him a thousand miles to help a female friend. I trust him completely.
I would be OK with it, I trust my husband completely. But, I have a friend who lost her husband when he was away comforting a widow, the guy who'd died was his long-time good friend. He's now been married to the widow for 10 years. I'm just saying it does happen.
Exactly. That's how Debbie Reynolds lost Eddie Fisher to Elizabeth Taylor!
There is no doubt in my mind that "it happens".......for some....
I trust my husband but if he did stray then I guess it was always in him .... If you know what I mean. I think if someone has it in them to cheat they will. So stopping him from going isn't going to stop what may happen. I'm sure it's a rarity though. Trust your gut instinct. If it never crossed your mind then I'd say you are safe
A spouse doesn't need to travel far to find a partner for infidelity. The house next door or the next desk in the office can supply a ready partner. There is no way to keep a spouse away from members of the opposite sex. The very act of marriage is an act of trust. It is an act of trust based upon vows, promises, and social/religious traditions. And so, Backporchstories, the question to ask is if you can trust your husband to walk out the front door unaccompanied by you. If the answer is 'yes', then 300 miles is really no different than a walk down the street.
I agree whole heartedly! And yes I trust him and he returns that trust as well!
That's true, but the act of consoling another human being at such a highly emotional time for both of the people concerned does change things. It also depends on the nature of the previous relationship between the husband and the widow. If the wife doesn't feel comfortable with the situation, maybe there's a reason for it, and maybe the wife being there would prevent something that they would all regret later. So I'd say follow your gut on this one.
I trust my husband completely, but it usually doesn't end on a good note. A man is going to do what a man wants to do. He is with you, not your friend. I have always seen it end badly when couples help out a friend. There are good friends out there and I am sure this isn't always the case.
Your friend just lost her husband; and your other friends are more concerned about your husbands frame of mind? That doesn't seem to "friendly." =-P
It depends on who the woman is and what she looks like. But I've allowed my husband to visit his native country alone before. I know he was out with his friends (female and males). It doesn't bother me. If I can't trust him to do the right thing, then I wouldn't be with him to begin with. If he cheats, he cheats. Then he'd lose me and that's the end of that. But as long as we're together there has to be trust.
It takes a very strong person to live like that but you are right. You can't live in fear... if they choose to hurt you when they borrowed your trust to pleasure themselves then it only means you loved an illusion.....
HI SP! Good to see your smiling face.
I wouldn't go as far as calling it an illusion. People make mistakes. Feelings have a tendency of changing over the years. We grow as individuals and sometimes find ourselves going separate ways from our loved one. It just happens. We can be the recipient and offender when it comes to relationships. The truth is that we never know what we're capable of doing until it happens, but that doesn't take away the past and the fact that the offender may have had real feelings for his/her partner at one point. So it's not an illusion, you see? It's just a turning point in their lives. At least that's the way I see it.
I have heard of stories where a man goes to comfort a widow & after a few drinks to console themselves they have ended up in bed together .I have trust in my husband but I would rather organise it so we go together
I don't see it as me LETting him do anything, he is his own person and will do what he thinks best, it is not for me to try to boss him around. That said, if he wanted to be unfaithful, I know that he'd be able to find a way to do it whether it's 300 miles away or in the same town. If I thought he would cheat on me, I wouldn't be married to him. I do have to agree about not trusting the other woman, but my husband has no problem making his opinion known, and if she tried anything then he'd hurt her feelings (his words) and then head back home. We're all human and vulnerable to temptation, but I firmly believe he would not betray my trust.
That said, he and I have both been cheated on before so, out of unspoken respect for each other, we do avoid situations that could even bear a hint of suspicion. My guess is that if it became clear that a female friend REALLY needed the support and I couldn't go, he'd probably take his best friend along with him. If the other woman wants to do anything untoward, I'm sure said best friend would be obliging to her inclinations .
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